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Welcome. Hi. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking our call. You guys are sisters. One of you is very upset. We are. Is that Sally or Sarah? This is Sally. Okay. And how old are you folks? Sally, I am 41. And I'm Sarah, I'm 43. 43. Okay. And how long have you been sisters? 43.
Trick question. Okay. All right, Sally, tell me what's happening. Okay. When I was between six and 11 years old, our brother molested me. And I had not told anybody that it had been going on.
But over the years, I told several, you know, my husband, some friends, I told my older sister, Sarah, and her husband a few years ago. And I told our younger sister also a few years ago.
I have not talked to my parents about it. And our brother doesn't know that everybody knows. And I don't believe his wife or kids know. Over the Christmas holiday, we all got together and celebrated.
Sarah has been estranged from him because she found out what he did. And so that made Christmas very awkward. Okay, you need to slow down now. You need to slow down now. I have to ask some questions. Okay, Sarah, you're two years older. And during that, when you were eight to 13, were you aware of anything? Did you notice anything odd, funny, peculiar in the behaviors of your sister and your brother?
He remember walking in on them one time and he like laying in her bed and then they came in and he quickly jumped out of bed pulled up his pants and he said it was nothing and bought me bubble gum or something um and that was the only thing I ever remember happening with her or with him um he never tried anything with me
And I don't remember anything. How old was he when Sarah, I'm sorry, when Sally was six, five years, a long time. He, he, he is, he's six years older than me. So 12. Right. So your sister saw this yet at the time, nobody went daddy, mommy. Really? No, I don't know. I'm sort of interested in the why. I mean, Sarah, this was your sister. Yeah.
You were older. I'm wondering, I know that you were just eight at the beginning of this. I don't know how old everybody was when this was observed, but I'm just wondering how come nobody went, Mommy, Daddy! We weren't snitches. Like, he would, um, he would, like, pickle torture us or beat us up and suppose not. Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't understand what you said. Take a deep breath and try it again. He was...
He'd beat up on us. We'd just do things for him. And we'd always, don't tell mom. Don't let mom find out. And even still, we don't have a great relationship with our parents. And you don't have a great relationship with your parents because of why? Well, my story is like a whole extra one. I don't know. Growing up, we were, I don't know.
Well, they were very disciplinarian and like just very parent, like it didn't feel like you could go and like. Can you both understand why? Yeah, I hear that. But here your sister walked in on you and then your sister didn't protect you. Why? Why?
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Come up with something. Come up with something because you're there. I thought I'd get in trouble for it. You'd get in trouble for observing your brother in your sister's bed. How would you get in trouble? Just want to know how a child's mind works around this because this happens most of the time where children don't go, Mommy, Daddy. And you think that would be the first thing out of their mouths. I mean, if a dog comes after you, you go, Mommy, Daddy.
You're just afraid of the repercussions of who's getting in trouble. So, Sally, you're not mad that Sarah didn't take care of you? No, I had never thought about it like that.
Growing up, it was kind of like we would get in trouble, but it was like us kids and then our parents were the other guy. I don't know that I felt our parents were on our side if we caused a commotion or got in trouble or got hurt. We always would get yelled at.
I see. So maybe that's why we're... And with respect to your brother, did he get in trouble a lot in your house? Not that I remember. Out of all that he caused the most trouble. Did he get in trouble for causing trouble? Yes. He did. Okay. So Sally, at this point, you want to... I'd be willing to put money down that your parents know.
But families like not to talk about it because it's uncomfortable. It's embarrassing. It's upsetting. And then they have to do something. So it gets, you know, ignored. I get that. So telling your parents, the point of telling my parents is that what I want from them is. Well, I am OK not.
confronting what I'd like you to do is finish the sentence I want to tell my parents and I'd like them to just finish the sentence not be mad at Sarah for not talking or being around my brother so Sarah you've never told them why you don't want to be around your brother is that correct? that is correct
Yeah. Okay. I want to learn more about this. Are you both willing to hold through the top of the hour break? Yeah. Okay. Now, I don't want to mess anything up, so I'm going to let Carson do that. Put everybody on hold. And we'll be back after the break and explore this a little more. Because if we're going to do something, we have to have clarity as to what we want to have happen. Now go do the right thing. Okay. I will put...
Sally back. Yeah, we're back together. Okay. You, you gals talk to each other during the break. Well, what did you talk about? How scary it is to be on the radio show with you? Not so scary. No, it's not. Well, you're doing great. I'm asking a lot of questions because I'm sure some kids are listening and I want them to be able to go mommy, daddy. So the end result of our conversation, hopefully is they will feel more comfortable.
Like it needs to be done. Or grandma, grandpa, call somebody. But anyway, here we are. So Sally, you're going to finish a sentence for me. I want to tell my mom and dad that my brother molested me and I want them to... So if you would finish that sentence. Understand why my older sister...
Does not talk to him anymore. Okay, now why do your parents think that she, that Sarah, you don't talk to your brother anymore because? When we got together and I didn't show up, all the rest of the family was there. I don't know why they don't. They never asked you? They, they, no. Okay, all these little stupid secrets that you two like to keep. That's got to stop. Oh, yes.
That just has to stop. You can't live in a world where you're not going to take stands to support yourselves and each other. So you want your parents to understand that their son is a molester and that's why you don't want to have anything to do with him. Is that pretty much it? What she wants to do. I don't know that she should tell them just so that I don't look like a jerk. And she's also worried about how they're going to react. I mean, they're elderly and...
I know you thought that maybe they already know, but how is that going to affect their remaining years? Okay. So you're worried that they're going to spend their remaining years upset. They're not upset that Sarah doesn't talk to them, but they'll be upset to find out their son is a piece of shit. Yeah. The repercussions will be huge. Frankly, here's the sequence of events I'd like to see the two of you together in person, uh,
go see your brother and talk to him in person because Sarah saw it happening. So he can't pull the, it's your word against mine. Also, your parents, Sally, will have to understand why this went on for five years. You'll have to explain that. Then Sarah will have to explain why she didn't say anything to protect you. So you're right. This has so many parts. I'm not saying that to dissuade you.
Sarah brought up some very good points. He's married with kids. How is that going to hit? Does it fooling around with your sister when you're younger mean that you're going to molest kids for the rest of your life? So there are all sorts of things that are going to come up. And, you know, there's just no way to know how it's all going to pan out. There isn't any way to know. Sally and Sarah, if you believe your brother is a threat,
that he's molested or raped women after this all stopped, that he's gone on and kept those behaviors going. If you have any knowledge of that, tell me now. No, I don't have any knowledge of that. That's why I think first and foremost, you both need to talk to him in person. Because quite frankly, I think he should go to your parents with the two of you. And you can discuss all the ramifications together. Oh, wow. We all live in different states. We'll all be, yeah.
miracle the mad pancake happened it's called zoom oh there you go i think you both have to talk to him though this has been weighing on everybody and we want some justice here okay and you said the three or he he goes to our parents all three of you the one to tell them all three of you but he's the one to admit it i think that would help the two of you if he took responsibility and sally
When your parents ask, like I did, you let this go on for five years? What's that about? You can say, I was seriously scared. Yeah. And a little intrigued. I think you ought to leave that out. Oh. Because what people don't like to admit is that there is a little bit of intrigue attached to it. And that gets mixed in with the fear and the shame and the embarrassment and people stay quiet. But he was six years older. That gives him the responsibility.
I did hear that correctly, right? Six, four? Yes. Yes. Six years older than Sally. Yeah. So, right. So you're six and he's already semi-quasi teenager. So, yeah. So I'd like you to do it in steps. First step, the two of you talk to him together. The next step, all three of you go to the parents and discuss it all out. Because just going to your parents and saying, he did this.
They're not going to know what to do with it, and they don't want to talk to him about it, and they want it all to go away. You're going to be massively disappointed, feel very betrayed, and it's just going to suck. So I think it's better that the three of you there, because then they have to face it. Do you have any other questions of me? Now, this is my recommendation. Doesn't mean you have to do it. I just believe this would be a good plan for all three of you, actually.
He's living in mortal terror and worried about losing his family. So let's just do it step by step and make decisions each step of the way. Okay. Complicated stuff, isn't it? Yeah. But step by step, we'll do that. Thank you so much for your help. You're very welcome. And if you want to call back, even with him, then the three of us, four of us could talk. So that's another option. Okay.
All right, guys, gals. You take care of yourselves and each other from this point on, okay? Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Don't be scared of anything. You two are here to take care of each other and your families and yourselves, of course. All right. My number, 1-800-375-
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