Shownotes Transcript
Are you still quoting 30-year-old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now. It pays to discover. Learn more at discover.com slash credit card based on the February 2024 Nelson report.
Thanks for downloading my call of the day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Pierce, welcome to the program. Hello, Dr. Laura. Hi, Pierce. What can I help you with?
Well, I'm sorry if I'm a little shaky in my voice. I've never talked to my feelings, especially on the live program. But I don't know what to do in my relationship right now. I have lots of concealing or conflicting interests. And I just have a ton of stress on my shoulders. It's really weighing me down. How old are you?
21. Okay. What are the conflicting issues? Tell me what those are.
To start, my girlfriend moved from Indiana to Oklahoma where I'm in college now. And she was my ex before coming and she's had a lot of personal issues, a lot of family
Lots of narcissism, parents, and abuse. So she just needs a lot. She's also, she is autistic, and she has an undiagnosed autoimmune disease. So it feels like I'm the caretaker, right? Well, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, Pierce, you sound like you're a nice guy, but you should never have taken this on.
Yeah. And I know you feel like a guilty heel and a terrible man for thinking you should not be taking this on. But you should not be taking this on. This is not going to set you up for marriage and kids and all that. There are too many problematic situations here. And I realize it kind of tugs at your heart and you want to be the hero, but this is not a good idea at all.
Do you think that the external factors that I've listed is enough already? Like I don't have to go anymore into how I feel emotionally? I really can understand, yes. And she really needs to go back home. Not to her parents, then some other relatives. Then she's got relatives. Everybody isn't dead in her family. Right.
That's true, but I don't know what she would do if she went back home. That's my issue. She already has an apartment. I didn't understand what you said. Sir, sounds a little mumbled. Move the phone to a better place. There you go. I'm telling you, you need to send her back to some family. This is not what you can handle. You're not a doctor. You're not a physician.
You're not a best girlfriend. You're not a mother. You're not a father. You can't be all those things. You're a 21-year-old guy. Two years ago, you were a teenager. Come on. Don't do this to yourself. Well, what do I do now that I'm in this position? You sit with her and say, I'm only 21. I love you. I care about you. I can't take responsibility for any of this. I'm not...
I'm not ready to be with anybody, much less with all these complexities. This is above my pay scale. Say it any way you want, but tell her you'll drive her home, you'll put her on a plane, but she's got to go to some family who can take care of her and support her and deal with her psychological and medical issues. This is way above your pay scale.
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Are you still quoting 30-year-old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide. And every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now. It pays to discover. Learn more at discover.com slash credit card based on the February 2024 Nelson Report.
You don't start out like this at 21. No. First of all, you won't last. You'll get drunk, be on drugs, throw yourself off a cliff, or leave somehow. You've already expressed what you're feeling like. I don't know what to say.
Yes, you do. You know what you wish to do. You just feel guilty about it. But there's reasonable guilt and unreasonable guilt. And you are not equipped to take care of this woman. You are totally not equipped to do that. I mean, I feel like...
It's easy to say on paper, you know, just, what's up? I feel like it's easy to say that on paper, but it's different to do in real life to just say, hey, like, you know, go home. I don't feel like I can do that to her. You have to because she needs to be taken care of and that ain't by you. You're not going to be able to do this. You're a very young guy in college. As I said, you're not a psychiatrist or
A physician, a parent, or a best friend? You're a young guy in college. You're not equipped to do this. You have to help her go to where she will be taken care of. That is, to me, your moral responsibility to get her to where she will be safe and taken care of. That's what you should focus in on.
as somebody who cares about her. You are not equipped to provide all that she needs. And frankly, you never will be. So instead of thinking how, oh, they're going to be hurt feelings and people are going to be mad at me and I'm going to feel like crap, the focus should be on getting her where she'll be safe and taken care of. Yes, she's going to be upset.
So what? Ultimately, in the long run, she needs to be safe and taken care of, and you can't do that. So you have to make sure you help her get to where it can happen. Can you see that? Yeah, of course. I've thought about every angle of this relationship. I just don't know what to do at this very moment. Okay, well, I gave you a recommendation of what I thought is in her best interest.
You'll have to think about that and decide it's not about how you feel, it's about what she ultimately needs. And it isn't you. She doesn't need you. She needs a lot of help. Not you. So get her to where she'll be helped and safe. That is your responsibility.
Yes, ma'am. And it doesn't matter how you feel about it. Usually we know something's the right thing to do when it feels awful. That's certainly true. I mean...
what you've been saying is, you know, it's been in the back of my mind when it comes to this relationship, you know, just end it. Um, cause I can't do it, but yeah,
I haven't thought about that last part that you said that the feeling is awful, but it's the right thing to do. Right. She'll be upset, but it's in her best interest. And someday she'll see that. But right now, you're just the fantasy. You can't be that. So figure out.
who in her family, grandparents, aunts, an older sibling, figure that out, connect with them, and take care of it. That's the best help you can give her. Yes, ma'am. Well, I guess I have no further questions. I appreciate your time. You can always call me back, okay, Pierce?
Absolutely. Thank you. I'd like to know if anything changes. Yeah, just call me. I'll help you deal with it. Okay. My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.
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