Barney’s Remixed Doechii!
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BBC Radio 1. Radio 1's All Day Breakfast. With Greg James. Hello and welcome to Thursday's Radio 1 All Day Breakfast podcast. Yesterday we gave you goats, we gave you a double funeral and something else weird as well. What was the other weird thing we did yesterday? Cabs and arsonation. Oh yeah, some two sit in the front of a cab. Today we bring you a ghostly apparition in the shape of Scott Mills. No.

We bring you a dog remix of Dochi. Dog, Dogchi? Dochi? Barnchi? Barney? There's a pun in there somewhere. Not a very good one. Plus, we talk to Matt Edmondson and Jeremiah Asiyama about Monday's plans. We do everyone's rubbish with...

a teacher on half term who was really rubbish and we get other teachers to tell her don't worry I'm rubbish as well we have a quiz with someone called Molly and what else have I missed anything else no I think Thursway Thursway as well Thursway was great fun today why are you laughing at me I'm sorry sorry Billy was trying to take his jumper off oh he just got

Oh, Billy. Billy, come through. Come through. Come through. Come through. Come through. We're doing the podcast. This is Billy's first appearance on The Breakfast Show podcast. In fact, Billy, you've done... We've obviously... We've met before. We've hung out before. We've done karaoke before, Billy. Yeah. But you've not been on The Breakfast Show before, have you, on a shift? No, never. It's been great having you on today. Have you enjoyed it? Thank you. What have you learnt today? Um...

about how the team operates or yeah I've learnt how to deal with a presenter with sometimes with quite tough demands and yeah that's fair enough got to swing it there Billy back at your Billy is sort of joking but back in the old days

the position that you're currently holding today that you used to have to go out and get the breakfast order for breakfast presenters of the old days and they would have to bring back sausages yeah yeah Liberty you never got me a breakfast order I did have to go to France when? like two years ago oh

Oh, that was one. That's a one-off. That was a one-off. It was a one-off. It was a one-off. Anyway, Billy, I wanted to, you know, we'll start actually, I think, with your suggestion. We were talking about what was making you laugh and you in the morning meeting today, what did you suggest? Well, I suggested on the EastEnders 45th anniversary edition yesterday, Anita Dobson, star of the late Sims of Doctor Who, she was very good in that, and, you know, wife to Brian May, she turned up in it as returning as a kind of fan favourite character.

After about 40 years. Yeah, she had not been in for 37 years. And the idea of a ghost coming back to EastEnders was making us laugh a lot. So we'll start actually with all the latest things which features that bit. EastEnders live. 40th anniversary today. Happy birthday, old gal. Happy birthday, you old car. You know, you can call EastEnders an old car. That's what they say because they can't swear in EastEnders. They go, you old car. Or they might say git, maybe. Maybe.

So it's either happy birthday, you old care. Happy birthday, you old git. So tonight, live episode. Very, very, very excited for it. You can choose who Denise ends up with. It's interactive. Don't give us the power. We don't know what we're doing. We're stupid. We're the viewers. Don't let us decide. But they're gonna. You can either get her to end up with Ravi or Jack.

And also you can name Sonia's baby Tony or Julia, because those are the two people that created EastEnders back in the day. And then there was that episode last night where a ghost appeared.

Now, this is amazing. Look, everyone needs to have the confidence of EastEnders just to go, do you know what? We're going to bring back Angie Watts from the dead and she's going to talk to Sharon. Have a little chin wag. Hello, darling. I've missed you so much.

So she comes back and Sharon is sort of stuck under the exploded Queen Vic. Angie returns from the dead and encourages her not to die. I've been watching over you. Let me tell you, you are doing just fine on your own. But you've got to be strong for me now, Sharon. Do you understand me? You've got a lot of life yet. Don't throw it away. Don't waste it like I did. So don't.

It's interesting because actually the ghost of Scott Mills appeared to me in A Dream. He's not dead. But he offered me similar advice about not moving to Radio 2. You've got a lot of life to live. Don't throw it away.

Don't waste it like I did. So, don't give up. Ooh. Lovely performance from Scott there. There you go, Billy. Your idea turned into a Scott Mills ghost. How about that? That is how the breakfast show morning meeting works. Someone suggests something and we go, let's make that stupid. Next up, let's go actually back to the start of the show and it's

Well, something fun from Toni Collette and The One Show. Toni Collette, you know, legendary actor Toni Collette? I do. She was on The One Show and she did this noise of... She did an impression of a kettle. Have you heard this? I don't think I have, actually, no. Check this out. This guy's on the show. LAUGHTER

That round of applause is appropriate as well. That's her. Yeah, that's her mouth. Wow. And I watched that and because my brain is so full of breakfast show things, I immediately thought she should be on yesterday's quiz because I'd be giving that four points. If I said do an impression of a kettle and someone did this, I'd burst. I'd say that's four points. That's five. Have you ever heard a five point noise before?

No, I think actually, I think you're right. That might be it. It's the first five point noise. Yeah. I don't think anyone listening can do a better one than that. Actually, I challenge you. And if you just, if you just have got an old fashioned kettle and you record that, I will be very cross. And you don't want to make, you don't want to make me cross. Let me tell you. Can you do an impression of that, Callum? I don't think I can do a kettle impression. If I do it, will you do it? Sure. Okay. I'm sort of doing that. I can't really whistle anymore. What's going on here? I'm doing the old man noise. Yeah. Yeah.

Hello. How's it going? This is a Radio 1 Breakfast show. That's a look into 30 years time. 40 years time. 40? Sorry, 30. We'll be done. We'll be done by the night for it.

Anyway, let's keep it cheerful. A few minutes later, a man called Jay turned up and he was a bit cross with me. Greg, please stop. Please. I'm milking the cows in Devon and I am covered in poo. They don't like whistles. Don't like kettles. I'd like a cup of tea, but I've got a little bit of poo in my cup of tea now. What, because of this? Yes, mate. Really? Yeah, they do not like it. That frequency makes them go.

No, it's good. 40 minutes washing down now, mate. Thanks. Wow. We're learning a new thing. I'm sorry, but we are learning from you, Jay. So that's useful, isn't it? I guess. Yeah. Sorry about the mess, but we'll, yeah, I'll stop it. Can you do one? Can you do a whistle while you're on the phone?

He's reluctant, isn't he? Anyway, Jay, sorry about that. Have a good day. Cheers, mate. And send my best to the cows. And next on The Breakfast Show podcast, it's time for Everyone's Rubbish. This is the part of the show where we make someone feel a lot better about being rubbish. It's part of being human. Things go wrong all the time. It's fine. We'll celebrate them. We'll find some people that have done things. You know the old phrase, there's always someone worse off than you. Well, we will attempt to find them.

Ashley is in Harrogate and she's a teacher and has an Everyone's Rubbish involving teacher things and

As this voice note goes on, you'll... Here's my impression of a news reporter. There's a real sense of impending doom. There really is a real sense of developing sadness. As you listen. So listen and be prepared for something bad. Here we go with Ashley's story. A few years ago, there was a little boy in my class who wasn't allowed cake or any sugary things for pudding.

So you'd get a gorgeous fruit plate for pudding each day. You'd have like watermelon, pineapple, strawberries.

and every day I would watch him put his whole watermelon in the bin. Okay, so far so good. So Ashley's a teacher, we've established that. At lunch, a small child is not eating his watermelon from his fruit plate. Let's continue. So one day, as he was going to put it in the bin, I took the watermelon and he just kind of stared at me with big massive eyes but said nothing. And I said, well, if you're not going to eat it, someone else might have it.

And I carried on doing this for, I don't know, days, weeks. Okay, so weeks go by and Ashley's eating the leftover watermelon. Can you feel the sense of dread? There's something brewing here, isn't there? One day, a little Irish dinner lady saw me taking it from his plate

She gave me a funny look, so I said, "Oh, he just chucks it in the bin every day." And she replied. She replied? What did she reply? Everyone brace. Aye, sure. He just sucks the juice out and then throws it in the bin every day. Okay, there it is. There it is. There it is. Aye, sure. He just sucks the juice out and then throws it in the bin every day. All right.

So there we have it. We knew something was coming. So I'd been eating the watermelon carcass that had already had all the juice sucked out by a child. That was the last of my mind sweeping. All right. That was the last of my mind sweeping is a really good closer. So she thought she was being good. You know, it's not waste food, guys. Little did she know the boy had been, and I quote, sucking the juice out of it.

Ashley can't be the only one with a rubbish teacher story. I want to hear yours, please. Let's open it up. It's a half-term special. Abbey. What I used to do when nobody was looking is I used to take the ribs out, suck the sauce off and then just pop them back in there and my unknowing mum would eat all of my leftover sucked ribs. Oh, Abbey, that's disgusting. Vinnie, good morning. Morning. Welcome to The Breakfast Show. What would you like to add to the everyone's rubbish? Exactly.

So I stood up.

I stood up to like splash them back. So I'm like hammering the water with the oar and the canoe started to wobble and we all fell in. And one of the kids had glasses on and the glasses came off, went to the bottom of the canal. So I like had my hands on the canal and I could feel the bottom of it trying to look for these glasses.

Oh, poor kid.

And also poor you, because you want to make sure everyone's having a nice time and you want to be like, look, I'm not just a stuffy teacher, like we can have a laugh as well, but when it goes too far... And I imagine, Vinny, you sort of forgot yourself for a minute and you're like, well, I like a little battle. This is quite good fun. But then you realise, oh no, hang on a second, I'm a teacher, there's a student, this is important that I'm...

Yeah, I thought I'd best probably stop there, to be fair, or else this is going to get out of hand. You know what I mean? Suddenly you realise that you're not with the lads in the pub. It's actually a load of kids. Yeah, yeah. All right, enjoy the rest of that. Let's get some more voice notes. Alex? My everyone's rubbish moment is when the child told me, oh, my dog's eating my homework. And keeping him in for detention later to be told by the parent that the dog had actually eaten his homework.

I felt dreadful and the parent continued to complain to me. - Jess has got something to say. - I was once at the Hayward Gallery in London and there was a fire alarm, so we all had to exit. And I saw this big group of people being shimmied away down the road, so I just followed them. And then I just noticed that they kept looking back, it was all these teenagers, and they were like muttering to themselves and laughing. And then they stopped, the teacher explained what to do next, and I had joined a school group.

Good, good, everyone's rubbish is today. Ashley, I hope you feel a lot better about your rubbishness. Next up, let's hear from Matt Edmondson and Jeremiah Asiyama. Good morning, Gregory. Morning. Welcome to the Radio 1 Breakfast Show. Very nice to have you on. So all this month on Radio 1, we are doing Mondays differently. We're making them more mega and more massive.

I've been receiving some unnecessarily large letters explaining the nature of the next Mega Massive Monday. And today I've been given another envelope, the letter today, again in A3, which does feel insulting, does feel like they're saying that I'm old and I can't see. Dear Radio 1 presenter, bit generic, we want to end Mega Massive Mondays with a wallop.

Oh, okay. That's why you two are on. They'll go head-to-head throughout the day, pitching their tracks to the Radio 1 listeners with the aim of being crowned Mega Massive Battle Tracks Champion 2025. Oh, Greg, you will not be competing.

Instead, we'd like you to... Again, this is rude. Again, we'd like you to don a bow tie and referee the first battles of the day.

Okay, it makes sense why you've been booked onto the show today. So, Matt and Jerry, talk to me about Battle Tracks. Tell people what it is in case they haven't heard it. Where do we start, Jerry? Well, I guess...

On Mega Massive Monday, it's going to be like the Radio 1 musical Hunger Games, right? It's kill or be killed because you're going to go up against another presenter.

and you're going to try and get a track that you love played. But the problem is you can't tell the judge what the track is or who it's by. You just have to sell it with passion and you have a limited amount of time, right, Jerry? You've got 30 seconds to do so and you just have to sell it the best way you can. Shall we hear who the first people to take the stand are? Please. Yeah, I'm intrigued. Matt, I'm going to press a button and it's going to reveal who you are battling first. You ready? Yeah.

Charlie Hedges. Oh. That is bad news for me. That's really bad. Honestly, I would buy anything from Charlie. She's very persuasive. She's a perfect salesperson. She's very endearing as well. She could put on the heartstrings. She's likeable, which is a quality I struggle to achieve. And, Gerry, your battle is going to be... Dean. Dean.

Oh, okay. Yeah, I don't know about this. I mean, Dean Famous, he does like leaving things first. So it could well be him knocked out. Could be. You know, it was there for everyone to see on ITV. I'm just saying.

Good. So what do I need to do as the referee? Why can't I play? This is sad. What sort of referee stuff can I do? Hang on, Greg, are you going to be judging whose track gets played? No, it's very much the listeners that will decide. So basically, when they say referee for you, you're doing nothing. But Greg, you could almost become like Michael Buffer and just have the most iconic let's get ready to rumble voice of all time. I can definitely...

Let's go away to buttocks. That's all. Yeah, I like that. It's either that or you're playing the triangle in the school orchestra. Somewhere in between the two, maybe.

All right, well, I'm looking forward to the inevitable chaos. If you've got 16 presenters in the same place, it's usually a nightmare, but fun to listen to. So we look forward to Monday. We'll start it at eight o'clock, I guess, on Monday morning. Let the battle begin. Time now for a quiz. And here comes Molly. Hi, Greg. Welcome to yesterday's quiz. Welcome to The Breakfast Show. I've got a mad fact file about you.

So what's Harriet's obsession with telling me about your swimming abilities? Or lack of for me. I don't know what her obsession is, but I can't swim for... I couldn't even save my life, I don't think. I would drown. It's definitely a useful skill. But I mean, how often are you in water?

Never. I don't put myself on water for that exact reason. You don't necessarily need it. You don't need to. It's a lovely thing to do, but I don't think Harriet should be having a go at you. She also told everyone that your mum's not a very good swimmer. Where does Harriet get off with this? Is she a good swimmer? What's going on with her? I don't think she's that good. She's been a bit chippy for my liking, this swimming thing. Anyway, more importantly, you are a stick insect parent. Not by choice. Ah, okay.

Go on. Harriet buys them for us. We've had Gabe, who's named after Gabe from the US office. He died and then she decided to treat us at Christmas with two more. Right. Harriet's weird, isn't she? I hate them. Yeah. LAUGHTER

Yeah, buying you a gift that you hate is a weird... Is she a big sister or a little sister? She's the middle sister. I'm the youngest. Middle sister. Okay. So she was ignored, essentially. So she's trying to make her way in the world through doing things like this. Anyway, just as a side note, Gabe from the US office, underrated good character. He's very, very good. Yeah. Because you came quite late in the run, didn't you? And you're a bit like, oh, who's this newcomer? But actually very, very funny. Yeah.

Yeah, I do like him. But not the stick insect. Not the stick insect. But he's dead now, so don't worry. You don't have to worry about him anymore. Yesterday's quiz is about to happen. We've got loads of questions about stuff that happened yesterday. Molly, are you ready for it? I am so ready. 15. Actually, no, 13 or more, and you're in the final tomorrow. Here we go with your questions on the quiz. Do I have some dingers? There we go. 19.

90 seconds. Your time starts when you give me your first answer. Which singer of Espresso and Taste announced a new date for her Hyde Park shows with Clairo and Olivia Dean? Sabrina Carpenter. Yes! We're off. It was actress Millie Bobby Brown's birthday. What sci-fi Netflix show does she star in? Stranger Things. Correct. It was National Tug of War Day. But what do you tug on in a tug of war? A rope. Yes! Sports car singer Tate McRae had a listening party for her upcoming album. Do your best impression of a sports car.

Good, a couple of points for that. The James Webb telescope discovered that a supermassive what is blowing bubbles? It's a great answer. Sadly not. It's a black hole is the answer we're looking for. It was a big night in the Champions League where Man City faced Real Madrid. What country is Real Madrid... Well, which country are they in from? Spain. Yes. Beyonce and Levi's have released a new campaign together. What was the name of her country album called?

Cowboy Carter. Correct. The Queen Vic exploded in which BBC One soap last night that's celebrating its 40th anniversary? EastEnders. Yes, it was Chapel... Oh, I've just said Chapel Row and did that. I'll give you a point for that. What day was it yesterday? Wednesday. It was. K-pop singer Jennie from Blackpink has announced her solo album. It includes a duet with which Levitating and Houdini singer? Dua Lipa. Yes. Aston Villa drew with Liverpool in the Premier League last night. Which Radio 1 festival is being held in Liverpool this year?

Big weekend. Correct. Which Lady Gaga song reached 100 million streams on Spotify, Abracadabra or Open Sesame? Abracadabra. Yes. London Zoo is celebrating after a baby boom of endangered small mammals, including the Saki monkey. Name a famous monkey. Marcel from Friends. A great one. Yes, a very good one. We didn't have that down on our list.

And you're done. That is the quiz done. The Chapel Row question, which I gave the answer to, was it was her birthday yesterday. That's the latest news. How do you think you did? I don't know. Oh, that felt really intense. I'll say that. Yeah. It's designed that way. That's what I want everyone to feel like. You're in the final. You got 14. Yes! Yes! Yes!

My goal was to beat Harriet, if I'm honest. Well, you have got an opportunity tomorrow to beat her. So Alice is no longer needed tomorrow. Your mum's not needed tomorrow. It's just you and Harriet, head to head. The loser gets to keep the stick insects.

Oh, that's a good idea. I think that's what should be on the line. Speak to you tomorrow, Molly. Have a good day. Speak to you tomorrow. Bye. Rest up. And now, Charlie Hedges joined me, Melvin O'Doom joined me, and the great Tony Woods joined me for Thursday. We've got Charlie Hedges, we've got Melvin O'Doom, and let's not forget about the great Tony Woods. Yeah. Don't know why we've... This was a nice tradition, this, isn't it? Yeah. This is how you and I communicate. LAUGHTER

In the office, we communicate through, hey! Yeah, all the time. Tony's all busy making sure the whole building works, all the radio stations actually are live. And then when I see him at 8 o'clock every morning and I go out for a little wee, I just go, Tony, hey!

Tony, what are you meant to be doing right now? Like, every Thursday when you come in here, what should you be doing? Preparing for a meeting with Radio 2 at 10 o'clock. Oh, gosh. Oh, oops. No, they can wait. That's all right. They can wait. Priorities. Yeah. That's a late start for them, isn't it? Yeah, and for me, actually. OK, so today's Thursday track is LMFAO Party Rock Anthem. Come on.

Let's begin. Going to London to see Wicked today. Whey! Olivia starts us off. On the way to Yeovil from London to hang up a sign. Whey! Let's go. Just moved into my first home. Whey!

Lottie, thank you. No work today. Wee! Oh, wee! Wee! Okay, let's go. I'm going to see my friend Tate, who I haven't seen in six months. Wee! Nice one, Ellen. My daughter and I are going to the Pokemon European Championships tomorrow. Wee!

Got to catch them all. Stop. Hating is bad. All right, Eva. I'm going to my friend's birthday party which is in the swimming pool. Way! Nice one, Eva. It's payday Friday. Way!

What else? Daddy's off work for the day and we're all heading down to Whipsade Zoo. Tamsin! We're going to Glastonbury. Way! Bit early, but...

LMFAO. Every day I'm shuffling. Great one on today's Thursday. I just had to, we called back Tamsin's mum just to get permission to play Tamsin's voice note on the radio. And I spoke to Tamsin and I said, please say hello to the cows. So she's going to go and say hi to the cows in Glastonbury for us today. We're going to Glastonbury. Whee!

Love it. Great one this week. Yeah. We're not done. Oh, what? There's so many. There's so many lyrics in that song. I don't want to interrupt. I don't know. You don't want to interrupt Red Fu. It's the right thing to do. When he's not in flow. Turned up for a day of what I thought was going to be a busy shift. Only got a few stops on my delivery. Going to be an early one. Woo!

Whee! Whee! Next one. Our dog, Gregory James, didn't die when he ate half a huge Bakewell tart. Whee! Whee! Morbid, but whee! Dog called Gregory James. She said huge dog. Named after you, no? That's so nice. Must be. I also do love a Bakewell tart. EastEnders live episode this evening. Whee! Whee! Yeah, EastEnders live tonight. It's going to be good. Have they ever said any naughty words on a done live show?

What on EastEnders? EastEnders Live. They rehearsed it loads beforehand, so I don't think so. We still have Slippery, though. Very true. I'll be watching. Tony Wood deals with live all the time. Can you imagine the logistics involved, Tony, with a live EastEnders episode tonight?

No. That sigh, that weary sigh was because you imagined how many meetings they've all had to do. Can you imagine? Heart goes out to them. Good luck to everyone at EastEnders for the live episode. OK, next one. It's the Parkers here. We're driving down to London to go to the Natural History Museum for half term. Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!

Oh, perfect delivery from the park. I like the reverb on their voice as well. Very nice, wasn't it, that? What else we got? I'm going to Daddy's work. Oh. Classic half term. Yeah. Do you want to come to work with Daddy? No. Katie and Zach. Katie and Zach driving down to Brighton for Holly and Marcus' joint 30th birthday. Whee! A couple more. I overslept yesterday, but not today.

Thanks, Susie. I'm taking my 90-year-old grandad out to West Bay. Whey! Whey! All right, one more. My name is Sophie. I'm an adult. I drive into the Isle of Man and I'm going to a Wicked workshop. Whey! That's great. That's really fun. Wow. Yeah. Make sure you hold space for it today, Sophie. Off to your Wicked workshop. Whey!

And that was Thursday today. Melb, did you enjoy it? Loved that, man. Hey, and remember... What's that? Hate is bad. Isn't it? What a lie. It is bad. It is terrible. I'd like to make Tony Wood famous.

Slowly but surely trying to do that. It's one of these amazing people in the world that deserves to be famous. He'd be good as a good reality TV contestant, maybe, wouldn't he? I think you should publish all his emails, the Passag ones in the book. What's Tony's emails? Oh, they're iconic. He'd be like, thank you. I'll get you some. Thank you so much to whoever left me a message. Oh, the sort of Passag stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it.

Okay, read out an internal email that's definitely not allowed, but read out an internal email. Here we go. Here is the emails. Chewing gum in the mix. Hi all. Unwanted gift left in 82C under the turntable. Now attached is a picture of some gum.

Congrats to Bleep, who was first to get there to remove this well-used gum to the bin, which was all of about 15 inches outside the studio door. Some people have all the luck. Thanks. Oh, yeah, lovely bit of Passag, that. Lovely. I've got some other good ones. Yeah, but that's what Tony's job is like, having to sort of clean up after people. But it's not his job, but that's why he's a true legend.

As we read the final Tony Wood email of the podcast, we should bring it to a close. Let's bring this thing home. Do you want to do Banshee? Oh, we didn't do Banshee. No, we didn't play Banshee. Oh, yeah, of course we just do that. Yesterday, I was talking to you about listener Sarah's idea for making a breathing mega mix of Docey's Denial is a River and matching it up with Fontaine's DC Starbuster because there's a lot of breathing going on in songs at the minute.

Everyone loves breathing. Everyone needs a thing. And it seems like the thing at the minute is... That was Starburster. Our audio wizard, Sam, worked wonders on that. Listener Danny, one of our favourite listeners, suggested that we change part of the Denial Is A River song to include My Dog Barney.

So last night, like a good little student, I was with Barney on the floor, as I often am of an evening, and I was giving him a big belly rub. That was his favourite thing because, you know, I can... When you get to know your pets, you can play them like an instrument. I know exactly what to do to Barney to get a certain noise out of him. I know exactly what he needs. I know exactly what he needs.

It's sort of an amazing thing that I never really... I didn't know I missed it in my life. That you can have this non-verbal relationship with an animal. You know exactly what you... I know that if I... If I strike him on the back, if I grab his hips, he'll immediately collapse his legs, flop onto his side, roll onto his back, and start going... Like that. So I thought, I'm just gonna... I'm sorry, Barney, I'm gonna film this for content. On his back...

Fingers into the ribs. I know my boy. You can play him like a flute. Big stretch. Lovely. Yeah, lovely. Oh, yeah. That is a happy dog. That is a happy spoiled dog.

So I then sent the audio over to our audio wizard, Sam. And here comes the first play of the Dochi Barney remix of Deny There's a River. You can all breathe with Barney. Why don't you just tell me what's been going on? Okay.

There we go. And as my dog oinks, it signals the end of today's Breakfast Show podcast. I'll be back tomorrow with all the usual Friday things. We'll do wrong ones. We'll do the final of yesterday's quiz. We'll get you up to date with all the latest things. We'll have some anthems if you're listening live. It's going to be great. So come back tomorrow. Goodbye.