Dating in the age of AI
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Spring is in the air. What are people's dream dates? Welcome to The Bridge, enlightening conversations on world cultures, life, and everything in between. Hey everyone, this is Jason Smith, host of The Bridge podcast from sunny California. If you like this show, don't forget to subscribe. We love The Bridge. Oh yeah.

Hi everyone. I'm Jason Smith. I'm originally from sunny California and now I'm living in beautiful, beautiful Beijing. Today with me is Bebe. Hey Jason. So that's random. We're talking about dating as you matchmaking. If you're between the ages of 16 and 30, there's nothing more important than dating. 16 and 30? Yeah, roughly. Yeah. I mean, it could be other ages. You could be... It's so out of my mind. You could be going on a date at 86. I don't know. You know what?

My grandmother on one side, after my grandfather passed away, she went back into the dating world. Like in her 70s, she found a guy and remarried. According to a new survey by YouGov, most people dating have never been, but would most like to go...

Oh, gee. Yeah.

I actually can't think of one. It's so far back in the past. I mean, we went on dates in restaurants. Those are nice, like nice restaurants. And a few movies.

And that kind of all like stopped after we had our daughter. So it's so out of my mind. We've been on surviving mode like ever since we had our daughter because it's just mostly us taking care. Is that a typical Chinese thing? Once you have kids, you stop going out? Well, for us, it is because we have no help.

other than just our bare hands. So yeah, like who would take care of our daughter if we went out for dinner? You know, like there's nobody else home. And we, in American culture, we have something in our culture and it's taken very seriously. It's called date night. And it's almost like couple requirement that each week the couple go out on a date at least one time per week. It's a very, very common thing in America. Yeah, that's...

I remember that because that's why people hire babysitters. You know, that's actually a really good point because you just talked and your mom arrived or your dad arrived. You know, in China, you guys have parental involvement in the household a lot. I see a lot of grandparents taking care of their grandchildren. Yeah, for most families. Couldn't grandma watch your kids one night and on Friday you and the husband go and like see a movie? That was not the case for like the past 10 years. They're just visiting for like a few weeks and they're actually going back today like to their own home.

So that has not been an option for us. But as you said, just from my observation from my neighbors, most young families, they have some parental help. Like grandparents, at least one of them from either side. But we were the...

Yeah, we were the sad case. We had to deal with everything by ourselves. So no dating. Wow. And just like literally another kind of survival mode, just getting things done, making sure that our child is relatively healthy and, you know, in one piece. And we called that a great success. Yeah.

like romantic settings, um, date, like dinner days. That's so out of the question for us. Uh, but maybe like when, who knows, like maybe in the future we'll have more help and, uh, we'll take our daughter along for our dates. Well, my wife and I, we go out like once a week, for example, tomorrow's Friday night.

And we will go out to we're going to a mall. We're going to see the new Detective Chinatown movie. I think it's like part five now. It's the fifth installment. And this this Detective Chinatown movie is where they go to San Francisco. They go to historic San Francisco from like the cowboy period. I'm really looking forward to that because I'm from San Francisco and it's, you know, a Detective Chinatown movie. So it's really funny. It's a comedy. We'll probably get dinner and maybe we'll even hit the arcade. I know I'm 47.

But we'll probably still go to the arcade and spend 100 kuai on tokens and just play video games and goof around and stuff. A hundred? Oh, man.

Sometimes we spend $200. So those places do have business, huh? I've always wondered, like, who would pay money for this? You know, mostly it's parents with kids. But my wife and I, we're like giant kids. Because you don't have kids. Once you have kids, you're like, overnight, you grow up. Can I tell you about my mom and dad a little bit? You know, back in the 1980s, I guess, I was a little kid.

And there were I'm one of four sons and my mom and dad still took date night things seriously. So once a night or a week is usually Friday or Saturday night. I would just remember sitting in the back of the Toyota Celica or whatever car they had Ford Taurus hatchback. That's right. And I remember all I remember is the smell of my dad's intense cologne filling the car. And.

And all four of us boys had to be quiet and behave ourselves. And mom and dad went out. We usually went to like a Mexican food restaurant and maybe like walk in the park. And then mom and dad liked to drive around and look at houses that were for sale. I don't know why. And then we would drive home. And that was usually like a typical Friday night in America in 1980s for me as a kid in suburban America. Wait, wait, wait.

But you said, like, four kids followed? Yeah, they took all of us. Like, that's not a date. Well, it was a date for them, and we were just sort of like their chaperones. Tagging along? Yeah. Oh, I see that. But see, the...

The last time my husband and I went to a movie, I think it was when my daughter was like one and a half. I think the movie, I still remember the movie. I think it was Martian. You haven't seen a movie in seven years? I have seen a movie. This is where it gets interesting, right? After we had a daughter, in most cases, when we go to even go to fun places, we divide the duty. Like, let's say we want to take our daughter to a movie. Then one of us, we actually prefer that one of us take her to the movie.

so that the other can rest. Because resting... You have a date with your daughter. Well, we take her to the movie. That's more like it. But I guess a nicer way of thinking about it is a date with my daughter. Yes. But because we're kind of like, we're so, we have been so busy and the best thing for us is to be alone and rest for a bit. So that's the most romantic thing for us. So even, you know, I guess if both of us went, it would be like, oh, a date with our daughter.

But usually we prefer that. Okay, so you take her to her art class and I can do some work at home myself. Or I'll take her to skating and you can stay home and do your work. So, you know what? Like, it's about, let's make sure we can finish the basic duties. You know, you bring up an interesting point that I wanted to bring up later and...

And that is going to the mall to drop your kids off. Because in all of the giant super malls, they have skating classes and art classes, painting classes, English classes, all these different classes, chess classes, math classes. And when I used to work in a mall in 2015 or something, and I was an English teacher there, parents would show up, drop their kids off with us. We keep them for two and a half hours. And mom and dad would go off on a date. And that was a way that parents sort of like,

pawned their kids off and they're like also being responsible parents and had an opportunity to go out together. You know what? I guess for most families, maybe I can speak for them, at least for us. Like we don't drop kids off.

We take her to skating. It's in a big mall, like a fancy big new mall. We're really happy to find it. But we don't drop her off. We stay there. And we make sure that she's okay. And if she needs anything, one of us is there. So what happens is we will go there. I will make arrangement with my cousin. She and her husband, they will take their daughter. And we meet up at the mall. And then my husband say he will watch for...

usually two hours and that I will go off to like a nice drink place drink I mean I mean bubble tea instead of liquor and I'll read for an hour and a half just like some alone time or if my husband is busy I will stay at the rink you know by the side of the rink filled with parents and that he can go find a place and do his work so we don't just like drop our kid off like a

At least one parent, one supervisor, like grandma, grandpa will be there for the kid. Usually with like a hot water bottle. That's the scene you see in China. Well, you know, maybe in the ice rink, but when I was in the ESL business, there were no parents stayed because there was no place for them.

them. So they would literally just drop their kids off and then go away. So I don't know. I don't think, I think it depends on what they're doing. Certainly a lot of classes that parents can take. They do certainly absolutely 100% drop them off and go on dates. I was working in the mall in Majapu here in Beijing. And it wasn't just English. There was all kinds of different schools and you would just see parents and sometimes it was grandparents. The parents didn't even show up at all because maybe they're at work or whatever.

but oftentimes parents would show up and they'd like okay goodbye you know tong tong and then tong tong would go off

And then mom and dad would go and like have a nice dinner without Toto. Yeah, well, because I guess you seem like a nice guy and the parents feel safe, you know, leaving their kids with you. But normally they're not too far off. Like they're somewhere close by. Anything that happens, you give them a call, they'll like be right back. Yeah. So yeah, that could be a choice. And I think things are always changing. Our daughter is older now and she probably doesn't want to ask us

She probably doesn't want us to, you know, be by her side all the time. So maybe in the future we'll do some adjustments. Maybe she can spend some time, I don't know, with her friends and we drop her off at her friends. It has been like on rare cases because kids today are so busy. I mean, it's really hard to make arrangements for kids to meet up these days. Like they are doing this class, that class. They're traveling and do all kinds of things like that.

I just can't find anybody for my daughter to play with a lot of cases. But once or twice, you know, we dropped her off at her friend's home place and they had a few hours of fun and we can come back and like, you know, we'll sit in different rooms and do our own thing. That's like, you know, restoring peace and balance to ourselves. But I think we are

Not the majority, like most younger families would have some kind of parental help, like at least a grandma or grandpa helping them so then they can go off for some fun time. You're listening to The Bridge.

I have the survey in front of me, and this does not reflect on China. It's for January 14th to the 20th of 2025, U.S. adults from YouGov, dating experiences and etiquette. And it mentions here that 42% of the people surveyed are married, 38% not in a relationship. And I thought this is interesting. Throughout your life, how many first dates have you been on?

And it says more than 15. Wow. 14% of people. So 14% of American adults have been on more than 15 first dates, which means they tried out a new potential future. Mr. Mrs. Citizen. Yeah.

I think that's fascinating. I actually think, and I don't want to embarrass anyone, I've probably been on more than 200 first dates. No way. Oh, yeah. 200? Oh, my gosh. I just wanted to be sure. I didn't want to just marry anyone. I wanted to marry the exact perfect person, which is why I can get away with saying that, because my wife can be happy that I found the exact right perfect person. So I did. I

I dated a lot of people to make sure I got the kind of partner that I wanted. Okay. So I've noticed some differences in dating culture, like between US and China. It seems like dating is a, is like a big thing in the US. Yeah. That's my impression. Like people start dating at a pretty relatively young age and they seem to be like dating. Well, like the dating period lasts for a long time. People are always going off. Oh, I have a date. I have a date. I'm like,

Why do they have so many dates? Yeah. Like you just, for me, my impression is maybe you meet someone at work, you meet someone at school or your family, like your aunt knows somebody and you meet up and it seems pretty nice. And then that's how it goes. Like why all the dates? I have not. Wait, I don't know the exact definition of a date. I've probably been on a few, like definitely the one with, well, the one with my husband where I met him. It was just a...

a dinner, like dinner with friends. And he was sitting right like opposite me. It was like a four people dinner. I don't think it was a date. And then we went out on a date, right?

So like, so I only have a few in my life. So what is, what do you consider as a date? Well, let me get, let me ask you some follow-up questions about that room because you are our example of a, of a Chinese person in this show. So when you and your husband first met at that dinner before, between when you, you know, your first date after that, and when you decided to become engaged or a couple, something like that, how many more times did you go out with this, this person? Yeah.

Your current husband. Not that many times. We were engaged like a few months after we first met. It just felt right. And I knew it. I think I knew at the first date that he was going to be it. Wow. Somehow I just knew, yeah. And so it didn't take us that many dates. Maybe...

We went out for like, what, less than 10 dinners? Some movies. Wow. Yeah, we talked and, you know. So where did he bring you to try to, you know, obviously, I think in both China and the United States, it's the men's job still in both cultures to be like,

courting the female in both of our cultures. So what kind of places did he bring you? And what kind of... Did he bring you to the movies? And what was that like? We went to nice restaurants, like sushi places. We went to sanitor a lot, like those nicer places in Beijing where there are a lot of dinner choices. And he would look for restaurants

and we would try it out, you know, a different place every time. So that was really, really nice. A very nice period. Yeah. And then like, you know, two years of getting to know each other after getting married. And then when we, after we became parents, eight years of fighting and bickering. And after that whole trial, we've both grown and we've both matured so much and we've become so much more accepting and understanding of each other.

Like, so by now we were living like peaceful coexistence.

Tell me what's wrong with this or why it's different. Because in America, you mentioned, firstly, you mentioned after a couple months, you guys decided to get married or whatever. And then you got to know each other after you got married. In America, I think it's the opposite. Oftentimes, people want to get to know each other before they get married. It's like an interview, right? It's like a six-month-long interview process where you check, is this person cool?

cool or not, am I going to be okay with this person? That's like the dating. And then if it doesn't work out after a month or two, whatever, then you say, okay, I'm sorry, it didn't work out. I'm going to be seeing a new candidate. And then you try your luck again. And after maybe most people, I guess if we look at the statistics, it's 19%, two to three first dates, 19%, four to six

First dates. So for most people within the first half dozen or so, they've found their potential future partner. And so that is like an interviewing process to determine who they would hook up with. And like, oh, you know, but you mentioned getting to know him really well after. So maybe that's a difference. OK, first of all, if by that definition, I don't think I've I don't think I've ever really dated anyone.

Because for my experiences, it's with people that I liked from other occasions, like just at school, right? Or, you know, at a dinner with my husband. At that time, he was just a stranger. So I've never really went on a date as a date. The word dating in America does not necessarily mean not married. So technically right now, if your husband and you were going to dinner...

You'd still be going on a date. Yeah. You're still, you can go dating now, even as a husband and wife. Dating hasn't ended. You guys can still go out. All right, cool. Yeah.

We'll see when the next time arrives, maybe in the next decade or who knows, maybe later this year. Maybe when your daughter goes off to college. Probably. Yeah, we'll probably spend a lot of time traveling by then. But I think as someone who's been married for like over 10 years, like 13, 14 years, maybe, I think you don't really get to know somebody yet.

until you've been together for years and years. Like we are still learning about each other and also we're still evolving. So we're still changing. And I don't know how long people are supposed to be together before they decide they should get married because you can never know enough about another. I mean, some basics, maybe it feels right or somehow like I just knew that it was him.

It doesn't mean that marriage would be easy.

Maybe easy in some ways, but not easy in other ways. And for someone who spent maybe six years dating, you know, with the same person, it doesn't mean marriage will be easy for them after they, you know, after they get married. Because I think marriage itself comes with its challenges. It's just not easy. No matter who you meet up, who you marry, because it's just, it's deep, deep involvement. It's

It's an intimate relationship that you get to learn to build throughout your life. It's actually a really precious gift or an experience for personal growth. But if you don't think about it for this purpose, I think a lot of people will find it challenging in some ways.

And they might end up like blaming, oh, I should have spent more time getting to know him. Or, oh, it's all because of my aunt who thought he was a, you know, he was a nice guy, da da da da da. You can always find something wrong.

You bring up a good point when you talk about your aunt, because in America, I don't think anyone's aunt is choosing a potential dating partner. I think that's very common here in China. Can you tell us a little bit about how family members in China get involved in the dating process? Because I think that's fascinating for a lot of Americans. Well, isn't it natural? Let's say if you...

come across a really nice guy, and let's say you had a younger sister who is still single. If you meet a guy at work you think is really kind and has a decent job and seems everything is fine, wouldn't you think of introducing him to your

single sister? No, this is very un-American. No? No, moms don't do this. Grandmas don't do this. Brothers don't do this. No, no, no, no, no. Family in America does not help you find a partner. It doesn't mean you have to like marry him. It's just like, why don't you get to know him? I think that's very natural. I think it's almost even the opposite. If a brother finds a guy is interested in his little sister, he's like, why are you looking at my sister? It's like a whole other opposite culture. But what if it's a really nice guy?

We don't look for potential suitors for our relatives. That's really not an American trait at all. And also another interesting development, and maybe it's just for in my family. So I've come across two to three cases where the couple turned out to be classmates back when they were in like kindergarten.

So or like back in high school, for example, my cousin, she ended up marrying her high school classmate. I think maybe back then they had some feelings for each other, but like dating was not like it just nobody would think of it. It was just not allowed.

Not like not allowed, but it was unusual. Like you would have to not be so open about it. So I don't know the details, but years later, when she was in her mid-20s, they are about the same age. Somehow they got together again. And they've been married for what, seven, eight years now?

And another case is with my daughter's cousin.

So somebody from her hometown, like her mom's friend, introduced a guy to him to set up a date. So similar to what we were talking about, like on setting up a date for you. And then it turned out that they were standing next to each other in a picture they took in kindergarten. So I don't think they remember each other quite clearly back then. But there is some connection there.

you know, as you can find evidence for.

And they've been married for years now with a young son. Do you know about how in Shanghai specifically, there's a park that you can go as a mom or a dad or a grandma or grandpa and you put up a piece of paper which describes your daughter or son or granddaughter or grandson. And then you meet other grandparents and parents and compare notes and determine. And then you find a suitable partner and send your daughter on a date with the gentleman that you met.

Whose mom you've met in the park? Yeah, well, you know, that sounds like a cartoon, a scene out of a cartoon for me.

I think it's outrageous. I mean, it's more about the anxiety of the parents than the kids. I mean, the kids are not even there. It's like more like a job. Yeah, they're at work doing their work, right? Yeah. And a lot of the kids might not even know that their parents are doing it. So I think it's more a reflection of how anxious and in a hurry the parents are.

And it shows more like the standards of the parents. Why are the parents in such a hurry in China? Well, I think it's part of the tradition. You know, like you feel like your kids, it's, oh, he's in his 30s. He's not married yet. And most parents will worry.

And for daughters, they will worry at an earlier time. But I think as we're going in a different time and more and more younger people seem to be having enough fun to be on their own, like my daughter's other cousin.

She is, I think she's 35 and she's still single and she's having a great time. Like she found a job she likes and she makes enough money and she's in Beijing. And she goes out, you know, to eat and have fun and with her friends at work. So she's like living her life. But then her mom, which is who is my daughter's aunt.

She's been losing sleep over this for years. Seriously, every time we see her, she's like, oh my gosh, God help me. Like, I can't sleep anymore. I'm so worried. She's close to seeing a psychiatrist because her daughter... Oh my goodness. Because her daughter just

has no interest in dating. She's just living her life the way she wants. Well, how do you feel about that? How do different people in China feel about young people in China remaining single longer? Well, I understand them because they are having a good time. If they have a job they like, they have enough money to spend, they're so happy that they don't have time for dating.

And also, I think a lot of the kids in their generation, they grew up pretty spoiled, I have to say. You know how Chinese parents, how they pamper their kids, spoil their kids. They take such good care of them when they're younger. That I think they might not seem as responsible as adults, especially young adults. And I feel like both the girls and the boys...

look at each other thinking that the other side is not mature enough. You know what I mean? It's just hard to spot a person that you are satisfied with, maybe for them,

Yeah, that's my impression. And also they're just so happy already. You know what I mean? They don't feel like something is lacking. They don't feel like I have to have my other half so my life can be whole. They're busy like playing with new gadgets. They're busy on their cell phone all day. They're busy at work and they're busy ordering takeouts, trying out different kinds of cuisine. They're busy traveling.

So their life is like bursting with activities. They don't have time for dating.

Well, what about what if we put this new trend into the context of China is concerned that people need to have more kids? How does that balance in a culture where people are just having fun living their life? Yeah, that's a hard question. I don't know. I don't even think the Chinese Communist Party has found a really efficient solution to that. I mean, they've come up with

all kinds of incentives, right? They're trying to build more kindergartens. What are the incentives? What are the incentives to have more kids? Would you consider having a second kid? No matter the incentive. Yeah, no. They're, you know, trying to build more kindergartens, trying to work on nursery care, and they're giving out, what do you call them? Like coupons or what's like, they give you money.

Right. I can't find the Chinese tax deductions, something like that. Like you will receive this certain amount of money for having one more child. And this might be different at different localities. Like it's like each location, each provinces, each city, they have their own level of government and they have they actually have a lot of independence to do the things their way. And then whatever works will be promoted elsewhere.

So different places come up with different kinds of incentives. But it's just not easy raising kids these days. It's easier to have them than, you know, raising them. And I don't know what it would take, man, for people to have more kids. But then I think AI will come in and solve a lot of the problems, you know, with the aging population, even with childcare. Yeah, and other things like that.

I think AI will, robots will probably take over a lot of the work.

If robots were more advanced than they are now, you know, they were like relatively competent at putting out fires and stuff. Would you let a robot babysit your child? No. No. Okay. So one word on babysitting. So I think it's common in the States for the couple to go out to dinner and then hire a babysitter to watch their child.

Because I did that when I was over there living there in high school. And let me tell you, like us 13 year olds, 15 year olds, we're not very reliable. We don't know what we're doing.

I was a babysitter a few times, too. I thought I did a pretty good job. Yeah, I was. I tried to be really responsible, too. But I was not like I was not professional because I didn't know what else to do besides just making sure that they were OK. I mean, I remember the first child that I babysat. He kept throwing stuff at me. I would like he threw everything at me. He was he was laughing and doing it. I'm like, oh,

Like, oh my gosh, what am I supposed to do? And I nearly cried out of joy when he finally fell asleep. It was, but now that I'm a parent, there's no way that I'm leaving my child, especially like a younger child with like a 15 year old.

I think today the 15 year olds will just be like on her cell phone all the time. You know what I mean? Yeah, probably. So, yeah, that's not like an option for us. We're not going to hire anybody under the age of like 60 to watch our child. You're listening to The Bridge. Do you know what speed dating is? Is that the kind you went through? No.

No. Okay. Squeeze in 12. How can you squeeze in 200 dates? Well, okay. That's a different story. I want to talk about speed dating first. We can, we can get back to the a hundred dates thing if you're really interested later. So speed dating is something that's actually now taking off in China. Wait, used to be popular in the United. I wouldn't say popular. Let me say that again. It was a cute,

trend that a few people did in the United States. According to this data, only 6% of people are willing to admit that they've done it. But what it is, is you go into like a large restaurant and everyone has a number and there's an equal amount of people of opposite gender. So there's like 20 women and 20 men and everyone...

For example, all the men sit down at the same table, they stay at the same table, or the women. And then all the other gender get up every five minutes and sit down. And you need to talk with the other person for five minutes. And then if you want to, you can exchange phone numbers or not at the end of that five minutes. And then that way...

Those 20 men and those 20 women all meet 20 other potential future dating partners. I've seen that. And this increases the probability of finding a more suitable companion. I've seen that on TV, I think.

Like in some American show. Yeah, that's definitely not the choice for me. And giving it, giving this whole thing more thoughts, I think I've just never been very interested in men in general. So like dating. Sure, sure, sure. No offense. It's just, I'm a bookworm. You know that I'm a bookworm. So,

So I'm more than happy to be sitting in my own studio reading. And if, you know, the guy doesn't, if the right man doesn't show up, it's fine. If it shows up, it's fine. So I've never been desperate. Well, let me, let me just say something because, you know, customizing a date for a person is a very reasonable thing to do. A date basically should consist of

Consuming something. So that could be lunch, dinner, breakfast, whatever. And then going and doing something. Those two things. An event and a meal. And so there's a list here of dates that I would... I have and I would like to, again, eat dinner at a restaurant, eat lunch at a restaurant, watch a movie, eat a meal at home, go to a park. For you, your husband could bring you to a bookstore or a very nice library or, you know...

You know, that kind of thing. So your husband would be able to customize a date for you. Do you mention sushi? So sushi and a bookstore. Sure. Would you enjoy that kind of thing? Sure. Why not? Yeah. But then that's if we have like back then when we had time, like pre pre kid. Yeah, that would be a nice choice. And also nowadays, just happiness doesn't depend on that. You know what I mean? Like.

Because people do things so that they try to do things they like, right? They want something to happen. But for us at this stage now, what we want to happen is just like peace, just everything going okay. Everyone is healthy. And then we have some alone time to just compose ourselves and, you know, make sure that things are done. And I have some quiet reading time.

And he has some quiet time on his cell phone. And that's nice. Oh, there are a lot of things on this list that I think are actually really fun things to do. And you can tell me, those sound unfun to me. Have you ever been stargazing? Have you ever gone to where they have big telescopes set up and you can look through the telescope with your naked eye and see Saturn and its moons? Well, the time... A few times that we went stargazing, the first time...

the first thing that popped into my mind was in New Zealand. So we had this trip where we drove, what do you call those? Recreational van?

So we rented one of those recreational van and it was a trip with my husband and I, our young daughter. She was like, what, four maybe? And then my parents. So we met up in New Zealand and we drove around the country for like a week or two. And one night we camped in one of the camps. I guess it was in a hilly place, but not like big mountains.

And we were, it was already dark. We were, you know, we just arrived. We were getting things out. And then, you know, we looked up at the sky and it was like the Milky Way right there. The sky was so filled with stars. We were literally stunned. Like we were still getting things out. We're still getting ready to settle. And then all of us was like, wow, we just got to like sit here and watch this. So we got some kind of mat out.

just, you know, unfolded on the ground and we all just like lie down and started stargazing. That was beautiful. It was literally the sky was stud with like diamonds. I did not know that there were so many stars in the sky. It's crazy. Because in the city you see like one here, one there, and then there's the moon and you're pretty happy with it. Yeah.

And yeah, so it would be nice. Stargazing sounds really romantic. Yeah, if it's not, you know, if it's a comfortable environment. Well,

Well, can we I want to name some things that are specific to Beijing. And you've mentioned them before, because there is the National Center for the Performing Arts here in Beijing where you can go see a play or a symphony. Yeah, I just went there last night, by the way. Oh, wow. Yeah, I know. I was just there. And the funny thing is, I went there reluctantly because it's far from home.

And I'm busy. Daughter is home. But I wanted to go with my mom. You know, she's...

She's only here for a few days now. And she wanted to see like a traditional Chinese opera. Oh, yeah. Great. So, yeah, we got tickets. So I just went to be with her, you know, make sure that she will be OK watching the show. You have fun. But it turned out to be so amazing. Great. I did not know that traditional Chinese operas. I saw a Huangmei Xi. It's more like a southern style of very well-known Chinese opera.

And for the whole thing, it was over two and a half hours. Every single second was so captivating. It's incredible. Like I stood up and nearly shouted at the end. But Chinese audience are not as crazy as like, you know, they're not as outgoing. So I was like the only one standing up shouting how great it was.

But it changed my opinion of traditional Chinese performances. And I think now I understand there's a reason why people have been performing and have been watching these for decades and decades, and they're still going. I go see a traditional Beijing opera or traditional Chinese opera maybe once every year or two. I love it. Yeah? It's great. I love it. I can send you the information. Oh, okay.

Oh, yeah. I usually go to Meilongfang or the Chang'an Grand Opera. They're smaller venues than the National Center for the Performing Arts, but I've also been to the National Center for the Performing Arts for symphonies. But what about...

I mean, you have a daughter, right? So one of the things you must be doing, I'm assuming, is you, the three of you, go to museums, right? We've been to a few. And as I mentioned, usually, like, he would take her to a place. Like, he would take her to a museum. I would stay home and do some other work. So that it's about time saving, right? So that one of us can rest a little bit. Because we're both working and babysitting in a way.

What about the zoo? The zoo? We took her there when she was like two, two years old. Oh, it's time to go again. What is she, eight? She's got to go again. Yeah, well, we did go in Chengdu. We went to see pandas. I took her. My husband was working, so he didn't have time. But we and her three aunts from her dad's side, we took her there. So we saw the pandas at the, you know, at the breeding center. So that was a lot of fun. So we've been to the zoo afterwards.

Yes, when she was little. Very few people know about the following, but it's true. Did you know that Beijing has an official baseball team and a basketball team? Baseball team? I didn't know about the baseball team. And that they play games in stadiums all...

All the time? I did not know that. But I can't understand. Yeah, you can go and see them play. I can't understand baseball. I don't know what they're doing. Oh, really? Okay. I grew up. I knew what it was when I was like four years old. So for me, it's pretty easy. There's no like flow to it.

It's just sometimes they do this. Sometimes they do that. And then it's over. And then it starts again. No, it definitely has a flow. Oh, it's not like other like soccer and basketball. Right. It's so simple. You just we don't know the rules, but we know when something happens. Baseball ball goes that way.

It's good for that team. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, you have to learn the rules to baseball. But Beijing has a baseball team. They play in Sanlitun in the People's Stadium. And you can actually go see them. And like the U.S. ambassador to China, Burns, he actually goes to those baseball games. He goes to a lot of them. He's always taking pictures, selfies of himself, posting them online that he's there watching the local teams play, you know, the team from Shanghai and the team from Beijing playing baseball. Mm-hmm.

But, you know, that could be a really fun thing for you and the family to do, expose your daughter to sports. I mean, she's getting to the age where she's probably going to be in sports. She plays a little bit of basketball. Like, she's not, like, a very athletic person. But we try to get some sports into her life. So every week we take her to, like, a basketball class. But nothing, like, serious. Yeah.

Yeah, and then skating now because like a new skating rink in the mall. So see, the thing about malls here in China is that they for business to be good, they have to consider what they can offer kids.

Because most middle-aged people like us, middle-aged couples, they go to the mall first to eat and then to take their kids to do something. You know, there are classes in the malls for kids. There are skating rinks, maybe swimming pools or some kind of activity where they can take their kids and spend a nice afternoon there.

eating, playing, and education all in one package. And then this mall usually has really good food traffic. Like food, no, foot traffic, right?

They'll have a lot of visitors. Like this new mall they just opened, it has all of these things and even an outdoor area where kids can play. And every time you go there, no parking. It's so filled. This is really good. Next question. Next question. Do you like painting? Do I like painting? I haven't done that for like three decades.

No time for that. And you know why? Number one, you need a lot of different things and that's inconvenient. And then number two, it's horrible to clean up, right? Yeah. So did you know there are places, and this is true in San Francisco where I'm from too, and here in Beijing, you can show up

And they give you all the colors that you need to paint. You know, they say, what do you want to paint? I want to paint this. And they say, they give you all the colors you need and you paint and you rent the amount of time that you spend painting. And then when you're done, they clean it up for you and you just take your painting home with you. Yeah. Sounds nice. That sounds like an art class. Yeah, basically. Yeah. My daughter goes to. It's like a nice date. Yeah. My daughter goes to an art class sometimes and she says, I just go there for the supplies. Yeah.

Yeah, they have more different kinds of items. And the teacher maybe offers some advices or guidance, but mostly she's on her own. Yeah, but the fact that you don't have to clean up after all this is a good point. They are like speaking of all these getting all that stuff and also getting all that stuff. I think if you're, you know, you want it's a period of your life where you're open to dating Beijing and Shanghai and Chengdu have

I've been to all three cities. I know that they can be great cities where you can date. There's so many choices, so many restaurants and so many fun things to do. Even if the dating doesn't work out, I think you'll still end up having a good time.

Like you won't regret spending time either stargazing, going to the zoo, watch pandas, or maybe their baking classes, watching sports. Oh, comedy shows. I know you've been to comedy shows. I've never been to like a live comedy show. I've been to like a live crosstalk show when I was single. Like everything stopped after you have kids.

But I, yeah. You're like, once upon a time. Once upon a time. Yesterday. You have explained that you prefer, you seem to, more than most people, I think, very much prefer being at home with your books. So, you know, if you found what makes you happy, I'm not going to try to force you. Let me ask you another question. Have you in the family or maybe your husband and your daughter ever,

Been to Universal Resort and Studio here in Beijing. Universal. Yeah, I've taken my daughter there. We just went this winter. You know how many people were at Universal Studio on that day? No. Fifty five thousand at the peak. Wow. In one single day.

How do you even know that? They have a tracker. It's updated instantly on your cell phone. Or they have this number. The app will tell you how long you have to wait for events. Like the Harry Potter. You've been there, right?

You've been to Harry Potter, right? No, I have not. I've been to the Disneyland in Shanghai. I've been to Disneyland in Hong Kong. But I have not yet been to the Universal Studios here in Beijing. It's not somewhere I would go by myself or with my husband. Like, we went there to take our kids. It was my cousin. She got the tickets and they are expensive. She got the cheapest in that month. And that was like 600 RMB per person.

Per person. So on that day, there were six of us. That's why we haven't been yet. I mean, it's for my daughter's sake, right? Because her classmates, some of her classmates have been there and they talk about it. And we feel like, oh, you know, maybe we should just give her the opportunity.

And I mean, it's not a thing for me. I don't know what the fuzz is all about, but it's, you know, it's one thing checked off your list that things you feel like you have to do for your kids. But the Harry Potter ride was a bit of a thrill. It was actually a little scary. It literally nearly scared the, you know what, out of my daughter. Yeah.

She nearly peed in her pants. Yeah. Oh, wait, I have another question. I have another question. Right now, Nudja is trending and has recently broken through 2%.

Two billion yuan that it has made so far, making it like the number seven or eight top grossing film of all time and the number one grossing cartoon from any country of all time in the history of the world. Have you seen Najatu? I have. We took her to the movie when we were in Chengdu traveling.

I'm not really impressed. I don't even like it that much. And actually halfway through, I was like, am I watching like a fake version or something? Like, what's all the fuzz about? Seriously. And it was long. It was over two hours long. I mean, yeah, the special effects is great, technically speaking, but the storyline wasn't impressive. And I just don't, I don't know why you would be

sort of promoting all this hatred and fighting between people. So I did not see the point because they were always killing each other. And it's as if my mom is more important than your mom. And if you kill my mom, I will smash your world.

But what about the mom of your enemy, right? How is his mom, you know, less than your mom? So I think morally speaking, I don't get the story. And it's very far away from the traditional noja figure that I know as a child. And so I did not like it, to be frank. And I know that that will make a lot of people angry, but that's my opinion.

My daughter loved it. I mean, I think a lot of Chinese people loved it. Yes. Actually, I had the opportunity to interview a lot of foreigners recently in Xi'an, actually last week. And I asked them, hey, have you seen Najatou? And the universal answer was, what's Najatou? I think it's a huge phenomenon in Asia, but I think in the West, people are unaware that it's happening at all. Yeah, I am.

I like the Pixar movies, I think, a lot more than this one. This one was just like a lot of noise, a lot of special effects, but the storyline wasn't that good. I want to switch back to dating. I want to ask you,

In China, because I know in China, if a bunch of friends go out, usually one person pays the bill and maybe next time a different person. That's common. But what about with men and women, young men and women, maybe a non-married men and women? Let's ask about you and your husband. Did your husband pay for dinner when he was courting you? Of course. If, okay, so commonly, and I'm going to say this frankly.

Like if the man asks to divide the bill at a date, there would be no second date. There would be no second date.

And it's just not the culture. And we call it AA. It's like, I don't know what's the term for that in like for dividing the bill in English. It's just... We say Dutch treat. Yeah, going Dutch. Even among friends, that's not common. As you said, like it's just easier for one person to pay the bill. And then maybe next time, you know...

the other person pays, something like that. Well, you know, it's kind of debated in America now. There's a lot of couples where they do split the bill and that's a growing trend. But traditionally, the male pays the bills when dating, especially during the dating period. I mean, after you get married, it's really, it's the family that pays the bill. A lot of times it's the woman who pays the bill because it's from the same pot, right? And a lot of Chinese women take care of the finances, right?

for the whole family. So they're usually in charge of paying bills and all that. But on a date, you know, I just think it's nice not for the girl to worry about this. And it's not about feminine this or masculine that. I think it's just nice, you know, for the gentleman to pay so that there's no fuss about it. And it's a nice gesture.

Yeah. So no, definitely. So, you know, I, I already know the answer to this question, but I want to check with you because in America, it, it matters that if the mom or dad approved, but not really that much, it's more of a,

do you like them situation? And if you do, then you stand by that. And if your mom and dad don't like them after you've decided that you do, you're going to probably continue to see them anyway. But what about in China? I mean, you do ask for your parents' opinion. I mean, like, it usually goes like this. Like, by the time you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that, would you like to meet my parents?

That's close to saying I'm thinking about, you know, engagement and marriage. So unless you are at that stage, usually the parents are not involved yet. But it's part of the game to make sure that your parents do see your choice of a partner.

And hopefully they like him or her so things don't get complicated. The last kind of question. I think this is something fascinating for Americans looking at Chinese relationships, especially as it relates to the stability of the couple. And I get different answers from different people. But, you know, I assume you're going to have a balanced answer. What is it? Because let me let me give you an example. When I started dating my my wife, her mom said, does Jason own a property?

And I thought, wow, what a strange question. But what is the relationship between a couple getting married and ownership of real estate here in China? Yeah, that's a huge thing. Traditionally speaking, the man, traditionally speaking, okay, the man would have a house or slash apartment, like a stable place of residence. And hopefully under his name. You mean own or?

Is it or rent? It's better if it's your own, like as your property before marriage. So, you know, we've talked about this in other shows, how Chinese families, they, by the time you get married, you should have a place that that's under your name, like your property, even if there's a mortgage behind it. So you don't have to worry about moving every few years and things like that. But if, you know, these past decade and more,

with the housing prices so high, that's not possible for every family. But most families across generations would try to pull together enough money for the couple to have a place to call their own. But I mean, most families, not all. Yeah. And psychologically, it's really important for Chinese families.

to have a place to call your own. And I think the younger generations now, they don't care as much. They don't have as much of a mental baggage when it comes to this.

So I think things are changing. Yeah. So now if, you know, Jason is a really nice guy and he really cares for my daughter and he's, you know, he works hard, but they're renting. I think most people would be okay with it and know that they will work toward owning a place eventually. I want to throw out some statistics I find interesting. They're from Statista. And this is who's on the apps. Mm-hmm.

And that means how many people are dating based on using an app. And in China, it's 82.8%. 82.8% of...

Chinese people use an app to find dates. What? Whereas in the United States, it's yes. And whereas in the United States, it is 60.5%. 88% of Chinese people? 82.8% of Chinese, of unmarried Chinese folks use...

Wow, that sounds really high.

We're out of time. If you guys want to add to our conversation or tell us about your favorite date or tell us about the worst, most horrible nightmarish date you've ever been on, please email us at welovethebridgeatgmail.com. We would love to read your nightmare date story on the air. Thank you so much for your time, listeners. Thank you so much for your time, baby. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.