Ways Not Woos or Poos
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This BBC podcast is supported by ads outside the UK. BBC Radio 1 Radio 1's All Day Breakfast with Greg James. Hello and welcome to Thursday's Radio 1 All Day Breakfast podcast. I'm back. Yay. And we dive straight into it. Hey, good morning. Well, that was annoying inconvenience. Oh, look who it is. Oh, God.

It was all going so well on Monday as well. And I was struck down. And I'm back. I feel like I'm maybe 75%. Okay, good. That's enough. I was sick of sitting around. Thank you to Matt Edmondson and to Jerry for the last couple of days filling in while I was...

Feeling so mad. I was so delirious on Tuesday. Oh, really? I got home after Monday's show and was like, ooh, I think I might be... I'm spiralling here. And then I heard that, well, everyone knows what's been going on because Matt and Gerry have been saying it. They've not been very subtle about it. Vinuri, who works on this show, has put together a compilation. He's down. Man down, man down. Where's he down? I think it's the toilet. LAUGHTER

Hello to Betty, the digger driver in the Galloway Forest, who says, good morning, gents. Hope you have hand sanitiser. Greg and his bum could take down the station if not. He did lay the groundwork yesterday. That isn't a euphemism. All right, don't worry. The night that Ben gets a runny bum like Greg and you get to take over, there'll be a standing ovation. We're back, baby. Great.

Something's still wrong with Greg's digestive system.

Ross, the teacher says, has Greg still got his head in a toilet? I don't think it's his head we need to worry about, Ross. It's a very strange job, this, isn't it? Nothing's a secret, Omar. Very weird. You can't just slink away for a couple of days and be a bit poorly. It has to be broadcast. But, you know, it's all fair game. And Matt knows that I would do exactly the same to him, so that's fine. Anyway, it's very nice to be back. And, yes, all is fine. There is no mercy.

Is there ever? There's no mercy. And that is that's actually that's exactly how it should be. Just constant ribbing for being off a couple of days. Just unbelievable amount of poo jokes, toilet jokes, references, unbelievable stuff. I don't know if I'm ready to laugh about it yet because I still feel weird. But Sunil, the sports therapist, says, Greg, have you got extra songs lined up just in case? And now here's six songs in a row. Yeah.

Danny's been on and says, when you get an upset tummy, do you still sleep bare bottom or do you wear a safety pair of underwear? I'm just a joke to you people. Yes, I actually do. You know what? I do. My trousers are up. Yeah, I do. Esther in Knott says, I'm genuinely interested, Greg. What's the protocol for phoning in sick at Radio 1?

Is it like at school when your parents have to call up the office? I don't know. No, it's not. Yes, I get my mum to call up. I get my mum to call Aled. Say, Craig, he's got a bully belly. He's not coming in.

Robinson Somerset, morning to you. We've got Joe's busy chippy, who's calling me Greg Strains, which is a bit of a reach, but it's okay. Jordan the Sparky, hi to you. We've got Aaron Huddersfield, morning. Morning, morning, morning. Brandon, the water safety guy. We needed you. He's in Buckinghamshire at the moment. We needed you in North London, mate.

So there you go. All fine. All back. Loads of fun things on today's breakfast show. I feel like the adrenaline is dropping. I was spiking and now I'm dropping. So let me keep it going to do the best bits. And what was your favourite bit of today's show, everyone? Thursday was pretty fun, wasn't it? Susie was good. Top of the Shops was good. Top of the Shops was good. Glastonbury Fun. I mean, loads of stuff. Top of the Shops with Sam and Danny. We'll start things off. Sam and Danny. Hello. Hello.

Two for the price of one. Your new show. Fantastic. Yes, it's on. Thank you. You know I love you both dearly. Thank you. And we love you. We've had so much fun. It was a great start. What was your favourite new thing you did? So we have launched a Radio 1's drive-thru. At the weekend, a lot of people hung over, wanting to get a bit of a snack. Yeah. Of Radio 1...

We can't really give up burgers and chips and all the rest of it. But what we can serve up is some Big Bangers. Yeah, so basically, you give us your order. We serve you up a song. You pick one between Sam and Danny. You make sure we don't fall out, hopefully. And we have a bit of fun with it. Yeah. Like that. Like that a lot. We create you a song to your custom order. That's our job on the weekends, one till four. Sam and Danny's brand new show, Friday, Saturday and Sunday, one till four. Make sure you're listening. And we thought we'd get you on today to celebrate you, but also maybe to make you fall out. Ooh.

It's always nice when we hear a little bit of bickering between you two. It doesn't take much. No. Depends what mood I'm in. Yeah. I like the bickering. And we're going to do a game which we haven't done for ages. Because...

Because this time of year, supermarkets tend to send out their emails saying, congratulations, you're the number one buyer of carrots in Crawley or something like that. And that's been happening. So people have been sending in their items that they're the number one buyer of in their local area. And we had a game which we did ages ago called Top of the Shops and it's back. Yes.

Are you a frequenter of a particular supermarket or are you disloyal? It's the one with a club card. I'm there a lot. Right. And I do like this game a lot as well. I think I'm pretty good at it. Whereas I lean towards our German brothers and sisters and go for the knockoff sort of, the Lidl's, the Aldi's. Okay. They don't have the apps that can give you this rundown. But if they did, what would you be the number one buyer of?

A Cypriot halloumi. Wow. Yeah, as a borderline veggie. It's been a bit iffy over Christmas, but I have been eating a lot of halloumi across the past 12 months. My little Tesco's which I go to, I would be the number one buyer of fudge yoghurt. You know that stuff? I love a fudge yoghurt. You know those? Yeah, they're good. I don't think I've ever had fudge.

I don't think he has either. I've never seen it. I'm the yogurt guy. We learned last week that the most popular snack was a boiled egg. In a meal deal, it winds me up, right? Chicken club sandwich, that's your main. I can get behind that. Coca-Cola, that's the go-to drink. A snack, a protein pot and egg.

Get off. It's gross, isn't it? Why are you walking past the crisp from the choccy to go for that? Sweaty. I think it is a bit. I get why people are doing it because obviously people have protein goals. But I just think a little egg in a plastic sweaty carton is horrid. It's giving finance, bro. Take your fuel, take your egg, get lost. It is giving high performance. You're right. Okay, let's play a song and come back and do Top of the Shops because Liv is eagerly waiting. Liv, are you there? Yeah.

I'm here. She's there. Hello, Liv. She sounds cross that we've been wanging on. Morning, Liv. Sorry. Liv, we'll get you on next. Okay. Love it. Listen to that. Sensational.

It's like a supermarket sweep. The brief was like a supermarket sweep type thing. It's giving Dale Winton. Dashing around a supermarket, bunging the stuff in the trolley. Liv, the coach driver. Good morning. Good morning, Greg. Are you still Liv, the young coach driver? I'm 23, I hope so. Yes. Wow. I'm very young. You are a Radio 1 regular. You listen as you're driving the coach. Every day. Where have you been driving today?

Around Ashford in Kent. We were talking about boiled eggs as a snack. That is an absolute no-go on a bus, isn't it? You can't crack out an egg on a bus. Yeah. No. Do you get annoyed about smelly food, actually? Yeah, quite often. If we're doing, you know, like, railroad placement services, people bring on a kebab and I'm like, absolutely not. Oh, get off. It's really rude. Out. You can't be having a fish on a bus, can you? Whoa, fish. You should be on a list, I think, if you're having a smelly fish on a bust. On a bus. Or a bust. Or a bust. Or a bust. I don't want that. That matters.

Smelly fish on your bust. Liv, I'm looking forward to this. Come on, then. So, Liv, you've received an email from your favourite supermarket, haven't you? Yeah, I know. So we're going to try and guess what you're the number one buyer of in the Ashford area? Yes. OK, so...

Give us the options, please. And then we're going to get Sam versus Danny head-to-head to see if they can work out what it is. Okay. I am number one buyer of either strawberry laces, chilled cafe lattes, or chocolate and peanut protein bars. Okay. Okay. Good ones.

Let's discuss. Let's have a little chat then. Okay. So, where do you want to start, Sam? I'm just quite inquisitive about Liv when she is at work, so on the bus. Are you eating as you go? Or do you have, like... Both hands on the wheel. Both hands on the wheel. So, in my head, that means you're only eating in short windows when you don't have passengers. Yeah, correct. Okay, thank you. I want to know what your routine looks like after work. What do you do to relax? Uh...

I go home and me and my partner watch Netflix or some other streaming service and

and then we eat dinner and have pudding and go to bed. It's not very exciting. Okay, pudding there, though. So I'm thinking, if you're having pudding, would you be eating strawberry laces before dinner, or is that too much? I'm just interested with the strawberry laces because that actually is quite a good driving. It's an as-you-go. So strawberry laces, chilled ice latte, peanut butter,

and chocolate protein bar. Yeah. With a chilled iced latte. Sorry, I jumped in. I am going to continue. I know. Do you have to unscrew the lid or do you peel it back? Because that could also make me think when you're driving, you don't want it peeled back, but if you can kind of undo it, it'll be fine. It's one that's got a straw. So I can put it in a cup holder, but a disclaimer, I will only drink them if it's got a cup holder. Yes. Both hands on the wheel. Yeah, both hands on the wheel. Liv, when was the last time you bought this product?

Saturday. Saturday. Okay. Can I roll in a question? Go for it. My question is, are you in touch with your inner child? Yeah, I could say that, yeah. Didn't sound really positive. I was wondering, because strawberry laces, they're quite a fun sort of childlike thing to eat. Whereas chocolate and peanut is giving a bit more adult, there's some thoughts behind getting some protein in there as well as a bit of a sugar kick. You a gym goer? Yeah, about maybe three, four times a week. Do you go to the gym on a Saturday, Liv? No.

I tend to go when my boyfriend's working because he works there. So go there and then pick him up after because it makes sense. I feel like that was dodging the question a little bit. And she said she bought one on a Saturday. I think I might know what I'm going to go for. I also do. I feel like I've got enough information to make an educated guess. OK, you sound very confident. Very confident here. Let's take a moment. Let's play a song and come back with the guesses next.

Liv is our special guest on The Breakfast Show this morning. Liv, the young coach driver. Hi again. Hello. We're playing Top of the Shops. Liv is the number one buyer of either strawberry laces, chilled ice lattes or peanut and chocolate protein bar in the Ashford area. Oh, we didn't ask the shop. What's the shop? Sainsbury's. It's Sainsbury's. Oh, that absolutely... Confirms my suspicions, Liv. All right, OK, so...

Danny. Yes. What are you going for? I want to do strawberry laces because it's fun. But I think putting the evidence together, I feel like Liv kind of dodged the question about Saturday and the gym. And obviously we know she bought this on Saturday. When she brought up her childhood, she didn't sound too magical about it. I have to be honest. She didn't. It wasn't giving Pete a pan at all. I am going to go for chocolate and peanut protein bars. Okay. Okay.

Sam McGregor. Bit of a boring guess there, Dan. I'm going for something a bit more fun. I think Liv was trying to throw us a bit of a red herring when she was talking about being in touch with her inner child. I think Lacey Liv might be a nickname on the buses. I think the shop you mentioned does have quite a good sweetie aisle. And I think you would pick up quite a few packets, in fact, the most packets of strawberry laces from your local shop. Okay. Danny Disson has gone for peanut and chocolate protein bar.

Come on, Lacey. In your stupid face. Oh, wow. You know what? I'm so glad that Naira Bus got it right. Yeah, that is good. Do you ever get like a little carrot?

A little hazelnut is always just pure cafe latte. Do you spice it up? I just like the normal one. Yeah. I can hear that, Liv. I understand. It's the straw, isn't it? It's easy on the go. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, me neither. Greg, is that the one you would have come for? Difficult not to be smug here. I'll...

I'll be honest with you, I would have gone for the laces. However, now thinking in hindsight, she did talk quite animatedly about the cup holder. You were really into that cup holder, Liv. And also the straw thing, which means it's not sloshing around, isn't it? So just checking, no one calls you Lacey Liv then? No. And I don't think they're going to start either. I hope not. Liv, thanks so much for being on. Thank you. Very well played. You won. Yeah. Congratulations to you. It's my TV.

Enjoy the next journey. As you said, put it on your CV. And we'll catch up with you soon. Thanks, Liv. Cheers, Liv. Thank you. Bye. Thank you. Oh, see? Smashed it. Yeah, OK. I was too confident. I was cocky. And I'll sit back and I'll take it. You've got a boiled egg on your face. Yeah.

But not in my mouth because they're disgusting. Sam and Danny, thanks for being on today. They are back on the radio Friday. One o'clock. Then Saturday. One o'clock. And then Sunday. You guessed it. One o'clock as well. There we go. Cheers, Greg. Also today, we had Prince Charming, Ben, on yesterday's quiz. And let's quiz. This week, we've been chatting to a musical theatre society in Oxford. They're about to kick off.

Their version of Cinderella. Actually, hang on. Ben, has it already started this week? Yes, yeah, we've opened. Yeah, you opened on what, Tuesday or Wednesday? On Tuesday. On Tuesday. We've done two performances. How's it all going? It is going fantastically, yeah. They have been amazing. It's just good to put it in front of an audience. It's a nice way to spend an evening, sing, dance, act, have a little smooch.

A couple of little smooch. I've been, obviously, I was very invested on Monday because we chatted to actual Cinderella, who was Bella, the captain. And then, obviously, I've been off, so you can fill me in. How's the rest of the week been? How did Andy and Nicola get on? I think they did themselves proud. I think they did really well. Yeah, I thought they both had some tricky questions I don't think I would have got, so it made me a bit more nervous, actually. But they did really well, I think. And you are actual Prince Charming.

Yes, I'm technically Prince Gregory James, actually. That's two of my names in the show. Oh, that's nice. Why has that been... What's the significance with that? I need to come and see this performance. It sounds mad.

Yeah, well, I mean, like all royals, he's got a kind of stupidly long name, but he's Christopher Rupert Windermere, Vladimir Karl, Alexander Francois, Reginald Lancelot, Herman, Gregory James. Oh, excellent. That's very good. Your name gets sung on stage several times an evening. I feel very proud of that. That's nice. So I also hear, Ben, it's your birthday today. Happy birthday. Thank you very much. That's fantastic. You get to perform on your birthday. What a treat.

Exactly, both on Radio 1 and in the new theatre. So it's very exciting. So look, we've got an opportunity here, Ben, on your birthday, to get yourself into the final, because I think you versus Cinderella tomorrow is sort of what we all need, isn't it? Well, I don't want to put that kind of pressure on myself, Greg. If it's Bella versus Nick, that's absolutely fine. I think the Radio 1 audience will be happy with that. Yeah, I...

I disagree. I'd actually quite like it to be you tomorrow, so I'm going to put pressure on you. So here we go with your questions on yesterday's quiz.

We're going to have 90 seconds on the clock. Do we have some dingers? OK, so what was it? 10 on Tuesday, 12 yesterday. You've got to get more than 12 to get into the final, Ben. Here we go with your questions and we start with this. It was Claudia Winkleman's birthday yesterday, but what show set in the Scottish Highlands is she currently hosting? The Traitors. Yes! Wikipedia turned 24, but what year was it founded?

2001. Yes. A giraffe in America is preparing to make her debut wear New York Fashion Week or Maryland Zoo? New York Fashion Week? No, it's Maryland Zoo, sadly. I didn't hear the start of the question. Tottenham Hotspur lost 2-1 to which other London-based team yesterday? Arsenal. Yes. A man on TikTok found a compartment in his washing machine full of socks the machine had eaten. Give me your impression of a very hungry washing machine.

Very good. Two points for that. The new Match of the Day line-up was announced, but which current presenter is leaving? Gary Lineker. Yes, it was National Hat Day. Name any type of hat. A bowler hat. Lovely. What was the weather in Chester yesterday? Golf ball-sized hail or was it sunny? Hail. No, it was actually sunny, yes. Justin Bieber teased a new project on Instagram yesterday. What's the name of his wife?

Yes. A flock of sheep. Yes. The sun. Yes, it was the sun. Matt and Jerry. Correct. Yes.

Farting at them. Yeah, it was farting at them. Tasha Guri has reportedly split from her boyfriend, Andrew, but what dating show did they find love on? Love Island. Yes, a new deadly species of spider has been named Big Boy, but can you name anything else that's a big boy? I mean, me as the prince. Fantastic answer. Two points for that. And how did you do, Ben? Let's find out. After some furious quizzing, you've got 15.

No way. Oh, yeah, way. Oh, great. I'm back on tomorrow. I can embarrass myself some more. Yes, you can. You're very, very welcome to embarrass yourself as many times as you like on this show. That seems to be what we do. Thank you so much. So Bella got 15. Bella got 15. You got 15. It's Cinder Bella and the Prince head to head in the final of yesterday's quiz. I cannot wait. I'm very, very excited for it.

Have a good show this evening and we'll catch up with you both tomorrow morning, OK? How exciting. See you then. One! As well as that, we were joined by Charlie Hedges and our good friend Tony from The Office to do Third's Way, Raw Model and Deeply Still in Love with you, Charlie Hedges. Hey!

And with you, Tony Wood. Thanks, Greg. This is Tony Wood, who is basically in charge of all the things. All the things you hear on BBC Radio. He's the man who makes it all happen. But you know, normally in businesses, you get that guy and he's a right plunker. But Tony is one of the nicest people ever.

Like, he's authoritative, but you're not mean with it. And that's why I love you. There's a compliment in there somewhere, Tony. No, there is. There is. You're a very, very nice person. I appreciate that. But I wouldn't mess with you. Oh, no, you can't mess with him. He might look like a plonker, but he isn't one. That's our tone.

So that is Role Model. And now we're going to, I think we've picked a really good one for today's Thursdays. This is, by the way, this is a great duo. I love this. I look forward to this time on Thursday where we get a load of excited listeners. And by the way, we've had thousands of voice notes in. This is a really stupid feature. And I'll be honest, it's not that good. But it's not. It's not very clever. It's something you don't need to be clever. It's just silly. It's simple.

You play a big old banger and then we play a load of voice notes with people saying exciting things and they go, at the end of it, because the way is the British love language. Yes, it is. It works for when you're greeting someone you're really fond of in a pub and equally if they then go and smash the glass of the bar. It's the same noise. To say hello and then... Slightly different tone, but it's the same thing. Fisher is today's song. Oh, come on!

I'm just back from a morning run, Greg. Whee! Whee! That was Molly who got the first one. Let's go. Colin. Me and the lady are going to Budapest tomorrow morning. Whee! Whee! By the lady, he means his lorry. Next. My daughter's footballing Saturday and Sunday. She's only gone and got signed for Nottingham Forest and she's only 10. Whee!

Wow. That's your neck of the woods, that. I'm a Forrest fan, so delighted with that. Whee! The darts are back on tonight and I can't wait. Whee! I forgot about that. Come on. I love to roll my potty. Whee! Yay! That's two-year-old Thomas. What's he saying? I love to roll my potty. Whee! Oh, he did a poo. Oh, well done, Thomas. Fair play. Well done.

Well done. Good work. It's like me the last two days. Driving to my boyfriend's today to go to the airport tomorrow to travel Southeast Asia for three months. Very nice, Olivia. My hands are finally warmed up. Today I'm going to holiday. I love going to holiday. Marky, thank you. Today's a good day.

I just farted and I didn't soil myself. That is disgusting. Come on. Come on. Was that also you, Greg? Feeling like a new woman because my seven-week-old baby slept for five hours straight last night. Gemma and Paisley and I'm re-grouting my tiles. Woo! Woo!

Great first ways today. Molly is next. Molly from Ipswich. Last two days at work before I go to Australia. Woo! I'm going to disqualify her. Oh, man. Well, we asked for a way and she gave us a woo. Yeah, but she's so excited. I don't care. I don't care. The rules of first way are clear. Molly from Ipswich. Last two days at work before I go to Australia. Woo!

What about if I add the way at the end? Molly from Ipswich, last two days at work before I go to Australia. She's back in the club. Dan. I'm going to finish my shift before Great James. Way! Nice. Just be clear, he was saying shift. Oh. I was slightly worried about that one. I'm going to finish my shift before Great James. Way!

The last two days you wouldn't have done. I'd have beaten all of you. Oh, my God. Yvette! Oi, oi, happy Thursday. Second Thursday of Ventura, baby. Four more days of holiday. Wee-hee-hee.

There's a real way that people are doing it. Beautiful. My name's Sam and I'm having a wonderful Thursday morning. Because Arsenal beat Tottenham in the North London Derby last night. Yes, they did. My husband has been offshore in America since the 26th of November 2024 and he is coming home tonight. So it's a big Thursday.

That is going to be a big one. Band of matches. Yeah, the new dishwasher. Whey! Oh, they've got a new dishwasher. That's nice. Cheryl, what are you up to? This weekend, I'm going to be doing my tax return form. Whey! Whey! Are you OK, Charlie? What's up?

Sorry. Yes, certainly. I didn't even hear that last one. Can you do it again? Yeah, it's just Cheryl. She's talking about her tax. This weekend, I'm going to be doing my tax return form. Hey! Serious. One more then. It's Sam and Dave in Penritha. Sun's out. Guns out. Whee! And bombs out. And bombs. Actually, don't do that.

Keep them in. Oh, dear. Well, it's a filthy rendition today, wasn't it, Tony? Stressful. You have the power to take us off air, Tony, don't you? Do you feel like we can continue? I would insist on it, actually. Do you know what's the amazing thing about Tony? Do you know about this, Charlie? None. That Tony has so much power in this building...

from his house, he can dial in to the radio station and turn it off. What? Yeah, yeah. He can take control of all the radio stations from his actual house. What, do you like have a massive button by your bed? Yeah. Are you serious? It's like Wallace and Gromit's house.

He just presses a little thing. He goes down a slide. He's just in front of the whole radio studio. So if they ever tried to get rid of you, you could just take them all out? You could take us all out? Yeah. What do you think? I've been here 30 years. Shall we just play the song? I feel like because we sort of ruined it with Chelsea Shouts Out. So let's play Fisher. A great Thursday. Thank you for your messages.

Time now for all the latest things. We have some Timothée Chalamet news. Chalamet! He's currently on the press tour for his Bob Dylan biopic, which is called A Complete Unknown. We've had some mad moments so far in the last couple of months with Timothée, including the moustache. Are you enjoying the moustache? Are people in your life enjoying the moustache? If they're being honest with me, yes, but who knows? Seems like you have hesitation. I do. He arrived at the red carpet, which I'm sure you've seen by now, on a Lime bike.

Which is, it's a bold choice because anyone who's used a Lime bike, they're incredibly heavy. They are the heaviest thing in the whole world. And also because they're electric, if you put those little electric hire bikes, if you push the pedal down too much, that thing can go. Before you know it, you've driven into a shop.

Anyway, he struggled parking it on the red carpet because it's also got a really cumbersome kickstand thing. And it's like it's the one of the it really isn't. It's an ick, actually, seeing him not be able to do that. The other thing which I've noticed is this. Here, there, anyone who's used those lines knows that that is the noise of the alarm, which means that he hasn't paid for it.

So I think what's happened here is that his team have gone, OK, if you want to do a line, be careful because the electric motor can kick in and you could drive into a kid. We don't want that. That would be terrible PR for the movie. So what they've done is they've taken the power off. So the alarm's going off. I think, all in all, this was a dreadful idea. Terrible. But, you know, he gets away with it. He's Timothee Chalamet.

He's on Radio 1 later today with his co-star, Ed Norton, and that's on Going Home later from 3.30. We've got a clip of it. Timothy Chalamet and Edward Norton, welcome to the show! Come on! Yeah! What is that noise? Looking forward to hearing the interview today from 3.30 with Vic, Katie and Jamie.

Next up, The Traitors. It's spoiler free, deliberately and selfishly because I haven't watched it yet from last night because I was asleep. Making myself ready for today.

Linda, I've seen some of the clips of Linda and she's given us more gold though. I'm certainly going to stand up and say my bit tonight. Oh, fiery Linda. When she says, I'll say my bit, she's hitting a spoon. I'll say my bit. I'll say my bit. She also pleaded her innocence very unconvincingly as ever. Yeah, I've heard. Oh, well, there you go. Obviously, I'm being honest. One of the greatest worst actors ever.

Somebody's setting me up. I swear to God. Don't bring God into it, Linda. He'll smite you down.

Interesting, though. Linda knew she'd be a star. Of course she did. When you're in the limelight, you sort of feel that everybody is talking about you behind your back. Correct. We've been talking about you non-stop for about two weeks now. And finally, we've got some Sam Fender news. We've already heard people watching and Wild Long Life and the new album. He has teased this one, which is called Arm's Length. Arm's Length's more dark than the sun

If you went and saw him live before Christmas, you'd have heard him do that. And it sounds fantastic. The album comes out in just over a month's time. And with that, you're up to date with all the latest things. Radio One Breakfast. With Greg James. Also today, we got in touch with Susie, who did a TikTok about me.

While I was away, a few things did manage to reach me, including this from Susie on TikTok. So many people sent me this, including my actual boss. This is a message for Greg James and Greg James only. Babe.

You need to tell me when you're not working. When I turn on the radio expecting you to be there every morning and you're not there, it really isn't a great start to my day. I'm sorry about that. Look, I get it. I love listening to the radio and I love the routine of radio and if your favourite presenter is not in the place they're supposed to be when you're doing your life, then it's upsetting.

But I was sick. I was not well. It wasn't scheduled. I promise. I'm sorry. So if we could sit down, go through your schedule for the year so you can just let me know when you're not going to be there so I'm not disappointed. Because I really am sad now. I thought I was going to get to listen to you this morning, but you weren't there. I wasn't there. Susie, please accept my apologies.

I think I can. It is nice that you're actually showing up today, Greg. We're glad to have you back. Well, I really wanted to come back because I love, I mean, this is the thing. It's a really annoying job to miss because it's so fun. And I'm sorry for that, but the message has been received. I was sent it loads of times and Susie, I've just checked the numbers. You've gone viral. I've gone viral. You have? How do you feel? You went, you were as viral as I was the last couple of days. Well,

Well, I will say it's not my first rodeo with a viral video, but it is my first rodeo on the radio. So that's the first one for me. I didn't expect to post a TikTok and be on the radio. And here we are. Well, we had to get you on. I had to message you yesterday and say, we've got to speak to you about this because, look, you wanted me to go through my dates with you so that you can prepare and, you know, do whatever, just so you're ready for it. I've got an iPad and a pen.

Yeah, look, so the only date at the minute, because I've not sorted out my leave for the rest of the year, except for one date that is definite. Okay, so the 31st of January. Oh, okay. Right, that's a Friday. Pretty soon. It is quite soon. Now, that is scheduled. That has been agreed by management. Who let this happen? Aled. Surely...

I know that I'm just the radio man, but I am also a human that does have annual leave to spend. We just love you too much, Greg. It's such a horrible problem to have. I know. So look, the 31st of January, and can I just tell you, it's for an amazing reason. I don't think anyone in the room knows why either. Are you allowed to tell us? Yeah, I can tell you. I'm taking that Friday off because, I don't know if you remember, how long have you been listening for, Susie?

Oh, God. Yes. Okay. Do you remember producer Chris? Yes, I do. So one of his leaving presents was to go and hang out with the Red Arrows.

Okay. So the only day that I could go and hang out with the Red Arrows and watch them train with producer Chris was on a Friday morning. So that's where I'm going to be. That's a pretty cool reason to take a morning off, I think. I think we can allow it. Just this once. Sadly, we're not going to be in the planes, but we're going to be hanging out with them and they've already invited us out for a night out in Lincoln afterwards. Woo!

So getting on it with the red arrows. Okay. Oh, we should play darts with the red arrows. Arrows with the arrows. Oh, my God. Anyway, so that's for later. Susie, is that okay with you? I think so. Thanks for letting us know. And I think in future, when you've sorted the rest of your annual leave, if you could let us know as well, just so I can pop it in the calendar. Okay, I'll get you back on. Yeah, perfect. It'll definitely be some time at Christmas. There'll definitely be a couple of weeks over the summer.

And then probably the bank holidays. Yes, of course. What do you do? When are you on? Sorry? When do you do? What's your schedule? I need to know. This is a two-way thing because I saw a lot of the comments were saying that I ask you as the listeners to tell me when you're not going to be here. So I need to be clear the other way. This needs to be a two-way thing.

Well, I'm a girl that does a classic Monday to Friday, 9 to 5. Next, I'm off at the start of Feb. I'm going skiing. Okay. What are the dates? I'll get it put in our calendar if Tom's going to put it in the calendar now. I'm away from the 4th of Feb to the 9th of Feb. All right, great. 4th to the 9th. And there's also people I'm going away with are also avid listeners, so they'll be away as well, just so you know. How many is that? How many is that, people? Just so we can tell Raja. Yeah.

Sorry, say that again. How many people will that be so we can tell the people that do the listing figures? That's four of us. Sorry, four. Four of us going away, yeah. Could be quite a hit, couldn't it? Yeah. Could take a hit on the figures.

All right, well, we'll blame you if our listening figures go down, Susie. All right? Yeah, but it'll be my fault. I'll hold you entirely accountable. So sorry, we'll be on the slopes with a rolling hand. I'll hold you entirely accountable. But thank you for giving me something to laugh at. Because actually, do you know what? Bella, my wife, told me about the video and she shouted and said that she was going to comment on it. Oh, did she? Yeah, that was her commenting on it, saying that I was sick on the sofa. Oh.

I wasn't sick on the sofa. No, I wasn't sick. I was poorly lying. You know what I'm talking about. Susie, goodbye. Thanks, Greg. Speak to you soon. Bye. I'll let you know when I've got the other dates sorted out. Thanks so much. Bye. There is one more thing. Download competition.

Hello. Hello. Where are you, Ben? I am in Exeter. Lovely Exeter. What are you doing today, apart from calling a radio station? Just on the way to work. What do you do? Go to the Big Glory.

Do you say you drive a big lorry or a digger lorry? Drive a big lorry. I drive a big lorry. Good. What's on the lorry today? Sand and stones today. Sand and stones. Do you know what, Ben? Your phone's a little distant and it's fine for this pre-chat, but I really would worry when we're doing the actual competition, so we'll...

We'll sort that out in a second. But tell us your download credentials. Have you been to it before? Never been. Tried the last couple of years, but unfortunately, friends like to get married on the same weekend. So, yeah, I've not been able to get tickets over the last couple of years. It's so annoying. People are so... It's such an inconvenience, isn't it, that? Yeah.

That's right. Yeah, you go, is that weekend clear? They go, yeah, yeah, it's definitely clear. And you go, we're thinking of getting married then. No! Please! There's Glastonbury weekend! You can't get married on Glastonbury weekend! So that's happened to you a couple of times. So you'll get to go VIP this time if you get these tickets. That would be amazing, wouldn't it? Very, very, very much. You're up against Courtney. Hi, Courtney. Hi, Greg.

No weddings or anything slated for that weekend? Nothing, the calendar's clear. Good, okay, so you've never been to Downlow, but your sister has. Yeah, my sister and her husband go every year, so hopefully this is our year to go. Yeah, that's good, and also, will she be going VIP?

Probably not. You will be if you win. That's the plan. You can be lording over her in the VIP suite. That's amazing. Sending her pictures. Exactly. I'll bring you a couple of drinks out if you're lucky. The family WhatsApp will be going.

Let's hope it doesn't rain and get all muddy for her. Yeah, that would be a shame, wouldn't it? With no shower. Terrible, terrible. Well, it's Ben versus Courtney on today's Jan Slam. We're going to play Dua Lipa. We'll sort out Ben's phone and we'll come back with the questions next.

Today, two VIP tickets to Download Festival, which includes access to the Rock Retreat and the Download Lounge. It's a very fancy prize. Ben, are you feeling fancy? Very fancy. Are you feeling fancy, Courtney? Always. Always? Wow. Always. Very saucy way of saying always. Okay. So, Courtney, what do you do, by the way? We didn't ask your job. I'm a health visitor.

A health what? A health visitor. Visitor. The phone just cut out. It sounded like you said a health minster. I'm the health minister. No, health visitor, a type of children's nurse. Well, thanks for taking a bit of time out of that very important job to do Jan Slam today. Here we go. This is how it's going to work. The game is simple. Just please don't get it wrong. I'll be asking questions about download for each question. Both of you are allowed to answer if you think you know it.

If you get it right, you win the prize. If you get it wrong, then you have blown it, my friend. The other caller will win instantly and you'll go away with nothing. So only answer when you're sure, please. The questions will get easier as we go on. You can just stay quiet if you're not confident, but if you don't give it a go, you might let your opponent win.

Ben and Courtney, you have five seconds to answer each question. If I don't hear anything from either of you, I will move on to the next question. Is that all clear? Yes. If you choose to answer, you must shout out your name and then straight away give me your answer. You can interrupt me if you want to, but I will stop asking the question if you do. Is that all clear? Are you both happy? Any questions for me? No, I'm happy. Great. First person to give me a correct answer will win.

Just don't get it wrong. Here come the questions. All the questions are about download, obviously. Have you been revising? Question number one. Green Day are set to headline Download 2025. What position did their song American Idiot peak on the UK official singles chart? Little guess, Courtney? Burj?

Ben? I was going to say first, so I'm going to change it to second. You were both going to say number three? Yeah. Interesting. The correct answer is number three. Oh. Yeah. That's painful. Yeah. No one's gone for the first question on any of the Jan Slams yet this year. Wow. As we always say with Jan Slam, fortune favours the brave.

I've always said that. I've got that tattooed on the back of my neck. Question two. Fall Out Boy headlined the Saturday of Download Festival in 2024. What's the name of their debut studio album released in 2003? Nothing. Not a peep from either of you? No. No idea? No idea. I can't remember.

Would you both be okay if I just took a sip of water? Of course. Thank you. I've got to stay hydrated. Thank you. I just didn't want my voice to fail. I'm feeling a little bit weak. Question three. Metallica played two headline sets at Download 2023 to celebrate how many years of Download Festival? Courtney, 20. Oh, yeah. Good answer.

Courtney, you were very, very quick there. Ben, do you think she's got the right answer? I knew that, but yeah, it's too quick. She was so quick. Because my sister was there. She was there, so you know it's the right answer. Courtney, you are going to Download Festival. Congratulations. Thank you. That was good. That was quick. That was quick, wasn't it, Ben? Very quick. Thanks for being on, Ben, and have a good rest of the day today. Thank you very much.

Bella next time. And Courtney smashed it. Thank you. Really, really good. So you knew the first one. Oh, yeah. But you didn't go for it because you didn't know. That's fair enough. The second one, the answer, by the way, to the second one, Fall Out Boy's debut album was called Take This To Your Grave. Okay. And question... Okay. Let's hear you go for it, Greg.

And question three, Metallica Play 2 headline sets at Download 2023 celebrate 20 years of Download Festival. So there you go. You're going to be going to this year's. Wow, amazing. Thank you. And you can lord it up over your sister. What's her name? Will she be listening?

Jade. Have a look at the family chat now quickly when I'm talking about the next prize. No messages. No messages? Everyone's asleep. Devastating. Come on. They can listen on rewind. Yes, they can. Jade.

Jan Slam continues tomorrow. We've got the chance to win two VIP tickets to Reading or Leeds. You can choose that. Plus you get a merchandise bundle and a side of stage experience for one of the artists as well. That's a really good prize. It's Reading and Leeds VIP tickets tomorrow. If you fancy that, then I'll tell you exactly what you need to do next. But Courtney, for now, it's all about you. This is your moment. Have an amazing time at Download and we'll catch up soon, OK? Thank you. Very good from Courtney today. She thoroughly deserved that.

And we go again with another one tomorrow. It's Reading and Leeds tickets. They could be yours, VIP. You can experience the VIP-ness.

What do you get with it? You get a side of stage thing and some merch. The Rock Retreat. No, is this Reading or Leeds? Yeah, that was today. Side of stage. Side of stage. But what's the... Probably a little bar. There's a mad person in the corner. Side of stage, Rock Retreat. You get two VIP tickets to Reading or Leeds, a merch and dice bundle and a side of stage experience for one artist. Amy, can I ask a question about the merch bundle? Yeah, of course. You can try. What does that mean?

It's a merch bundle. Yeah, but is it Reading and Leeds merch? It's what you want it to be. Well, I would personally want Chapel Roan merch, but I don't want things that just say Reading and Leeds. We probably can't guarantee what it's going to be just yet. Okay, so it could well be just a jumper with the line-up on it. Yeah. Okay. That's not bad. That's not bad. It could be like a hat. It could be a hat with a line-up on it. Pen. It could be a pen with a line-up on it. Bottle opener. It could be a bottle opener. Or a bottle. A bottle with a line-up on it. Stress ball. With a line-up on it. Yes.

Either way. Really, really small. Could be a model cap. With a line-up on it. Either way, you're not going to forget the line-up. An unforgettable line-up, an unforgettable prize on Jan Slam tomorrow. I'm going to go home. Bye!

Yoga is more than just exercise. It's the spiritual practice that millions swear by.

And in 2017, Miranda, a university tutor from London, joins a yoga school that promises profound transformation. It felt a really safe and welcoming space. After the yoga classes, I felt amazing. But soon, that calm, welcoming atmosphere leads to something far darker, a journey that leads to allegations of grooming, trafficking and exploitation across international borders.

I don't have my passport, I don't have my phone, I don't have my bank cards, I have nothing. The passport being taken, the being in a house and not feeling like they can leave.

You just get sucked in so gradually.

And it's done so skillfully that you don't realize. And it's like this, the secret that's there. I wanted to believe that, you know, that whatever they were doing, even if it seemed gross to me,

was for some spiritual reason that i couldn't understand revealing the hidden secrets of a global yoga network i feel that i have no other choice the only thing i can do is to speak about this and to put my reputation and everything else on the line i want truth and justice

And for other people to not be hurt, for things to be different in the future. To bring it into the light and almost alchemise some of that evil stuff that went on and take back the power. World of Secrets, Season 6, The Bad Guru. Listen wherever you get your podcasts.