S4 - Ep. 68 - Paul Scheer
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Welcome to the Make a Jingle with Kris Kringle podcast. Today, we're talking to Jan from Toyota. All about Toyota-thon. Hi. So, Jan, got any red Tacomas? Yeah, we have a great selection of vehicles, including Tacomas. After my big job, I'm taking the missus down to Florida to go surfing. Did you say Florida? Can the elves and I go too? Ho, ho, ho, ho.

Dealer inventory may vary. Offers are subject to change throughout Toyota Thun, which ends on January 6th. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Toyota, let's go places. Listen up, dinosaurs. We have exciting news. Promo codes and links from all of our advertisers are now online at exactlyrightmedia.com slash promos. Scroll until you see Do You Need a Ride? And then you can find all the

All our latest deals. Again, support the show and save some cash by using our promo codes and links. What's not to love? You'll find them at exactlyrightmedia.com slash promos. Happy shopping. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome. Are you leaving or are you on your way back home? Either way, we want to be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim. Give us time and

Terminal and gate We wanna send you off in style We wanna welcome you back home Tell us all about it Were you scared or was it fine? Mouth horn Mouth horn

With Karen and Chris.

Welcome to Do You Need a Ride? This is Chris Fairbanks. And this is Karen Kilgara. Again, this is Chris Fairbanks. Karen was clearing her throat. I didn't, unless you have this on two channels, I didn't want it to muck up. Oh, were you afraid that you weren't heard? I don't want anyone to think this is the Ann Karen Kilgara show. I, you're...

I think if we played this back, and I wish we could, you were fully in the clear. I think you might be right. You know, because this does come in stereo. We've just added that. It used to come in on one channel. It was mono for a long time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the Kinks records? Or like the Nucleosis, Mononucleosis.

Ever have it? The kissing disease? No, I don't. How is that connected? Because it starts with mono. Oh, oh, I get it. I get it.

Well, we're in a beautiful neighborhood waiting for today's guest. Yeah, we better tighten our shit up because he is not going to stand for this kind of bullshit. But I'll stand here all day just admiring those ornate eaves. Don't talk about the eaves when he's here. I won't. Just act like he's normal. What if they're his eaves? He might be impressed. I mean, by his own eaves? I don't think so. Yeah.

Just act like you've seen some eaves. All right, all right. Play it cool, play it cool. I forget when I'm in a fancy neighborhood. I get all weird. Oh, man, look at those hedges. You could rest your elbow on them and relax. Do not say it. Like it's a tabletop. They are his eaves.

Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, I'm afraid I know what I'm going to talk about first. Clubs and colleges all over the country. You said it. Put your ears together for our friend and today's guest, Paul Scheer. Woo-hoo!

Hi, how are you? Good to see you. Hi, friend. Hello. Nice to see you. Hey, it's Chris. It's the back of my head. How are you? I'm good. I'm good. I was just admiring the eave work, the ornate eave work on that house. Yes. And then, lo and behold, you came out of the house. That's the house. That's the eave work. You know, I work with my hands and...

That was all you? That was all me. Oh, that's amazing. So I was ready to do that. So what did you use, like a lathe or a router? You know, for me it was just a wood-burning tool, very precise work. Oh, wow. Now, I will let you know, I've put you into a hellish landscape here because my street has become a ways cross through, and any time between 3 to 5 every single day,

It's just a non-stop fight for your life to get through here. So I should up and around maybe? You should. Now can I add a stop? Please.

I want to stop at the post office as well because I have to pick up a package. I mean, it's on the way. Will you open the package on the show? Oh, this is very exciting. Yes. Nothing, you know, I'm ready to reveal everything to you here. Sorry, I said no gifts. This is the, yeah, this is, yeah, well, no gifts I would have to be giving you the thing. I will not give you whatever was in the package. Oh, okay. But I will, you know, so this is the post office across the street from the Los Feliz,

Three? That one? That, you know... Oh, yeah. Yeah, if you know what it is. Right downtown. Yeah, right over there. Okay. Right... Very close. Right nowhere near downtown. We're not going down... Sorry. Oh, wait a second. Oh, wait. I love going downtown. Well, okay. I guess we'll keep close.

Paul, how are you? What's going on? I'm good. I am excited. You are, you know, for those who don't know, I don't know if anyone does know, but you are taking me to a parent-teacher conference. Yes, that's right. So exciting. So I am the parent in this scenario. And so I'm going to find out. I don't even know which, I think this is for my, yeah, my youngest son. So this is his second grade, first parent-teacher conference. And are you worried at all? Is he a problem?

He talks a lot. And he has a lot of, like, he seems to goof around a lot. And that seems to be the reports that we've been getting from him. But scholastically, he's doing pretty good. Good. Very much into Star Wars, but yet not really into math. So I got him a Star Wars math textbook that he seems to be enjoying the heck out of. So maybe we're going to fix it out.

Yeah. Yeah. My, my parents tried so hard with all these, these math workbooks that have some fun theme. You can actually even go to the next block and then make a left on that. Okay. Yeah. Are you, yeah. Are, is there going to be a one-on-one with teachers? Like, do you have to sit and guess? Yeah. So you basically, you go in, I've done this now. The first time was exciting. Now it's a sort of like, you got to get to a sign up genius app. You got to find a time. Um, so, uh,

uh my wife and i'm a lovely wife uh june diane rayfield she will as you and i will go into a classroom and in this school that my kids go to they really take some time and and they really will um like you have like a half an hour just chat so it's a night it's a nice um it's a nice way to kind of i don't know visit visit talk to you know we've already seen our for like we have um

I mean, all these kids, they don't have grades, they don't have report cards, they don't have anything. But this is like we've seen the preliminary first report card. It gets to get two. So we got the first one. We're feeling good. What did you drop? That was gallbladder, unfortunately. No, it's okay. Sorry to interrupt. Now, you are doing something in a driving scenario that is activating every OCD sense in my body.

Which is you're leaving the destination on that you've already been to. Oh, yeah. That gets me in a way where I'm like, oh, please leave it on because it's challenging to me and it makes me feel very bad. But I'm always like that because I feel like the cars are gone. No, no, no. Go back. It's done. We've already been there, car. You know what it is? I want to send a message to you that at any time I'll drop you off. I see. I love that. At any time you're under full threat. So the benefit of this ride, I don't know if you do this all the time.

It's a one-way trip. That's why the two stops is kind of a nice one. That's right. You'll drop me. Then I will meet up with my wife. My wife was like, do you want to leave at the same time? And I said, no. I said, I can't really get into why I can't. I said, but I will at one point explain it to you. I will be there. I will be there for the conference. Got a secretly podcast. This is a secret podcast. Your wife doesn't know that you're recording, right?

No, my wife is already disturbed because I've already come back from one podcast today that asked a lot of me, which was to do the entire thing in a casket. No. Lying down in a casket. How'd you feel about it? It was actually lovely. Very relaxing. Oh, okay. But the issue with it is it isn't built...

For, you would think, oh, coffin has a nice comfy bottom, like a bed. No, it's really like a rack. It's like what you would maybe hold a missile in or something like that. Oh, wow. It feels like a wired steel rack. Oh, well, because it's not about comfort. Right, I guess that's what I've learned. So then if you pull in right here, this is the secret side. Yes. This one or that one? The first one. The first one. Yeah, right. Yeah, this is it. Thank you.

And for such good directions, end trip. Wow. There you go. Everything is earned on this podcast. This is amazing. Let's see what Paul thinks of this sticker I got for her car. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's so funny that it says, bought it before we knew how awful he is. We're in a Tesla, obviously. I also drive a Tesla. I've seen this bumper sticker and I've thought to myself, maybe I should get it. And then I thought to myself,

Well, because I'm leasing. If I can't get that off in some way, well, then they take more, will I be penalized more at the Tesla dealership? Right. Probably. And look, I've tried to justify in many ways. Well, I can attest, as someone that used to work at a sign place, these are vinyl adhesive. They will peel off. Okay, great. Oh,

and not take off paint whereas like a regular like a clear sticker would maybe pull off paint so I think you're safe okay so this is great I love this yes I mean and now I mean I guess the question is this and then I'll go in and do my quick post-op but first we talk yeah this is what I would say

What's the CEO of Chrysler doing? Do you think that guy's on the up and up? Do you think the CEO of Mercedes-Benz got a clean closet? Right. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying right now, yes, obviously he's up in the mix. I'm more worried about these other ones we don't hear anything about. Yeah, that's true. That's very true. I want to see some logs of some billionaires' flights. I want to see where they've been going. I don't even want to bring up all the skeletons in Lee Iacocca's closet.

all right i'm gonna quickly run in and run out and then okay oh sorry no all right there we go we're gonna get our box cutters ready all right go through your stuff i cannot wait for you to go through my stuff all right there we go sorry all right i'll be right back we'll be right back

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Welcome to the Make It Jingle with Kris Kringle podcast. Today, we're talking to Jan from Toyota. All about Toyota-thon. Hi. So, Jan, got any red Tacomas? Yeah, we have a great selection of vehicles, including Tacomas. After my big job, I'm taking the missus down to Florida to go surfing. Did you say Florida? Can the elves and I go too? Dealer inventory may vary. Offers are subject to change throughout Toyota-thon, which ends on January 6th. See your participating Toyota dealer for details. Toyota, let's go places.

- All right. We're back with a package. It's very exciting. - Well, let me first tell you, you know, not to get into my post office routines here, but man, oh man, you would imagine that there was a long line there. - Yeah. - You would be mistaken. There was no one online. I was the only person in there and I had to pick up a package and they said, "Wait here for Freddie." So then, you know, I try to be patient and I wait for Freddie. And then some people come in, some people go out.

And this woman goes, Freddie's still getting your package? I said, I've never seen Freddie. And she's like, what? Let me go get Freddie. She goes away. No one comes by. Wait again. And then she's like, Freddie's not out here. I said, no, no Freddie. And she's like, all right, I'll do it. And then went back, got the package, gave it to me, and I walked out. But I waited the entire time for Freddie to appear to something that seemed to be

Within arm's reach of the person who was telling me to wait for Freddie. That seems like she's fucking with you. For sure. And not only that, everyone in this car now is worried about Freddie. Where is Freddie? What the hell happened to Freddie? They're closing in, you know, less than an hour. I feel like Freddie is not going to be on break that close to...

Closing time. He's hunched over short of breath in the corner somewhere. He's choking on a cheese stick that went down the wrong way and he got embarrassed and left the area. Now, I will tell you, sitting there and enjoying the sounds and the sights of the post office, I don't often get in there, I will say that every attendant...

They were doubled up on each register because each one of them had called over another to be like, actually, I need your help here. And so there were six attendants dealing with three people. So you had a two-to-one ratio there. Not bad. And then...

They were dealing with a young Australian man who was speaking about the virtues of Malta, which I never really knew that much about. And he said it was great. And it's full of Koreans is what I what that was his real selling point. He's like a lot of Koreans are there. But he wasn't saying it like a lot of Koreans are there. He was like, that's great. A lot of Koreans are there. You can get it all done at once in Malta. So so I come with news of the post office. I love it.

It's like you really painted a picture. My friend Holly had to do a report on Malta in sixth grade because our sixth grade teacher wrote the names of all the countries on the board. And then one by one, all the kids went up. Our names were drawn out of a bowl. Then we went on and picked...

our countries. So, Pat Lavin, whoever got picked first went, he picked Italy. Next person picks France. Right? On and on. We're getting the best ones. The hits. It's down to me and my best friend Holly. I get Iceland and she gets Malta. Oh,

And we literally, it was 1982, we could not scrape up information. You got to get an encyclopedia and it's not going to be that big of a passage. It's going to be the tiniest paragraph you've ever seen. We went to the travel agency to get some... Wow.

Some good parenting. These guys. To get you to. Well, here's the thing. I did something similar to that at a bachelor party. I don't know if you've heard about this. So I, you know, and this is a bachelor party I went to after I've had kids. So in recent memory, in recent times, pre-COVID, the game was this. It's a bag of really terrible T-shirts or I would say T-shirts that are awful and T-shirts that are less awful, but still not great.

and it's a short straw thing. So the first person, uh, you get to pick any of the t-shirts. You're going to have, you're going to have a good zone with what you're picking. And then it kind of, and they go down and down and down and down and down. And we were going to a, uh,

I won't name the celebrity because it may be damning. We are going to a live wrestling show that would be televised. And we have very good seats. We're going to be in the front row. And so it wasn't even like we have to wear these shirts. We have to wear these shirts in public and then beyond public.

In a place where people would see them. And they were embarrassing shirts, like eating and cheating. Well, I'll tell you the one that, well, I wish it was as that simplistic. Mine was, and this is because I picked second to last. The last one was straight up racist. Oh. You know, simpler times. And so. When was it? 2018? Yeah.

It was probably a first Trump administration. No, but it was supposed to be a painful pick, right? But it was something, it was a very, like, it was written in a way that it wasn't saying anything offensive, but written in an offensive way. So that's what I remember. So many damn Koreans in Malta. That's what it was. That's so fitting. So mine was Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.

with a very prominent hard-on in his pants, right? Because Velma was bending down in front of him. Oh, wow. That was the shirt. There's no T-shirt. There's no witticism on the bottom. It's just like, this is a very Norman Rockwell-esque moment that we've caught. Yeah, yeah. And that was the shirt that I had picked. Now, I will say that the first person who picked, pretty major celebrity.

And got to pick the shirt that was simply Netflix and chill. Right? You know, bad, but like, but also in the great, like I would kill for a Netflix and chill. Yeah. Right. Could be wearing ironic. And when I tell you that he put up such a fight,

about wearing the Netflix and chill shirt. Not because he doesn't have a show on Netflix. None of that. It was like, people know me for my fashion. And if I am seen wearing this. That's so funny. I can't be seen. And I was like,

The person who has the easiest shirt can't be complaining about not being seen in the shirt. Did he want to trade with your shaggy boner? Well, I mean, that was the thing. He was like, guys, I just can't do it. I just simply can't do it. You can't risk it. You can't risk it. And that I thought was funny. I've never seen a moment like that kind of play out. But I think because he caused such a scene...

The gentleman who picked after me didn't have to wear his racist shirt. It's not an opinion that he shares. I didn't have to wear my shaggy boned. Because it was like, well, if he can get an out, we all have outs. The game's over. The game is over. And that's not a game for people that are going to be on television that are slightly recognizable.

It's a fun game in theory. So was the wrestling match televised? Yes. And we were front row at the wrestling match. Okay, that, and you know the cameras are going to be like, hey, here's some more. We were on camera multiple times throughout the wrestling match. Now some of the people in there wore their shirts. They're not famous. They don't care. And God bless. It was a good, it was a... And it's funny. Yeah, it was funny. It was, I mean, I do appreciate the game. I just said that like,

my fix to the game was we can take away the things that are explicitly awful. Like, we don't need that. Like, you know, like we don't need more of that in the world, but you know, you can still do embarrassing without doing racist or like, you wouldn't want a child to see you. Yes, exactly. I don't need a shirt with Shaggy having a boner. You know, you're all wearing shirts with gaffer tape covering up the offensive parts.

Now you're going in an interesting way. I'm curious how you're going. - Well, we have time. - Karen's amazing at driving with, like you mentioned it before, the anxiety of, I used to drive and I,

You do not drive anymore. I'm not a good multitasker. Karen is like, she has it mapped out, the route we need to go. I love it. And when we'll end and you have to be there at 5.30, you're going to be there on time. Did you remember to wear your shaggy shirt? I mean, I definitely got to wear one of those shaggy shirts. You know, it is a, that shirt, I couldn't get it off my body quick enough either. Yeah. Because it also is like,

I don't know how you all feel, but you know, we're all comedians. We do things that are funny and people will try to say to you, I'm sure, Hey, I got something funny for you. And then sometimes they reveal something and you're like, well, that's not actually funny. Yeah.

Or maybe that's a sense of sensibility they have. A million things. I could have seen myself wearing that shaggy shirt and getting a lot of high fives. Like, yeah, that's a good shirt. Yeah. And just as the celebrity, the big celebrity didn't want to upset his fashion sensibility, I also didn't want it to reflect on my comedy sensibility. Right. Even in jest. I've seen people wear funny shirts. I've seen people do, you know, hey, we got it. But...

You know, I felt that shaggy shirt could go either way, especially at a wrestling match. Yeah. It's the simple fact I don't want to because it's someone else's joke. Right. Okay. Yeah. That's a good way to go. Yeah. But now you're saying that that's a joke or you were saying that this is maybe a moment of sexual awakening.

Right, exactly. It's too risky. I don't know. Again, it's open to you. Because there's no line there. This is just a moment, a moment captured. You try to get someone else to wear the shirt, and you're like, no, no, you should wear it. I'll just sit across from you and watch the shirt. I'll just stare confused that it isn't Daphne. Yeah, that's so funny. That was a bad idea.

No offense to your friend. No, I mean, look, everyone's trying to do a bachelor party game. And look, this is a bachelor party that there was no, nothing, there wasn't even a lot of drinking in this bachelor party. You know, we went out for pizza. We saw a wrestling match. It was very, very sixth grade sleepover. There was no quaaludes and a donkey. No, it was a pinball match.

museum it was a wrestling match it was uh pizza we were in chicago well not even a bar afterwards it was a very sixth grade birthday party yeah it was a very it was except for the this you know the shaggy shirt yeah that i i that's the only kind of bachelor party i'm interested in yeah i uh yeah bachelor parties it's interesting because now you know we get to a certain age

I don't know. What are we celebrating at this point? Yeah, we've done that, right? We don't need to do this. I gave my dad a bachelor party. My dad got remarried probably...

Probably like 2005. My dad was married to my mom from very like my dad and my mom got divorced in the early 80s. I saw an interview where they kept that divorce a secret from you. Is that true? Yes, that is true. Oh, my God. You know, it's tough to do. So you felt better because you were a kid. Yeah. So my parents got divorced when I was three, but then kind of lived this lie that they were together until I was five.

And, you know, there were signs like I once like went walked out of my bedroom getting whatever glass of water, whatever I was doing at three. I had a lot of things on my mind. And I and I and I saw my dad in the guest room reading a book.

And I kind of like, it was almost like I caught and I kind of scooted back in. I remember that very clearly, you know. Wow. Yeah. You know, like what's going on there? I didn't know. It just felt odd. And then, you know, I once, you know, I once went into my mom's bed and, you know, my dad wasn't there. My mom's like, oh, no, he can't sleep in this bed. The bed is broken.

It's funny that at three years old, you knew they should be sleeping together. Right. Well, yeah. Where's the intimacy? Right. Well, you know, because as a kid, like, you know, like, as now as a parent, too, I would say, like, my kids crawl into our bed all the time. If I wasn't there, it would be weird. I mean, it's weird when my wife will go to work early in the morning or I go, you know, I can only talk about when she's gone for work. But when they come in, like, where's mom? Why is she not here now? We know that she's normally here.

We know she goes out during the day, but why isn't she not here at five in the morning? That's odd. And it is true. The one thing a young child knows is their parents sleep together. They share a bed. That's the one thing you know about. That's a different thing. Yeah.

I will say, my wife and I also, you know, you might not catch us sleeping in the same bed because one of our, like we have two kids, so one of our kids might get in there and start pushing us around too much. And we give up. We kind of tap out. And it's like, we'll move to another bed. I sleep in the kid's. I often go to the kid's bed. I'm like, you kick me out of my bed, I'll go to your bed. My wife just goes to the guest room. And she's always mad at me. She's like, why didn't you go to the guest room? I'm like, because then if I go to the guest room, then I'm sleeping in the guest bed and...

Then I gotta make up the guest room bed, and then if a guest comes over, I gotta make sure I go change those sheets. Like...

I don't want to upset the whole order of the house. Pull up that Spider-Man duvet and just be done with it. Exactly, right? Yeah, my kids barely. It's like there's nothing there. I can just put it over me. I'm good to go. Sorry I interrupted your throwing a bachelor party for your dad. Oh, I was like, I threw my bachelor party for my dad. And my dad's obviously older than me. And I was like, well, what do we do? What is this? And it just turned out to be a nice steak dinner.

And that was a very wonderful time with his friends to have a nice steak dinner. Yeah, that's nice. Well, I mean, I feel like after a certain amount of time, probably the novelty wears off. You've gone to a handful of those. Maybe not. I don't know. I mean, I have, you know, I've done a few different things. Like I...

I threw a bachelor party for my friend where we hired ghost hunters. And so we rented an Airbnb in Ojai and we hired ghost hunters to come and see if this house...

had ghosts. Just the Airbnb? Yeah, so it was basically like a... It was like hiring, you know, a dancer or something like that. But it was a mom and son ghost hunting team who came in and told us their story about how they see the ghosts and what they do and then decided to walk through the house with all their...

you know, devices. Slowly taking off their clothes. Yeah, they started by jumping out of a cake. Well, that was the funny thing. They were... Grossed out. No, they were like, oh, we want to kind of... We know it's a bachelor party, so they were kind of doing like...

like trying to make jokes. Oh no. That were like, we brought the whipped cream and we're like, no, no, no, no. We, we just wanted the, the ghost hunting element. The regular. Yeah. Yeah. Did they, they know about what you do for a living and everything? Yeah. I think that they understood it a little bit and they, they definitely was, there were some connections. I think when they got there, they were even more low because, you know, over the phone we weren't like, oh, we do this or we do that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But then they, but then, um,

They did all these recordings. They gave them to us. We're like, great. And they're like, no, no, no. We need to listen through these recordings with you. Oh. And we're like, well, no. That, I know. We've done it now. But I remember sitting in my office with the mother and son ghost hunter and like some burned CD DVDs listening to our show.

Oh, no. So they could tell you that was talking. Yeah, that was some talking. Yeah. Like an additional, what, hour? Oh, it was a long time. I kept on going, well, let's fast forward through this part. I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it. Do you hear that? The ghost has sleep apnea. Yeah, I think that they were so trying to...

a good job for us. Yeah. And meanwhile, we thought that this was like a funny, it was like a, it was, you know, it was just a fun thing to do. I hire some ghost hunters. Yeah. Um, but they take it pretty seriously. Those ghost hunters. I read it too, but there was nothing that happened. There was no, uh, you know, there was no ghosts that they found, you know, did you get a known to be haunted Airbnb? No, you know, that was that, you know, cause we had to get an Airbnb that actually fit everybody. First of all,

So it was just sort of like, let's take a shot. Kind of the idea was, if everything is haunted, maybe we'll catch one of these haunts. Well, we'll get a little haunt out of this. I had a show in New Orleans and...

I got a random bed and breakfast plate and it was a known, like they did a tour while I was there. And my room was horrifying. There was like a negligee fluttering above the door. Like they set it up.

To be scary. Yes, and doorknobs were moving. I stayed up all night, and the next day I slept in, and I was late for my show because I took a nap. Oh, wow. I do not recommend. New Orleans, I will say, seems to have the most truly...

Well, actual hauntings. Yes. I was shooting a movie there with Tom Lennon and Tom Lennon had a little son at that point and now he's much older. And Ollie would be running around their apartment. It was right on that big square in the center of town there. I forget what that's called. Right. And his son would run through and go, you know, run through one room. Hi, Daddy. Go into the kitchen. Hi, Mommy. Run through the next room. Hi, Arthur. Hi, Daddy.

Arthur. Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy. Hi, Arthur. We're in there. Oh, you know, what is this? Wow. And, um, and then at one point they were also standing on the street and he was like, what? And he, and he was talking to somebody in a sewer grate. Oh,

who was not there. And this kid never experienced anything like this. And yeah. And then they did ask the owner of the place. Is it haunted? And they said, oh yeah, there's a guy named Arthur who lives here. Oh no. Yeah, so there you go. Yeah, he's a clown. He enjoys children. He hangs out in the sewer. He loves the sewer. That is amazing. Yeah, so there's some stuff that is horrifying. New Orleans has some

I spent time in the new buildings in New Orleans. There was no ghosts in my furnished apartment that I was put up in. In your rental, your sublet.

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Did you ever go to the, what's it called, Du Monde? Cafe Du Monde and get those beignets? God, they're good. They're great. And that coffee. Oh, I mean, I'll do the whole thing. I mean, you know what I really like is I like to get those oysters, too. You can just eat oysters. If I say eat oysters on the sidewalk, that seems crazy. But there are some outdoor raw bars like that. And I went out one night with

Jerry Butler, right? Famous actor, Jerry Butler, star of movies like Den of Thieves and Geostorm and a bunch of great stuff. Gladiator, I guess. I should have probably led with Gladiator. Gerard Butler? Are you fucking joking? Come on! Jerry.

I was like, I was going to make a joke about Gerard Butler, but you just know him as Jerry because you know the guy. I love him. This is the funny thing because I've called him Gerard and they're like, no, Jerry. Everyone calls him Jerry. So now I've called him Jerry. That's so funny. It was a funny thing because I was going on New Orleans. I was on a plane. I bumped into my friend who was a manager, an agent or a manager, one of these things, you know. And I was like, oh, what are you doing here? And he's like, oh, my client's in a movie.

I'm just going to come visit. And he's like, I'll hit you up. Come out with us. I was like, sure. I didn't even know who the client was. But I was like, I'm friends with him. We've been on vacations together, me and this guy. So it wasn't like, it was normal. It was fun.

It was fucking Jerry Butler. And Jerry Butler is a great hang. And when I tell you that he is one of the most gracious people, everyone in this restaurant coming up to him, old, young, male, female, didn't make a difference. And he sat in the middle of a long table that we were at and was like the king. Oh.

And that's where we got some oysters on the street because they were barbecuing oysters out there. And, you know, when Jerry Butler comes in, I guess that place is like, we're going to give him as many oysters. Wow. I don't even think we were ordering them at a certain point. It was just like, we just are bringing oysters to our king. He deserves it. He does. During COVID, my friend and I would watch movies, like, long distance. Oh, fun. So we'd just pick the movie...

And then watch it. We'd start it at the same time and then just text each other or whatever. I love that. It's very fun. Gerard Butler became a theme where like the day a new Gerard Butler movie came out, Jerry. And actually, doesn't Jerry work better? It does. It's so much easier. That's what I think it's been so hard. It's like, I'm not one of those people like to give the nickname or everything.

But Jerry actually works. It does. Jerry Butler. I mean, Gerard Butler is a star of 300, but Jerry Butler is a star of like Den of Thieves. It's like Jerry is, you know, White House down. Jerry's Geostorm. Yeah, Jerry's Geostorm. Plane, one of the best. Underrated, great movie. Plane is good. Gerard actually sounds like a butler's name.

- Jerry, his name is Jerry. - Jerry feels like the guy that you want to hang out with and eat some barbecued oysters with. - Yeah. - Also Scottish people I find to be the most delightful and the most hilarious people. And when they speak, like they speak almost poetically.

Oh, yeah. All the fucking metaphors and similes and stuff, all the ways they describe stuff, it's like you're just, they're reading you a poem. Well, it's the best cursing of all time, too. I mean, and I think Brits have that, too, but Scott's got it. Scott's got it. We did a show in London, How Did This Get Made, where we do a lot of Jerry Butler movies on our show with a lot of love. But we...

We were there and we were like, oh, you know, the home of Jerry Butler. We did a Jerry Butler movie. And when I said to the audience, I said, oh, we just did a show in the UK. One guy in the crowd goes, fuck London.

And then everyone was like, fuck London. The entire, entire like thousand person audience started chanting, fuck London. I was like, this is a fun place to be. Like just that, like they all were on board with it and they were ready to go. Was it UE related? I think it was just like Scotland is like, nope. Yeah. Don't even bring it up. Yeah.

They don't. Yeah. And I feel like there was an energy there. London may have had that towards Scotland too, but they were a little bit more polite about it. Well, they're so low key. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So good.

So do you think tonight, if they have issue with your son speaking out in class, acting out, and you know, he's being funny, probably. Well, that's the thing. My son is funny, and many people love, his teachers really love him. It's like, you can tell he's goofing off. Right. And I read his work, and I read his writing, and they're all like joke-heavy things that he's...

pumping out. That's so exciting. He is doing his work, but he is also, like, painting some pretty vivid pictures and things, you know, so I don't think he'll be in that much trouble. I think you'll get him off the hook just by, he's like, oh, I don't know where that kind of behavior could possibly lead and then pull out your wallet and fan out. This is, you know, the fun thing about, both my kids are funny, both my kids are sweet and kind, but my youngest has, like, this

funny, quirky sense of humor. And not like a weird sense of humor. Like, it's straight up like a funny sense of humor. So we... When we do How Did This Get Made, I don't really try to indoctrinate my kids into showbiz. It's not like a... Not a path that I would want to offer up. I don't want to... That's not really... Yeah. Or you want them to avoid it, possibly. Majorly. Yeah. Like, you know, right? Yeah. Although I will say that most kids in their class and in the school they go to

there's not many people who work in our industry in the school, but every kid wants to be a YouTuber. Every kid wants to be on Twitch. So there is like a, he wants that celebrity, but not the same way or understanding how it even, even similar to what I do. Like, he's just like, oh yeah, I'd like to be a YouTuber. Many people,

want to be YouTubers. You know, they want to be Dude Perfect. Yeah. They all look up to Jake and Logan Paul. Oh, well, I tell you, my kids' three favorite people are Elon Musk, is it Jake Paul or Logan Paul, whoever has Prime. Yeah.

And then Elon Musk. Those are my kids' three favorites. Jesus. I mean, one of the main reasons I have a Tesla is because my kids are like, you got it, you got it, you got it. And I was like, you know, I've been on the fence about it and I did drive it and I was like, this is my favorite one and it was way cheaper than...

I was going to re-up the lease on my minivan. And what I realized is that I'm a huge minivan fan. I love a minivan. But as my kids got older, I didn't really need the minivan as much anymore. You know, now they can kind of be a lot more functional. And the Prius, it's not the Prius, sorry, the Tesla that I have is big. It can do, there's an extra row. We're in a four-seater. Oh, nice. And I have a six-seater.

Wait, is it the one with the bat wings? Yeah, yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah, I want to say suicide doors. Lamborghini doors, we'll just call them. I mean, I like to call them DeLorean doors. They are DeLorean doors. Yes, yes, yes. And do you love how fast it goes? Because that's my... I can't believe it. It's a wild thing that I would love to experience a little bit more. But in L.A., I have to just kind of do it in very random moments. But it's amazing how quick it can get to that thing. Yes, yes.

Do you do the self-drive? Never. I do it a lot. Do you really? I love it. Love it. Didn't they recall something, though? You know, I think a lot of that is propaganda. I only... Like, I, you know...

It requires you to be attentive. You know, I think when people were first doing it, they were getting in the back seat and they were doing dumb shit. Like this requires you to, you have to have your hands on the wheel. You got to be looking forward because there's a little camera in your, somewhere right up above your rear view mirror. So they know if your eyes are off the road. And if your eyes are off the road, it gives you a warning. It gives you two warnings. Then they give you a strike. If you get a strike, you can only get three strikes. And then if you get three strikes, you can't use it.

again. Really? Yeah. Use again for like life. Interesting. Like you've abused the system. Has it ever tugged the wheel in a direction and you didn't agree right away? Um, it sometimes gets a little happy about moving lanes. Um, like merging. I'm like, we don't need to merge this much, you know, but I will tell you the watching it merge, you know, I've only know how I merge.

merge. I don't know how I drive. So it is like being in the driver's seat and like, wow, that's a smoother move than I would have made that. Like, you know, there's a, you know, and they're seeing all the cars and they're seeing the people. There's just moments where I'm nervous about it. Like, oh no, are we going to hit this? We're not. But because you have no, like, because you're not in control at all, there is like, I think there are moments of like, am I too close to that? Am I too close to that? And you're not. You're never that too close to it. Maybe I've seen the movie Christine too much. Maybe.

I don't like a car with its own feelings. I know. This is it. This is, you know... Now, I will say my car did make me vote for Donald Trump. I don't know why. It was weird to fill that thing in like that and just feel yourself compelled. It was odd because when I got into the car on Election Day morning, it was like, thank you for voting. And I was like, oh, wait, I didn't vote. And then they popped up my thing and it was read down ballot. You know, it's just...

They said, look, we took care of it, Paul. We took care of it. You know, I, in all seriousness, never got any confirmation that my vote counted. And that makes me...

I just checked the other day. Mine has not yet been counted. But California is 2.3 million votes behind. Yeah. Yeah. They say 30 days before concerns. That's what I don't understand. I thought this thing would be not to get all, hey, we're in it, though. I thought it would take at least a week. And then it was the next morning. Well, but here's the thing.

And not that this might be old news. Sorry, can I just put this to the car really quick? Am I making a mistake not getting off this fucking street? No, this is always really backed up like this and then it cleans up. Okay, I just don't want to be dumb. All right. Yeah. So, and you're kind of stuck now. You're on this way, you're going to go this way. Okay. So, you know, the next morning, unfortunately, I think what happened was...

We figured it out. It's a land side. Get ready. America's changed. But now, as even just a week has passed, new numbers have come out. And it's basically 49-48 as far as percentage points. Oh, really? Yeah. And it's down to like 1.2%.

like two or 3%, it's going to be in that range of a difference. It's, it's very small. And then all of these other, like all the swing States besides Pennsylvania, we're all below four points. Like, uh, like Wisconsin was one point all like every swing state came within exactly what every, uh,

polling experts said, within a point. It was no... Right. Wow. Now, electorally, that doesn't make a difference because if you lose by one point or you lose by ten points, it's the same thing. But vote-wise, it is...

It's razor thin. It's about like a million votes. That makes me feel a little better because the whole landslide thing was bumming me out and making me not want to go on the road at all. I mean, he's going to say whatever. And then I think what, I think we're really what we've, cause I went and look, I will tell you this. I did this last night cause I had this all in my head. I was like, well, has, has this changed? You know, has it like, has this changed that much? And I, I Googled it up and I'll tell you this much. So in, in 2016,

That was 46, 48. Then when it was Biden and Trump, which was a higher, more turnout because of the COVID, 51, 46. So now we're talking 49, 48. So it is the closest election in the last three election cycles that is probably more split down the middle than any other election.

Yeah. So it's like, which I think is not a good thing, but it just, it goes to show you that we're still in the same exact country that we were. Yeah. Right. Nothing, there might have been a thing here, a thing there, but primarily we're in the same country. Except this time, yeah.

18 million Democrats decided just not to vote. Well, that's, yeah. That was kind of the, yeah. Well, you know, I was in Nebraska and I was in Wisconsin. I was campaigning for an independent candidate in Nebraska. Oh, wow. And I was also just hanging out in Wisconsin working with the Wisconsin Democrats. But the one thing they told me

Because I was like, well, how are you feeling? And they were all pretty, they were feeling pretty good. Nebraska wasn't feeling, Nebraska's deep red. They were like, we're going to hope to make a dent here with this guy. And he was making a huge dent and he lost by a sliver. But what they said was, the one thing you can't account for is that

Trump brings people out. Like, people who don't vote... And look, there are going to be people who always stay home, too. But, like, it's like the fear of Trump doesn't bring people out. Trump brings people out. And you can't equate for what that is. It could be...

But they said the reason why there was a no red wave in the midterms because there's no Trump on the ticket. Right. A lot of a lot of people outdoors still wearing flannel pajama bottoms. Yeah. Which, by the way, we got to reclaim those because I know it's a good look. I like plaid. Yeah. But what do you think, Paul, of the kind of growing conspiracy thing of like that the Starlink.

satellite system being connected. Don't buy it. You don't buy it? Don't buy it. I'm not into it. I don't buy it. I don't want to be what I was making fun of years ago. I know. I want, yes, but I love to believe that, but I don't because the thing is, I think the thing that's

The thing that undercuts all that is there's enough split tickets. If you look at all the Democratic people who run on the smaller races, but their top of the ticket was Trump and the bottom was Democrats, and there was a lot, especially in the swing states, that happened like that too. I don't think they would just be manipulating one. They wouldn't just be...

I think it just shows that's humans. Like, humans are making those choices. Yeah. But that means they're, like, voting for a Democratic senator and then him as the president? Yeah. Really? That doesn't make sense to me. I don't know.

I'll tell you why it makes sense. I'll tell you, like, again, not that I'm a, I'm a Trumper. I'll tell you, but after talking to this guy, he leashed a coyote. Sorry, that is not a dog for the indoors. Wow. That is. Yeah. That is a true scary wolf. The, why I think it makes sense is like, I would talk to people and you know, when you get out of your own space, sometimes you learn some things. Yeah. And so many people said to me, he wrote us those checks. He wrote us those checks. And that made a big difference that Donald Trump on a check, uh,

A lot of people thought that Donald Trump just, I guess, like, took out his checkbook and wrote some checks to people. Insane. And that was a big... And so I think that when you think about that, like, people may be like, well, you know what? He actually did help me. And I actually like this. There's a lot more camaraderie in, like, a Senate candidate or somebody that you have, like, a governor or somebody like that, like, that you have, like, some sort of more, like, we're Michigan and that's who it is and this is what we do. Yeah. Versus him, which I think people just...

liked. And I don't think knew a lot of policies. That's the other thing I found out too. A lot of people don't know, I would argue that most people knew one policy, which was like, I think I had more money. That was it. Right. God. And a lot of people, I mean, it's been proven before, people like bad comedy.

well you know that honestly that's what i thought was going to be the death of him because it was like a a bad musician going back on the road like you don't your new stuff isn't good yeah the old stuff is feeling old like you know it's like you're giving me a you know it's we've seen it like we need something or he was on those podcasts with those guys that were just laughing at him yeah and then it's like but that just helped him yeah that just like kind of galvanized the people that watch those podcasts that

you know, are just like, that was based or whatever. Well, I guess like what I'm also thinking, and look, I think I know, I don't want to be at all cavalier about this because I understand there's all these, you know, we got Fox news hosts. We're taking away the department of education, but there's also something to be like,

You got total control. This is what everyone wants, right? Everyone's like, oh, if I had all the control, I think Obama, everybody would say this. If I had all the control, I would be able to get the things that I really want to do out. And then you would see the difference it would make. And I feel like...

well, he's going to have that opportunity. And it was like, will that actually make a difference? Like, I don't know. I mean, it's, it's going to be awful, but I also feel like you can't say anyone blocked you and maybe that helps in two years. I don't know. I'm looking for two years. I got a 1500 day jail sentence. I'm just trying to spin it. Yeah. I'm in. I'm just like, all right, well, I'll give it a, I'll give it a benefit. I guess. I don't know. I mean, it seems awful.

awful yeah to appoint somebody who says that women shouldn't be in combat i mean sure that's a rough rough thing to say when you're going to be leading all the military yeah that is uh or like well it made me very happy because apparently shockingly the chief of police in la came out and said that the lapd will not help any kind of a trump rounding up of citizens of any kind

and i was like holy it made me feel so much better there's a lot of people that i i know in my neighborhood that i need to tell that because they're all freaking out yes everybody's freaking i thought we were getting one time while we were podcasting with tig some guy just stopped in front of the car and would not move and luckily a cop finally

came by and removed the man. Oh, my gosh. I thought that was going to happen again. That was similar. Yeah. Something will happen like that before we get you to the parent-teacher conference. God damn, this is taking... This street is a bummer. I mean, we'll see if we're going to be able to get to it because it's going to be in four minutes. Oh, no. Jesus. Is your kid going to be there, too? No. Okay. My wife is...

there. Okay. And she's like, where are you? Yeah. This is our fault. Fully throw me under the bus. This is, uh, this is my, I shouldn't have played as fast and hard with the, you know what? We used to drive comics to the airport and I don't know if anyone missed a flight cause we didn't follow up. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine those being mistakes. Yeah. No, I am. Uh, I'm hoping that we will, um, we will get,

Faster you once we get somewhere here. Yeah, yeah something well it would it helped if you told June Dan that I just saw her in Some TV show and she looked gorgeous. She was the wife. I and they were talking I will I will let her know that scene where they were talking there was talking to somebody Yeah, it was all right conversation. Yeah, I love it. I mean look I like a movie where people are talking so you know yeah, I

Is your wife involved with the... Aren't you going on tour doing improv? We are. We're going to go on tour with our podcast, How Did This Get Made, and then I'm going to go off on tour with my improv group that I would perform with. Yeah, what's that called again? It's called Dinosaur. Dinosaur. Think about Elephant, though. I just threw it in there. That's fine. You want last-minute change?

I like elephant, I like dinosaur. What I found was, you know, it's a tricky name because it could be a band. Right. Then you come see dinosaur, well, what's that? And so now what I've realized is, like, I've got to really make...

I really got to make posters that put our faces on it. Right. You know, because people... Otherwise, yeah. They got to understand what they're saying. A lot of Jay Maskus fans and what's Elephant? Elephant Six is the neutral milk hotel guy. Just confused dudes in beanies. Yeah, we got to make sure that people know they're not coming out for that. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you don't hear about improv touring that much. Well, you know, so I really had this idea, which was we've been performing together as a group. I would say 70% of this group has been performing together as a group.

for over 20 years. And we did shows in New York, then we moved out to LA, we did shows in LA. And it's such a fun thing to do. And there was this theory that no one wanted to go see improv. And then I think now as podcasts have taken off and things, people understand what improv is, people get excited by it. So I was like, let's do it. And it's not financially the smartest thing that I've ever done because we toured with like nine people. Wow. Yeah.

you know we're playing big rooms and we're having fun and you know what and you're gonna make a right over here uh but the um but it's like and i also think it's like it's a unique thing oh yeah oh sorry sorry i'll get the next one okay and then uh it's uh this is actually good because this won't have a stoplight for you okay uh the other one has a crossover i'm just gonna run across it um

So, yeah, I'm looking forward to... We've done it a few times so far. We did a three-night stint in Chicago to start off. Then we went to Seattle, and then we went to Portland. And each time we go, we get bigger and bigger venues. Oh, that's great. And now we're doing big venues, and we'll see. But it's also just fun to perform with a bunch of people that you like and you hang out. And it may not be the biggest money thing, but at the same time, based on what we were just talking about, I think people want to have a good time and laugh. Yeah, yes.

This past week, I've done shows at the Comedy Store and the Improv, and people were so laughing with a therapeutic release. I was a little worried. Why is it sold out here at the Comedy Store? Are people celebrating? No, they had a glazed-over look in their eye, and they were looking for a distraction, and it's been...

And it's kind of great. It's kind of wonderful, or at least the way that I feel like we've approached it, too. Not that we're doing this a lot, but just like it's not we can talk about anything else. We're talking about anything else. But that is a great thing, too. It's like, you know, you can touch on it. We all we all understand. We're all breathing this air of toxicity to a certain degree. Yeah. You know, but then you're also like, is everybody I don't know.

I don't know. I get nervous. I get nervous about the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. I touched on it here and there and then go back to the jokes. Other comics were ranting and they're like, we know. That's what I think you don't want to know. A point of view that could be fun, great, but get out of it. We also just don't want to... We're going to be inundated with it. Again, we've got to take our medicine in very small...

like, doses. We have a long way to go. We have to... Yeah. We're gonna... I think we're gonna do it. It's 5.30 now. We'll probably be, like, two minutes late. Oh, hell yeah. This is a... This is a...

you know, this is a, a pretty masterful, we got cotton traffic. Yeah. I hope that they don't say, well, first of all, your, your child is late for a lot of classes. We want to know where he's getting that. To be a late parent. And you know, I can't say, well, I was podcasting. I had to podcast. I had to podcast. Should I just pull over at the light? Um, well, I'll show you, it's a little bit further up. Okay. Um,

Oh, it's up there. Yeah. Well, there was a year that you might use this one. I was in a lot of trouble for being disruptive and everyone was telling my dad and my dad's

solution was to do a pratfall down all the stairs in front of all the teachers and he pulled his pants up first and then fell down like Jerry Lewis and it took all of the pressure off of me then everyone was just focused on my dad that's a very so I should come in and make a scene yes yes I should Chris Farley it yes exactly yes the

The loud comedy dad. Yeah, just like, hey, guy. You know, now what I like to do, I like to do volunteer work at the school. I like to run the book fair and I give kids a lot of guff.

And I, you know, and I was in a Christmas movie called Family Switch last year. And in the kids, all the kids had seen that. Oh, that's so cool. And so then I come in when I pull them for carpool, I yell at them. Get out of here. I hate you kids. And they love it. So I try to do bits. That's great. I try to do some, but nice bits, not bits that are like,

I try to do bits when parents aren't around. I don't want to do bits in front of parents. Right. These bits are not for parents. These bits are for kids only. That's cool that you volunteer at the school. Yeah, well, like, you know, you do your part. I like to be around. It was one of the coolest things my parents did. Why are you involved with Wisconsin politics? Are you from... You know, I just wanted to figure out a way to be helpful. I like Wisconsin, but that was really it. I was like, I want to be helpful. And then I talked to my friend, and he was like, Wisconsin could use you. And I was like...

All right, I'm buying my ticket tonight. That's so cool. Very cool. Good for you. So if you just go down just a little bit. Oh, yeah. Like anywhere. Like you see the gates here, the entrance where the little pillars are. That's me. Over there? Yeah, that right there. So I'll pull over here. Yeah, wherever you want to do it. That's great. I'm sorry I have to like get out in a

way this worked out this the energy everything the urgency it's great i just hope you're not late this is amazing yeah i appreciate you all thank you so much yeah you're the best thank you so much and uh i'll get this open oh wait hold on maybe that one button oh there it is there it is good luck with all your tours

All right, bye. That was so great. You really have to go. That was a perfect, that brings us back to the actual urgency of our original recordings. That was great.

Well, that was a good one. Anything you would like to say in closing? Just, you know, please go to my website, karenkilgariff.edu. I actually, and she's still at EDU. I'm at chrisfairbrinks.biz. Oh, no. I'm doing the Lyric Hyperion on the 26th. Oh, cool. That's fun. I'm hoping this will air by then, 26th of November. No? No.

Well, that's fine. Oops. Oh, yeah. Sorry. Damn it. Yeah. She was, she was doing the wrong thing. Jesus. We almost ran into a lady with dreadlocks. So you've been listening to Do You Need a Ride? D-Y-N-A-R.

This has been an Exactly Right production. Our senior producer is Annalise Nelson. Mixed by Edson Choi. Our talent booker is Patrick Kottner. Theme song by Karen Kilgariff. Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at Dynar Podcast. That's D-Y-N-A-R Podcast. For more information, go to exactlyrightmedia.com. Thank you. Oh, you're welcome.