I'm Still Traumatized by My Sister's Cancer
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Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Emma and Mom, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much for taking our call today. You're welcome. Emma, hi. How old are you? Hi, I'm 14. And what grade does that put you in? 8th grade.

Okay, what can I help you with? What is the problem you're having, Emma? So when I was 10 years old, my sister got cancer, and she was, like, a baby. And she was my little sister. And she's a lot better now, thank God. Like, she stopped her medication, like, one year ago. But, like, sometimes, like, I still, like, remember some of, like, the stuff that I, like, they're just, like, these, like,

pictures that come into my head and then like it makes me really sad and emotional and I want to feel like a better way to like cope my feelings than crying because I just cry so like I want to know if there's like a better way to like handle my emotions rather than crying yes if she's in the house or around you you go up to her and give her a big hug I'm so happy you're my sister and I'm so happy you're okay

In other words, instead of dwelling on the flip side of the negativity, the fear, the trauma, some of the anger, there are all kinds of things that were going through your head. If I had more time and a private office, we could go through some of it, but I'm going to just give you an overall. You're dwelling on what was scary. She could die. You could get cancer.

She's in the hospital. You don't know what to do with yourself. There are all kinds of things that go on in the older child of somebody, the older child where there is some illness. So look at a picture and say, kiss, kiss, hug, hug. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad that's behind us. I'm glad we're both okay. And do it in person with her every time.

And you will get into the habit of not embracing. You will get into the habit of not embracing. It's a habit. A habit you have. And we're going to give you a different habit. Habit requires frequency. As I said, pull the picture out and say it to the picture. Mappy, you didn't die. It was all very scary. You're good now. I don't have cancer. Everything is good.

I think there are other issues that I choose not, Mom, to bring up on air. Okay. But I do believe... Is that something I should call back at a later time? To be more exploring.

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Is it English, math? No. No, it's like, it's not in a specific class. You said it happens at school. I'm just wondering when in school. Okay, you can't talk while I'm talking, Emma, because then I can't hear you and you can't hear me. So if you hear my voice, stop talking, please, just for a moment. So I'm curious as to where and when at school this sometimes happens.

Like, if someone, like, just, like, brings up, like, yesterday we were talking about, like, how everybody goes through hard times. Like, yesterday my teacher came to me and said, like, we know you went through a very hard time. And, like, that got me really emotional. And I, like, a couple, like, weeks ago, my other teacher was also, like, not the same teacher, a different teacher, was talking about how, like, her sister just got cancer also. So, like, that also made me emotional. It's not in a specific class. It's just, like, whenever the subject comes up. Okay. Okay.

What's the part of the memory that's the worst for you? Name one. Like...

Like, there was, like, one night where, like, she, like, because one of the side effects of the medicine is, like, you get frequent fevers, like, high fevers, and you have to go to the hospital. And I remember one night, like, they were going to the hospital, and I didn't really want them to leave. So I, like, started crying, and then I was, like, running after the car so they wouldn't leave. But, like, that's one. And then, like, there's just, like, other ones. But...

Okay, Emma, Emma, take a breath. Emma, Emma, take a breath. That was very helpful. Mom, did you understand what that meant? Yes, that she felt abandoned. That's, and I don't, I want this to be taken in a very positive way. When children are little, every child's concern is for themselves, in addition to like a sibling or a parent. But it's very worrisome for a child.

When they're sort of out of the picture, that's very scary. And it's probably for a kid, the worst kind of feeling. And Emma has a good heart for her sister. And in addition, she's somewhat traumatized as all non-ill kids get. All of them get traumatized with they're sort of put at the back of the bus. They have to be. Got to take care of the sick child. Right.

So I would urge more conversation with Emma about her feelings for herself, not just for her sister. That's very sweet, but that's not the whole story. Okay. Do you think that she would benefit from some therapy or should I just talk to her myself and dad? I think her mommy, she needs her mommy to explain all of this because we tend to focus everything on getting another child well.

That's just what happens. No, I don't think she needs therapy. I think she needs to air these feelings because they're scary and embarrassing and frightful to air because it makes you sound like you're selfish or something, you know, and you're not. You're just a kid and this is normal. Right. Emma, are you okay with what I just said? Yes. Okay, sweetheart. Hugs to both of you. My number, 1-800-375-

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