When Mom is the Cause of the Chaos
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Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Denise, welcome to the program. Oh, hello. Hello. Hi, how are you, Dr. Lurie? Good, thank you. What can I help you with? Okay, so...

Just so we know before we start this, whatever advice you give me, however hard you are on me, I will still be a listener. Okay. So what I need help with today. Oh, I can relax now. Okay. Go ahead.

It's all right. Me too. So I have four children, but I'm calling about two of them. They're my middle boys. They have a different father from my first and my last. Anyways. Wait a minute. Let me make sure I understand. You have four kids and there are three dads.

No, there's two, but we have an interesting story. So the father of my first child is also the father of my last child. So we broke up after the first child was born. I've never been married, by the way. So we broke up after the first child was born.

I had two more kids with one man in a relationship for 10 years and he had two other kids. And then we recently, within the five years, like the past five years, we got back together and had our last child. You keeping up? Oh yeah. Yeah. So the issue is, is that

the first father uh the first child's father um is also the last one and so the the second child the second baby daddy is um you know he's upset because i went back to my first relationship um so the issue is is that um we've been going through a custody battle for like three years it finally ended last year at the end of last year in november but

He has this hold on the boys where he also lives like 30 minutes away. So his time with the boys, the boys live with us. They go to school from my house and then they go spend the weekends with him if he chooses to pick them up.

And he's about half and half on that, whether he decides to pick them up or not. But so my boys, they're like, you know, attached to these screens, whether it's a television screen or a telephone screen. And they don't really have a desire to do anything else. So

I've told them, you know, I'm going to sign you up for this sport or think of some sort of extracurricular activity that you want to do. And if you can't, I'll choose one for you. So I've got them.

I spoke to them this week about it and again, I brought it up again. One boy chose boxing and the other boy chose baseball. Now, as we all know, the games will in events will be held on the weekend. So,

I signed them up for these programs and without talking to dad because he always kind of, you know, steps in and stops, stops them from doing something. And then he will guilt trip them into, into not doing it by saying, Oh, I won't be able to spend time with you. It's so far away. Denise, Denise, Denise, I hope you have enough money to keep going to court. Cause all you need to do in my never to be humble opinion is you go to court and

and get a writ from the judge that he has to allow them to be in baseball. And since you have information that he's only there half the time to deal with them on the weekends, I think you'd probably get a positive judgment in your favor. But you're going to have to go through the court. You can't go through the guy. So anything else I can help you with? We've done the court thing. Yeah, I'm trying to, what I want to ask you,

You didn't go to court on baseball. You didn't go to court on the baseball issue. Spring is in full bloom at the Home Depot. So what are you working on? If you're digging into your garden, come into the Home Depot's Garden Center, where we can help you pick out the best plants for your space. Then make sure you give your plants the proper soil and support they need to thrive. Like Miracle-Gro 25-quart potting mix on special buy two bags for only $15.

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Actually, Dr. Laura, I did not specifically write the judge about baseball, but I did tell the judge that he always gets in the middle of their extracurricular activities. That's not interesting to a judge. Okay. All right. Go ahead. Ask me anything you want to ask me. Go ahead.

How do I convince my boys that this is important for them and their, you know, well-roundedness of being a young man? Because I told them that I find them a gift after that. I'll give you an answer. Do you want an answer? Okay. Because they don't give a damn about that. They don't give a damn about that. Yeah, they don't. You have a screwed up life for them. In and out with these two guys. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, they don't care about the rules. They don't care about what's best. It's not how their brains work at this time. It's chaos. They go back and forth. They're disappointed half the time with their dad. They're confused. You bring this dude back. They have chaos. And it's amazing when we introduce such chaos to a kid's life and then they find ways to rebel.

So, and we get upset and don't understand why and think we can use rational logic. No, they're little bundles of disappointed, angry, hurt emotions. So I suggest if boxing is Monday through Friday, like martial arts, then you find a sport that's not done on the weekend. I don't know what that would be right now off the top of my head, but you could pull that off.

Okay. He likes to run after a ball. I don't know. See all the other options. You're going to have to work around it, but you're not going to work with logic on kids who are, have their life in as much chaos as I'm sorry you've provided.

No, it's the truth. It is chaos. Yeah. So find something that's Monday through Friday and let's avoid the fight. And tell the kid the truth. We have to find something that's Monday through Friday because your dad is going to stand in the way of you doing it and I don't want your feelings hurt. So let's try to find something where you can avoid the weekends. Tell them the truth. Okay. The truth. Yeah, I'm very truthful with that. Don't protect this jerk from them.

And in your next life, take two years to get to know somebody, make a covenantal marriage with vows, with a good man, and stay put. You'll miss out on all of this chaos. It would be so wonderful. My number, 1-800-375-2872. I mean, there's a reason that I talk about morals and values and principles and ethics, because they avoid a lot of chaos. And chaos is not good for kids. I'm not crazy about it myself, but specifically for kids.

My number, 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars. And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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