Refresher: Amanda is struggling to deal with the loss of her dad
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Time now for a refresher from my Dr. Laura Call of the Day archives. And remember, you too can participate on my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Amanda, welcome to the program. Hi. Hi, Dr. Laura. I'm very, very nervous. I'm a longtime listener, and I love your show. I love listening to you. I listen to you every day. Thank you.

So my dad passed recently, and I'm having a really hard time coping. Well, I would expect you to if you cared about him. I can't seem to get the last couple images of him out of my head. Oh, God. Did you watch him die? Yes. That's not good. I left before... He had multiple myeloma, and he was doing well until...

Just about two weeks before he died, there was still hope he was going to come home and go to rehab. That sounds like the story I had with my husband. Oh, he's going to come home. Yeah, that's kind of why I wanted to talk to you. I feel like, you know, I am...

By the time I got there, he had not had any morphine. He was in so much pain, and he wouldn't take the morphine until all four of us got there. I'm one of four, and my mom. So he said goodbye to each one of us, and then he went to sleep. Well, how nice, though. Yeah. How nice. He just went to sleep. I know. I hope you and I go the same way. Me too. I just can't get it out of my head.

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i made a terrible mistake i had seen my husband in the morning came on the air get a call on him on the air he's taking a turn for the worse and i said what's a turn for the worst he stopped breathing i think that's a little more than a turn for the worst so i get there and everything else is cleared out of the room and he has a uh cheat on him so first thing i did was hit the floor i got so freaked out yeah and you know what dumb me did dumb me

And I wish I could take it back, but maybe I can help you better than anybody else could at this point. I took the sheet off to look at him. That was the dumbest thing I have ever done in my entire life because his eyes were open and they had done. Yeah, that was that. That freaked me out. And because, you know, you think, you know, you're just going to close your eyes and go to sleep and that's how it's going to look. Oh, no. And the paramedics were there, which was useless because by the time the paramedics were there, he was already dead.

So they had that tube thing they put down the throat. You've seen in, I don't remember what it's called, but you've seen it on television. They put this thing down your throat and then they put oxygen tube. And that was evidently they're not allowed to take that out. So I take down the things thinking I'm going to see him just looking peaceful. And this is what I see. Well, it was not a good day.

So, for the longest while, I couldn't sleep because I kept seeing that image. And, you know, you spend 31 years with somebody, you don't want that ugly image. It was really ugly and terrifying to me. Also, I had never seen anybody dead before. So, double duty. What happened is that a friend of mine emailed me a picture of

of him that had been taken a year before, where he was standing, turning a little bit with a beginning of a smile. It was a nice picture in black and white. So I made copies of it and sent it to all the family members and put it up. So that became the image. So get a nice picture, maybe one of your dad and you, your dad and your kids, your dad and you and your kids, your dad and Disneyland, whatever. Get a nice picture, put it up,

And keep looking at that. And your brain will start making the translation. Okay. Of course, now that I described it to you, it's in my head again. Oh, I'm sorry. That's okay. You know, it's a small price to pay if I can help you. But that's kind of natural. And what you have to do is put something in its place. Okay. So you have a cool picture of your dad? Something that was silly, fun, touching? Yeah.

How about the two of you dancing at your wedding? Yes. Wouldn't that be a nice picture? Yeah. He didn't get this. He didn't get married. Okay, then that one won't work. So, you have a nice picture of you and him? Yes. I do. I have a few. Okay, put it on your cell phone. Frame one and have it at home. Okay. So, when you get feeling like you're feeling right now, you pull up the picture and you smile. Okay.

Because you loved your dad. You were lucky. You were so lucky. You loved your dad. That is wonderful. That's the part you're forgetting a little bit. The reason you feel so crappy is because you loved him that much. It's like a polarity. If you really cared about him, you'd feel crappier. You know what I mean? If you didn't care about him, it'd be a ho-hum.

This is where the word bittersweet comes from. When something is bittersweet. It's sweet, your memories, and it's bitter that you don't have them anymore. But you have the memories. So that's what I need you to focus in on, the memories. Okay. Okay? Yes. All right. Oh, it's such an honor to talk to you. I can't believe I actually called you. I've been thinking about it for so long. Well, any time.

Thank you so much, Dr. Laura. You're welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Please join the growing number of listeners who have signed up for the Dr. Laura family. It's free. You get priority access to things like my Call of the Day podcast and my design store, which features jewelry, glass, and knitted items I personally design and handcraft myself.

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