Lisa is Afraid to Leave Her Husband
11:08 Share

Welcome to Birch Lane, where you can find a fresh take on classic furniture and decor. Every piece is handpicked and crafted to last for years to come. At Birch Lane, you can explore everything from outdoor sets to living room furniture and everything in between. And get fast, free shipping. It's classic style for joyful living. Shop now at birchlane.com.

Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Lisa, welcome to the program. Hi, I'm so nervous. Oh, it's okay. Take a breath. Take another breath. No, that was a short breath. Got to... Like that. Let me hear that. Okay.

Great. You're good at breathing. Now let's see what else is going on. Okay. So...

I want to try to figure out how to get things kind of like back on track. I read your book and I did everything in the book and things were going really, really well. Slow down. I wrote 13. So tell me which one. The proper care and feeding of husbands. Got it. All right, go ahead. Okay. Yeah. We had like gone through like some really difficult times. Like he,

there's infidelity in the relationship and um we had okay did you read page one addictions infidelities your mental illness the book doesn't count okay i think i forgot yeah somebody's willing to do that they don't have the commitment to you they don't have the love they don't have the respect okay

And you can tap dance all day and it likely won't change anything. Okay. Yeah, I guess, I guess, yeah, I guess you're right. Like, I mean, like we've been having these sort of like circular arguments. Like I'm a very positive person and I do work a lot. I'm stuck on the infidelities. Okay. Yeah. You should be too. I think. Are you sure you think? I,

Well, I was raised in being able to give people forgiveness. Okay. Let me explain something to you. Yeah. A bear is hungry, comes to your house, eats one of your five kids. You go, I forgive the bear. It's just being a bear. Comes back the next day, does the same thing because realizes there are no consequences. By the time I'm finished with this story, all your kids are dead.

Right. Don't give me any silly crap about forgiveness when somebody has no true remorse, has not really remedied the situation, has not really done whatever it took to make the situation better. And you're just silly and you're hiding your fear of being on your own behind righteous forgiveness, which is silly when somebody is continuing behaviors.

Yeah, like he hasn't repeated like those type of behaviors, but he's still, you know, angry and nasty. Ma'am, ma'am, too bad. You're not protecting yourself. This is your life. You're expecting him to change because you don't want to face your fears. That's it. You're stuck until you die. Unless I make the change myself. Of course. Yes.

Yeah. Anybody screwing around on you and being mean does not have your best interest at heart. And it hurts me. Literally, I get a tightness in my chest talking to women like you and some men who are in the same situation where they don't realize that life is terminal. You're going to be dead, barely remembered by 99 percent of the universe. Dead.

And you're wasting days, weeks, months, years, wasting it. Being alive is such a precious gift. We can't create it and we can't make it last forever. And you're wasting it. Okay.

Life doesn't have to be so complicated. Walmart helps you simplify. They're your one-stop shop for daily essentials like groceries, snacks, school supplies. And thanks to Walmart Pharmacy, you can count on them for your prescription needs too. Use the Walmart app to easily manage your family's medications and save time by getting prescriptions delivered right to your door. Switch your prescriptions to Walmart Pharmacy. Delivery not available for all prescriptions and exclusions apply.

When life brings the blah, add more Yabba Dabba Doo with some tasty fruity pebbles. Early morning meeting? Blah. Someone brought the pebbles? Yabba Dabba Doo. Run errands? Blah. Head to the store for pebbles. Yabba Dabba Doo. Fruity pebbles. Less blah. More Yabba Dabba Doo. Pick up pebble cereal today. Yabba Dabba Doo and the Flintstones and all related characters and elements. Copyright and trademark, Hanna-Barbera.

To protect your brand, all the content your company creates needs to be on-brand. Meet Adobe Express, the quick and easy app that empowers marketing, HR, and sales teams to make on-brand content. Now everyone can edit reports, resize ads, and translate text. Brand kits and lock templates make following design guidelines a breeze. And generative AI that's safe for business lets people create confidently. Help your teams make pro-looking content. Learn more at adobe.com slash express.

Terms and conditions apply!

hiding behind i'm forgiving what for how ridiculous are you to forgive him i hear you so instead of reading again read 10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives first book i wrote okay i'll read that i'll read that one yeah yeah because i was i was thinking like you know if we tried with one more therapist um

If we learned how to communicate better. Please don't make me choke. Please don't make me choke. I know, I know. I know. Face the fact that you're scared. Yeah. That's what all this hanging around with him is about. You're scared. Right. Which gives him the power to hurt you. Okay. And I used to, like, be a different person before this marriage, too. I don't care. I don't care. No, you didn't. You never were. Because you picked him. That's true. That's right.

Yeah. The weakest part of you picked him. The strongest part of you has to pick you now. Right. Yeah, you're absolutely right. Yeah, I've been like doing a lot of like deep work and it's just like, you know, I have the decision to make the change and that's it really or the power to make that change.

If not between now and dead, this is it. So don't bother circular arguments anymore. Just smile a lot and get on with your life with him. If you're too scared to take control of your life, be on your own, build a new life, et cetera, then just stay with him and stop arguing. What the hell is the point? Don't spend money on any more therapy. What is the point? Right. Your problem is you, not him. I guess I have that silly belief that it can get better.

That's like forgiveness is a product of your weakness and fear. Right. You can stay with him. I'm not telling you to leave. Right. I'm just telling you that if that your predicament is not going to be remedied through your hoping, praying or forcing him or going to more therapists and whatever. Right. Because for a while, I thought it was me. It is you. It is you.

Okay. It is you. You're not making him be a shithead. You're tolerating a shithead. That's you. Oh, that's another thing women do. It must be me. So I'll keep working on this. So there's, there's a million therapies. I mean, I do have like. Thinking it's you and you have to fix yourself. Wait, we got three of them here. And, and then there was the first one. What was the first one? I'm going to forgive him. I'm going to forgive him that I don't have to leave and be on my own.

I'm going to keep arguing with him and hoping something will change so I don't have to go out and be on my own. All these things are to keep you from being on your own. So if being on your own is that terrifying, then plan B is accept that this is your lot because this is a choice you made for many, many, many, many years. And you're just not going to fight about it anymore. You're going to take up gardening, bicycle riding.

You're just going to fill your life with pleasant things and stop pretending that this can be better. Right. I'm okay with that. Yeah. It sounds lonely, though. No, you have friends. You go bicycle ride with a bunch of girlfriends, start pickleball. It's not lonely. You'll have friends. You don't even have a friend in him. So friends are good.

Don't tell me you're not, you're already lonely. I do have friends. I do have friends. There you go. Then spend more time with friends and less time pretending that this can get better because that's just silly waste of life. If you're going to stay, at least use life better. Yeah. Yeah, because I was like a bit of a mess, but I got sober and I'm doing really well.

Yes. Well, drunks usually don't pick good partners. No. I think if you got yourself sober, you ought to be able to survive being on your own. Okay. Because it takes grit guts to get sober. Yeah. So you're not as gutless as you think you are. I mean, like the other problem that we have too is... No, I don't want to hear another problem. You don't want to hear? Okay. Don't need it.

You've had enough. You've had enough of me, woman. My number are 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com. Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

When life brings the blah, add more Yabba Dabba Doo with some tasty fruity pebbles. Early morning meeting? Blah. Someone brought the pebbles? Yabba Dabba Doo. Run errands? Blah. Head to the store for pebbles. Yabba Dabba Doo. Fruity pebbles. Less blah. More Yabba Dabba Doo. Pick up pebble cereal today. Yabba Dabba Doo and the Flintstones and all related characters and elements. Copyright and trademark, Hanna-Barbera.