Is Garnacho Manchester United's Latest 'Spoilt Brat'?
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I'm looking good. I'm looking good today. I'm definitely looking slimmer. I've got my post-skiing glow on, for sure, yeah. Chris looks orange. Something in the air in Norfolk, you really look orange. I bet it's all that fertilizer they've been spraying on the fields, isn't it? Destroying the environment. It's all that stuff. You don't know anything about agronomy. Landed on your face. It's called a lamp. It's landed on your face.

No, what, a sun lamp? You've got a sun lamp on? It's called a lamp. I've got proper walls, not like the new houses which are being built around the country, proper walls, thick walls. And because of that, the room's not too light, so we put a lamp on. You've got the ashes. I've been meaning to bring this up with you for a while. You've got the ashes of dead animals in that room, haven't you? You have? Yes. No, I have. I've got...

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.

ashes boxes so this is one of those things that if you weren't hearing it you wouldn't believe it chris sutton has the ashes of 18 dead animals in his in his living room because we love them that's because we love this one i can't see which one can we briefly break that one was santa r st bernard what you killed santa my god

You're to blame. Come on. You're better than this. Come on. So just briefly, break it down. How many, what, what, let's break it down. Dogs, cats, horses, cows, sheep, pigs. What's the breakdown of the 18 animals in the room?

Because I can say I haven't got any in my room. What you're doing is you're stereotyping country folk and we don't like stuff like that. Most are dogs. Most of them are dogs. There's a fair few cats, but some of that stereotyping, come on, you're better than that. I don't think it's possible to stereotype a bloke who keeps the ashes of 18 dead animals in his living room. That's not stereotyping. That's just freaky. Do you know what? We're not like you. We don't just discard animals. No.

When Humphrey dies... We're respecting them. Great memories. When Humphrey dies, he'll be buried in the garden.

Right. When Humphrey the cat dies, he'll be buried in the garden. My daughter, by the way, because my daughter wants a dog. For people who haven't listened to this podcast before, my daughter's six years old. She really wants a dog, which is fair. I think we will get a dog one day. Not eight dogs like you, Chris, but just one. I have said to her that she obviously can't have a dog until the cat's not with us anymore because it wouldn't be fair on the cat. To which she replied to me, when do you think Humphrey will die, daddy?

I mean, that's kind of inside the calculating mind of a six-year-old. What did you say back? I said, hopefully not for a long time yet, darling. Right, let's talk about some football. Dogs and cats get on. Dogs and cats get on. No, they do. Come on. We could do a whole podcast on that issue. My

Come on, we don't need to go there, but I disagree. I disagree. They can get on, but they won't necessarily. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to send you a little video tonight of our dogs and cats getting on. Right, I'll tell you a quick cat story. It's very quick because we really need to talk about some football. I've got a friend who has an indoor cat. That's a surprise. Has an indoor cat. An indoor cat.

Cat doesn't go outside. No, actually, that's untrue. It's not an indoor cat. Because I didn't know. No, it's a cat. No, listen, it's a cat. It's a rescue cat. They got it from Spain or somewhere. And it's a rescue cat. And it's so fierce that when it goes out, it attacks other cats. So with their neighbours, they persuaded their neighbours to have their cats on a rotor of when they can go out. So when this cat, Domino, dies,

goes outside. All the other cats have to be locked indoors so that Domino can have his 10 minutes outside. It's extraordinary. It's extraordinary. I mean, if I was the neighbour... I've got a story which can absolutely beat that, but I'm not going to say it. If I was the neighbour, I would probably just say, sod your rota, just stop your cat attacking other cats, guys. That's probably what I would say. But there you go. A cat on a rota. A cat rota. I get the rota.

We used to have a rota for our St. Bernard's because our first St. Bernard's we had was called Bernie. And when we lived in Scotland, these two little terriers walked past every day with a guy and kept snapping at Bernie. And then one day we had a big fence built. One day he just lost his head, jumped over the fence, attacked the terriers who were barking at him. And the guy went to pick them up and Bernie bit the guy's finger off. And...

And then, I mean, it was just carnage. Only in Norfolk. The guy went to hospital. It wasn't in Norfolk, in Scotland. The guy went to hospital and my eldest three boys, they were under five at that stage. I had to take my kids to hospital to make sure the guy was all right and his wife was there.

And I said, well, how's your husband's finger? She said, I'm not worried about his finger. She said, he's got heart problems. So I was thinking...

I was going to be on a murder charge there. Were you paying for Celtic at the time? Yeah, I was, yeah. And then what happened was we sent, the guy said he wouldn't press charges if we had Bernie put down, but we didn't want Bernie to be put down. So we sent him to kennels at Barnard Castle and then we bought another St Bernard called Diego. And this is where the rota came in. When Diego got big, we used to let one dog in, one dog out. So we kept Bernie home. Where was Bernie at this point?

Well, Bernie was away for six months on holiday. So you basically pretended that you'd got rid of him. Yeah. You lied to the guy. Well, that was cruel. That was cruel from him. You lied to him. One of the dogs put down. That was his dog's fault. Little dog. Snap at big dogs. Big dog just, you know, just gave him a little warning. And that was unfortunate. You do not put, yeah. When dogs fight, you do not put your hand in. Everybody knows that. You were playing for Celtic at the time. Did that story get out?

No. Unbelievable. Imagine that now. That's the equivalent. We had Bernie's interests, best interests at heart. He didn't bite the guy. The guy put his hand in a dog fight. He bit his finger off. No, he did not bite the guy. The guy put his hand in Bernie's mouth to get his dog out. Yeah, like you do. So that's the equivalent of Mo Salah.

taking his Labrador for a walk in Formby and he's biting off and biting the finger off some innocent passerby. It's extraordinary. Hang on, but you've totally got the wrong end of the stick. And you're a fool. Poor guy. Who puts the hand? You know, that poor bloke has never been able to play charades in the same way ever since. He was cold and wanted my dog put down.

Okay, seven minutes we've been recording and I haven't mentioned football yet. Maybe that's the way it should be from now on. There you go, dogs, cats, fighting. Well, the league's over. The relegation places are all sorted out. It's amazing the things that you will do to stop us talking about your orange...

face. Right, is the league sorted out? Maybe it is. I was at Anfield last night. We're going to get to that in a minute. Right, come on, we've got lots coming up. It's FA Cup weekend. We are going to talk about Aston Villa versus Cardiff, Preston versus Burnley, which sounds like an old tie from the 1950s. Man United versus Fulham and also look back on some of the midweek Premier League action. Liverpool, as Chris has alluded to, seem to be champions already and I'm getting to wonder if Manchester City can cap

Arsenal in second, seven points to gap. What would happen to Mikel Arteta if Arsenal didn't win a trophy this season yet again? And Big Ange Postacoglu says that the assist is the most useless stat at Arsenal.

in football. Chris, I'll be asking you what yours is. And also, I'm going to be coming at you later on to ask you why we haven't yet seen evidence of you in your George Weir tracksuit. People who listen to the show regularly will know exactly what

I am talking about. Right, FA Cup, Aston Villa at home to Cardiff, Friday night. Villa's season seems to be a little bit of a crossroads, Chris. Fair to play, this is a big week for them. FA Cup Friday and then Bruges in the Champions League last 16 next week.

Yeah, I think it's a good season. If you're a Villa fan, this is where you want your club at, isn't it? Fighting on all fronts, well, in most competitions, not on all fronts, but most competitions. Still in with the squeak of the Champions League, that fifth place in the Premier League, four points off Chelsea. But they have been inconsistent. Their home form, I think, this season has been pretty remarkable. I think they've only lost one at home.

But Club Bruges in the Champions League, who they lost to actually, I covered that game in the league stage. And Bruges are a really well-balanced team, but they'll think about the FA Cup as...

as a trophy that they have possibilities of winning. And they'll be too strong for Cardiff. I'm absolutely certain of that. Cardiff, who I think there's a gap between them and Plymouth, who are third bottom of the championship. They've had a difficult season. I think they beat Hull last time out. And I think they've taken a scalp or two in the FA Cup so far, Cardiff. But expect Villa at home to be too strong. If you...

As a player, you get to this stage, 16 teams left. Do you start to think about, oh, if we beat this team and then we might get in the quarterfinals, do you start to think about whether it's FA Cup or Scottish Cup? Do you start to think about what could be on the horizon?

Yeah, absolutely. We all dream, don't we, Ian? I don't know whether modern players do dream about the FA Cup. I don't know. I don't think. Well, of course they do. I'd be surprised. I think there's a, you know, I think that we all know that certain clubs view the FA Cup and just cup competitions in general differently to other clubs and don't take them as seriously as they once did because

But I think that there are a lot of teams involved in the FA Cup in the last 16, the likes of Brighton, the likes of Bournemouth. And I'd put Villa into that bracket. Villa are a bigger club than Bournemouth and Brighton, who would genuinely feel this is, you know, they've got a chance. They can beat anybody on their day. And I do think Villa come into that bracket. If they've had an issue this season, and it's a little bit, I may be wrong,

But it's a little bit like the way I view Manchester City. And I know Manchester City kept a clean sheet against Tottenham, but I think there's a softness about them at the back and they concede too many easy goals, Villa. But I think they'll be too strong for Cardiff. They conceded four in the Premier League against Palace a few days ago. And come on, let's talk about the thing that really matters here. So Villa go to Palace and get turned over. But the story of the night, or one of the stories of the night, was what happened at half-time.

So Aston Villa number two goalkeeper Robin Olsen is out warming up during the halftime interval. Only to find that he's doing his warm up in the penalty area where Palace had planned on holding a penalty shootout for some local kids. Now we see this a lot halftime at football matches these days, don't we? Things happening on the pitch involving the community, blah, blah, blah.

Palace and their officials asked Olsen to move to go and do his warm-up somewhere else, his practice somewhere else. And he said no. In fact, I'm not even sure he said no. I think he just ignored them and carried on. A fuss has ensued. I know which side of the fence I'm on with this, Chris, but I really want to know where you stand on this because you are generally quite heartless when it comes to things like this. LAUGHTER

I'm the emotional one of this partnership. So what would you have done if you were Robin Olsen? Robin Olsen is absolutely right. He is absolutely right to stand his ground. He is a professional footballer doing his job. And by the way, for people who are going to get wound up about this, people who have been wound up about this, there are two goals on a football pitch. There was another one at the other end, for God's sake. Take the kids down there.

do your bit down there, guys. Let the footballers get on with what they're paid to do. And that's exactly the way I saw it. It's, you know, it's not a kindergarten. I mean, you know, Robin Olsen, second choice at Villa, wants to do well, needs to be professional in that moment and practice how he wants to practice. I thought the guy on the mic was totally out of order. You know,

He played it, didn't he? Totally played it. Yeah, he did. And then he said, oh, we'll have to go down the other end. Oh, blimey. I mean, you know, big, big, big deal. But no, Olsen was right. But I think the Palace fans enjoyed the second half. Well, indeed, yeah. Yeah. I think it's interesting to find out, though, Lisa. I mean, you and I have always thought or presumed that, you know, Emiliano Martinez has...

was the biggest s***house, and that will need a bleep, was the biggest s***house in terms of goalkeepers at Aston Villa. It sounds like his number two is pretty much cut from the same cloth. But on this occasion, we are going to stick with Robin Olsen. Now, it's got me thinking about things I've seen at half-time. I was at Anfield yesterday for the Newcastle game, and there was a race at half-time. I was writing, I only had kind of

was vaguely aware of it. It's a race between two chaps. One was from St. Helens. Don't know where the other one was from. I don't know what they'd done to be on the pitch to do this race, but the two adults racing from one end, from one penalty box to the other penalty box. So they set it all up and they set off. The guy, one guy jumped the gun by about a second and a half and got to the other end.

got to the other end ahead of his rival, got there, started getting booed by the cop for blatant cheating. So they made them do it again. They made them do it again. I'm now thinking, oh my goodness, hamstrings are going to be popping here. It's a cold night. These guys are probably not in great shape. It's brilliant though and it's great entertainment. Made them do the race again. He did it again. Jumped the gun again. That's the old Father's Day trick at school, isn't it? Have I not told you this?

When the old father, did you run in the Father's Day race at school? They never call you back. Never call you back in the Father's Day race. So when they say on your marks, set, I just used to go because they never call you back. So you get five, 10 yards on the other dads. You used to go and still didn't, you still didn't win.

I lost one year, but I lost my last race on the line because I was showboating. I slowed down to let some other dads back in it, and then I lost on the line. Sophia was devastated. I tried to accelerate again, just didn't quite...

Didn't quite have the pace which I once had. And then bit the winning dad on the finger. I was once at Man City watching some surreal halftime entertainment. Jose Maria, a Lathabal, of course, fabulous Spanish golfer, former Ryder Cup captain, Masters winner, et cetera. I presume a mate of Pep Guardiola.

was invited onto the field at halftime at City to try and hit a pitching wedge from the centre circle towards the corner flag in the rain, wearing what I can only describe as his work, what you might describe as a pair of work shoes and put it to about three feet.

Put it to about three feet with his first go. So there you go. That's professional. That's half-time entertainment for you. Right, game from the Championship this weekend, FA Cup, Preston versus Burnley at Deepdale. Like I mentioned earlier, it sounds a bit like maybe something that could have been the final back in the 50s. Preston managed by Paul Heggingbottom. Nice to see him. Hang on a minute. When did Burnley win the FA Cup?

Burnley did win the FA Cup they definitely had an FA Cup final against Charlton back in the day and when did Preston win because you're talking about the 50s Burnley won it in 1913-14 season and

And Preston, 1888, 89 and 1937 to 38. And you're, you're bringing out false sort of 1950 stuff as a throwaway. That's lazy journalism, lady man. It's almost as though you'd been prepped on what the script for this podcast might, might be there, isn't it? Anyway, please just keep all the heck and bottom back. Obviously he struggled at Sheffield United last season. You and I got into his ribs a few times before he got sacked. And, um,

So Preston's run to this stage does show how, with a little bit of luck, the way that the FA Cup can open up for you. Preston so far have beaten two League One teams to get to this stage. They beat Charlton and then they beat Wickham on penalties.

at home but all of a sudden they've got a draw against another championship team they are at home they've got a shot they've got a shot at the quarter finals and that's how it can happen for you isn't it sometimes with a bit of kind of bit of application and a kind draw yes well I wouldn't say Burnley's a kind draw they don't well it could have been Manchester United away well

Well, that's a good draw, I think. Manchester United away. Most teams would be absolutely delighted. But you know my point. Point I'm making. Well, not Manchester United. They played the other week, didn't they? In one of the dullest games. 0-0. 0-0. This will be 0-0 in normal time. 0-0 in extra time.

And I think Burnley will win one nil on penalties, sudden death. And to continue this ridiculous remarkable run of not conceding any goals. Burnley are probably the only team on the planet who could get through a penalty shootout without conceding a goal. They, Scott Parker's team, have conceded one goal in 14 games since December the 21st. That was in the FA Cup, by the way, when they beat Reading 3-1. One goal in 14...

14 games. Absolutely extraordinary. The issue Burnley have, Ian, with this, like a lot of the Premier League sides, and I think Preston are a little bit different because I think they're sort of mid-table in the Championship, but Burnley will be thinking, you know, they want that promotion spot, don't they? Automatic, they'll be in the top six, but with Sheffield United and Leeds flying, I suspect Scott Parker will...

make a few changes. And this is the thing. Absolutely right. We've touched on this before about team selections, et cetera. There always seems to be a championship program midweek after FA Cup weekend that 100% affects selections that the managers make. There's not a full program next weekend, but both these teams are playing on Tuesday and

Burnley will be looking to get back into the top two, as you allude to there, Chris, and Preston play Swansea, who are immediately beneath him in the league. So they've both got plenty motivation to win those league games. And that is why I think we will both see Burnley

both managers feel understrength teams for this game. It's a shame, but that's the way it goes. You never know. We might be proved wrong. By the way, I watched that Sheffield United-Leeds game on Monday night, the championship game, top of the championship. Terrific entertainment. Leeds do look a very, very strong side, Chris. I don't know how much you've seen. Good manager. Good manager, Daniel Fox. Yeah, but they've got some Premier League quality in that team. They've got some quality coming off the bench.

I'd be very surprised if it wasn't Leeds and Sheffield United who go up. Although if Burnley don't concede any goals, then they'll have a say in that as well. Anyway, look, we've already covered some ground here, ground that I probably didn't expect to. I mean, I...

um, pets ashes in your living room. Anyone else done that? Anyone else found a particularly unique way? Is there anybody out there who, who loves animals? Anybody out there who's found a particularly unique way to mark the passing of a favourite pet? Um,

sent burners and missing fingers. I mean, blimey. Didn't expect to be talking about that today. But in terms of football, come on, Robin Olsen. Was he right? Should he have stood his ground? Was he right to stand his ground at Sellers Park? Should he have made way for the kids? Preston versus Burnley, weak teams or strong teams? Do let us know. You know who you can find us. You can find us on the socials. Find us on X, Ladyman and Sutton, stupid name and famous name. You can also go to Malesports social accounts at

X and Instagram and TikTok. We also have a growing YouTube channel. You can find excerpts from the show at all of those places. And of course you can leave comments at Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever it is you get that show. While you're there doing that, make sure you hit the follow button, leave us a rating. Some mentions here, Chris, these have come from Spotify. We talked, of course, at length on Monday about the Astor Young podcast.

dive VAR penalty, blah, blah, blah. You thought Astor Young didn't deserve his penalty. I didn't think that VAR should have got involved. This is from Zitco on Spotify. Chris has got it badly wrong on the Astor Young call. Once the penalty is given, VAR's jurisdiction is only if there is a clear and obvious error. Meanwhile, Meanwhile, JNS71 says, time for a podcast name change.

The Ian gushes over his beloved Liverpool show would be very appropriate. There are 19 other teams in the Premier League. Absolutely. And that love for Liverpool and the anti-Everton stance, which you've clearly taken this season, that's not on in my book.

I've come to evidence in a minute, more activity on my ex account last night after their heroic one-all draw at Brentford. Coutinho, spotting that comment about Liverpool on the pod, says, Liverpool are 11 points clear, which is more now. Liverpool are 13 points clear and the title race is over. What else are Ian and Chris supposed to do other than be gushing? I'm not a Liverpool fan, but they've taken the rest to the cleaners. You can have a bit more balance, though, to some of your stuff.

I think anyone who's accusing us of not trying to cover the breadth of the Premier League are probably a little bit unfair. This is an advertisement from BetterHelp.

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Man Utd play Fulham on Sunday. I'll be going to that one in the FA Cup. Fulham always seem to have opportunities to beat Manchester United because they never take them. Manchester United have beaten them twice this season. Yeah, and I was at both of them. I was at both of them and Fulham were in both games and would have come away from both games thinking, why didn't we get something out of it? You do get the feeling that if Fulham turn up, then...

It's there for them, don't you? United have beaten Ipswich 3-2 in the league on Wednesday night with 10 men, to be fair to them, got over the line. But opportunity knocks for a team who turns up at Old Trafford with a bit of ambition and a game plan, wouldn't you say? Yeah, it's really hard every week when you're thinking about predicting a Manchester United score to actually think that they're going to win a game. It's just, I don't know whether you feel the same. And, you know, often this season,

I've sort of stuck with Manchester United blindly in terms of predictions, really. And thinking, just thinking, because they're Manchester United, they're going to get over the line. I think Fulham are a better team. And people say, well, Manchester United have beat them this season. And it would be no surprise if Fulham went to Old Trafford.

under Marco Silva, and won comfortably. You just don't quite know what you're going to get from Manchester United, and that's the issue. They really lack consistency. And I can't... You'll have to help us with this. I can't remember the last time Manchester United...

uh played well for 90 minutes maybe arsenal in would it be yeah you know i was talking to somebody about this yesterday a united fan uh in the in the uh press room at anfield and we were saying the games at the united win you look at them and think blimey there were times in that game when you thought they wouldn't i think the best performance of the season was actually anfield when they drew two all yeah good they played really well that day um

At Arsenal in the cup when they won on penalties they with 10 men they gave it everything they worked their socks off they tried really hard but they also could have lost 4-1 you know Arsenal were particularly profligate that day but

But I tell you what, Fulham won't lack motivation. There was an FA Cup game two or three seasons ago that I was at at Old Trafford that Fulham could have won. Mitrovic got sent off, Mark of Silver, the manager, got sent off and United won it. So there's a few memories of Old Trafford that will drive Fulham, maybe. Ruben Amor in the Manchester United manager, as usual, always seems to be the case, has some issues to deal with. The latest one is regarding Alejandro Garnaccio, substituted in United's 3-2 win over Ipswich.

Tactical substitution. United had lost a player, Patrick Dorgu, their new defensive signing had been sent off. Amrim has got to shuffle things around to try and sort his team out. Sacrifices Garnaccio who walked straight down the tunnel. Amrim said afterwards, I'm going to talk about Garnaccio with that. You can ask me about it at the next press conference. Yeah.

It just sums up as another spoiled brat at Manchester United. So the sending off happens and somebody's going to be sacrificed. That's just, and it's normally a forward player, isn't it? Yeah. And Ganacho was the one, and yet he doesn't have the respect for his teammates to go and get his head down, jog off and sit on the bench. I've got to say, I think that's...

That's appalling. I don't know. I honestly cannot think of many players from my era, wasn't that long ago, who would have done that. I was going to ask you if you'd ever done it, had a hissy fit and been substituted. But there's different situations. So I can understand the frustration for being substituted. But when a manager is put in a situation like that, when a player is sent off,

and you're a player down, and everybody understands the manager has to have a sort of tactical plan in his mind and the way that he's going to set his team up to play, then normally it is a forward player who gets taken off. Have you ever done it? Have you ever had a hissy fit and been substituted? No. Have you not? No. Really? No. I was rarely substituted, Ian. I know you dig me out a lot, but...

Are you sure? Is that the truth, Lance? You never, ever had a pop at a manager or slam your boots down or threw your water bottle down on the bench after being substituted? Never?

Never once. No, I often did that when managers left me on. Why didn't you take me off? The managers were doing that for leaving you on when they got home. Yeah. No, I honestly think that it's different. What Garnaccio has done is different. You have to have that basic understanding. You understand that and you can understand players are frustrated, but it's about the team, isn't it?

And it certainly wasn't about the team for Garnaccio. It's, you know, he's just feeling sorry for himself how hard done by Amering was to him. And that's not a good look for Manchester United. And, you know, it's yet another...

sort of problem which frankly Manchester United don't need at this time I was talking to somebody at United about Garnaccio I think it was in the press room before that game at Old Trafford sorry the game at the Emirates the FA Cup game that they won on penalties I was talking to someone about Garnaccio and they were saying to me that largely he's a good lad and

And there's no one at United who believes that he's malicious or that he's a deliberate malcontent or that he has...

he has kind of unsavoury intentions or any Machiavellian thoughts or anything like that. They think he's just a bit sensitive and he can get a bit chippy and he's young and it's something that they're trying to get him to work on because I think fundamentally they think he's a good lad. You know, it's like Chris at football clubs. You know, if you've got a badden in the dressing room, you know, don't you? You know, kind of immediately almost. And I don't think there is that feeling with Garnett's show at all.

They feel that... What would you think if you're a senior player? Oh, absolutely. I'm not saying that... In that moment. And you would hope that Harry Maguire or Bruno Fernandes or somebody like that would take Garnaccio to one side and talk to him. I'm sure they've done that. I'm sure that Amram has done that. I'm sure that Eric Ten Hag did that previously. But the thing with Garnaccio is that there are repeat...

kind of repeat offences. They use that word kind of lightly, I suppose, or shouldn't use that word lightly, but there've been repeat incidents with Garnaccio on Instagram and things like that. This isn't the first time Amarim's been asked about him. And I must admit, I don't see him staying in the long term. I don't see him fitting into that system that Amarim plays, if Amarim stays. And I don't see him particularly fitting into

the spirit of that dressing room because it seems to be a little, unless he matures very, very quickly, I do see that maybe... You don't see many players staying at Manchester United after your sort of outburst on Monday that Bruno was next. Who is going to stay next season?

That wasn't an outburst, mate. It was just a theory when I suggested that he might be one that other clubs might look to pick off in the summer with United needing to sell players. Anyway, there we go. That's the FA Cup. There's a bit of midweek action that's important, Chris, obviously. Asked a lot. I suppose we...

Even I now think that the title race is probably pretty much done. Not your tips anymore. My tip. Monday, they'll be your tips. Drawing at Forest 0-0 after losing at home to West Ham that weekend, of course. Interesting exchange after that game at the city ground between Malesport's own Martin Vettel.

Keown working for TNT on this occasion asked the Forest manager Nuno Espirito Santo why he ditched his five at the back that he used when they beat Brighton 7-0 at home only played four defenders against Arsenal Nuno said very simply we didn't need five at the back because Arsenal don't have a striker that was a bit of a mic drop moment nothing beats a home truth

Yeah, it's not a mic drop moment. Why would you want three centre-halves? Seeming honesty. Yeah, anybody to mark. That whole Mourinho situation, game by game, it just absolutely baffles me, Ian. It really does. Well, who else are they going to play, though? Well, I mean, Raheem Sterling, you would hope, wouldn't you? Yeah, yeah. That's a sad state of affairs with Sterling. Touched on it before. Can City catch Arsenal? Seven-point gap between them.

Feels like a big period for Mikel Arteta. PSV and the Champions League away on Tuesday. I know you're going, as I said, I think I may be going. Big week again. I might not go if you're going. Yeah, just change your hotel. I'll find you. Don't worry, I'll find you. But go on, what do you think? A bit of pressure building on Arteta.

I still think he's done a good job. So do I. The expectation was to go one step further and there'll be those out there who are probably disgruntled and frustrated with this season because they did seem that they were moving in the right direction. And look, it's still been an OK season. Liverpool have...

have just been phenomenal, haven't they? They're, you know, Arnaud Slott taking over and them hitting the heights which they have hit. I mean, I still don't think, you know, at warrants, sacking Arteta and, you know, a new voice in and what have you, that would be madness. He's done a pretty good job. I think there are lessons to be learned, though.

Yeah, absolutely. And we know what they are. We've talked about them before. I mentioned City catching Arsenal. Tongue-in-cheek a little bit, but it's a seven-point gap. They've just won at Tottenham. City are still in the FA Cup. They play Plymouth at home on Saturday. Tottenham are not. Of course, they lost at Villa in the last round. And Postacoglu, always quotable. This was his comment when he was asked about Tottenham

One of his players, can't remember who it was actually, one of his players assists in the recent win at Ipswich.

Posse Clogger says, the assist is the most useless statistic in world football. Seriously, it could come off your backside, someone falls to somebody on the halfway line, he scores and it's an assist. So it doesn't impress me. What do you make of that? And what's your, what is the statistic in football that you pay least attention to?

That was a really good comment from Poster Cogley, wasn't it? It should be assists which players mean, shouldn't it? Because there are, you know, missed touches and what have you, which are given as assists and they shouldn't be given as assists. I'm still not mad on the old XG, really, because expected goals don't really matter. That's not the point of football. But the thing I used to hate was...

was the ground distance covered by players. I might have said this before. Alan Thompson used to do doggies when there was a throw-in to get his running stats up.

You might need to explain that. Get his kilometres up. For several reasons. I don't want to talk about footballers and doggies. But no, seriously, what do you mean? What, so he used to run up and down? So, you know, after the game, you get, you know, people run 12 and a half kilometres, 13 kilometres, 14 kilometres. So when the ball went out of play, he would get his running stats up by carrying on running, doing a little run up and back and up and back to get his metres up. Clever.

Clever. It's interesting that. It's interesting. I'm going to tell you a little story in a minute. But the thing that used to annoy me in football and still does, you don't see it that often, is players who score a goal and then like get the ball out of the net and run back to the centre circle like really fast.

as if it's like going to impress the teacher. You know what I mean? Just celebrate with your mates. Depends on what the score is. If you're losing 2-1, I mean, what would you... Never liked it. Never liked it. And we'll tell you a story. Quickly, this podcast is running on, but you know, my theory is always, if it's working, carry on. I think this one's working. So, although the listeners will be the judge of that. Stats, GPS stats. We know how it works. Players wear GPS straps and vests and everything to monitor heart rate and distances covered, etc.,

Sam Allardyce once told me a story. I can't remember the player, but I'm not sure of the player. Sam Allardyce once told me a story. Let me get this right. Yes, I know who it was. So when he was manager at Bolton, Ian Marshall, who I think played at Bolton, obviously played at Leicester, but I think played at Bolton. Yeah, Ipswich. Yeah. Ian Marshall, centre-half? Centre-forward and centre-half. No, centre-forward and centre-half. Yeah, I'm talking to one of those. Right, so Ian Marshall is injured.

He's injured. And Sam, despite the way that some people like to label him as a bit of a Luddite, was actually anything but. Very in the vanguard of a lot of football technology, Sam, back in the day. Liked to try things, liked to experiment with things that a lot of people take for granted now. One of them was GPS stats, etc. Marshall had been injured.

And the physio and Sam sent him home with his GPS monitor and told him to keep it on because they wanted to be sure that he was doing the exercise that he needed to do while he was away from the football club.

Came back after the weekend. The doctor comes in, says to Sam, says, Sam, you're not going to believe Marshall's stats. It's unbelievable. It's like he's been out on hill sprints and he's covered endless meters. What the hell is he doing? He's injured. He's going to be a wreck. So they get Marshall in. Allardyce says to him, Ian, what have you been doing? These stats are off the chart, mate. And he looks a bit kind of, looks a little bit shocked.

little mumbles under his breath a little bit. He says, come on, you can't be doing this. You're going to do yourself an injury. Eventually confesses that he put it on the dog. He got home and put it, he got home and strapped it to the dog. So then...

So there you go. Brilliant. You lost the GPS. Right, okay, yeah, stats. I'm coming around to XG. Don't admit it. Coming around to XG a little bit. It doesn't matter. Completed passes. That's what I hate. Completed passes. What does that mean? You can knock the ball back across the back for all day if you want and never go anywhere. Right, come on. I mentioned at the start of the show, where's the George Weir track sheet? You told me about three weeks ago that George Weir... Yeah, I need to find out. Hang on.

Let me explain to people who might not have listened. You told me that when you were playing with George Weir at Chelsea back in the day, he gave you a tracksuit, a bling tracksuit as a birthday present. Bought me.

He bought me it. Yeah, bought you it. That's what he said. Bought you it for your birthday. Where is it? You said you were going to find it and wear it. Where is it? I've got other jobs. I'm not like you. I don't have one job. Right, okay. No, I've not looked for it. I will ask the powers that be in the house to find it. You don't even know where you keep your own clothes.

I'm embarrassing. I don't dress myself. What goes on in your house? People criticise me on television. That's my wife, Sam's fault. What goes on in your house? Seriously? You don't know where your own clothes are. You're 50 years old. Yeah. No, I know where they are, but it's just I don't coordinate very well.

Even though I was a model for Top Man back in the day, but hey, you can't have everything. Before they went bust. Another subject to explore between now and the season's end. Thank you, everybody, sticking with us. We have travelled quite a road during the last 38 minutes. Hope we didn't upset anybody. I just want to show you. For those of you... We've got Bernie's ashes. Is this Bernie? You can't see. He's getting another. Oh, he's got Bernie. Oh, Bernie. So he did die eventually. Is the guy's finger in that box?

Not a nice man, that, to ask for a dog to be put down over an accident. Awful. Not a nice man, and also these days, not a man who can count beyond nine using the fingers of his own hands. Thanks for being with us, everybody. It's not true. It's been a pleasure. We'll be back on Monday, and we'll see you then.