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cover of episode Why 50/50 Doesn't Work: A New Model for Happier Relationships with Nate & Kaley Klemp

Why 50/50 Doesn't Work: A New Model for Happier Relationships with Nate & Kaley Klemp

2022/2/16
logo of podcast All the Hacks with Chris Hutchins

All the Hacks with Chris Hutchins

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A
Amy Fox
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Kaley Klemp
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Nate Klemp
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Nate Klemp和Kaley Klemp介绍了他们提出的80/80婚姻模式,该模式主张双方都以80%的精力投入到关系中,而不是追求50/50的表面平等。他们认为,追求绝对公平会导致认知偏差,例如可用性偏差和高估偏差,最终导致争吵和不满。80/80模式的核心是‘激进的慷慨’,即双方都积极贡献,并欣赏对方的贡献,而不是斤斤计较。他们还强调了建立合理结构的重要性,包括在财务、家务、育儿等方面明确分工,并根据生活阶段的变化进行调整。 Chris Hutchins和Amy Fox分享了他们阅读80/80婚姻模式书籍后的心得体会,并与Nate和Kaley讨论了如何将该模式应用到实际生活中。他们谈到了如何克服认知偏差,如何通过贡献和欣赏来建立积极的关系动态,以及如何处理价值观差异。他们还探讨了如何有效沟通,如何应对生活变化带来的挑战,以及如何平衡个人空间和共同生活。 Nate Klemp和Kaley Klemp详细解释了‘激进的慷慨’的具体实践方法,包括如何识别和欣赏对方的贡献,如何通过日常的小事来表达关爱,以及如何建立积极的沟通模式。他们还分享了一些具体的技巧,例如每天做一件为对方贡献的事情,每天睡前表达一次欣赏,以及使用便利贴来表达爱意。他们强调,即使是设定提醒来表达欣赏,也是有效的,因为结构可以创造自由。 Nate Klemp和Kaley Klemp讨论了如何处理价值观差异,以及如何平衡个人空间和共同生活。他们认为,关键在于找到双方都认可的核心价值观,并在此基础上建立合理的结构。他们还探讨了如何处理财务问题,如何应对生活变化带来的挑战,以及如何通过外包一些家务来提高生活效率。他们还分享了‘生活成绩单’练习,鼓励人们有意地‘失败’一些事情,从而腾出时间和精力去做更重要的事情。

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The conversation explores the evolution of marriage dynamics from 80-20 to 80-80, discussing the challenges of achieving equality and the pitfalls of striving for fairness.

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#43: Relationship experts Kaley and Nate Klemp, Ph.D., join Chris and his wife Amy to discuss how to create balance in a relationship. They explore why perfect equality is unrealistic, why you shouldn’t aim for fairness, how to share feedback with your partner without it turning into a fight, and how to sustainably maintain a life of radical generosity. 

Kaley and Nate Klemp are co-authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for A Happier, Stronger Relationship). It has been named as the Editor’s Choice pick by the New York Times. Kaley Klemp is a leadership development expert and Nate Klemp is a writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur who co-authored a New York Times Bestseller titled Start Here: Master the Lifelong Habit of Wellbeing). 

Full show notes at: https://allthehacks.com/8080-marriage-nate-kaley-klemp)

 

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Resources Mentioned

Connect with Kaley and Nate Klemp:

Nir Eyal: Becoming Indistractable: Book) | All the Hacks Ep 25)

 

Full Show Notes

(00:11) Introduction: Kaley and Nate Klemp

(01:49) Transitioning from 80/20 to 80/80 Marriages

(04:14) The Challenge of Achieving Equal Relationships

(05:56) The Resentment Pitfall of Striving for Fairness

(09:08) Diverse Backgrounds, Diverse Marriage Experiences

(10:40) Embracing Radical Generosity in Your Marriage

(15:44) Weaving Appreciation into Routine

(17:21) Scheduling Appreciation: Authentic or Disingenuous?

(18:29) Making 80/80 Work Across Different Values

(22:41) Navigating Financial Partnership in Marriage

(26:51) Tools for Balancing Relationship Dynamics

(31:13) Evolving Responsibilities as Life Shifts

(33:52) Unconventional Outsourcing for Enhanced Family Life

(39:13) The Life Report Card Exercise: Intentional "Failure"

(40:33) Sustaining Radical Generosity Amidst Forgetfulness

(43:42) Managing Technology's Distraction in Partner Time

(50:37) Delaying for Increased Efficiency

(51:57) Aligning with Your Partner: Getting on the Same Page

(57:24) Unconventional Feedback Sharing with Your Partner

(1:01:16) Balancing Radical Generosity: Avoiding 100/100 Dynamic

(1:02:47) Crafting Meaningful Intimate Time Beyond Gimmicks

(1:08:07) Mindfulness for Open-Minded Relationships

(1:09:44) The Relationship Hack: Relationships as Tools

(1:10:19) Extending 80/80 Rule to Non-Romantic Relationships

(1:11:53) Connecting with Kaley and Nate Klemp Online

(1:12:43) Date Recommendations from Marriage Experts

 

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