My Kids Are My Life
09:10 Share

Like any girly girl, I love to find great deals on beautiful things. And affordable luxury is what I've discovered with Quince. Like 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters from 50 bucks, 14-carat gold jewelry, and washable silk tops and dresses, which is really cool because then you save a lot on dry cleaning. Quince is about gorgeous accessories, jewelry, home goods, and clothing priced 50% to 80% less than

than similar brands. That's because Quince partners directly with top factories. They cut out the cost of middlemen, pass the savings on to you and me. They only work with factories that use safe, ethical, responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. Give yourself the luxury you deserve with Quince.

Go to quince.com slash doctor for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's q-u-i-n-c-e dot com slash doctor to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash doctor.

Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jen, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Good afternoon. Great to speak to you as always. It's not my first time. So today I'm calling because

I need to learn how to detach myself from my grown children. And I'm really having a hard time because it's only been us four. Their dads haven't been involved. I, uh,

Never had anybody around them as they were growing up. I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. So I opened up a daycare. I owned a daycare for 12 years. That way I could be a stay-at-home mom. And since it's always been just us, now one is 28, married with kids. One is 26 and one is 21.

And they're still my life. I just, I don't know how to not be accessible for them all the time. And I, I just really need help with that. Like I don't have a life. They're my life. What, what would be your life instead? I don't know what that means yet. So tell me what that means.

I don't know either. I'm at this point where I don't know I'm not married. I am dating, which is a complete joke. And I would love to be married and have a nice career, great career and focus on that. But instead, my focus is still on my kids. Honey, it's a big risk.

trying to make a life with some guy who's already had marriages, divorces, kids and all that. So and that would take time and attention away from your grandkids. Be careful about that. And you'd have fights with him. No, I want to go to my grandkids. No, we didn't go to Mike. Can't we do it this Christmas? Please don't get married again. I mean, think about it. As I tell people, think about the consequences of decisions before you make them.

The consequence of decision in marrying some guy also has kids who are going to make grandkids is how are you going to serve them all? You can't. It'll be tough. Yeah. No, it's not tough. You can't. You will want to service your grandkids and children. He will want to serve his grandkids and children.

He's not going to be happy when you don't come along. You're not going to be happy when he doesn't come along. You have to think about the long-term consequences. I recommend you date. Don't shack up and date. That's number one. Number two, what job could you do? What do you know how to do? That's my whole thing. You said you want a career. Ma'am, you used the word career. What is it you know to do? Tell me. What do you know? I...

I basically have just management experience and being a mail carrier. I never went to school. I never. That's fine. You could be a mail carrier again. I love the lady who delivers my mail. We hug every day. We do. That would be a start. You wouldn't have to stay in that forever, but it's something you know and you have experience. So you likely could get hired. So go do that.

Don't just sit around and say, I don't know. I like the idea that you're available when they need you, but I don't like the idea that they feel obligated to fill the space that you're not filling with anything else. It's not their job. And if you're not dead when their kids are grown up and out, then it's important for you to be a role model of how to carry on afterwards. So the whole thing about I raised my kids and now it's my turn, it's my life, does that really even exist? Yes.

Yes, of course it does. You don't see mother birds following the baby birds around the neighborhood, do you? No. I just feel like they're not going to be okay unless I still guide them. Ma'am, that is so terrible of you to say that your kids are that incompetent. I know. How dare you? How dare you insult them like that? They can do just fine without you.

You raised them. They already learned all they need to know from you when you raised them. Now they have their own lives. It's your turn to have yours. Don't become a pain in the ass.

It's not that you believe they can't do it without you. It's you'd rather they couldn't do it without you because then you wouldn't have to get a job and make other decisions. You're being lazy and you're avoiding, you're looking for excuses. They can't live without me. Well, then they all have the IQ of a hairpin. I'm currently a mail carrier. I am a mail carrier currently. Oh, okay. You said you weren't working. Well, you said I misunderstood. I thought you needed a career.

Well, I want to change. I don't want to stay doing that, but I just don't know what. Go change. I don't care if you don't know what. Do it anyway, just for the sake of change. Don't sit around with the excuse, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. The only way we know anything is to move forward and experiment. I just don't want you to become a pain in the ass. Really, I'm concerned about that. Okay. Give them something to respect and admire for this part of your life.

Do you think getting regular therapy could help? No, I don't think you need therapy. That's another excuse. I'll spend six to nine months to a year in therapy, and I'll come every week and talk about how I don't know what I want to do. Yeah. And some therapists will enjoy that because it's called income. Oh, correct. Yeah. Yeah.

Stop looking for ways out of it, please. Stop it. Go take some adult education courses. Take up crocheting or watercolor. Start having a little fun with the time. Now go do the right thing. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Spread the love for Black Founded Brands. Yeah. Found here at Walmart. Straight into our hands. The do for curls keeping up their shine. Share the love. Yeah, share the love. Bold and got my skin glowing so fine. Black Founded Brands.

Discover all our black-founded brands at walmart.com slash black and unlimited.