Episode 1599 - Andy Blitz
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All right, let's do this. How are you, what the fuckers? What the fuck buddies? What the fuck nicks? What's happening? I'm Mark Maron. This is my podcast again. How are you? Thank you for all the feedback recently. It seems that everybody enjoyed the Dwight Yoakam. I knew that was a good talk and I knew that was a good record. Sometimes, you know, it all just comes together. Have a good time. Talk about the stuff. Today on the show, I talked to Andy Blitz. Blitz is a guy I have known forever.

For a long time. He was a regular at the Luna Lounge back in the day. I kind of used to see him around. He has a very specific tone, a very specific speed, a very specific personality. But he was definitely present during that time in the mid-90s in New York City. And, you know, sometimes I like to reflect and reconnect. And I had seen Andy around occasionally, but he's kind of a mysterious character. But I thought, well, hell, let's...

Let's get him in here after all these years and have a conversation. So he was working at Conan for years as a writer, and he was in a lot of sketches. He's written for television a lot since then. You know, he told me he's...

He's going to be working on this new late-night show. They call it Late Night, starring Jason Kelsey. That's going to be on Friday nights in January on ESPN. He's also writing for TED on Peacock. And he's connected into the fabric of the great comedy blanket that I'm knitting. I'm at Largo in L.A. tomorrow night, Friday, December 13th, for a comedy and music show. For those of you, I don't even know if there's tickets for that, but I can give you the song list...

I can tell you what me and my late boomer slash Gen X cusp band are doing. I don't even know how old most of them are. I don't know how old anybody is. But the song list for tomorrow, I think we're going to do Stepping Out, the Blues Breakers version, so me and Jason can...

Play guitar at Cool. And then we're going to do What Goes On by the Velvet Underground, which is a favorite of mine. And I just played it in New York, so it's still in my head. We're going to do Going, Going, Gone, the Bob Dylan song, which I find is very relevant to my place in life now. I think we're going to do Carmelita, the Warren Zevon song, because we enjoyed playing that before. Then we might step out on a limb.

and try to do Lust for Life by Iggy Pop, which sounds easy, but it's very hard for me to keep that beat going while I'm singing. We'll see. It's either that or Call Me the Breeze, the Lynyrd Skynyrd version of the J.J. Cale song. Then I believe we're going to do New Speedway Boogie. That's a Grateful Dead song. How many is that? That seems like most of them, doesn't it? That seems like a good selection of tunes. Well, I feel like there's one other one. God damn it.

But yeah, so we're going to... That's what we're doing. Friday night, I'm going to do comedy. Fahim Anwar is going to do comedy. I'm not sure who the...

The other comic will be, we'll find out. In the new year, I'm in Sacramento, California at the Crest Theater on Friday, January 10th. I'll be in Napa, California at the Uptown Theater on Saturday, January 11th. I'm in Fort Collins, Colorado at the Lincoln Center Performance Hall on Friday, January 17th. Then Boulder, Colorado at the Boulder Theater on Saturday, January 18th.

I'll be in Santa Barbara, California at the Lobero Theater on Thursday, January 30th. Then San Luis Obispo, California at the Fremont Center on Friday, January 31st. And Monterey, California at the Golden State Theater on Saturday, February 1st. Go to WTFpod.com slash tour for all my dates and links to tickets.

Yes. Yes, that's all happening. I got to get that hour back together. I don't know if you know this, but we have a HBO special taping on the books for May.

In New York City, if all goes as planned, I'll let you know when tickets are available for that. There's also a lot of dates in other places. Kansas, Texas, Oklahoma, North Carolina, South Carolina. Yeah, we'll get it in shape. Maybe if my brain continues to work. All right.

I drove a truck the other day. I rented a pickup, had to move Kit, had to move her stuff into another place, and I'm driving the truck. And, you know, I really believe that there's a part of me that is that. Is that possible? Is there a part of me that's a guy who drives a truck? Sure, why not? I can do it. I'm not afraid of trucks. I'm not afraid of tools. I'm not afraid of lifting stuff.

I'm telling you, man, all this is leading to me in my retirement seeking a job in the sort of construction sector. Is that possible? I'm sure there's a lot of opportunities for guys in their early 60s to drive trucks and move things. I don't know. Keeps me focused, which gets us back to the ADHD business. Look, getting a lot of input. I'm getting a lot of input from people.

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Now I got to, you know, get off the fucking Zins. I just hit a wall with everything. Food, nicotine, coffee, booze, drugs. That's behind me. Gambling, never my bag. I just, it just gets to a point where I'm like, what am I doing? What do I look like on the baseline? Why am I doing this all the time? Why do I circle around? And I get to the point where I get terrified of something. And then I'm like, I got to stop all this shit. And I, and I've done it before.

But now with this whole idea, with the ADHD idea, I guess I just got to go get broke down. I got to go get it broken down for me. I got to go get, what is it, evaluated. Because I've gotten a lot of emails about the ADHD business and a psychotherapist, a psychologist, she said, basically she said,

quote, the fact that you are taking as many Zins as you are sort of negates the question of if you would benefit from stimulant medication, as in you're already self-medicating with a high level of stimulants. If they are working for you and don't cause cancer, you're probably getting the same help with focus and helping your brain feel more settled. People with ADHD tend to need a lot of stimulation.

It's not like I recommend nicotine, but I get that it scratches the itch. Is that what it is? Is that what it's always been? I mean, I feel like I've thought along these lines before. Do you know how much coffee I drink a day? So many of you have been up and down this goddamn tree with me so many times. It's stupid. Why?

Why don't I just go get medicine? Why? Because I'll tell you why. There's a couple of reasons. There's the age old idea that like, well, I don't want to lose my edge. I don't want to lose my personality. I don't want to, you know, feel, you know, different, you

in a way that I'm uncomfortable with. I'd rather stay with the thing that makes me uncomfortable all the time, but I know it. I live it. It is mine. It has always been mine. I don't need a new discomfort, even if it means I get rid of the old discomfort. That's one angle. The other angle is if I have ADHD, what's the medication? Like Adderall? I mean, look, I'll be honest with you. I've been sober a long fucking time.

And I think no matter how old I am or how strong my sobriety is, if I got an Adderall prescription, that would be tough. That would be tough because I like the go fast. I like it. And I guess that's part of the condition.

Why wouldn't I like to go fast? Back when I did blow, I used to do blow and I'd be like, this makes me feel normal. I mean, a little intensely normal, a little like sweaty normal. But in terms of how I thought my brain should feel like cocaine, yeah, I would get high. But there was a point where I'm like, oh, everything just quiets down. I definitely noticed that back in the day.

I definitely knew that why that was my thing. And then just the balance of it, the balance of booze and blow. So I don't know. I know there's probably, I don't know anything about the medications available. And I imagine an anti-anxiety might, you know, also be part of the package. But the idea of Adderall, look, I'll be honest with you. I'll call myself out when I have a cold. I'm pretty excited to take those, you know,

Those pseudofeds that you got to get from the pharmacist with the phenosudofedrin in there. I don't overdo it and I'm not even sure I can feel it, but I'm pretty excited because I think it gives me a little zing. Give me a little zip. Makes me think, you know what? Fuck it, man. Enough of this shit. Enough of it. I'm 61 years old. I don't know what's going to, what can I fix still? But I don't know. Maybe I'm going to go get evaluated.

And keep you in the loop on that. All right. Because I know you're just wondering. And I appreciate the support and the outreach. And I appreciate that there may be treatment for this. But I also appreciate that there's a whole spectrum of psychological profiles that weren't around when I was younger. And there's also that part of me that's sort of like, you know, just deal with it, man.

I used to do jokes about that. You know, this is a reasonable response to what's going on in the world. Yeah, that might be true, but I don't have to personalize it all the time. I mean, what is going on in the world is, yes, it is happening to me, but I'm not alone in that. So what about that part of it? The personalization, the grandiosity of that, the self-centeredness of that. Could I use some relief from that?

For me, the only relief that I find in my head is the relief of someday stopping everything that I'm doing and just disappearing and living a quiet life. Maybe driving a truck. I don't really want a truck. Actually, maybe a Subaru Outback Wilderness. Is that weird?

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He's got some stuff coming up, but it's not exactly clear what it is. There is this, they call it Late Night, starring Jason Kelsey. Is it Kelsey or Kels? I should know. That's going to be on ESPN on Friday nights in January. And he might be doing some stand-up around town. But I've known him a long time, and now his time has come to talk. This is me and Andy Blitz. I got a lot of travel coming up.

Going to New York, New Jersey, I got the tour dates next year. Once I'm on the plane or in the car, I'm good. Leading up to that moment, a little stressed out. And look, if you've got a lot of travel coming up or maybe one big trip that requires a lot of planning, it probably feels like you have a lot on your plate. You might think that hosting your place on Airbnb while you're away is too much of a hassle. But what if someone else took care of everything for you? That's what can happen now with the Airbnb co-hosting network.

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So this beard project, how long have you been working on that?

This is, I think, a few months. Wow. Yeah. You're one of those guys. I had one that got, I think, about this big, and then I shaved it New Year's Day. So it's been a year almost. Yeah, I guess so. And then I was going to shave it, and then I decided to keep it as like a lucky thing for— For what? For Kamala.

Oh, yeah? Yeah. Well, first... You wanted to be one of the few men who aren't bears that looks like that, that voted for Kamala? I do feel that people silently assume I'm a... A what? A Trumpy when I walk around. A Trumpy or a, you know, psycho libertarian making cooking outdoors videos? Yeah. Here I am in the Antarctic, and I've got a fire going...

I would love to infiltrate that community, but just be like... Why couldn't you? I could, I guess, at this point. What would you do? What's the plan of infiltration? How does it work? Are you an assassin or you just want to get to know them a little bit? I just want to counter the propaganda they're getting. Just push. But personally, you just want to go out and go like, hey, guys, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I just want to be like... Look at my phone. I have some facts. Yeah. That'll work. Yeah.

This climate change thing might be for real. Cold, right? Weather seems weird. Yeah, I think that's a good plan. Yeah. Now, I feel like we're okay, right? Me and you. I think so. Okay. Do you have any problem? No. I do feel like I might have been a dick at some point to you, maybe in the Luna days, but I don't think it was ongoing.

It was fine. It didn't bother me. It was. I'd been warned about you. What? Seriously? No. No, you were grumpy. Mm-hmm.

But never took it personally. I didn't take it personally. I was, I didn't understand. I thought show business was all great. Yeah, at that time. Yeah. Yeah. So I didn't understand. Well, I think there was like, there was a period there where you first started where I wasn't sure whether or not you were mentally challenged. Mm-hmm. Or that was a stylistic choice. Yeah. Yeah.

Take your time. There's no reason to rush to a conclusion. Or a punchline. Yeah. Yeah. I remember when I started doing like the five-minute sets on the late-night TV, and I was just like, oh, I can't possibly finish a joke in five minutes. I know. Yeah, impossible. Yeah, we're going to have to stretch it out a little bit. We'll bring him back to finish the joke. Yeah.

But I was trying to think because the last time I think I ran into you was in New York.

At that place that used to be, did it used to be Max Fish? It's a coffee shop. Right, yeah. On Ludlow Street, right across the street from what was Luna Lounge. It was either formerly Max Fish or Pink Pony or something like that, yeah. Really? I feel like- Or maybe it was Max Fish. Yeah. I think one of them, isn't one of them, oh no, Pianos, I think, might still be there. Do you remember that place? Yeah, that's a block down. Block down, yeah. Or something like that, yeah. Yeah.

I feel like I missed most of the, I think I was in New York for the original alternative explosion, which was sort of focused on one place, Luna. Yeah. And then there was some other thing going on at Surf Reality that seemed to be, I wouldn't say a different tier, but a different approach. Yeah.

And Luna was sort of integrating mainstream comedy acts with kind of aspiring performance artists. And there was a bit of tension at times, I felt. You would have like, right, at Luna you might have Reverend Jen followed by Roseanne or something like that. Pre-insane Roseanne. Yes. Or latent insane Roseanne. Did she ever come there?

Do you feel like she did? At least she did one set there, yeah. Really? Yeah. I feel like everyone kind of did one set there because they felt like it was something to do. It's kind of like this podcast. It feels like everyone's got to do it once. But now that everyone has a podcast and everyone is yammering, there's no end all of a sudden. It's the biggest...

to clickbait industries is that every idiot has a podcast and now every celebrity on every tier just never shuts up. Yeah. And do you feel like...

I don't know a lot about the podcasting world, but when these podcasts pop up, is it similar to how you would feel when new comics would show up at Luna? It used to be, but not anymore. Now I just feel like I've done something horribly irresponsible. I championed something early on. I opened a portal, me and a couple other people. But we keep it real. We keep it audio.

Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, people don't feel pressed to dress up or show up with people. And I think there is a different way one takes in audio than watching. Right. I think it's more intimate. They can imagine what we look like. All right. So let's go back. I've decided that it's become my job on some level.

I did it with the Comedy Store, but now as history and memory and everything is so easily revised and erased in people's minds, and I think it's important to talk about Luna Lounge and what we did there, Andy. What we did there. But like, where did you grow up?

I grew up mostly in New Jersey. I was born in New York City. Yeah. And then lived in the East Village as a kid. You did? Yeah. Where? Fourth Street and Avenue A. Really? Yeah. As a kid? Yeah. Would that have been in the 80s? 70s. Oh, so it was like, it was rough. Yeah. Why was your family there? My dad is from New York. He's from Brooklyn. Right. Yeah.

And my mom is from Argentina. Oh, really? Yeah. Huh. She is Argentinian. Yeah. And she's a doctor. And she came up to New York for like a fellowship of something. Oh, so is that where they met? They met on Roosevelt Island. What? Before they put the tram in?

I think, when is that? They met in the 60s. So what the hell were they doing on Roosevelt Island? Were people living there? There were people there. They were working in a hospital there. Oh, so that's what was there, a hospital. Yeah. My dad was a research psychologist, so he had a lab there. Because I don't feel like the housing was there. I feel like maybe there was just a hospital there. Because I don't know. I feel like the tram to Roosevelt Island-

It was put in when they built condos out there. Maybe it was just a single scene where people would go out. Around the hospital? Yeah. You just like one bar in a hospital. Yeah, yeah. That's where you go to. So they met there? Yeah. So your mom's like Argentinian? Yep, yep. You speak the language? Poorly. Yeah? Mas o menos. Uh-huh.

Well, her mother did not speak English. Right. My grandmother. And so she would speak to us in Spanish. That was it? Yeah. I didn't, I kind of, it was in my brain a little bit, but then we didn't really, she spoke to us in English, which is not how you do it if you want to be properly bilingual. And your dad's Jewish? Yeah, they're both Jewish. Your mom's Argentinian Jew? Yeah. How'd that happen?

Argentina let, allowed Jews in. They had like a liberal Jewish immigration. But wait, like in recently or like are you talking about after the Inquisition type of thing? This would have been like –

Started in the late 1800s. Right. Okay. Right. Yeah. My mom is from a town with the subtly Jewish name of Mosesville. Mosesville? Yeah. In Argentina? Yeah. It was like a Jewish colony. Oh, so they just wanted to make clear where the Jews lived. Yeah. For when they indulged all those Nazis residents. Sure. So they could walk around the parameters of Mosesville nostalgic for killing. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That's crazy. So your mom came from Eastern Europe? Well, she was born in Argentina. Her parents, yeah, were from Poland and Ukraine. Okay. I see. And then they... Yeah. I think my grandmother went there in the 20s and...

My grandfather, who I never knew, he went there as like a kid. But not to run away from Hitler's. He was like fleeing a pogrom. It was like Hitler on the roof style. Oh, in Pale of Settlement or like Belarus or Ukraine? Ukraine, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Wow. And then, yeah, so she and her sister grew up in Argentina. And your grandmother just was totally encultured Argentinian.

But they were not Latino. Is it called Latin America still? Latin America, yes. Yes. Yeah. I mean, their roots were they were Jewish immigrants to Latin America. But then I guess, yeah, my mother is... Third generation already probably, or no? Second? She was the first generation Argentinian. So her parents immigrated from, yeah. Wild. Yeah. And they spoke Argentinian? Yes.

They all spoke, you know, they spoke a minimum of 10 languages. My grandfather was, I mean, he died when my mother was 12, so I don't know him, but I think he spoke many languages. Isn't that wild? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with us? I can barely get through English. I know. And the world all speaks English, so if you travel, like... Sometimes you have to go slower. Yeah. Which wouldn't be a problem for you. It's so rude of them to...

Not practice their English so that we... I wish I knew other language. Yeah. I got pretty... You know, I studied Spanish at school and then I went to Argentina during the writer's strike before this one. Oh, you did recently? A couple of years ago? No, no. Oh, like in 2000... Started in 2007. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I went down there.

I mean, I was on the picket line, and then it was getting cold. That one started in November. And then I just said, I'm going to flee. I mean, as long as I observed the strike, I felt fine about it. Yeah, you're going to flee the writer's strike. Yeah. Yeah, so... And then I went down there, and I... The strike was resolved. You know, there was, like, there was a lot of, like, posturing and...

I think like Gavin Pallone, that guy wrote like a thing, like the studios are prepared for this to go on for a year or whatever, which I don't know if that was true. Something like that. And so I thought it would go on for a long time. And then I went down there and then it was resolved, uh,

Fairly quick, a month after I got there, but I just decided to stay. Oh, you were there a while. I was there for five months. How was that? I loved it. I loved it. I mean, I thought about, I fantasized about just like staying down there. Uh-huh. And then people would say like, whatever happened to that guy? Yeah. I think he went to Argentina. Yeah. That's crazy. Well, I think, isn't there like not a good political situation there now? No.

They've elected a right-wing kind of nut who calls himself the Argentinian Trump. Yeah. I kind of remember him. Wasn't he a show business personality as well? Like he does a lot of big – like he's like almost a wrestler or something. Yeah. I mean we're not ones to point fingers at this point. Ever. Again. Anywhere. Yeah.

My brother was down there for a while. Oh, he was? Yeah. What was he doing? Was he like living down there? Yeah. Oh, wow. He was living there for, but it was like, it was nothing too romantic. I think he was in like some sort of frozen food business. Oh, yeah. I'm not sure. You got to go to Buenos Aires. That's where he lived. Oh, yeah. I think he was working for that one company. I don't know, bringing in pizzas or something. Okay. Yeah.

So when do you get, so when, okay, so you grew up on the Lower East Side. Right. But still Avenue A and 4th, hell of a choice. Was it a big place? I had two older brothers, so. They still around? Yeah. That's great. I saw one of them yesterday for Thanksgiving. Oh, he's out here, right? Yeah. Yeah. He's in the business. Yeah. He's a director. Yeah. Yeah.

And the other one's in Oklahoma. And I'll see him next month. Oklahoma? Yeah. He's a law professor. At the college? He's at Oklahoma City University. Wow. Yeah. How's he feeling about Oklahoma? Do you ever get calls like, oh, my God, I love it here? He's fine. He's settled in there. Yeah. I go out there. In Oklahoma City? Yeah. Yeah.

I perform there. He lives in, like, I think a neighborhood where there's a lot of academics. Moses Land? Moses Land, yeah. Academics, quote, unquote. You know what I'm getting at. Sure. Mosesville? People who love to talk. You know what I mean. Yeah, sure. Sure. Every time I perform at a place like that, it's like I don't draw huge, maybe 400 or 500 people, but they're very grateful. Yeah, you've gone out there. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, there's like, there are like-minded people. Everywhere. Everywhere, yeah. Yeah, it's like the margin of difference was less than 2%. So there's a good 76, 77 million of people that are like-minded versus the 78 million that aren't. Yeah. And then the other 100 million that didn't vote. Right. But yeah, I do find a certain amount of solace in that. Yeah, I try to... How are you rationalizing it? I...

Yes. Similarly, I think of Glass as half not fucking idiot. Yeah. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Yeah. So when did you move to Jersey? I was six. What part of Jersey? So Bergen County is

This town called Ridgewood? Yeah, my family, Pompton Lakes. Okay, that's not far from there. Yeah, yeah. Did you spend time out there? I always go to my grandma's. I was born in Jersey. Oh, you were? Yeah, we lived in Wayne for a couple years when I was very young. Right. And my grandparents lived in Pompton Lakes through most of my life before they went to Florida. Okay. So, yeah, I know Pompton. Yeah. I know the Willowbrook Mall.

Sure. It's nothing but malls there. Yeah, Paramus Park. I was around when that opened, buddy. Oh, wow. It's a big deal. We went out. My grandma was excited because I think it had one of the first food courts. And I guess it was promoted as – I remember when it opened, my grandma was like, we're going to this new mall, and they have food from around the world. Wow.

You don't have to go to Greece. Yeah. To get souvlaki. Yeah. Yeah. Or gyros. Yeah. Sure. There was actually a place called, that was the first time I had Greek food. Right. It was at the food court in Paramus Park. Yeah. And the Willowbrook just had a fountain. Like they got lost. Yeah.

Right. They got upstaged. Do you remember the Alexander sign? The Alexander's department store? That giant painting? Yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That's gone. I remember driving by it. There's an Abisko factory, too. Oh, yes. That was in Fairlawn? Somewhere. I think so. What was it? Off 23 or something? I don't remember what the highways are. I think that's the... I think there was... But every time we drove by, my grandma would go, I could smell the cookies. And we'd sit there like... Yeah. And you just kind of smell the... I remember when Secaucus smelled terrible.

Before the stadiums were built. My grandmother always used to say it was all pig farms. Oh. I didn't know that. My grandfather's family is from Elizabeth. Okay. Yeah. Dad's from Jersey City. Oh, my God. Full Jersey. You're full Jersey. Yeah. Paisano. Fucking full Jersey. Yeah.

So what are you, what are you wandering around New Jersey when you decide to do comedy? Yeah. I was, um. Did you go to college? I went to college. I went to Columbia. So I went back. That's fancy. Yeah. Smarty pants. What'd you study there? Ah, getting out of Columbia. That was my focus. My buddy teaches at Columbia. Oh, really? Yeah. Teaches what? Writing. Oh, okay. Sam Whipsite, the genius. Nice. Yeah. Is he enjoying it?

I don't know. Yeah. I think he likes teaching. I think that when you choose that path as a writer because you want to be true to yourself and you end up in academia, that it's very hard not to get sort of enmeshed in the politics of academia. Right. So that takes up a lot of your mental space. Yeah. Yeah. I struggled with depression and stuff in college. You did? Yeah. How bad? Yeah.

It was bad, I guess. I don't know if I'm depressed. No? Good. No. That's good. I mean, I'm not now, but I was then. Some days I think, are all these things that I'm thinking because of depression? Like, am I so acclimated to depression that I wouldn't know if I have it? Oh. That seems crazy, though, because when you're depressed, you kind of know, right? You lose your will to do things.

I think you feel defeated a lot, but I do think that it's— Oh, I'm depressed. I think that one of the—it sort of is like it messes with your whole perception of reality, and it's— Yeah. You know, I think that you— Were you incapacitated? Yeah. Well, I was never like—I never had to do a—I was never—

an inpatient and anything like that. So I was just, I did therapy and meds, but I was just like struggling at school on account of it. Did you have friends? I had friends and yeah. Oh, that's good. Yeah. So you weren't so depressed. You were just the depressed one of a group. Yeah. I was, everyone's got their role. You need someone to. And you got on the medicine? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that helped. Yeah. Yeah.

But now, no medicine? I'm not on it now, but I might. I have had some anxiety stuff. I've had a panic attack at a baseball game, and so I think I need to. Boy, you're really invested, huh? With baseball, that must have gone on the whole game because there's a lot of waiting involved. I'm a Mets fan, so how is this going to go wrong, you know? Yeah.

How did that manifest itself? Was it panic? You couldn't breathe? Yeah, it was. I was there with, did I just trigger one for you now? I'm telling you, man, I'm always in half a panic attack. Yeah. Like always. Yeah. But I've got so acclimated to it that I do contrary action and act as if thinking. Oh, great. Yeah.

It's cognitive. Yes. Cognitive stuff is very helpful. It's just like, it's the, I think it's one. And eventually you just do it because I don't want to do anything. And then you realize like, well, just do it. Right. Yeah. I think that's, I think acting and, and doing stuff is good. And so wait, what was the panic attack? I haven't periodically. I mean, that one was like, I thought I was having a health emergency. Which one?

Which, what did I think I was having? I wasn't quite sure. I thought I had like a heart palpitation and I felt lightheaded. Yeah. Yeah. I could have used you there laughing about it. It would have been, it would have given me some. But just like that's every other day for me. And like when I hear people talk about it as an event, I'm like.

am I living life wrong? Because like, I never, my hands are always tingling. I, you know, I, sometimes I can breathe, sometimes I can't. Yeah. Palpitations, fuck. Like, I don't even pay attention to those anymore. Right. I mean, maybe it's kind of, maybe that's, you have to have enough of them until you're just like, oh, I'm just having a panic attack. Yeah.

I don't even identify as that. I'm like, well, I don't know what that is. It's just life. Yeah. The waves of life. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, I used to have these things in my chest, like, like these fucking things. And I'm like, and then my buddy started asking me about, like, he's like, he started getting those, like, where your heart just goes. Yeah. And he's like, I went to the, I went to two doctors. I'm like, dude, it's, it just happens.

Yeah. It's just nothing. Are you thinking about taking something for the anxiety? Yeah. Did you talk to somebody? I mean, I might do the whatever, the fluoxetine. I've talked to a doctor. Oh, not just other panicky people? Yeah.

It's just as good. Yeah. No, I mean, I'm giving you the just ride it out approach. Yeah. But you might want to talk to another panicky person who's actually medicated to see how they're doing. Yeah. I also had one when Ruth Bader Ginsburg died. That triggered one. Oh, yeah? For me, yeah. Huh. And I...

I took like a Ativan or something at that point. Yeah, I can't do that because that would be daily. Yeah. Why wouldn't you? And then I was just like, I'm just going to go to bed. Yeah. And then there was, I was in LA and there was an earthquake. Oh. So. So no sweet for you. Yeah. To take another Ativan. Yeah. No, no. At that point I was just like you, I'm just like, just going to ride it out. It's going to be fine. How was the earthquake for you? Good? Good.

Yeah, you get used to them. They're kind of fun, right? Yeah, sometimes you don't even know they happen. Yeah. All right, so in the midst of all this panic, did you start doing comedy in college? I started in high school with— In Jersey. In New Jersey. You know, I got into—I would see like the—oh, um—

What's his name? Just Jim Abrahams. Jim who? The airplane. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I love that. He just died the other day, right? Yeah.

He was part of the team, right? There was a couple of them. Yeah, Zuckers. Yeah. I met the Zucker guy. Yeah. Naked Gun. Like, I loved that stuff. You liked it? I did, yeah. That was really funny. All jokes. Yeah. Yeah. I loved Letterman and stuff. But then I met Andy Daly and I, our high school friends. Does he live by me? I don't know. Yeah, not far. He does, right? Yeah. Yeah, we were just sort of, we had access to...

We had like an education on shooting and editing and stuff. From your high school? Yeah. So you had the big clunky VHS cameras or Betamax cameras? Yeah. You had some sort of a TV studio there? Exactly, yeah. Yeah. And we even had public access. The school had a show on public access? We had like an hour or something like that. And so Daley and I did sketches together in high school.

That we wrote and performed and shot. Do you have those digitized? Yeah, we do. Got to get those out there. Yeah, I think we did it to destroy them. No, some of them hold up for being 17. Right. You know? Yeah.

Like, when I watched it, I was expecting to cringe more. And I was like, okay, like. That's me. Yeah. Or like, we screwed this up, but this is still funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I played Bob Ross. The painter. Yeah. Yeah. I think I did before. For a wig? Or did you have hair with a big furrow then? No, I got a wig and a fake beard. I think that Bob Ross wouldn't be a stretch for you. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel like you're doing a little Bob Ross now. Yeah, I think so. And get those trees going. Yeah. Yeah, I think it was the... And what was the arc of the bit? Of that bit? Yeah. Did he mess up the painting? He did. Yeah. And then you just had to roll with it. Yeah. And it was like messed it up too bad. Yeah. So he just like decided to...

It became like a surreal painting. Like, it was too big a fuck up. So he just decided to put a giant wrench over a landscape. That's pretty funny. Yeah. You know, for teenagers in New Jersey. So how do you start doing stand-up? Did you do stand-up with him? With Bob Ross? Yeah. I started doing stand-up. So I think you, weren't you performing at the show that became Luna Lounge when it was at Rebar? Rebar.

And how long was it? For a year or something like that? Dude, I don't, I'm losing dates. Right. But it was at Rebar for a while. And the only thing I remember about Rebar was that there were no chairs.

And everyone sat on the floor, I believe. Uh-huh. And the stool that they had on stage was this metallic kind of like someone's big idea of a modern thing. Like there was some sort of angle to rebar. And the stools were just ridiculous. You could barely move them. Right. And I'm a sitter. So I just remember it was a real hassle. And I remember being kind of angry because you go in and there was the front bar and then there was like that curtain. Yeah.

And then there was the back room where the thing was. Yeah. And I think it started becoming a scene at Rebar a bit. And I remember I had some sort of ridiculous on stage. Robert Klein kind of cornered me into an improv. Okay. Yeah. And I bad mouthed him the next week.

And it got some press because the fact that Robert Klein was there, some reporter went. And then I ran into Rory Rosegarden, his manager, at Penn Station or something. He's like, hey, Robert, have a good time. I don't understand why he thinks you don't like him. You don't like him. I'm like...

I don't know. I was just trying to do the thing, and then an old man got up and started doing an improv with me. It's not really my bag. The least he could have done is warn Roseanne not to go. Yeah. Oh, jeez. Yeah. I don't know. People would show up there. It was always kind of interesting. But it became a—when it moved to Luna Lounge, they kept doing an open mic at Rebar. Oh, really? And then I went in one day. This is the first time up? Yeah. Yeah.

And do you know who Chris Regan is? I don't even know if he is aware of this. Chris Regan is a very funny TV writer. He writes for like Family Guy. He just kind of saw me. I can't remember if we knew each other. We might have known each other through friends, but I'm not sure. But I think he saw me just kind of lurking. Yeah. He's like, just go up. Like, who cares? That's a good one. Who cares? Yeah. Me? Me? I'm terrified. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe he was...

Maybe he thought I would bomb. So maybe he was just trying to— We don't have to assume that. So you said, who cares? And you're like, yeah, you're right. Yeah. And that worked for, what, a minute? I had a very short set, but I wasn't really prepared. I didn't have a lot of—I had thought about, like, oh, this is what I'll ever say if I stand up. And then I did it, and it—

It went well. I don't think I'm one of these people who if I had like, I mean, it's very common, I guess, to bomb for the first time doing it. I feel like I maybe would have just been discouraged. If you bombed? Yeah. But you did all right. I did all right, yeah. And so I immediately decided I think I might be able to do this. Yeah. And then I did a lot of that, the Lower East Side shows, the Surf Reality, Face Boy. Face Boy, sure. Had the open mic on Sundays. Yeah.

And as you're saying, it would be like you would go up and then somebody would come up and read like a very sincere poem. But you're still in high school when you do this? No, no. I went to college. So I did the sketches with Daly in New Jersey. Then I went to Columbia. And I mean, I think it was part of my, not all of it, but part of like I had been able to do comedy in high school.

And then went to Columbia and then just like, I don't know how to do it now. Yeah. And that was, that was part of what was depressing me. Cause like this thing I had was gone, this outfit. And then I, but then by my senior year, I wrote for this thing called the Varsity Show. It's like a school tradition. Like it goes back to like Rodgers and Hammerstein. Right. So, oh, and I did that. And you know, it's like a musical, it's a musical review. Yeah.

I thought the best, like I wrote some sketches for that, but I thought the best part of it was the music. I thought like the music composer, I thought was brilliant. Because I thought like these songs to me are as good as anything I hear that's out now on Broadway. Yeah. And so I just assumed that the composer would become...

Like a go on, go on. And then I then I heard like he was studying political science. Yeah. And I was just like, oh, it's too it's too bad. He lost a good one. Yeah. And so that was Eric Garcetti, who was the mayor of L.A. for 10 years. Really? It's yes. He's a great songwriter. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.

But he's also like ambassador to India now. Your friend still? No, I'm not. I'm not really in touch with him. Maybe you should hit him up and say like, why don't we just kick around some ideas for some music stuff? Sure. He's in India now. He'll be back. Yeah. Probably at the beginning of the year. He's not going to have anything to do. Maybe it's time to get him going again. Yeah.

No, he's a great guy. Oh, good. But, yeah. But it was the first sort of turn of disillusionment, like that people don't honor their talent because for whatever reason, it didn't seem like the thing to do no matter how good you might have thought they were. Well, I think for me, I was just like—

I'm like, didn't you guys, I wasn't consciously feeling this, but I probably went there like, I just did this funny stuff in high school. Yeah. Like, why aren't you guys, I should be recruited like an athlete or something. Where's the comedy program? And they're like, oh, we don't know what you're talking about. So you start doing all those open mics. I started doing that after college, yeah. Yeah. And then. Where were you living?

I was moving around a bit, sublet to sublet, sort of. But I was also in the—my parents were in New Jersey, but then I had an aunt who had an apartment there that I— In New York? Yeah. And so I would like—

First, it started out that she was a snowbird. So I would like... Oh, yeah. A few months. Yeah. And then sometimes we would be like roommates. Oh. So you're chasing the comedy dream. Yeah. But the weird thing is, maybe I'm wrong. I mean, it didn't seem... Did you always feel like you were going to write...

Because it didn't seem like you were a lifer, like comedy was all it was ever going to be. What do you mean? Stand-up. I think I always, yeah, I knew that I wanted to write. I mean, I wasn't making any money from comedy when I was performing at Luna at that point. You know, I was, like, new. Yeah. Yeah, one night at Luna, I mean, because I lived close to there, I would just, like, sometimes hang out. Wasn't the show on Monday nights or something? It was, yeah. Yeah.

It was, like, I kind of, that was my first aspiration was just to, like, just to do that show. Yeah. You know? To do the Loon and Lounge show. Yeah, it was cool. It's so weird when I think it was Mondays because, like, I'd get coked up a lot. And that was, like, after the weekend. So I would, you know, just because of Monday nights, I would fuck up most of my week because. Oh, you would do that for the show? After whatever. That was just, like, when the party began was Monday. Okay.

Right. Not a great night for parties to begin. Yeah. Most people are just beginning their week. Right, right. But do you remember at the beginning, do you remember what was going on there? Do you remember what the shows were? Well, you were on a lot. I did not know that you were doing any drugs. It wasn't all the time. Well, Sarah Silverman would do a bunch. Do you remember the weird ones like Portnoy? Yeah. Portnoy, I...

Yeah, he would perform there. And then when he did that Soy Bomb thing. On the Bob Dylan at the Grammys. Yeah. I was, he was, that was a Sunday night and then Luna Lounge was Monday. Yeah. And I was in the, I stopped into the public library for some reason. And I was just like, I think that's Bob Dylan in the public library. Yeah.

And I had this idea that I was going to get him to, I knew Portnoy was booked on Luna. I wanted Bob Dylan to interrupt Mike Portnoy the next night as like a revenge. Like, how does it feel? He just might take his shirt off and put fuck you on it. Yeah. Yeah. Or you would have let him write it, but. Yeah. Did you approach Bob?

I did, and I started with the wrong question, which was, are you Bob Dylan? Yeah. And of course the answer was no. And yeah. That was the end of it? I just feel like, therefore, if you were not Bob Dylan, and I asked you that, you would just laugh and be like, come on. Right. You know? But just kind of, it was kind of like, no, I don't want to talk to you. But I'm not 100% sure that it was him.

But you didn't follow through with the idea? I think I jumped on stage in my—I repurposed my Bob Ross wig as a Bob Dylan wig. You did? Yeah, but it was like— No one cared? Yeah, it was just like—it should have been Bob Dylan. If I had to recast that bit, I would have said the real Bob Dylan. Good luck getting Bob for that. Yeah. I was annoyed with Portnoy because—

Whatever the poetry of Soybaum was, it didn't add up. If you're going to disrupt, and I think he went full Dada as opposed to have something at least— I guess it was memorable, but what did it mean? Because then he got stuck in that situation where people were like, what does that mean? And he's like, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think—I mean, I don't think Dylan would—I think Dylan hated—

being interrupted. No, of course. It felt like a huge violation. And actually, like, if you look at the, you can find the performance on YouTube. Yeah, sure. And they've edited Pornhoy out, you know. Oh, really? Yeah. Which is not surprising. It's just like. No, it's terrible. Fuck that guy. Yeah. Yeah.

And I think, I don't know how he feels about it now, but you should not do that to somebody else's performance. Well, I mean, there were definitely people around at Luna at that time where it was like, I have no idea what became of them or what his mental state was. The thing I remember him doing that I thought was great was he took his bottle, his little pill thing of Prozac out and dumped it and then stuck his dick in it. And I thought that was relatively inspiring.

Yeah. And now Andy Blitz. Right. I have to follow that. Todd Berry, of course, a regular. Yeah. The guys from the state started coming around, which annoyed me. And then the UCB guys. I got very, like, because I was a stand-up and I was sort of a, what do you call it, dyed in the wool? Is that what the phrase? I was like a stand-up comic that when sketch people came, I'm like, what the fuck is this? What's happening here? Right. What are they doing?

Or when one of them would try to do stand-up, I'm like, what the fuck is this? They're a gang. They're a group. You can't just have Michael Ian Black up here solo. What's Matt Besser doing alone on stage talking? Right. Yeah, I had these stupid principles. But it helped. It helped bring an audience to the show, I think. It got real popular for a minute. Yeah. Like, it got some press, and it was like there were lines out the door, and I would show up cranky because it would make me nervous because I was trying to honor the idea of it.

Like new stuff every time. Yeah. What happened to you that day shit. And then it very quickly, once Singer took it over, became kind of a more of a professional showcase. But I still wanted to adhere to the just sort of like angrily talking about my life at the moment. And it was very helpful to me. But I walked away from it feeling very embarrassed a lot. Well, it was you were supposed to do new material, right? That was the. Yeah. Yeah.

But I think that didn't take, right? Like, people would... That was the idea of it, but no, but then it just became a professional show. Yeah. And then there were regulars, and it was kind of a thing for a minute. Yeah. But what happened with you? Did you ever do regular clubs? Sometimes I would do clubs, but I just preferred the audiences that... I mean, I felt like a lot of these people are hilarious people, and, like, you get to see them...

Well, I'll tell you what my thought was. I don't feel proud of, but I would just feel like the crowd at Luna is the crowd that's smart enough to figure out that you don't have to pay all this money to see these comedians, you know? So it was, I mean, it was... But also, they were forgiving, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, more than anything else. Right. Is that, you know, the requirement of doing a regular club, there was a context there. And a lot of people that were used to doing alt shows, the transition into doing the job was different. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. But I did, I enjoyed, you know, I would do some clubs in town. Yeah. And then...

Once in a while on the road. You've got your late night shots, what, on Conan? Yeah. From Luna. I sort of, I was hired to write on that show before I ever did stand-up. Was that your first gig? Yeah. Who hired you? Robert? Groff. John Groff, the writer. Yeah, John Groff. I gave him his first writing job. You did? Yeah. Oh, wow. On Short Attention Span Theater on Comedy Central. Right. He's great. Yeah, so he took the gig after Smigel left.

Yes. Or Mike Sweeney. Mike Sweeney's after Groff. There was a guy, Marsh McCall, who is not around anymore, who did it for a few months. So that was your first writing job? Yeah. I was out at Luna Lounge and I ran into a couple of co-writers who I'd recognized from the show. Yeah. Tommy Boccia was one of them. Yeah.

I started chatting with Tommy and Brian McCann. Yeah. And I didn't know them at that point. And Tommy said he was about to leave Conan. Yeah. So that's how I hear. I mean, that's how. And you put a package together? Yeah. But that's sort of like, it is, looking back on it, it's weird that I had to find out that way, that Conan was hiring. Yeah. Just run into someone whose job I want, who was leaving that job. Well, that's just how it happens sometimes. Yeah. Yeah.

So I wrote a packet, and then they hired me. Who was on the staff then? So Mike Sweeney was on the staff then. Brian Stack and John Glazer. Yeah. When I started at Brian McCann. John Glazer's funny. John Glazer's really funny. I'm working with him now, actually. So I hired him for me. I think he's never going to forgive me for misspelling his name in our book. Oh. I think he's a J-O-N, right?

He's J-O-N. Did you put an H in there? Yeah, it was either an H in the N or Glazer was with a Z. He spells it with an S. Yeah. Yeah, might have been a Z. One of the names was wrong. Right. And I remember he said, who's John Glazer when he saw it in the book? And my producer, who's very meticulous about that, we just, it got by us and I...

And I felt like correcting all the books by hand. His Instagram handle is like a phonetic, how would you say it, like the pronunciation of his name. And it seems closer to what you put in there. I don't know if he's not over it. You think it might be directed at me? Maybe. Ask him. What are you working on with him? Do you know who Jason Kelsey is? No.

Do you know who Travis Kelsey is? Yeah. Yeah. So Jason Kelsey is Travis Kelsey's brother. Oh, yeah. They're both football players. They're both football players. Jason Kelsey is retired. Yeah. And ESPN is doing a kind of a late night show, but it's all around football. Uh-huh. So that's something. And he's hosting it?

Jason Kelsey is hosting it, yeah. I mean, it's not going to be like he's going to come out and do a monologue or anything like that, I think. It'll be like... So you guys are working on sketch ideas? Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. That'll be funny. Yeah, I think so. We're having fun so far. So once you start writing a Conan, that puts you in the writer's loop and stand-up becomes kind of secondary? Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's... And you got your Conan shots from writing there. Yeah, I think I would have gotten booked there. Eventually? Yeah. Yeah. I think so. But then I still had to audition for the show. Who was booking it then? Frank Smiley. Frank! He come out and see you? He would come out and see me. And then he talked to you after? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I don't think that one's going to happen.

That one's funny. One of the worst times I ever bombed was running my set, my first set ever for Conan the night before at the cellar. Oh. And it just like. And you didn't work there usually. Frank, it got you on. Yeah, it got me on just to run the set and it just bombed. And then it's like, okay, well. That can be hard. Good luck. It's what he said? Yeah. Then it did kill. It went fine. The Conan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

But Frank just said, we'll get you out of the cellar. Yeah. I once... Do you remember Peanut Butter? I did a character, Peanut Butter, who was like a deeply mentally ill comedian. What were some of his jokes? I did... I can't remember. They didn't make any sense. None of the jokes made sense. Was it insensitive, do you think? Do you think you could do Peanut Butter now? I do think so, yeah. I don't think...

There was anything that, I mean, just by luck. But I auditioned once for the, I don't know how I arranged it. Like they did like a showcase. Yeah. The club booked like all these comics on. And I'd been working at Conan for like five years. Yeah. And then I snuck onto the lineup. I had them book me as Peanut Butter. And I did it for Frank and Paula Davis as well was there. And they loved it. And I wanted to, I wanted them to book me and just have Conan audition.

not know it was me. Like just, I'd go out there and do a set as Peanut Butter and have Conan figure it out while I was out there. But I think they thought, no, we're not going to prank our boss. So you never did Peanut Butter publicly on the show? No, I never did. I mean, this is, I sort of had, I have a self-sabotage streak, unfortunately, but Comedy Central offered me a

As peanut butter? No. And I said, I'll do it if I can do it as peanut butter. And they're like, well, not the whole show. And I go, well, then thank you anyway. Really? And I, that was a mistake, but. Like what, a half hour? Yeah. Ah. You fucked that up. Yeah. I mean, among other things, but. Like what else? What else did I fuck up? Yeah. Coming off of Conan, I.

I was pitching a show for my... I was on Conan a lot. I got to be on camera and I got to do, I think, a lot of funny stuff on the show. So my managers were like, let's go out and pitch a show for you. So I did and I sort of... I don't know. I didn't really...

I think I'm better now. I wasn't much of a salesman in the room. Yeah. So one of the networks was like, well, it was going to be like a sort of a sketch show for me. Yeah. And they'd be like, well, Chappelle's show, you know, was about race. What's your show about? Right. I was like, nothing. It's just a show. It's just funny. Yeah. And they're like, oh, well, no thanks. But MTV was interested, actually. Yeah. So I, and then I was kind of...

I was trying to... I wrote a bunch of... They wanted... I don't know. They wanted it as cheap as possible, I guess. But I wrote a bunch of sketches and I was trying to have a common thread. And I was like a conspiracy theorist. That was one character who thought that Gerald Ford was still alive. There's no way Ford really died. He faked his own death. And they were like, our audience does not know who Bill Clinton is. Yeah. And we're not going to like...

rest this much weight on Gerald Ford? And I was like, you have to. They'll learn. They'll learn. They'll look it up. Yeah. And that was the line you drew? Well, then the strike hit. But I think I was, I should have played ball a little more looking back. What other writing jobs did you have?

I wrote for Review. Again, I reunited with Andy Daly. Yeah. That was on Comedy Central. And my brother Jeff was writing and directing those. Yeah. How many did that run? We did like three seasons of that. Wow. Yeah. So that was really fun. What was the angle on that show? I don't remember it. I didn't watch a lot of TV. It was adapted from...

On an Australian show. It was like Andy Daly played a life reviewer named Forrest McNeil who would get, like people would want him to have life experiences and then rate them from like zero to five stars. That's pretty broad. So it would be like addiction. So he would play like kind of a buttoned up guy who would have to become an addict just so he could review the experience from, or half a star I think was the lowest, half a star to five stars. Yeah.

And then he had to get divorced from his wife because somebody was just like, you know, I have a happy marriage. What's it like if I didn't? So he had to divorce his wife for no reason, just for the purposes of the show. Yeah. That's pretty funny. It's a show that is beloved by...

I would say it's beloved by everyone who has seen it, who is made up entirely of people who are professional comedy writers. Whenever I meet a layperson who finds out that I work in TV, they don't recognize that show. But I always tell them to watch it because I'm very proud of it. Okay. And what other ones? Master of None. Oh, yeah. I worked on that. All the seasons? I worked on the first two seasons. Did you know Aziz?

I knew Aziz, yeah. So I knew Aziz from New York, from comedy. Yeah. And then I wrote a little bit on that Human Giant MTV show. Yeah. Was it him and Kroll? No, it was him and Rob Hubel and Paul Scheer. Oh, Paul Scheer, that's right. Yeah. Yeah.

And then, yeah, they wanted to bring me on to that show, but I was working on review, and then I ended up joining in the middle of the first season. How do you make a living now? I'm hoping Jason Kelsey will pay me. No, just, yeah, I'm working in TV. Pick up writing gigs? Yeah, that's what it is. I worked for Seth MacFarlane. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's been like show to show. Have you pitched any of your own shows outside of the ones that you fucked up earlier? A couple of them, yeah. But I've got ones that I think are going to knock America's socks off. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I've got pitches that I think are. When are you going to pitch them? I don't know. Maybe New Year? Oh, yeah? How about that? You've been working on it?

Yeah, I've been preparing the pitches. That's good. It's weird. The industry is weird now. Well, it's very small. Everyone seems to be doing their own thing. And if you're not willing to get out there and do your own thing, get your own presence going, be your own publicist, be your own brand, be your own producer, it seems to be hard to get things done and even harder to get people to fucking watch them. Yeah. It feels like there's... It's a bit of a...

I don't know, unsettling moment. I don't know. In the world? Well, that too. Yeah. It's all connected. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I do think, right, there is something to like the, there's an appetite for garbage, I guess. Sure. Maybe. Maybe.

Yeah, there's a championing of garbage. Yeah. I think that what's happened is that people become so enamored with garbage, the mundane and the amateur nature of people being sort of earnest as opposed to talented. You know, I think that a lot of the great stuff gets forgotten. Yeah. Or people don't have patience for it anymore. Yeah. But I think it's always been sort of a mixed bag in the sense that, you know, if you do a certain type of comedy...

Or even in writing. I mean, it was always a limited audience. I mean, I guess it depends what you're gunning for and how you get them. I don't know. I mean, I had a conversation with my manager at some point after the strike. Yeah. And he seemed to feel that, I don't know, panicked. Run. Were you even doing stand-up? I am going to do, I don't have a specific, but I'm working on a show called

I'm kind of writing a, I mean, that's sort of, I'm writing like a long show, an hour. Solo show? Yeah. Yeah. I hope to find a place for that. Dynasty. Yeah, dynasty or Elysian or something like that. Get it up on its feet. Exactly. What's it about? So my parents sold a house in- Jersey? In Jersey. You know, my dad's like a real hoarder. For real? Yeah. Yeah.

Any good stuff? Well, that's the thing. There is some good stuff. And that's why, like, I was encouraging him to throw out a lot. And then he would, like, show me things. And I'd be like, just throw it out, throw it out. Yeah. And then if he showed me something I thought was cool, I would have to mask that.

my feelings about like hold on to that. Yeah. Because it would just encourage him. Hold on to everything? Yeah. Like there is, I mean, there was some cool stuff. Is your mom still around? Yeah. They're both, they're both around. They're together. They just celebrated 60 years. So how's she handled the hoarding? She's a doctor? Yeah. She's a retired physician, pediatrician. And he's just what? A hoarder? He's just a hoarder. He's not retired from there. And she lives with it? Um,

No, we are, we're going to like set them. Oh, I mean, they've, they're staying with my brother right now. And we're going to like, we're looking for a living situation for them. But it's not, I don't quite know. We're in the process of. So they sold the house and it was full of stuff. Yeah. And your dad wanted it all moved. Exactly. And they are the deal. They were tearing down the house and they were just like, you can leave whatever you want.

The new people. Yeah. They're just going to throw it in the dumpster. Right. And my dad's like, absolutely not. So, and he, they're in their nineties now. So he stopped driving. Yeah. And they were at that point in the city, they were back in the city and I would drive him basically like every day for four months from New York to New Jersey. To go through the garbage? Yeah. Yeah. Did you record it? I have some footage of it. Yeah. And this is the show?

Yeah. Well, it's partly about that, yeah. Would you call what he was experiencing mental illness or nostalgic? A common mental illness. I mean, it's like it's understandable to not, I think, to want to hold on to things. Yeah. But it was at the level of illness. Yeah. But like are we talking like this plate? I can't throw out this plate? I can't throw out anything. It was, yeah. No. It was crazy. And it was sort of like-

When I got in, I was sort of trying to focus on what might be valuable. Like, let's get that moved to storage. Yeah, but, like, the weird thing about valuable things, it's like I just went through my closet. Yeah. And I had, like, my entire wardrobe from my show Marin. Right. It was very specific. Right. Shirts like that, Western shirts, stuff that, you know, you would see at vintage stores. So I'm, like, sort of like, well, maybe I can find a place and do a trade thing. And I'm like, no, I don't want –

Yeah. I don't need the money. I don't need more clothes, really. So then there becomes the issue. If I just throw it into the goodwill, then it's a real find for somebody. Yeah. But then I'm thinking, who do I think is going to find this and be like, holy shit, a Western shirt. I don't even know if those people are around anymore. Most of them are my age. Right. They've got their own boxes of clothes that they're bringing. What extension of the ego does it represent? Right.

Like, when you do a show about this, I mean, like, there's a very interesting thing about nostalgia and what things represent and why they mean something to somebody. Seems like it could be a deep show. And then at the end, you just bring peanut butter back. It's Conan doing the character in disguise. I mean, already, even before now, that, like...

I mean, it's storage spaces in New Jersey is where the stuff is now. Oh, so to placate him, you put it in a storage unit. Yep. But my parents are now here. Yeah, so just sitting there. Yep. And he knows it's there, and that makes him feel better. No, I think he realizes, like, well, that was a mistake to put all that in storage. Why isn't it here? Yeah.

Well, just like, you know, the expense of storage is not worth it. So now he's ready to throw it away? I mean, he says that, but, like, if we start going through it, you know. But you could just go do it and not tell him. He's never going back there. Right. Yeah, I think. Hopefully he's not listening. Hopefully he fell asleep already. I mean, my brother and I were talking about, like, you know, we know a lot of good actors. Why don't we just, like, hire someone?

to pretend, to play a guy who's really interested in buying all this stuff. Right. And then we'll just like, we'll give him the money. Oh, I see. So. Would that placate him?

Would that satisfy you? I think so, yeah. Because then it wasn't wasted or something. Oh, that's interesting. So you ought to shoot that. Yeah. Some guy like, hey, your sons told me about this amazing collection of stuff. Yeah, I'll just say we. And we went to New Jersey. I went through it. And I want to buy most of it. Yeah. This is amazing. What's in there, dude?

You know, there's some like, there's a lot of books. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of his old clothes. Oh, yeah. He's, you know, not going to wear again. Yeah. There was records. So, I mean, there's a lot of unlabeled VHS tapes. Oh, yeah. Those go for a lot of money. Yeah. Mike Conan stuff, maybe. Bob Ross sketch. Boxes of unlabeled VHS tapes. Yeah. Man, you could put that right up on eBay. Oh, my God. Yeah. Hmm.

But we just, we did walk, we ended up walking away from like, I mean, there was furniture too. And then when it came time, I'm like, all right, I think we got everything. He's like, what about this like rowing machine from 1986? Yeah. So that's in the storage closet. Yeah. Oh, that'll, yeah, that's something you can gain in value. Yeah. Increase in value as time goes on. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's, all right. Well, that'll be interesting. Yeah. Do you think, I was thinking-

I'm trying to, I'll just say it now. Yeah. If anybody wants to do this show. Okay. You pitching one now? But just, this would be, just be a one-off to be like, to compete with, because I don't want to watch the Trump inauguration. Right. I feel like a lot of people feel that way. Yeah.

Just to do like a comedy show that's opposite it. Yeah. On the same time broadcast. Sure. Just so people have something else to watch. On what network are we thinking? Wherever. Does Comedy Central still exist? I think so. Yeah. I don't know. Otherwise, Peacock. Let's be real. Yeah. What's the show? I mean, it would just be like a live stand-up show. It would just be nothing. But it would just be like so people can not watch the inauguration. All right. Well, I think that that's anything possible.

You're in competition with anything that's not the inauguration. Snapping. Maybe that should be the pitch. Yeah, I don't know where you'd put something like that. You don't have a hook for it. No. I mean, this is what it was like when I came off of Conan and was pitching my show. I mean, maybe you should have a...

A parallel universe inauguration. Yeah. Maybe get Kamala Harris. Why not? Yeah, anything she says now, people are just going to get mad at her. It would be a good excuse for her to skip the real inauguration. Sure. She's like, oh, I already committed to this one on Peacock. It seems everyone's very hung up on where she spent all that money. Yeah. You could just have, maybe that's the show. It's starring Kamala Harris. It's called Where's the Money? Yeah.

Uh-huh. And she just does a breakdown of all the money. Where things got spent? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if that would help us. I don't know what would have helped. No, no. I'm just thinking about the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Deconstruct the election. Don't worry. Yeah. Well, Andy, it was good talking to you, buddy. Likewise. You feel all right? I feel good. Yeah. I feel. Well, let me know what those records are. Oh, yeah. That your dad has. I'll give you a first crack at them. What are we talking? 100? 200? 1,000?

I think maybe 200 is. That's not much. Yeah. Probably a lot of garbage. It's probably not in good shape. No, some of them are, there was a leak. Yeah. So there was. Those records are useless. Yeah. Those are garbage. Yeah. What were the records though, you remember? Be like a Harry Belafonte record and stuff. Tom Lehrer. Yeah, both of those records probably. Yeah. I think they're stuck together. Sure. Because of the leak. So that I'm only willing to do as a two for one deal. Yeah.

I'll give you for the price of one and a half rack. Stuck together top one in the record? Yeah. That's all going to be garbage. Yeah. That's the name of the show. Everything ends up garbage. It does. All right, buddy. Take care. All right. Take care. Thanks, Mark. There you go. Andy Blitz. If you want to find him, he's on Instagram at Mr. Andy Blitz. Hang out for a minute, folks.

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Progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates potential savings will vary. Not available in all States. Hey people, we're coming up on the end of the year and full Marin subscribers can hear my year in review comments on the latest bonus episode where I talk with Brendan about the past year of WTF. Bobby Lee and you have a very comforting like vibe together. And I think you both enjoy each other. Yeah. Yeah. He's so funny because he, he's like, uh,

He has an idea of me that is real to him, and I'm sure it's real. But like, you know, anytime I see him, he's like, what's the matter with you? Everything's good. Everything's good. You know, and I'm like, what are you yelling at me? Like, I saw him the other night. He's trying to encourage you to be happier. Is that what it is?

Yeah, yeah, kind of. Or to give myself credit. I see. Because every time I see him, he's like, dude, I would not have the job I have without you. Like, he's one of the only guys I know that consistently thanks me for what I brought to the medium. Oh, that's fun. That's nice. Because...

because he's like, you know, you did it. You did it. None of us would have jobs without you. Oh, that is very nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To get bonus episodes twice a week, sign up for the full Marin. Just go to the link in the episode description or go to WTFpod.com and click on WTF+.

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