My Brother is Back in Our Parents' Lives
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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Danielle, welcome to the program. Hi, thank you for taking my call. You're very welcome. So my mom and I were having a debate over the weekend about

As to, because I inserted myself into something I shouldn't have. It was none of my business. Where my parents. Okay, so my brother hasn't spoken to my parents in about a year. Because. And then he bought a house. Because. No, not and. Because. Sorry. Because he said that he feels like he had a terrible childhood. And my dad is aggressive. Okay.

Which isn't, I don't think it's true. Aggressive in what way? You have a large age difference between you and your brother? Three years, no. I think he just took things more personally than I did. So things happened, but you took them less personally? Yes. So what kinds of things were those that happened? I mean, my dad yelled, you know, but it wasn't like that bad. 24-7, he'd yell at what?

Can you give me a little more information so I can understand? You walked on eggshells. You weren't quite sure when he was going to melt down over anything. So your brother is accurate. Your brother is accurate. You just told me your brother was accurate. You just told me.

Little kids living in a house where they don't know what's going to happen when there's going to be a meltdown from the father or the mother is a very stressful, traumatic way to grow up. You're crying talking about it. He's angry. And he had the courage to stand up and say, screw off. You haven't. You're still trying to be the good little girl. So what did you get in the middle of?

Well, so now he's speaking to them again because he bought a house and he's getting married and he needs their help. And so before he stopped speaking to them, he was promised either the same wedding that I had or the equivalent cash.

And so now he's coming back. And so I asked a question I shouldn't have asked, which was, hey, dad, what do you think you're going to do? And he said that he was going to give him the money. Right. So why is that making you cry? Why is that making you cry?

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They treat us like we're the same. Yeah, he had balls, you didn't. Well, now he's coming back and acting like everything's fine all of a sudden. That's right. Because mommy and daddy want to keep their children if they can. You turned into a pleaser, he turned into a renegade, and now they want him back because they feel guilty and bad. And most parents would like to have their kids back in their lives.

And if it takes money, so be it. He did make a promise, and now he fulfilled it. You kissing their asses is sibling rivalry, trying to be the special one. But you forgot that parents want all their kids back, good, bad, or indifferent. True. Yeah. True. Yep. Well, that's not what I thought you were going to say. That's not what you hoped I was going to say.

Fair. Yeah, I understand. They're not going to choose you. They're not going to choose him. They want both their kids. Period. You kissed ass. He rebelled. That feels accurate and not how I viewed myself. I know. You were being the special good girl. And again, I'll repeat. Parents want both their kids. He was accurate. You're pretending.

True. True. You're both victims. You're both somewhat traumatized. Get on with your beautiful life. You both suffered. You both suffered that scary home. So don't turn against your brother. Parents are going to be long dead and he's going to be the sole person left. He went through what you went through. But he's a guy less likely to kiss ass.

I just thought we would both move on. You haven't moved on. It takes time. It's not quite that easy. I'm too old to care about what happened then. I thought. I didn't think it was that bad. Looking back? Yes, you did. Want to think back how you described it to me? You had a moment of telling the whole truth there. You never knew what it was going to be from moment to moment. That's bad.

So you think if you minimize it and excuse it, that parents are going to like you better. It's not how it works. They want both their kids. So give that all some thought, and I appreciate your calling. My number, 1-800-375-2800.

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