Will I Miss My Evil Mom?
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Go to quince.com slash doctor for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash doctor to get free shipping and 365 day returns. quince.com slash doctor. Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Jackie, welcome to the program.

Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call.

You're welcome. Well, I would like to, if you can, maybe give your opinion on like a lifetime situation I've had. And the reason I was wanting your opinion is because I really have avoided telling people all about this stuff because it's just so lame and it's lifetime. And now I'm older. And it's basically my mother had...

has just always been so abusive, like ridiculous, like really physically abusive when I was younger. And then I left when I was 16 and I just distanced myself my entire life, but she's still super abusive emotionally and, you know, just her words and she's terrible. So I don't see her very often. If you've distanced yourself, how does she get to you to be mean? Well, I distanced myself in the way that I,

see her rarely. I call her. And the reason I do that minimal is because, and that's where I wanted your opinion, you know, because it just kind of gets to me in my mind to start thinking like, maybe I should reach out, but there is no hope for her. So before she dies, I just want to make sure that that's where I was just asking your opinion, because I believe I'm doing the only thing. When she dies, you're going to be relieved. Yeah. That's what I think. Yeah.

Yes, of course you will, because you won't have to deal with it anymore. You won't have to feel guilty that it's your mother and you're not calling her, and maybe you're overdoing it, maybe you should forgive her. You don't have to do any of that anymore, so you'll be relieved. Okay. I think that's it. It's just, I don't like to, I've never had therapy for it because it just seems like I don't really want to tell everybody all this weird stuff that's happened, but it's been a lot, and I'm just...

better than the other siblings. I feel like I'm in a better position because I left when I was so young and the way it's kind of evolving. I tell you, I just, yikes, the physical and the mental and you can't even call her without her insulting you. It's just strange. So anyway, I just wanted to make sure that I would get your opinion and see what you think about what I'm doing as far as completely distancing myself, just minimum. Just minimum.

Hello, how are you? Take the balloon and let it go. And you think I'll be okay after she's gone all at once? Okay, you're okay now. Right, okay. Well, I appreciate that. That's all. I just thought I'd ask. It sucks. I haven't called before. And everybody wants a mommy. So there's all that little hope. And when she's dead, that's the end of hope. But it's also the end of struggling with it.

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Yeah, I guess it would just be nice to, if there was a way to understand why, who does this? The circuits in her brain. Yeah, well, there are people like that. There are people who kill their kids. I don't understand why you think it's unusual. The number one cause of death in toddlers and younger is the mother, not a boyfriend. I think it meant that I left. I don't know. Yeah. And I escaped it. We don't corner the market on...

Being nice, just because we're females. I mean, think about it. Most of the family troubles are usually started by the women. All those stupid reality show TVs, they're all about a bunch of bitchy women who undermine each other, etc. Think about it. Remember Susan Smith? She drowned her two boys because her new boyfriend didn't want kids. Yeah, I guess when you say it like that, I said I just get into my own head, you know, woes me or something. But I...

I guess my biggest concern was just to make sure that once she's dead, I can't go back and call her. And I get a little bit worried because I have. And why would you want to? What are you worried about? Well, I think when it affected me the most, I was abusive to myself. And I got into this whole weird cycle of some physical problems that I was doing to myself. And since I've quit, I've been like 27 years. Are you still doing that? Yes, I quit.

Absolutely not. And I. Well, then you are OK. Then you are OK. And stop with the embarrassment. That's the only ridiculous thing I've heard you say. We all have shit in our lives. Everybody. The whole world should be embarrassed all at once. The whole world would be embarrassed all at one time. Come on.

You're no different than me. You have shit. I have shit. That's it. And our job is to survive it and do something beautiful with our lives. Okay. Well, thank you. Thank you for that. That's your job. Survive it and do something beautiful with your lives. This afternoon, I'm planting three big petunia plants. That adds beauty to the world, don't you think?

That does. Yeah. If I had anywhere near a green thumb, I would do it. But I don't. Oh, no, I don't have a green thumb. No, no, no, no. They're already healthy. I don't think I could kill them at this point. All right. If they were in the house. If they were in the house, they'd be dead soon. Oh, yeah. Okay. Well, thank you. I'll just...

Keep doing it. Keep going on, you know. It's sad. It's sad. What I'd like you to do, do you have a mirror there or a reflecting window? Sure. I'm just sitting in my car. Okay. I want you to go look in the mirror and I want you to repeat after me. Okay. Ready? Jackie. Say it. Jackie. You went through a lot of shit with your mother. You went through a lot of shit with your mother. And then you followed her and did a lot of shit to yourself.

And then you followed her. What was that part? And did a lot of shit to yourself. Yes, and did a lot of shit to yourself. Amen on that. And now? And now? You're doing good. You're doing good. Okay. Nothing to be embarrassed about. You pulled it out of a hat. Good for you. Okay.

Okay. Thanks. And that means a lot because I don't mean keep going on because you have to keep going. But I just have really never really talked to anybody about it because I guess when you're a kid, when you're young, it seems like I was just in a fog and I was embarrassed back then. And then as I grew older, I just stayed away. And now I'm in this cycle where she's probably going to pass away.

And then I'm trying to figure out, oh, you know, I got to make sure I close every door in my head. There are no such doors. There are no such doors. Okay. I'm 78. I remember to this day something unkind my dad said when I was probably about 12. It wasn't abusive. It was just unkind. I remember that today.

I don't dwell on it. It doesn't upset me. It crosses my mind and I don't care anymore because I have my life. I'm proud of my life. So I don't care anymore. But it's never going to not be there. You'd have to have brain damage for it not to be there, Jackie. All right. Well, I do appreciate it. I do. And it gives me just more strength to be strong about doing what I'm doing. There's nothing I can do other than that.

Good. That's right. That's true for all of us. Okay. Well, thank you so much for your advice and your opinion. And I will just do what I'm doing. And call me anytime. Okay. All right. Yes. Thank you so much. You're very welcome. Bye. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

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