Life Makes it Hard to Stay Sober
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Hi, Dr. Lara. I guess I'm ready for you to kick my butt. I am an alcoholic and have been in recovery since 2020. Grew up in an alcoholic family, was probably a functional alcoholic for most of my adult life, and then kind of went off the rails.

I think I used alcohol because of really severe anxiety. But anyway, went into recovery in 2020 and have had a good run with it and have been active in AA and done my steps and shared meetings and all that good stuff. But I am in a marriage that is...

very challenging. I do not have a lot of financial control and I find out things that my husband has done that in my mind are huge without my knowledge and what happens is I panic and I find myself relapsing and you know

You don't find yourself, that's not true. You don't find yourself relapsing. You decide to have a drink rather than handling the problem. The whole thing about an alcoholic is not handling problems. Yeah. That's the whole bit. So instead of handling your marriage, handling the finances, making decisions in your life, handling the problems, you drink. That's what alcoholics do. That's the point of drinking alcohol.

But the problem that I've gotten myself into is that I don't have... Whatever problem you have yourself into is solvable. Instead of taking stands, making hard decisions with the challenges you're being faced, as you said, you drink. That's a decision. I don't want to face this.

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I had severe panic attacks for years after my husband had a sudden death experience. He didn't die, but after that I was whacked out. Never stopped working, never stopped taking care of family, never stopped doing anything. So you went down the wrong path that way. You can try something else.

But let's talk about solutions. If finances and how he handles them and the marriage and respect and not working as a team, I don't know if you've ever explained to him what you want, what you need, what you would like to do with him. I don't know that you've explained all that to him or you're just married to Genghis Khan. I mean, if you're married to Genghis Khan, get the hell out. If you just don't know how to relate and dealing with challenges together, that's something to learn. Drinking is to avoid all of that.

But what tends to happen is that I will be doing well and all of a sudden he will, like he evidently took my daughter's college fund and spent it without my knowledge. Then you get an attorney, take care of business and get out of the relationship and figure out how you're going to live without a creep or you drink and come up with other excuses.

Like, you don't know what a panic attack is. Yeah, I do. You think you're going to die. That's how mine went. My chest felt like it got emptied out of air and I was going to die right then and there. So, okay, can I, so my mother was murdered when I was 11. Okay, Lisa, I'm sure, I don't know what to do with all these horrible things, but the reason you drink today is you don't want to deal with the problems you have today.

No, but my question for you is, do you think that that is... I'm not going to answer it. Not going to answer it. Not going to answer it. Because it really doesn't matter if it contributes to how you drink or decisions you make. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter how you fall into a hole. Somebody pushed you, you fell, you rolled because there was a tornado. Doesn't matter how you got into the hole. There's only one healthy way to get out. And it isn't to sit on the bottom and drink.

Is to climb out. Yes, you've had a whole bunch of shit. I got it. Today, you either drink or you solve the problem. That's what you do today, no matter what happened any time in your life. Does it make it harder? Absolutely. Still have to crawl out of the hole. Okay. So, okay, so if I...

So, for example, when these kinds of things happen financially that I'm not aware of. Ma'am, I'm not going to go through them. They're happening all the time, which means you want to sit around and wait for the next one? Or do you want to get an attorney and deal with the problem? If I know every 20 minutes a shoe is going to drop on my head, I move. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Got some lines open, fill them up so I have somebody to nag.

1-800-375-2872. That was an important call. Everybody has had crap in their lives. Some people, really serious crap. And yes, it impacts how you think and feel about things and even behave. But ultimately, you have to take control over that. Is it harder when you've had a lot of serious crap in your life to take control over that? Yes. And your point is?

1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me to. There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com slash drlaura and instagram.com slash drlauraprogram.