Shownotes Transcript
Skechers has come up with something wonderful. Hands-free Skechers slip-ins. They revolutionize how you put on and take off your shoes. Just step into the Skechers slip-ins and they're on. No bending, no struggling. An invisible built-in shoe horn.
helps your foot gently slide in, and their exclusive heel pillow keeps your foot secure. They're comfy, great looking, with athletic and casual styles for men, women, and kids. Slip-ins even come in sandals, perfect for the summer, with
With features like Skechers air-cooled memory foam and special fits, including arch fit, relaxed fit, wide fit, once your feet have experienced hands-free Skechers slip-ins, they won't want to wear any other shoe. You can find Skechers at Skechers.com slash Dr. Laura or Skechers.com and use the promo code Dr. Laura.
Valid for 20% off site-wide. Standard exclusions apply. Valid March 5th, 2025 through May 30th, 2025. Thanks for downloading my Call of the Day podcast. You too can participate in my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Michelle, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thanks for taking my call.
Thank you. What's happening? I just want to ask your advice about if I should approach or how I should approach my sister who's three years older about an incident that happened when we were teenagers involving her boyfriend at the time.
And the point, the goal would be, the reason you'd like to do this is, in one sentence, the reason I'd like to do this now is...
um because it just eats away at me every day almost and the guilt and the shame and i don't know if okay stop stop stop stop stop stop stop no telling her is not going to take all that away especially if her response is that's bullshit that's a lie that's an exaggeration let it go yeah that's not going to help i think so hold on a second work with me okay
Work with me. All right. I know this is emotional, but you keep jumping around or jumping ahead. I can't help you as well. So did she personally do something to you? No. So her boyfriend did something to you? Yes. And yes or no question. Did you ever tell anybody the boyfriend did something to you? Yes. I'm sorry. Was that yes? Yes. Okay.
Okay. Who did you tell at that time? Friends. So you told friends? Yes. I believe one of the friends that I did tell told my sister because she was kind of a gossip girl and I shouldn't have told her, but I did. Well, that's not proof. I think, I think, I think is never a fact. Okay.
Well, I heard her on the phone when we were young telling one of her friends about it. And it scared me. And I just didn't even want to go there. And I just went in my room and I just. So you didn't talk to your parents. You didn't talk to a teacher. See, I never really understand this. Scared. Of what? You were the one who was attacked or you were a participant, in which case you'd feel ashamed. If I can explain that more to you. Go for it.
So my sister is three years older. At the time, her boyfriend was a year older than her. So four years older than me. I think I was 14 at the time when it started. He was asleep at our house. This was an ongoing relationship between you and him.
It started by him coming into my room when she would be taking a shower and just being, you know, charming and giving me attention. It didn't start right away. It took time. And then eventually it led to him convincing me to give him oral sex in my bedroom.
And over what period of time? Was oral sex the only thing that happened or was there intercourse or other stuff? It eventually led to intercourse. Okay. So how old were you when this seemed to stop? I think I was 14 when he first started coming into my room. And I think maybe a year because then I ended up getting a boyfriend in high school and ignored him and
I just fizzled out. But he would have been like 19 when it started. Yeah, I understand that. That was wholly illegal, but listen to what you just said. I had a boyfriend, so I've shown him that's it, which means you had control all the time. He wasn't attacking you. Yeah, and I don't know why I didn't tell my... Yeah, I never said he was attacking me. He was not attacking you. He groomed you, but he didn't attack you. I know that.
Yeah. So I don't understand the point of telling her. You might want to go into therapy and talk about this at greater length. But if you want to go tell her, I think you're going to be very disappointed because she's going to say, but you participated. And when you decided you didn't want to do it anymore, it stopped. So I don't see how that's going to help you. Besides, there's a lot of sibling rivalry involved in something like this. Do you realize? Yes, you do realize. He was having sex with you behind her back.
Compassionate Healthcare is in high demand in Arizona. Creighton University offers medicine, nursing, OT, PT, pharmacy, and PA programs on our Phoenix campus at Central and Thomas. Learn more at creighton.edu slash phoenix.
Did you know there's an FDA-approved little pink pill? You're talking about Addi, the little pink pill, right? Yes! Addi, or flibanserin, is the only FDA-approved little pink pill for us. Wait, what? I'm gonna ask my doctor about Addi today. Girl, I'm gonna ask my med spa about Addi. Find out why women...
everywhere are talking about Addi. See full prescribing information and medication guide, including box warning regarding severe low blood pressure and fainting in certain settings at Addi.com slash PI or call 844-PINK-PILL. Addi. A-D-D-Y-I dot com.
The HBO original series The Last of Us is back for a new season, and so is the official The Last of Us podcast. Five years after the events of the first season, Joel and Ellie are drawn into conflict with each other and a world even more dangerous than the one they left behind. Join host Troy Baker, who voiced Joel in the video game, and showrunners Craig Mazin and Neil Druckmann as they unpack each episode after it airs. Let's get started.
Listen to HBO's The Last of Us podcast wherever you get your podcasts and stream HBO's The Last of Us on Max.
It's human. Amica. Empathy is our best policy. Yeah. This is where sibling rivalry comes in. I've talked to my mom about this. Yeah, that's sibling rivalry, and you didn't feel comfortable. Your parents were letting him be in the house, so they were sexualizing both their daughters. So your mother's kind of a skank for doing this, and your dad also. So you come from a very screwed-up family, so your behavior was not a surprise. Yeah.
And I've talked to my mom about it as adults because, like, as adults, me and my sister, we're super close now. And I think that's part of, like, why I want to talk to her about it, just to get it off my chest. Go ahead. But it's not you told me you wanted to do this to get rid of the shame and the guilt and the discomfort. It will not do that. Yeah.
And I've talked to my mom and I've said, like, you know, like... Ma'am, I don't... If you talk to your mom and that, and you still ended up calling me, then evidently that was not sufficient. So can we just stay with you and me right now? Yeah. Mm-hmm. At some point, you need to forgive yourself that you got invested in this because you were emotionally needy and sibling rivalry wasn't a bad issue either. Mm-hmm.
So at some point, you've got to forgive yourself and stop the crying. Stop the crying. Stop it. Stop it. Right now, in this conversation, stop it. You were 14 years old. Your family is ridiculously sexualizing their home. You didn't feel safe talking to them, and there was something exciting about being chosen by him against your sister's back, behind your sister's back.
It made you feel special. You have to admit to all of that before you can let it go. Yes. Okay. I do. So say it all out loud for me now. I admit that I liked the attention, even though I knew it was wrong.
Right. Go ahead. And, you know, my parents should not have allowed him to sleep over. I was never allowed boyfriends to sleep over, but she was. And I think they probably knew they screwed up with her. So when it came to me, they put their foot down, which I'm glad they did. I just feel so much shame that I can't get rid of. Okay. So you're doing the crying shame thing again.
That's just a terrible deep hole that you keep throwing yourself back into, even talking to me. Because I know it was wrong. You started enlightening. Why didn't I say anything? Why didn't I tell them? Because I... Let's go back to the beginning of what you just said. Why didn't I do anything about it? Because... Go ahead. I don't know. You just explained why. Because I... You said you were getting attention. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Did you forget you said that? But that's still wrong. That's still wrong, though. Yes. But still wrong. You were molested. You were groomed and molested. Even though I agreed to it? Yes. Even though you agreed to it legally, that was molestation. Yeah. Yeah.
Because it didn't happen the first time you came into my room. It probably took a few times. Honey, I heard all of that. That's what we call grooming. Yeah. So you don't think there's any point in talking to her about it as adults? No. If you want to, okay, but I don't. Okay. I think that the goal you want is not attainable that way. The goal you want is more attainable with what I'm trying to do with you right now.
You were 14. He was 18. This is legal molestation. You were groomed. He's a piece of shit. Your parents were sexualizing the house. You were having sibling rivalry because he's flirting with you and you've got this on your bigger sister, but you're 14 for God's sake. How mature is a 14 year old? How mature is a 14 year old?
So this crying jags and the shame jags, you got to cut that crap because it's cutting into the quality of the rest of your life. Yes, it is. Yes. This is history and you understand why you did it. Yeah. One, you did it because you were molested. Two, you did it because you got unbelievable intimate attention, which I suspect you were not getting from your folks. Yeah.
And you got to compete with your sister and beat her. And when you decided you had a boyfriend, you didn't need him anymore. He was gone. So you did the right thing at that point. It was wrong all the way around. But he has the majority of the responsibility because he was more mature. Well, older. Yeah. So I urge you to stop the crying jags, to stop with the shame, to drop all that crap and say, this happened when I was 14. I know why.
And it's behind me now because I want to have a good life. And I don't want my life now to be circumscribed around this anymore. Yeah. And if she knew about it, why do you think she never asked me even now? Because she was ashamed and embarrassed. Yeah, because she stayed with him. Yeah, I know. There are women like that. There are women who let men do their daughters and still want to keep the man.
There are women who kill their children because some man says, I want you, but I don't want kids. Her name was Susan Smith. She literally drowned her two boys so that he would keep the relationship with her. There are women who do all sorts of things, sweetheart. Don't try to look for rational black and white in the universe. There isn't any. Okay. Well, I won't bother...
trying to wrap my head around how to approach it to her. I just simply won't. No, let's get on with your life. What is your dream? What do you want to do? What do you want to be? And does agonizing over this get you closer to peace and serenity and happiness and joy and productivity? Does going over this again and again serve to have you be happier and more functional? Yes or no? No. No.
Then it's done. It's done. It's icky, icky, but it's history. Icky history. Say icky history to me. Come on. Icky. Icky history. Good riddance. That's it. It ain't you now. It ain't you now. Never, never, never. And make sure none of your kids feel like they need attention. Never. It's just so crazy.
Oh, you're going to go back now? You're going to go back now over it? You're going to go back over it now? No, but just like how the brain doesn't even think long term. Like, I wish I just could go back and say, like, how is this? You know, I should be telling someone. Okay. I want you to drive your car around town tomorrow backwards, looking through the rear view mirror. I want you to drive looking through the rear view mirror because that's what you think you should be doing in life.
I'm driving the car forward, but I'm looking through the rearview mirror because that was icky. I get it. I get it. I get what you're saying. I hope so, because I'm starting to get ridiculous. You've got to stop me soon. Thank you, Dr. Laura. Thank you so much. You're fine. You're fine. Just drop this as a center point to your life. It's not important anymore. Are you a good woman?
Yeah. Are you a good mommy? Yeah. Are you a good wife? Yes. Are you a good friend? Yep. Are you a good neighbor? Yes. Then why do we have to go back over this crap anymore? I don't know. It ain't you, babe. No, it's a habit. It's a habit right now. It's a habit. You still think that's who you are. No, this is who you are.
Right now, this is who you are, in spite of the ick. Yeah, just a stupid kid. All kids are stupid. We all are stupid as kids. Come on. It takes time for the brain to develop and to have experiences. And that's why parents are not supposed to have sexual crap going on in their house with their children and not pay attention to their kids and not be more invested and involved.
Yeah, like they just shouldn't have allowed him to sleep over. Period. You're right, but that's then. But that's then. Today you're the mother, so I don't give a shit anymore what your mother did or didn't do, because today you're the mother. Yeah. Okay? Oh, yeah. That would never go down in my house. Never. No. Thank you. Okay, we're done. We're done. Don't overdo that either. But we're done. You think we're done? Then say, we're done. Yeah.
We're done. We're done. No, say it more affirmatively. We're done. We're done. No. We're done. We're done. That's it. Okay. Thank you for your call. My number, 1-800-375-2872. I'm not totally done yet. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars.
And be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform. Did you know there's an FDA-approved little pink pill? You're talking about Addi, the little pink pill, right? Yes. Addi, or flibanserin, is the only FDA-approved little pink pill for us. Wait, what? I'm going to ask my doctor about Addi today. Girl, I'm going to ask my med spa about Addi. Find out why women...
everywhere are talking about Addi. See full prescribing information and medication guide, including box warning regarding severe low blood pressure and fainting in certain settings at Addi.com slash PI or call 844-PINK-PILL. Addi. A-D-D-Y-I dot com.