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cover of episode My Husband Has Been Living a Double Life

My Husband Has Been Living a Double Life

2025/4/7
logo of podcast Dr. Laura Call of the Day

Dr. Laura Call of the Day

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Dr. Laura
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Missy
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Missy: 我今年52岁,与丈夫结婚30年,育有两个孩子。为了丈夫的事业,我们搬家15次,我承担了所有家务和照顾孩子的工作,尽力为孩子们创造稳定的生活。最近,我发现丈夫有长达三年的婚外情,证据包括带有时间戳的短信和他的亲口承认。虽然我很痛苦,但我并不感到完全意外。丈夫隐瞒婚外情,使用加密的应用程序与对方联系,这让我更加心寒。目前,我的两个孩子都已结婚成家,我已咨询了律师。我感到迷茫,不知道该如何面对未来。 Dr. Laura: 为了丈夫的事业频繁搬家,导致家庭生活缺乏稳定性,这对家庭成员是不利的。你为了弥补这种不稳定性,为孩子创造稳定的生活环境,这值得肯定。但你丈夫的自私自利从一开始就存在,你一直扮演着顺从的角色。现在你面临信任危机,即使原谅他,这段关系中也永远存在不信任感。你可以选择继续这段婚姻,但你必须接受这种不信任感,并且永远无法确定他是否还会出轨。你也可以选择离婚,开始新的生活。如果你选择继续这段婚姻,是因为习惯和害怕独自生活,而不是因为爱和信任,那么你应该诚实地面对自己。不要因为害怕独自生活而继续一段糟糕的婚姻,也不要将抑郁症作为逃避问题的借口。现在是生存的时刻,你需要做出选择,面对糟糕的婚姻。你过去为了孩子努力创造稳定生活,这说明你有能力独自生活并走出困境。

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Chapters
Missy, married for 30 years, discovers her husband's three-year affair through text messages and his admission. The affair's timeline is complicated by the couple's 15 moves for his job in big oil, and the husband's use of a scrambled app to communicate with his girlfriend.
  • 30-year marriage
  • Husband's infidelity
  • 15 house moves for husband's job
  • Scrambled app for communication

Shownotes Transcript

Translations:
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Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Missy, welcome to the program. Hi. Hi. I'm 52. I've listened to you for years. I have a feeling what you're going to say because I would say it back to me too. Hi.

I found, yeah, 30 years of marriage. We've moved 15 times for his job. What kind of job moves 15 times? What kind of job moves 15 times? Big oil. He was in marketing. First, district managers all the way up to sitting on boards, going on private planes,

Why did you have to move? But why did you have to move is my question. For him to get the next job. If we said no to moving, you're stagnant. You don't get a raise. That's true. That's true. But you do get to have a home, a community, a family, consistency. So the two of you chose chaos. Correct.

For the money. Got it. So now what? Yes. You could say that at the end of it, but yes. Anyway, we raised two kids. They're both successful. Oh, my God. Two kids moved 15 times or such? Oh, my God. Okay. Go ahead. I did everything. I worked at the schools. I tutored them. I made sure I walked around houses and classrooms to find them friends.

I did everything in my power. I appreciate and honor you for doing your best to mitigate the insanity of them having no constancy in their life. At least you provided that kind of constancy. So that was good. So here we are today and... Okay, okay. So I found proof of infidelity. And what is the proof? What is the proof? The proof is three years...

Of texts that are timestamped and passed and and the wording within the text says it. Then on top of that, he admitted it. And who's the woman? And how did he have a connection with her when he had to move 15 times? How did he pull this off? He won't tell me her. Oh, he won't tell me her name. It started with he didn't know it, but she knew his mother's name, where his mother lived, my name.

I mean, come on. Anyway. Well, then you had the ability to communicate with her on his phone. No, because he downloaded a scrambled app to where they were using. Okay, so how long has it been since you found out he's had a double life? A week. Okay. So how old are the kids? I've been to an attorney. How old are the kids? They're 28, 26, both married.

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I don't know if I can come back from this. I don't know what come, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't know what come back means. You'll always have mistrust. That's just part of the package. Okay. You can stay with him because it's a habit now. It's most of your life, kids, the whole rec. Right, right. But you cannot ever assume that he's not having an affair. You can never assume that.

And that means you can just throw it all over your back and just say, at least I get to keep him. She doesn't. I mean, some people actually think that way. Okay. Or you pay, play policemen and that's not pleasant for anybody. And that usually ends up in a divorce. Well, that usually ends up in a divorce because it's untenable. Okay. So what were you hoping I could help you with? We've decided to go to marriage counseling. Okay.

I'm a wreck. I mean, that's all it is. I have like brain fog and I'm a wreck. But here's the one thing I'm not is surprised. Why are you not surprised? Why are you not surprised? Oh, for God's sake, woman. If you want to stay with a crappy man because you don't know what else to do with your life, don't make a big deal about it. Don't waste money in therapy. He's not going to be a different man.

Stop it. Stop with the lunacy. It's not because of that. It's because, and I know you don't like diagnoses and all that, but I have major depressive disorder and I... You know what? I got that and there's treatment for that and I'm not going to use that as an excuse to sit by and let you say, oh, well, you know, I have major depression. I mean, people have all over the world and they're in war places. What do you think people who have major depression are doing online?

When their city is being bombed. I don't think they think about how depressed they are. I think they think about survival. So this is a survival moment. You know, you have a bad man. Yeah, it is.

You catered to his traveling, and that hurt the kids, but you did everything you could to mitigate it as possible. He's been self-centered from day one, and you've been a puppy dog following after him. So if you still want to do that, then just say it out loud. I don't want to go it on my own. I'm not going to be able to pull out the I don't trust you card because I've been here before, and no, you can't trust him. But I'd rather have a guy I can't trust

with whom I have kids and a life, than not. Than be alone. Just say it out loud and be honest with yourself. I'm in the middle of it. I just don't know. There's nothing. Okay. All right. I don't think you listened. When you live with it, I did. You've lived with it before. You've lived with it before.

If you'd rather stay put because this is the most comfortable thing, not pleasant, but comfortable for you to imagine, being out on your own would not be comfortable since you've played the puppy dog role. Right. Once we've played the puppy dog role for decades, it's very hard to give it up and become a grown dog. Yes. Okay. Okay. I think I have some clarity and I think I'm going not the way you expect me to go. I think I'm going through with it.

I think I'm going through with a divorce. You know why I would have guessed that ultimately? Why? Because when he was doing this insane self-centered shit of making his family move 15 times, you were 100% geared to create something else for your kids, which means you are a good survivor. Oh, thanks. That's why I would have guessed you're leaving. Thanks for that. That makes me feel good. All right.

It's true. I appreciate you and I listen to you all the time. Thank you. I appreciate that. And you can call me as you're on this journey anytime. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. At the Home Depot, Spring Black Friday is here. And we've got 14 days of deals to transform your space. So what are you working on? How about a quick and stylish patio furniture update? And what's outdoor dining without a shiny new grill? Find a wide selection of grills under $300, like the Next Grill 4 Burner for only $229 at the Home Depot.

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