My Daughter Wants to Marry a Loser!
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Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Joan, welcome to the program.

Hello, Dr. Laura. I'm hoping not to get in trouble during our call. I'll do my best. My daughter is not picking wisely, and I'm not sure. She recently got engaged. I'm not sure what my response should be when she talks to me or asks me about... Well, first of all, tell me how old she is, how smart she is, how emotionally mature she is. Tell me about him. Tell me...

All the background, okay? She's 24. She's got a master's degree. She's... Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional. Since her relationship with him started, she's...

Not doing so well. She's never been very confident, but since her relationship with him, things have gotten a little bit worse. He is a little bit older than her, came from a troubled family. He is unable to hold down a job for very long. He can get a job, but he can't seem to keep the job. Okay. There's nothing you can do except to refuse to pay for the wedding?

And say, I'm not going to support a marriage to a guy who can't hold down a job. You're crazy, kid. I'm not doing it. You cannot listen. Listen. Jeez. Listen. Okay. We got the listen part. I'm not talking. Good. You got it. Listen. Trying to convince her to do something beyond her abilities, you will not succeed. In her own mind, she's a loser and water seeks its own level.

You're not going to change what's in her mind. She has to change that over time. The only thing over which you have competency and control is you. I am not paying for a wedding with a jerk who can't support a woman. I'm not going to do it. These are the things that I don't like about him, and I'm not going to support it. I can't stop you from getting married, but I ain't paying for it, and I probably wouldn't show up. This is ridiculous. I think you...

Have to hear me clearly. I'm not participating in this. And the typical caller at this point says to me, well, then my daughter won't talk to me ever again. Don't get melodramatic. I won't. I'm not. I need to do what I can control, and I know I can't control much right now, and I need to...

Just know what's the right thing to do without making it worse. Her relationship with me. Oh, this will definitely make it worse. Okay. All right. Do you have any other children? Are any of them more competent in life than she is? How did she get to be less competent in life?

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Are you divorced? No, no. My husband and I have been married for going on 30 years. Does she get along with her dad? Is he critical? Give me something to help me understand why she would. I mean, it's usually embarrassing for a girl to bring a guy home and say he's a total loser, but I love him. So for somebody to do that, it's kind of scary.

It is very scary. I'm not sure... Come up with something. Pretend. My husband, very hardworking, has always been very hardworking. Come up with something to help me understand why she would turn this way. Guess. Make believe you're a writer for a TV show. I think...

If I had to give you something that she is trying to see if I really love her, because it seems like every time she does something, she tries to get a response out of me. And I try to really go out of my way to make sure I like I might not agree, but I still love her. So I don't know if she's just that's the best I could come up with. She's just trying to see, do I really, really love her?

Because why would she? Okay, stop. Stop. You're just repeating yourself. Stop. So what do you think has transpired in this family that makes her wonder if she's lovable? I don't want to tell you that I don't know. I'm going to try to keep thinking. You're going to have to come up with something. You came up with something this time. Let's do it again. Anything she sees in your marriage, anything she sees in your history of your mother, give me something.

My mother and I have a horrible relationship. My mother and I have a horrible, like, no relationship. So I don't know if that could be something that she would have turned into this. I don't know. This is the kind of discussion that I would like you to have with her. I'd like you to sit with her and say, call Dr. Laura Schlesinger because I can't understand why you want this jerk. And I suggested that maybe you keep testing to see if you can do outrageous things and I'll still love you.

Does that have something to do with my bad relationship with my mother? In other words, have a conversation on this level. Okay. That's what I would recommend. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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