Deep Dive
Shownotes Transcript
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I was calling you actually about my mother-in-law. I was listening to your deep dive about mother-in-laws and daughter-in-laws. And I guess I'm wondering where I fall on the spectrum of my level of relationship I would have with my mother-in-law. I'd like to just tell you a teeny tiny thing about it to give you kind of context if that would be all right. Sure.
Okay, so three months before my husband and I got married, my mother-in-law took me, or well, my future mother-in-law and my future brother-in-law took me to lunch, and they began explaining to me how my husband or my future husband is cheap. And I was a little dumbfounded by this experience. And when you shared with him that they took you to lunch, and that was their conversation, what was his reaction?
He was shocked. And then what did he say to you? And then what did he do afterward? He did nothing. And he was just like, whatever. That wasn't a huge red flag? I know. I know. Yes. Yeah. Okay. All right. I don't know why anybody bothers buying red flags. They don't use them. All right. I know. I know I have to eat this one. I understand. But maybe you could just give me some guidance on how to navigate.
So, you know, of course... How about just minimizing contact? How about just minimizing contact? When people are dangerous or destructive, minimizing contact is a very smart thing to do. Then there's less stress on the marriage with you feeling pissed off, angry, etc. I mean, when the mother of the man you're going to marry and his brother put him down, then you know that future family situations are not going to be good. Yes.
He'd like to go, we live out of state, and he'd like to go back to our home state where his mom lives to have a visit. What does that, like how do I navigate that? Ask him. Okay. That's how you navigate it. He wants to stay with her.
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He wants to stay with... How long have you been... I don't know. Why don't you call me before you take these kinds of leaps? I didn't know about you. I'm sorry. I didn't know. Well, then how about common sense? How about common sense? Did you say to your mother, my boyfriend's mom and brother said he was cheap? Well, first of all, is he cheap? No, he's wonderful. Well, then why would they do that? Well, wonderful has nothing to do with cheap. But why would they do that then? No.
See, and I would have said, well, he's not cheap. So why would you say that behind his back? And why are you trying to make sure I don't marry him? What's this about? How come you guys, you gals don't speak up? Because then you get stuck in situations and then you don't know what to do. Speak up. So when you go there and he wants to stay with his mommy and see his brother, anything like that goes down, you speak up.
I'm remembering when I was dating him, you said he was cheap and you know, that's not been my experience. And I'm wondering why he, he kind of wants to come visit you. And then you do these negative things. Why is that? Like an adult, ask the question sweetly, serenely. Why is this? Why are you doing this?
And don't say, I'm hurt. I'm upset. I'm scared. I'm frightened. I'm pissed. Just ask the questions. Ask questions. He did this before I got married to him. Seems like you wanted to make sure the marriage didn't happen, but it has happened. He wants his mommy to be in his life. And you do this sort of thing. Why? Ask the questions.
Whether he's in the room or not. Okay. I prefer when he's in the room, although they like to talk behind his back. Yes. Okay. We're in the kitchen and whatever, she does something that's very nasty. I would just look at her and I would say, why are you doing that? That is so rude and nasty. What is the word I would use? Just like that? Rude and nasty is good. Okay. Okay.
My son actually want, my husband wanted, yeah, my husband wanted to come visit you and your response is to do, say these things? That's not nice. Do you have any kids with this guy yet? We've been married 18 years. I have three. Ah, okay. Somehow it sounded new. But yeah, speak up. No. Speak up. I just avoid.
I just avoid her. Well, I don't like cowardice. If you're in the house and she's doing something mean, stand up. Yes. Yes. Okay. Okay. I will do it. Thank you. Wouldn't you want me to stand up for you? Yes, I would. Okay. Role model it for me. You won't stand up for her. None of it matters. I mean, if you had called me right after that happened 18 years ago, I would have said, you may want to rethink this marriage. Okay.
but you don't live close by, so that helps. All right, just speak up and all will be good. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.
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