My Mom Hates My Dad!
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Thanks for downloading my call of the day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Dad and Lewis Jr. Welcome to the program. Thank you for taking our call. Okay, Lewis Jr. How old are you? Yes. Hello, I'm 17. And how can I help?

So just as like a bit of a rundown, my parents got divorced when I was two. And my mom throughout the divorce and throughout really my life had been constantly telling me stuff about my dad, just not talking very well about him. And it caused me a lot of issues trusting my dad. And then I had a lot of really a breakthrough of a lot of what she's saying wasn't true.

Yeah. So when I found that out, it was hard for me to trust her then. So that's like about eight months ago. A big issue happened. How did you find out that much of it was not true? How did you come to know that? So I started spending more time with my dad. Not like really, I guess not hating him. And

I started to realize, like, he's not this huge liar manipulator, I've been told. And he actually does love me and wants what's best for me. And so... Did you tell your mom that your personal experience is different from hers? Yeah. And how did she handle that? She was not very happy. She started a yelling match of just, like...

I was going to forget everything that she went through with him and all this old stuff. You were two years old. How were you supposed to remember anything she went through with him? What? Because, yeah, she'd constantly remind me on a daily, mostly just about everything she went through. Okay, Dad, what was the divorce about? Although I can guess, but what was the divorce about? We were only married, we were married just shy of three years.

when we separated and got divorced. After dating? It was an ugly divorce. After dating for how long? About a year. Okay. Yeah, about a year, a year and a half. Louis Jr., a year is not long enough. Need two. Okay. So you got married, and was there anything during the year of courtship that was a little hard to deal with? Yes.

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It was unhealthy because she just never trusted me. She always thought I was feeding on her, which never happened. She was very controlling with who I talked to and who I worked with. And it just kind of came to a halt. None of your friends or family warned you about that behavior? Oh, they did. Oh, they did.

And we ended up getting pregnant. Was the sex that great that you went forward anyway? You're not listening. Was the sex that great that you went forward with the marriage anyway? People warned you? Oh, trust me. Yeah, I know. It was a very poor mistake. We did what kind of pushed me over the edge to go through with it was we ended up getting pregnant. And so I figured I would give it a shot. And I

In hindsight, I know it was all wrong, but I just figured if I married her, she would be living with me every day and see that I am an honest, trustworthy guy. Like, I'm not cheating on her. And it actually just got worse. So it just came to a point. It just came to a point where I just said, you know what, I can't keep living like this.

I'm not going to follow your rules anymore. I'm a good guy. I don't. I've always been faithful to you. And I'm just not going to follow your rules that you've set for me because the rules don't even apply to you. And I said from this day forward, like your reign is over. Like I'm not doing this anymore. Have you married somebody else since? Has she married somebody else since? No, I have been remarried for eight years.

And she has stayed single. I was her third husband. Lewis Jr., are you hearing this? Yeah, I am. This is one stupid thing your father did after another. Really? Seriously? I can't agree. Oh, God. I'm glad you've grown up since then, Lewis. Well, now Lewis Jr. knows all the things to avoid. Oh, geez. Exactly. I couldn't have done a better job myself than giving Lewis Jr. a list.

Okay, well, I'm real sorry that your dad made her your mom. You know, he made a big mistake picking her to become your mother. Sorry about that. So how can I help from this day forward? So just like off what you've heard, and just to set the straight, I love both my parents to death. I will do anything for them. But I want to know two things.

How should I, like, how would you say I should take my relationship with my mom? Like, how do you think I should approach the situation and how she is? Okay. One thing at a time. One thing at a time. One thing at a time. Got to slow down for me. I do better one thing at a time. Okay. You're going to have to never discuss your dad. Keep things that you do with your dad, say with your dad, experience with your dad, think about your dad. Don't discuss them with your mother.

because she's got to justify herself for the rest of her life. And right now, you have betrayed her in her mind. Your mother is not a totally well human being. That amount of insecurity leading to paranoia and controlling is really a bad thing, and it hasn't changed. So you're just going to have to be cautious around your mother.

And no, you shouldn't do everything you can for her. That's not how you said it. I would do anything for them. No, you can't go along with your mother's rendition of life and truth. But I urge you, do not discuss nor argue about it again. Now, you will slip a few times and then just pull yourself back from the brink. But there's no point. You're not going to get her to see it or embrace it.

You're not going to get her to be okay with you having a relationship with your dad, which I am so grateful that you are having, because I believe this is going to keep you from doing a lot of stupid things. I think if you hadn't reconnected with your dad, you'd be out there doing stupid things more than usual for your age. Okay. I remember 17. Okay. So with your mother, you're going to be kind. You're going to be thoughtful, but...

There's quicksand. Don't step in it. Okay. Okay. Next question. The next question was, if I were to start, I guess, distancing myself more so I'm not put around a lot of that, one, do you think that is that a good thing? And two, would that make me like a bad son, really? No, that'll make you a healthy son. Okay. She's been abusive to try to turn you against your dad for her own neurotic tendencies. Okay.

is abuse. You've been abused. She wanted to rip any idea of a loving father out of your heart and mind. That's abusive. You're an abused young man. Understand that. And keeping a little bit more distance, that's probably going to happen naturally. Don't do anything apocalyptic. Don't stop talking to her. Don't stop seeing her. Don't do anything that horrendous. She's a sad, sad, not well woman.

But she did take care of you all these years, even though she was abusive in this regard. So I think it's you need to be a thoughtful, caring son, but you've got to waterproof yourself. So it just rolls off you. You don't have to convince her that everything she said or most everything she said or the degree to which she said it is untrue. Don't try to convince her.

as a way of feeling like you won and now she's going to be okay with you. That's not going to happen, so don't even try it. Just be nice to her. Okay. What I'm worried about is your future. I think your future is going to be a little bit difficult 10 years from now, 11, 12, when you meet some lovely lady who hasn't been married 18 times and you decide to get married and stuff like that and have kids. Your mom is going to make that a little difficult for you.

If your dad's involved. So probably in the future, yeah, in the future, you won't be seeing your mom much by her own design, not yours, not yours by her own design. I'm not coming if he's there. Well, we're going to miss you, mom. I'm going to miss you. That's how you respond to that. You don't argue with it. You don't threaten back. You don't cry. You don't yell. You just say, well, then mom, I'm going to miss you. I hope you change your mind.

That's very thoughtful and loving of you to say. Would you agree? Yeah, very. Because you don't let her manipulate you or it'll screw up your marriage and everything else. You don't want to do that. So, no, it doesn't make you a bad son. It makes you a healthy young man. Okay. Sometimes it's not so much the world as it is a parent, another relative, a friend who can be dangerous and destructive because they have problems emotionally.

You don't perceive when you're a kid. You don't know that mothers, this must be what mothers are. This must be the truth. You have no way of knowing anything else. So God bless you that you turned to your dad. I think this is going to put your life on a much better path. Okay. And don't do the shit your dad did to get married, okay? Absolutely. Don't be stupping some woman you don't like, love, and want to take care of and lay your life down for.

Yeah. Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. You're very welcome. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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