Refresher: A Business Deal Ruined My Relationship
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Time now for a refresher from my Dr. Laura Call of the Day archives. And remember, you too can participate on my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Steve, welcome to the program. How are you today? Good. What's happening? What?

So I'll try to make this as quick as I can. I had a family friend. So we have two kids. They have three kids. All our families were very, very close and probably our best friends. Stupidly, I went into business with my best friend. I was probably, you know, 80% of not only the... We were... I had...

invented something. I invented it. I brought him on board. I did about 80% of the work. He, um,

For the most part, rode my coattails quite a bit, but he probably would have run the business part of it a little bit better. Anyways, long story short, it didn't kind of turn out the way we want. I had invested a lot of money into it. Someone came along, offered us a small percentage to take it to market. I had always envisioned doing that myself, seeing it through to market and being the entrepreneur myself.

had bigger goals, bigger plans for it. My best friend was a little bit more risk averted, well, a lot more risk adverse. He did jump on board late in the game financially. And his big take from the whole thing is, hey, if I get a little bit of money from it, good, I'm good to go.

In the end, he started questioning my ethics and whether or not I was being a true friend. He tried to force my hand in selling to a third party. Inevitably, I made the decision to walk away from the friendship.

as I had explained, it was actually not only myself, but it was my whole family. Like we had done family trips together. It was, it was a decision I made that affected everyone within my, my household. I've had a lot of regrets over the years of about, you know,

putting the line in the sand and really permanently cutting things off. I have reached out once during COVID probably because of depression and being isolated and

You know, it does bother me when I think about it. But when I don't think about it, it doesn't bother me. But now I'm kind of struggling if should I try to put more in my being? Am I being, you know, just childish and not trying to recultivate that friendship? Should I let it be? It's kind of like a divorce in a lot of ways. Have you noticed that he hasn't approached you?

And that was the one thing I was going to bring up. He's never made any effort to... I just said that to you. So the answer to your question is no, no, no, no. No, no, and no. Yes. Yeah. Which was true of our friendship for the most part before. I always initiated phone calls. I was the one that was going over to try to put in, you know, 80% of the work for the business. It was just very true of...

every aspect of our friendship. And ever since they kind of took it at face value and went, yep, okay, fine, whatever you're being a whole. And, and if that's the decision you make and never made an effort. So that does play on my mind a lot, which is why I want to ask your advice. Am I, you know, being selfish and childish or. I just said no, no, and no, no, no. Okay. Yeah.

I answered those questions, but I understand that you miss what you had. I do. What happened to the business? Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room?

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so that you can focus on the important conversations and decisions of today. UnderstandCancerTogether.com, helping you navigate life with cancer one moment at a time. What happened to the business? I had continued to put a lot of money into it. I had protected myself from him if he had tried to come back out after me. And in the end, I paid him out because, again, my ethics mean a lot to me. So I took

sole ownership of it. But it required a lot more financial commitment and time than I could. I still have it on the back burner and I own patents and stuff. And I very well may go back at it at some point in time. We had been on Dragon's Den, which is the equivalent to Shark Tank, and unfortunately didn't have anyone jump on board to give us money. But it's still a great idea. Well, I always tell people don't go into business with family or best friends.

Chances are greater that you're going to lose the friendship. Which is what happened. That's my biggest regret. Money and power. Yeah, your biggest, that's a good one. I wish you had called me. I would have said no, no, and no. Yeah, like I have hundreds of thousands of money and losses there, but I don't actually care about that. It's the friendship that eats me up if I think about it, the loss of that friendship. So he was never critical of you before the business?

Sorry, what was that? He was never critical of you before you started the business. What wasn't critical? So he wasn't critical of you before you started the business. Is that correct? Well, it was just different dynamics because he was a friend. He was always supportive. No, I asked you a specific question. Think of my question. So he was never critical of you before the business. Is that correct?

I need a yes or a no answer. Until then, be quiet. Until then, be quiet. Shh. Sorry. Would you stop, you know, that you're fighting me on this tells me that I'm right. This was an 80-20 relationship always. Wasn't it? Oh, yeah. Probably, yeah. Yeah. Who did he represent to you? In the business or as a friend?

In your life, who did he represent to you? Your mom? Your dad? Who? I don't think he represented anything other than a good friend. But I don't have a... No. No. No. You were desperate to keep him, enough to even go into business with him, when I have a feeling that some part of you knew that was not smart. Yeah. Well, in some of itself, myself, why I thought I needed him along to be part of that, too. To understand where I was going?

I'm not 100% sure, but... Well, give me the percentage sure you are. Where do you think I'm trying to take you? I'm thinking that, you know, like 70% of a lot of it has to do with me and my need to try to carry him along, pull him along, which I did. Yes, but why did you have that need? Where did that need come from? I don't know.

I really don't know where. That's the most important. Being a single, like raised by a single mother, I don't know. Like it's a friendship, not a, but it's a family. It's part of the family. Tell me about you and your mother. Well, we have a great relationship now. It was my sperm donor that was the problem. And how was he the problem?

Just absentee. So my mom took us out of there at a young age because he was threatening to kill himself and us. And in what ways would you be helpful to mom as she's going through all of that? When I was young, I was the man of the family. At eight years old, I was the man of doing everything predominantly that maybe a father figure would. Yeah. Yeah.

Now do you understand where I was going with him? You can say no. Yeah. No, no, I do. I do. And that's not actually... You took on the same role with him in order to keep him. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I would say that that's probably accurate. My wife was always pointing it out. Like what, you know, even before we had trouble, she's like, he's riding your coattails and I was trying to rescue him. No, he's not riding your coattails. No, she had it backwards. You gave him coattails to keep him. You became the man of that family and you didn't want to lose him like you lost your dad. So between your dynamic with your mother and missing your dad, it's,

You operated to keep him to you. It was your need. So go home and tell your wife he was not riding your coattails. You desperately needed him on your coattails. Which is probably why I wonder if I regret making that decision. So, you know, that line in the sand. The unhealthy part of you is asking that question. Which is why I called today because I always wonder. I know. So I wanted your opinion. Do you think you have clarity now?

I do. Yeah, it makes me look at it differently. Good. All right. Thank you. Thank you for calling. Take care. Have a good day. Bye. That was heavy. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.

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