S4 - Ep. 63 - Karen & Chris
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This is exactly right.

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do you need a ride do you need a ride do you need a ride do you need a ride do you need a ride do you need

With Karen and Chris.

Welcome to Do You Need a Ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. And this is Karen Filgaro. Do you like that little pause? Yeah. I noticed you adopted it. Well, I like to mirror your intros. Yeah, it's okay. I know. I mean, I'm not taking offense. I don't care if you do. Uh-oh. Wait a second. Wait a minute. That was a bit confrontation. Yeah, I would rather you mirror my positivity. Uh, I...

The fake fight is over. Okay, good. Because I didn't mean to start it. Yeah, nor did I. I didn't, I didn't, it probably didn't even exist. No, no, I absolutely did it. But it's, that's my old kind of 90s way of, this is funny if I'm confrontational and it's 99% of people in the world hate it. Yeah, but it's the rule to any solid improv sketch. You gotta... Attack? Yes, right away. Is that true? Yeah, I think so.

I don't think I've seen any good improv sketches that start with support and I like what you're doing over here. Oh, okay. You have to go, no, you're not a cop, and why are you scrubbing that pan?

And that's the annoyance theater popular in Chicago. Oh, got it. Yeah, when you're shaking it up a little bit. I just talk about things I've heard about. I've not experienced it. I prefer to not experience things and just everything's kind of gossip. It's like a gossip-based life. Yeah, exactly. Because then you can add your own perspective, which is all just coming from your brain. A.K.A. stand-up comedy. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's us.

I joined a gymnasium by my house because I can walk there. Okay. And it has made me go more often. And I take these classes where there's a lot of squatting and kettlebells, something I've never done. And then I can't walk for four days, but it's starting to get to where I can walk the next day. So it's been great. But they have a boxing gym.

And I've been boxing because it's just one of the things you can sign up for. And yesterday I hit the boxing instructor in the face. Did he ask you to? No.

He got me all hyped up because he said, well, somebody's done this before, like little thing. And if I get any kind of positive reinforcement, my body goes haywire. I've noticed it with golf. If anyone compliments me, that's when I'm going to take a shit. Oh, this audience is good? Watch me chew it. And he said, someone's done this before, which I hadn't. And then he was doing just the thing where he has the pads in his hand and I'm hitting him and he's like...

So he goes left, left, right, left, left, right. But he's moving them around. And I just, it seemed on purpose because he moved his hand and I just hit him in the chin. Yeah. And he had to stop.

Was he upset? I think he kind of was. Yeah. I felt, I mean, I left. I mean, I was... Oh, I thought you were going to say you laughed. I left the silence with uproarious laughter. No, it's just... Did you really leave? I was really embarrassed. And he didn't say, that's okay, it happens all the time, all the things you want to hear. Yeah. He was just like, Jesus, ow. Ow.

I'm like, I'm so sorry. I just was, I didn't have an excuse. It seemed malicious. It seemed like I punched him for no reason. And I also bit a piece of his ear. Well, because here's the thing. So is it like you were kind of going along with the idea that you had done it before and then it was almost like he immediately caught you? The whole thing was a very well-disguised, humble brag thing.

Because he did say someone's done this before. Right. And I wanted you to know that and all the listeners to know that I'm a skilled amateur boxer. But also au naturel. Yes, just a natural ability. Yeah. I went into it thinking I'd be terrible because I have a reoccurring dream where I have an ineffective punch. And I have reoccurring dreams where I can't run. You know, we all do. Sure.

But I can. You can run and you can punch. Yeah, but now I can't go to boxing unless it's the other guy. Well, but I think the guy that got punched, are we trying to act like that's never happened to him before? I just was really hitting as hard as I could. Oh. And I got him right on the chin.

I feel like that's on him. Yeah, I don't know. I think it was my fault and it was weird and it was like, hey, what? Like, I suddenly just didn't know what I was doing because he said, it looks like you know what you're doing. I'm sorry, though. It's not like... It's...

Are we trying to say that you snuck the punch in? Didn't he not have the pad where it was supposed to be? Um, right, you're right. I didn't want to get into semantics. He did kind of juke a little, jive a little with the pad. Yeah. He went, he did a little, uh, little jazz hand and I was aiming at it, but then it was his face because of jazz music. Right.

And you've always loved jazz. I... Nothing will make me start doing taxes earlier than frenetic, flippy-toe jazz music. Is this a reference to an H&R Block commercial I've never seen? Because I don't get what's happening now.

The jazz my mom used to listen to with the headphones on, but they weren't plugged in, so it would go throughout the house. And her Oscar the Grouch fur robe. It was a blue fur robe. And it was like just tense. Oscar the Grouch is green. I hate to do that to you. Oh, why did I? Wait, does he eat a lot of cookies? No! I'm the Cookie Grouch is who I'm trying to think of. I love cookies.

I love how he just shoved them in his mouth. And even as a kid, you knew he wasn't swallowing. I was maybe smarter than other kids. I knew it was a human hand. Yeah, those were props and it was clear. Just break it up. It would have been, as far as puppeteering goes, it's a pretty good gig to pretend to eat a cookie with your hand. Pretty funny. Yeah. So those are human hands in those hands.

- Like he was grabbing cookies human style. - Right. - But then puppet style eating them. - Exactly. - Just breaking down why you loved Sesame Street so much, you and I and every other American child. - And to this day, it's very important.

It's very good. And the Andrew Garfield clip, did you see that? - Oh, yes I did. - Oh my God. - Yes, it was lovely. - Yeah, apparently we all love that guy now. - The thing is, yeah, I know. - He's like Keanu Reeves. We're gonna see him giving up his seat on transit. - And sat on a bench. - Yeah. - But my thing is this, I love that clip, but I don't prefer, and I'm not criticizing Elmo,

But like of all the people who have that moment with, like, have you ever seen the 70s ones? I know you have because we've talked about this before. Of course. When it's fucking Grover.

And a little kid is having a moment with Grover. We said, I don't have that. Or Kermit the Frog. It's like, it's devastating. When it's Elmo, though, you're like, could you stop talking like a baby for one fucking second? Yeah, it's like a human meowing. I do not like the cutesy voice. It's like he's trying to talk about his dead mom, which we all can relate to. Some of us can relate to. Lower your octave a little. Just don't.

Just kind of yes and him, let him do it. I didn't, that's the reason I started crying is whoever does Elmo boned it on that one.

I'm like, oh, and you've had this gig for so many years. And you punch Andrew Garfield right in the chin. It doesn't make sense. With your high octave. Elmo likes that. No, no, no. Yeah. We're trying to talk about a dead mom. I'm so glad we're talking about how I really don't like Elmo's voice. I never have. I understand Elmo's like. Demeanor.

And also, like, the evolution of Muppets, they can't all... Like, I feel like Grover and Kermit were very 70s puppets. They were very, like, adult comedy for kids. Right. So it's like, Elmo's a waiter that's in the weeds, and your parents are laughing as hard as you are because you're like, it's a funny puppet. And they're like, I used to have this job. But now they're like, no, we're going to do kids puppet for kids. And I'm like...

I'm... I don't know. Somehow I'm going to interpret that as I'm not getting what I need. Right. That's the one thing I've always loved about Sesame Street is they're not talking down to kids. Something the kids see right through right away. Yeah. But kids seem to love Elmo. They do. So what, you know, what do I know? We're going to get so many cards and letters about this episode. I've written with a feather quill. Listen, Candlelight fans. Ha ha ha.

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Am I going to be able to get over to this 134 move that I'm trying to make? Well, if you see a Volvo inch in front of them, it's usually a compassionate soul or a compassionate shoal. It's a compassionate shoal. Here's a compassionate shoal right here. Why don't you take that shit to Shoal Canyon?

- No, I don't, that didn't work. - It's fine. - It's a golf course. I don't even know why I brought it up. - Well, the golfers are absolutely here to hear all of your great golf references. - I know, I just keep trolling that group. They show up every week and yeah, I rarely mention the sport.

But this week, delivery. Mm-hmm. Now, will you never go back to this gym you just joined because you punched the boxing instructor? Well, no, I will because I've committed to a year of what could only be described as the equivalent of a car payment. And so I'm just going to go until I'm one-third Gosling ripped. Sorry.

I just the notion I know you're pretending it's a cough but you're laughing at me thinking I can get a third Gosling. Kara are you okay? This is like that time you smelled burnt toast on your hand and I said it means nothing and you were in fear for your life. You wouldn't help me. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. I just did the thing where I inhaled what I was drinking.

Okay. But I'm fine now. But if it was something serious, I still would just go, I don't know what to do. You would just power through it, riff through it. I know. And I do think about that time you were in a panic, concerned that you smelled toast, and I was just making jokes. But you know what? It was good podcasting. I suppose so. I guess people like it when I ignore cries for help. Well...

One more chance. Okay, he didn't pick up on it. I think that what was funny about that was that it was a very real moment where we were having two very different experiences, which if you're listening to that, that's very funny, I think. Fucking Trump sticker on that truck. Yeah. Come on, at this point? He lives outside of town. Come on. Oh, he's visiting. It's one of the many people that are voting for Trump.

That person. Yeah. Even though... I don't want to say the name because it puts us on a database. Yeah, that's true. But... There's a lot of people voting for the Republican candidate. I mean, I understand that Republicans that can't kind of move out of their...

their column because they're afraid of things that they think liberals are going to do to them. I wonder if they have considered what their own party is going to do to them when they turn this country into a fascist state. I just wonder if that has ever been considered because now Trump is literally saying that that's what he's going to do. Yeah, he's really putting it all out on the table. He's saying, I want to kill the people that, like, my political...

Like, opponents, like, shit that is not how it's done, in the least. And he's never been more popular. No. But let's not judge the rest, more than half of the country, you know? It's not more than half. If you were just sitting down to have pie with him, you'd have so much in common. It's not more than half, though.

It's not. It isn't, no. No. I mean, not geographically. Certainly not. It's probably had something to do with that electoral college. Every once in a while, we get into a realm of... Stick to podcasting! Yeah, exactly. Right? Yeah. That's what they're doing. I can't believe that third party came in so clear as they rode a bicycle by.

Stick to broadcasting. Just sing. Oh, we don't, we're not singing. Oh, he's already gone. Why are all these bikes riding by? That was two so far. Also, I thought bicyclists were progressive. But I guess it turns out. Bicyclists are progressive. Bikers are. Oh. Yes. The opposite. The bikers I grew up around, though, in Northern California. Yeah.

Some of them had been Hells Angels, but many were like, they were like, "Hey, look, I already lived that hard life. Now I just want to kind of like hang out and ride my hog." For many years, the Hells Angels would have a get together in Missoula, Montana at what used to be Marshall Mountain, where I learned to ski and snowboard. And they, a lot of them were

What you would think, like, maybe they've done some criminal things and they're intimidating. Other Hells Angels, or they had the jacket, would, like, come into town with their bikes on a trailer and park two blocks from downtown and then come in pretending and they...

And all the interactions with them, nothing bad in town happened at the hands of the Hells Angels, but the police force would quadruple. They'd get cops from Utah, all the surrounding states, and they were ready for some stick time. And one night there was just people gathering around. All the Hells Angels had gone back home to go to bed early.

They're putting creams on their faces. - Yeah, they're doing their taxes to jazz music in a fuzzy robe. - Such jazz heads. And there was enough people, I think a girl fell out of the back of a truck and people were tending to her. All of a sudden,

These riot gear riddled cops with shields came marching down the street and just maced us all in the face. I got maced right in my eyeballs. Jesus! While yelling, what are you doing? Why are you doing this? And it's just, that's what we're here for. I did not...

come across two state lines to not mace somebody, you're gonna have to do, kid. - Yeah, they were all pumped and primed for some violence. - Yeah, there was lawsuits. You know, you can't do that stuff in a small town. - Ooh, speaking of lawsuits, my favorite thing happened today, and not to go back into politics, but this is almost more just breaking news.

Did you hear how Rudy Giuliani has to give everything he owns to those two workers who he defamed publicly and said that they had a hand in stealing the election in 2020? Oh, right. I knew that he was being sued, but I didn't know who by, but...

Basically, I wish I could remember their names offhand. One's name's Ruby. But anyway, they've become infamous, famous, because he basically used them as this example of, like, these people are stealing the election. And, of course, they were not. And it was proven in court, you know, overtly, that that actually wasn't true, that he was responsible for this horrible things that happened to them after that. They had been threatened and... Yes. Very scary, very horrible. So now...

They've sued him for damages, and he has to give them his car, his apartment in Manhattan, his watch. Oh, my God. He literally has to give them everything he owns. Because he doesn't have money anymore. Right. But they get his apartment. It's a penthouse apartment in Manhattan. It'll be interesting when all this stuff gets unloaded and they have that little can of black sprinkles that he puts on his hair. Ha ha.

And then they throw it right out and they say, sir, you are done for. Wow. And you just heard about that? That just settled? Yep.

That was like a breaking news this morning. Yeah, watch what you say about people. You gotta know what you're saying unless you're on a comedy podcast. That's right. And then it's all alleged. Yeah. But you did punch that boxing dream. I did and I'm sorry. Whatever your name is, he probably doesn't remember now. I got him good. He doesn't accept your apology, it sounds like. I don't think he did. I feel like that's not professional.

Unless you were like, you want a little more chump? Did you call him a chump? I almost started crying.

I felt so bad. But did that look like you were overjoyed? Yes. When I cry, I laugh maniacally. It's the same reaction. Same sound, same energy. Yeah. So it seemed like I was riddled with joy. This is just how I get sad. Yeah, that's creepy. I would be so mad. I know. On paper, it was H-A, H-A, H-A. But in my heart, it was H-A.

Yeah, I don't know. I think that it just shocked him. I don't know. Here I am bragging again. I shocked a buck. I feel dumb for even bringing it up because it really sounds like I'm bragging. I think it's cool. Man, I rang his bell. Do not mess. I know it looks like I maybe can't pack a punch, but that's only my left hand.

Anyhow. You have to sit in it now. I do have to sit in that moment. Oh, nothing will make me dig deeper than a silent hole. This episode is brought to you by Allstate. Some people just know they could save hundreds on car insurance by checking Allstate first. Like you know to check the date of the big game first.

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We're back on the road. We're in some really nasty LA traffic and it's only going to get worse as this week progresses. Yes, we've been warned. There's an Amber Alert for traffic coming up. The playoffs, I think the actual World Series has started. How's it? The Dodgers are in it. I don't know. I always judge it by the fireworks hitting my roof. Yeah.

There's been, I think we're in the World Series, and then you said there was other stuff. There's, on Friday night, there's literally like eight or nine events taking place downtown. Oh, it's like Pink Floyd is playing. Jeff Lynn from ELO is playing. There's like three different sports events. There's USC, I think, is one of them, and they're right down there.

It's crazy. It's too many things. And it's like, first of all, how are they filling all these things up with all these people? If they're like, are there enough people? But that's not my concern. None of it's my concern. I'm just talking about it. And then but but everyone's going to be downtown. Yeah, it's just bad planning because think of the cross section that wants to see Jeff Lynn and Pink Floyd. Yeah.

And go to the USC football game of some kind, or baseball or basketball, I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Which sports team are you going to... Which young man's work clothes are you going to wear? I mean, it wasn't a Harley, so we can't be that mad, but... It was too loud, though. He's modified his exhaust. You should punch him right in the exhaust pipe. Yeah, you have to get right... Can you wave your hand first, and then I know where to go? Okay.

Um, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it is weird that it's all those similar events all at once. Usually when I go to a town, let's say, I don't know, Tulsa or something, and I show up and they're like, oh man, unfortunately the show, there's not a lot of people here because the big football game and also a preacher everyone likes is giving a sermon. It's like, that's okay. Yeah. Those people weren't

They were never coming. I mean, you know, but if it is another comedian that I also like or, you know, sometimes that happens. Oh, cool. Kyle Kinane and I are one block from each other, I bet. And that has happened. Has it? Yeah. I'm like, if I had the choice with seeing me or Kyle Kinane, I'd go see Kyle without hesitation. The guy's always putting out new jokes. He is.

I mean, if you've never seen me before and you've seen Kyle within the last six months, go see me. But if you see me this year, go see Kyle. I was supposed to exit over there. Uh-oh. It's okay. That's okay. We were going to, this was going to be a short episode. We're picking up our guest. No, no. And it was only going to be a half hour. That's the, people feel ripped off when they don't get the full 45 to 50. Oh, no. Wait, what?

I don't know. Once I start talking numbers, it is a blur. Who took the hit on the chin? Yeah, the whole time I was just shadowboxing and the gym was my bedroom. I punched myself in the chin and now I'm mad. See, I turned it, I always turn it to, what's his name? I buy bananas just to watch them die. Nick Cave?

Yes, then the bad scenes. I love Nick Cave. Or do I? I like him in interviews. Anyway, yes, once I start talking. I noticed the map to go pick up today's guest. It was only a half hour or so. But we're doing this solo. It's not today's guest. Right. That's my point. Oh, right. In the scheme where, yes, we're...

They think we're podcasting while we're listening, but I will admit to all of our audience, we're recording two episodes today. Oh, okay. Yeah, I know. I let people behind the curtain. There is no curtain now. Yeah, unlike that scene in Wizard of Id. Yeah.

- Or the Wiz. - The cartoon. - The Wiz. The Wizard of Iz. Oh, you know what I... I'm letting people behind the curtain. - The Wizard of Iz was a comic strip in the newspaper that was above Garfield.

Right? Below Marmaduke. Yes, the only deeper cut. Any time I mention Dagwood Bumstead, everyone's scratching their heads. Remember, his wife carried him around, chased him with a rolling pin? She was the original hot wife married to a dork? Yeah, her hair was in curlers, and he'd take a face-first nap on the couch. No, that's Andy Kapp. Andy Kapp? Okay, Dagwood Bumstead.

Oh, Blondie. Yeah. Blondie was his wife. Yeah, that was like a sitcom. Yeah. Yeah, here's your beautiful Blondie. Boy, it was, I can't. United Feature Syndicate.

I mean, once you get tenure there, they will not kick you out of the funny papers. You can truly just write a series, three boxes, and just fill them up with whatever you feel like and turn them in. I have always had that complaint about some comic strips. You're just like, there's no through line here. There's no idea. This is three pictures, no jokes. What are we doing? Yeah, and no one phoned it in. If you have a single panel, at least...

try and make it interesting when the when the family circus had phoned it in and just show billy going through the neighborhood with a perforated dot and you follow it like a map and you see pets a dog and then the dot goes to a trampoline yeah there's no joke it's just like you know what i'm just going to draw an aerial view of what one of the characters did today zero dialogue

Always phoning it in. Although that, I feel like conceptually at least, you're kind of like, oh, okay. Like something's going on. But like sometimes, and I don't want to say Garfield because I was always Garfield's number one fan and I would read it in the paper. Yeah. But some of those ones that were supposed to be funny.

Truly were. Yeah. I don't know what they were doing. Why is Garfield's dad dating two nurses? There's a lot of weird themes. Did you just call him Garfield's dad? Well, he... If you read in the earlier books, he's unable to have children. So I...

Maybe I'm thinking of Heathcliff. Did Garfield get in cloudy dust fights with cat bones? I am thinking of Heathcliff. - It's a different one, yeah. - Heathcliff, I relate to Heathcliff more. - You do? - Yeah, he's in the streets. - Yeah. - You know, I always got my ear to the street stone.

the cat man that you warned me against and maybe rightfully so, but he's part of my life. Every morning when I go skate, he is there and he values our distant friendship with him, all the skateboarders. He brings his cats over. A lot of people like him.

But you would be so mad at me. The other day, he's like, my friend gave me a knife today. And I'm like, really? Yeah.

And he pulled out this classic, like, I don't know what it's called, but it was like a Rambo knife with a wooden handle. It's like a very common military knife. He said, it's so sharp, I could shave your face with it. And I'm like, I don't think it's that sharp. He's like, you want to bet? Wait, you argued with him? A man with a knife? I let him shave some hair off my neck with this knife. You know what? You know what? And it worked.

It was smooth. Okay. He was right. It was so sharp. Of course he was right. It's a super sharp knife. I let the cat man in the van put a knife to my neck. Chris. I only did it so I could tell you.

I only did it since I knew you'd disapprove. I'm so mad at you right now. I'm so livid. Because also, you're like, no, it's not. Like, why are you arguing with people with knives in parking lots? Because I really didn't think a used knife could shave my face. Right, but how about you just take it on faith that it can and move it along to non-weapon-based conversation? I mean, he...

said it with such authenticity. If he didn't mean it, I don't want to be around that kind of guy. So I had to test if he was really that authentic. Turns out he was. And he's moving in to my house. I will kill you. I love his cats. You are...

I can't help you. You don't want to be helped, so I can't help you. I'm shooting a little video part. It's for this iDabble video magazine. They're first going to say this guy's almost 50 and he's a comedian. Show that stuff and then the skateboarding. I was adamant about, please don't just show my skateboarding because

Because I am, yes, I'm not. But it has been fun and I feel good about what I've gotten. And in a few of the shoots, he's in the background with the cats and I've posted some little clips just from my phone.

And people get very excited about the cat man. I mean, I'm not saying it took off like lemonade coffee or whatever, but people are interested in this man. That's the only reason I brought him up. Interest is different than letting him shave your face near your jugular vein to prove a point. It really was near my jugular. It was right on the side. I mean, come on.

I know. I just thought it would be for, hey, it'll be good for the podcast, I always say. It is. As I skydive. This is borderline, I smell toast and you're arguing with me. You argue with me about smelling toast, but you're going right the fuck along with Catman about I can shave your face. It's for the podcast. You think I couldn't have avoided punching that guy in the face? I gotta come with material. Yeah.

You are living the most dangerous life for this podcast. And that's the exact kind of compliment I wanted to hear. It's not a compliment. I'm tired of people thinking I'm a softie. What are you trying to prove? That I am a mentally unstable, quick to anger part of my personality that I've been ashamed of my whole life. But the other part of my personality is that I'm willing to admit it.

I thought you were going to say a quick to anger, unstable friend with a bunch of knives in a parking lot. He has one knife and a hatchet. It's really sharp. It's the sharpness. And the cats really do like him. I feel like cats are a lot like children if they don't like you.

What? They... What? Then it means you're sketchy. And by like, you mean stay nearby because you're going to feed them soon? Yeah, I guess the food has something to do with his relationship. I feel like it does. He literally yells at them, get over here, stop doing that, and they run over, get in the van, and they get in the van. He raised them like dogs, and they act like dogs. It is very interesting. Okay. Okay.

I think all cats, finicky as they are with food or whatever, if you're shady and nothing against dogs, I'm just saying sometimes you see dogs with people that are like yelling and angry and they're like, well, this is my owner. I can't.

I can't leave them. Whereas a cat will be like, fuck you, I'll find my own tuna. You know what I'm saying? I understand what you're saying, but I don't agree with that. You're saying that cats are going to warn you that people are like, that you shouldn't be around a person more than dogs? Yeah. Dogs have unconditional love. Cats have conditional love.

I don't think cats have love at all. I think they're just like, do you provide resources? Sounds good. I was right. It's that it's because you come here. It's your 4-H background. You think of cats as like, oh, they help kill mice in the barn. That's true. I grew up with cats as like this thing.

as an animal that as an infant I can grab his ears and drool on his face and he's just going to put up with it because he knows I'm the baby. Huh. I'm a cat man. Okay. And I'm a dog man too. And you're a hatchet and knife man and a shaving in the parking lot man. I'm all kinds of wild men. And again, I love dogs. I'm just saying. Okay. They will love you no matter what.

I mean, that's true. Right. So I was right the whole time. No, you were. You won that one fair and square. Good. I knew if I just didn't drop it, you would finally cave, if not only to just change the subject. Just to give up. You know... Mm-hmm. Say it. That guy's an interesting fellow. Yep.

I think he recently unbraided a braid. Yes. And now he's walking it down Eagle Rock Boulevard. Yeah. To get a response. Or just trying to find a can of defrizzer. Because, man, that shit was all over the place. I think, though, he had a real swagger to his walk. It takes a man to be able to pull off a cowboy hat and a moisture-wicking Nike dry fit golf shirt. Yes.

He's coming from all different kinds of hobbies. Yeah. Eh, let's pick him up. Okay. Let's see if he has a hatchet. Well... Well, goodbye. Well, goodbye. Well, you know, there's moments like that where you can just...

edit out. I hate for anyone to think that we weren't without fodder for a split second. What? I think there's nothing to be edited in what we just experienced. No. And created. Yeah, exactly. It's all good. A perfect sculpture. Of words. Yes. Um, but don't,

Let the man shave you anymore? I won't. I won't. I knew when I did it, I'm like, boy, I'm in too deep. But then the other day he goes, oh, and this is up there with meowing. Hold on. Can I ask a question? Yes. Were you a little bit maybe? Could you possibly entertain the idea that you were showing off for your skateboard friends? I was alone. I had gotten there early. Oh, my God. He could have killed me and no one would have been there. Chris, Chris.

Fairbanks Junior, I will fucking kill you myself with my own hatchet. Hey, and maybe that's what I want. You know, I'm the kind of guy that a calm washes over me when there's really, really bad turbulence. Maybe I'm ready.

And, you know, I saw it as an opportunity. And then it passed, and I'm like, good, because life is pretty great also. That's right. I'm really 50-50 about this whole living thing. I think you should not be. I'm kidding. Listen, I'm kidding about that. But, yes. God damn it. The same man, though, the other day, and I don't like when people do this, but he goes, I got a surprise for you. And he was too close.

And his pierced tongue, which makes me uncomfortable. And he goes, hold out your hands. And I was like, all right. And he's like, close your eyes. And I'm like, okay. And he said, close them tighter. I'm like, I'm not going to close my eyes tighter. No. And then he placed brand new skateboard wheels in my hand. Aw. And he was like, the team manager from Palo Peralta was here. And I got some wheels from him. I thought you could use them.

So kind. Yes. So that almost made you cry, didn't it? No, no. Karen went, oh, and then got really silent and bit her lip. Because... It was sweet. The lip biting is so I don't immediately attack you back. That's all. Just to say, hey. I turned and gave the wheels to someone else. They were too soft.

It's just close your eyes, close them tighter. Yeah. So let's just circle that in red. Please don't put yourself in that situation ever again. If he says that and you're like, okay, I got them closed. They're not closed at all. Are we, can we at least agree on that?

No more closed eye anything with this guy? I closed my eyes and tilted my chin back just in case it was more knife play. And then your jugular was pulsing at him, calling to him. God damn. Yeah, I know. I know. It was, uh, yeah. And I, but other times...

I'm skating and he'll start yelling, hey, hey. And I'm like, not today. And he's like, oh, sorry. Oh. He gets that I sometimes don't have time for him. Okay. And then I feel bad and then I spend, he's a lonely, lonely man.

Then you feel bad and then you place your life in his hands. Yes. That's like, it can make up for it. Yes. It's psychotic. Exactly. Okay. All right. I know. I know. And it's, I am, I am. There's a good car. Yeah, it is. I love, what is that? I,

Big old... Big oldsmobile? Oldsmobile. It's weird how much I do like classic cars. Yeah. Greg Barron invited me to the L.A. car show once. Oh. And then he didn't go. And I went with a comedy fan friend. I recognize him from being on shows on the road, but he was visiting. And I was like...

Greg, come on. I don't know this guy. But we actually had a great time. And there are all these classic cars and new cars. Like, there's a car out there with a wooden frame that's solar paneled. The Spruce Goose? It's a Spruce Goose. You know about the two-door Spruce Goose? Wait, what's a Spruce Goose? It's the Howard Hughes plane that he made out of wood. Oh, okay. Okay. You know, you could have...

Amelia Earhart, it's gonna stump me 'cause I don't follow airplay. - I wish you would. - I should. - Get into it. - First in flight, which state? - Indiana? - Hmm, maybe. - You don't know the answer. - I think it's North Carolina. Yeah. - On a lease, you want a tie break? Do you know? - I'm looking it up right now. - Oh, okay. - Oh no. - I wanted you to know it off the top of your head. Jeopardy style.

Have you ever wondered why North Carolina license plates say "first in flight"? You did it! Thank you for applauding me winning in a contest against you. See? It was a competition and you still support me. But man, did I win. But man, did I kick your ass. See? We are, um... Oh, that person does not...

See red or octagon. Oh, did they think that it was their turn to go? I don't know why It was a bizarre I'm doing the kind of thing the kind of driving lately where it's like I'm going Like a like a crazy kind of pill head girl and it's working out great. That's my that's my approach these days. Yeah, just yes floored pedal to the metal like you're on beta blockers and

Did I tell you the other day while skating at Costco that all these pros that skate for Nike showed up? And I got nervous as if a bunch of movie stars were there, 'cause I'm 15 at heart. -You did. -And one of them was back in the old days when you said... -You told the story. -I did. Isn't that funny? I thought maybe I did.

It was very exciting to hear. That's the only reason I would stop you, but I love it. It's so cool. No, I appreciate you stopping me. It did sound familiar. No, I think I was in a different car when I brought this one thing up that only you'd appreciate. I'm now having the thing where I'm having conversations with people in the office and looking at them like, did I tell this on the podcast talking to Chris? Did I...

not tell anybody? Did I tell my sister? Like, I have no fucking clue anymore. Conversationally, it's a real bummer. - Yeah, I mean, it's hard. That's why I keep making close calls with my life and everything, 'cause every one of us, we pretty much have about 300 good stories. And then once you're dried up, oh. - You gotta do the work. - But we just got continued for another season.

So I'm manufacturing stories. Yeah. Rubbing elbows with the ruffians. Good. I mean, that's fine. Just up until a limit. Let's have some boundaries. Yeah. But I will repeat myself. And I think that's OK. I think probably a lot of people do that. I think on this show, we both have-- let's see down this way.

That's kind of what we do. Yeah. And how we do. Everyone does. I mean, if you start talking string theory, black holes and stuff with Neil deGrasse Tyson, I bet he'd be like, oh, I've actually, I think I've already said this to you before. No one's above it, even if you have a high functioning string.

genius mind and I'm not saying that we do but the two of us together goddamn right we do yeah fuck yeah we do also if Neil deGrasse Tyson started talking to me about string holes I'd be like sir I don't know what you're fucking talking about get out of here yeah you'd be rude to him right away I would be so rude right in his face yeah yeah do not talk down to me do not I just thought it was interesting it's my life's work it's not interesting you are condescending me sir

With your scions. It's actually pronounced... I know how it's pronounced. I know. I have heard it pronounced. I also like jazz music. Get out! Get out of the studio! That's when I develop my lisp. A rage lisp. Get out of the studio, suffer and suck a dash! Uh-oh, Karen's angry. Karen is auditioning for cartoons. She has a parakeet feather in her mouth. Oh.

Okay. All right. Not ideal in Los Angeles to drive into the sun. No. Not my favorite. I mean, it seems silly to, you know, because other people right now are just ass out Winnie the Pooh style in a snow drift somewhere. But we...

It's just sunny every day here. It is. And it gets a little, I mean, it's always in your eyes. Sunny in 76, sunny in 78, sunny in 73. Yeah, there's just five degrees that it varies, but it's always sunny. And it, unless you have a clean car, it's dangerous. Yes, that's right. Yeah. And this is not a clean car. No, I didn't want to say, I mean, it's...

It's cleaner than some other cars on this street. But yeah, it is... Filthy. What if... Do you have any... Oh, no, I don't. You don't. I know. I was going to say fluid, but what? I was supposed to turn back there. Oh, okay. It's okay.

All the more time that we have for this blockbuster, nothing but hits solo episode. It's pretty great. It is coming to a conclusion, which is why I am turning to Casey Kasem. I got a letter today and it reads, Casey, please do...

Scooby Doo. Casey, please do Dana Carvey's act from 1991. There is a band out of Boulder, Colorado, a hardcore or a punk band called Warlock Pinchers. And they had just between songs, all these bloopers from Casey Kasem doing Shaggy and also just on the air going from

And this next one goes out to the, "What the fuck am I saying?" Like it teaches moments of rage and it's really fun to watch or listen to. You can't really, you can stare at the tape deck, but no visuals. Have you seen the thing where James Earl Jones is recording for the Lion King, but he's like trying to find the voice?

Oh, no, I love that. It's pretty great. It's kind of similar and pretty great. And I think he makes jokes while he's doing it. I will always. It could be the most dramatic movie I've ever seen in a theater. I still sit through the credits because I'm hoping there's a blooper reel. Blooper reels are the best. They are. And the best blooper reel I've ever seen is...

is for either Grumpy Old Men 1 or 2, I don't know which, where Burgess Meredith goes through, rattles through all these sexual innuendo jokes. And he is so dirty, filthy, but adorable, and it's still...

Rocky's trainer, but he's, ooh, looks like he's taking the skin boat to tuna town. Like all these insane, but then he covers his mouth and they all laugh. It is, if you go on YouTube right now, look up grumpy old man bloopers and James Earl Jones finds his voice. It's eight o'clock on the dot.

We're wrapping it down. We're wrapping it down. And we're going to leave you with the hit machine, Kenny Loggins. This one's from a yet-to-be-titled golf movie. I've gone back in time to 1984. Got it. Hey, walk in the street more. Yeah. I'll tell you somebody who isn't all right. This song's called All Right.

See, I'd be great on radio. I think you'd be okay. If only there was a version of radio that I could do for a living.

- A balcony. - Scary? - Yeah, see? - Look at, Chris, go make friends with that doll with the knife. - I, see, that's what I'm talking about. I love it. - You love that. - And look at that skeleton helping his skeleton wife. I got you, honey. - That's beautiful. Skeleton friends. - Ah, we like it. And look, they see us driving by. They're like, "It's working, honey. We got a point." - Is that my sister? - Oh, wow. - Always.

That's great, was it? No. Well, that was a fun episode. I think we did a good job. I do too. I liked what we did. And I'm going to wrap it up like a human and not a robot. Great. Sounds good to me, Chris. You have been listening to Do You Need a Ride? D-Y-N-A-R-R-R-R-R. It got glitched. Yeah. Was that annoying? No, not at all.

This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson. Mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner. Theme song by Karen Kilgariff. Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at Dynar Podcast. That's D-Y-N-A-R Podcast. For more information, go to exactlyrightmedia.com. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome.