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cover of episode Disorganized Attachment: Heal By Embracing Your Needs

Disorganized Attachment: Heal By Embracing Your Needs

2025/5/19
logo of podcast Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

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F
Forrest
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Rick
参与谷歌抗议活动被解雇的前员工,反对Project Nimbus合同。
Topics
Forrest Hansen: 混乱型依恋是一种复杂的依恋模式,结合了焦虑和回避的元素,使人感到无论亲近还是疏远都不舒服。这种依恋模式会让人在处理人际关系时感到特别困难和痛苦,但人们可以采取一些措施来改善这种情况。重要的是要记住,混乱型依恋不是个人的错,而是由不良的早期经历造成的。依恋理论最初由 John Bowlby 提出,旨在理解儿童与父母分离时的反应。Mary Ainsworth 的“Strange Situation”实验表明,儿童对父母分离和重聚的反应存在个体差异,且这些差异与父母的教养方式有关。根据儿童对父母分离和重聚的反应,可以将依恋类型分为安全型、焦虑型和回避型。依恋的四象限模型基于个体对自身和他人的看法,分为四种依恋类型。安全型依恋的人对自身和他人都有积极的看法,焦虑型依恋的人对他人的看法是积极的,但对自己的看法是消极的,混乱型依恋的人既不信任他人,也不信任自己,特别是无法保护自己。 Rick Hansen: 我对那些正在努力解决依恋问题的人,特别是那些面临不安全依恋中最具挑战性的形式——混乱型依恋的人,感到非常同情和支持。即便童年时期是回避型依恋的人,也可能内心深处有许多不安全感、自我价值感低落和不被需要的感觉。尽管存在一些复杂性,但核心在于,这个模型非常强大。依恋风格是在天性和后天共同作用下形成的,与个体的生理和倾向相互影响。孩子天生具有不同的特质,这些特质与环境相互作用,以不可预测的方式结合在一起。概念模型需要清晰地划分类别,以便进行测试和理解。我的职业生涯与依恋理论的发展轨迹相符,特别是当我了解到混乱型依恋时。混乱型依恋意味着个体无法组织,失调,甚至无法找到稳定的依恋风格。个体可以通过相对稳定、足够好的他人来稳定自己,也可以通过与自己的关系来稳定自己。

Deep Dive

Chapters
This chapter introduces disorganized attachment, highlighting its complexity as a combination of anxious and avoidant styles. It explores the development of attachment theory, the different attachment styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized), and the controversies surrounding nature versus nurture in shaping attachment patterns. It challenges the traditional view of a static attachment style, suggesting it can evolve with life experiences.
  • Disorganized attachment is characterized by both a fear of intimacy and a fear of abandonment.
  • Attachment styles are not always static and can change throughout life.
  • There is ongoing debate about the relative contributions of nature and nurture in shaping attachment styles.

Shownotes Transcript

Dr. Rick and Forrest explore disorganized, or “fearful,” attachment. This complex style occurs when emotional intimacy and distance both feel uncomfortable, and typically arises based on difficult life experiences. They unpack why this attachment pattern forms, what it feels like on the inside, and how it can change over time. Dr. Rick explains how to break the Catch-22 of disorganized attachment, and how fully embracing and expressing your needs can be the key to finding stability. Topics include hypersensitivity, repression, experiencing out, self-regulation, and why "boring" relationships can be transformative.

You can__ watch this episode on YouTube__).

Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:20: How attachment theory developed, and how it has evolved

11:20: How attachment styles shift based on life experience

15:25: Social environment and internal reliability

23:55: The catch 22 of healing disorganized attachment

29:35: Leveraging coping mechanisms for healing

32:20: Hypersensitivity and embracing your need for attunement

39:50: Repression, and experiencing out

45:45: Recognizing what’s true, and how reality is reliable

48:25: Caring for the body, and innate self-love

53:45: Unique therapeutic approaches to disorganized attachment styles

55:25: Embracing what you really want, and creating a coherent narrative

58:40: Bottom-up self-regulation, self-trust, and internalizing positive feedback

1:04:20: When stable relationships are “boring”

1:06:55: Self-respect and freedom in communication

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