Here's How To Discuss Money Effectively With Your Parents
20:11 Share

Hey, hey, are you doing?

I'm doing awesome, James. Happy to be here.

This is been a long time coming, maybe four years to be exact. Now that we think about that, I think has actually been exactly four years since, I guess, is the new segment, a new show start off and away where people are everything in one on earth you talking about, you've had a podcast or I ve had a podcast. We both have youtube channels.

A lot of people come to us and they say, hey, I follow James. I follow R, I had no idea. The two of you actually together are the same thing, are root financial.

And we are for people who don't know. And we figured, why not start doing a joint show as opposed to, yes, we both have our individual channels are he has the early retirement show. James has the ready for retirement show.

We're also going to do this. We never named I have have something creative way that you want to come up on the fly. But we want to prioritize getting more stuff out to more people because a lot of the stuff we ve done has resonated with with really great people.

I don't have a great name yet to all think of one if that comes up during the show and might just internal. James, this is the name. But as of now, I don't have anything yet. I'm just happy to do this.

Yeah, me too. And if you have an name, press leave IT in the comments or he goes on live on youtube quite a bit. So this is gonna ve on corton could my youtube channel for right now? So there is the drinks can channel.

There's A R tell lib channel. Both have you on podcast. We're going to distribute this to each other's podcast where the same thing will be on always podcast will be on James s podcast. This will also live on this channel. So if you are listening this and have not subscribed to our stuff, make sure you do so.

One could a link in the show note but its its always name are tabling um unless jump in because we do work together are has been four plus years now, which has been awesome and we do a lot of great work, work for a lot of great clients. And the goal this is just to say, how can we pull common conversations or themes or topics or chAllenges in help people who are going through similar things make Better decisions with their money? So where do you want to start on this first episode of our .

joint first episode? So we're gna start with a big one in the big one that I want to start with was left from a comment. And this is how, by the way, for everyone watching slash listings right now, this is how we are planning on running this show. But I always like to say, this is your show where you get to host, but we want to do its best for you.

So this was a comment that was less by john licked and felt, if i'm saying that correctly, I hoped, am, my last name's tob, but i've gotten to bui tito b, so you guys make fun of me if I set IT incorrectly for eight, three, five, who says, look all right, when you won't live? Recently, I really enjoyed the part where you discuss what to do with parents wealth after they move on. Would love to see an episode based on discussing this topic with elderly parents, questions for them and breaching the subject.

And I thought this would be a powerful place to start, because James has seen many situations where people are like, yeah, I don't know how I talk to my parents with money. I've seen those situations and we want to give you this insight and we could easily not do this. And I think most of you wouldn't even be mad at us where you're like, why haven't you guys brought this up? But I think we would be doing you a disservice. So we want to discuss how do you approach a conversation with a parent or a friend or that conversation that you know is just difficult that you don't want to bring up. And hopefully we can shed some light for you.

Yes, I think IT depends upon a few things that do you remember our your first conversation with your parents about money.

the first conversation with my parents. I honestly, even you saying that right now, my first conversation was like a why are we so stressed about money all the time? Like I thought that we were good because I see you guys, we have cars and I hear other people who don't have cars.

And we're here in mala bo, which is an fluent area. Yet still there's like not this freedom around money. So I don't remember like approaching them going, hey, what the hacks gna happen when you guys die.

And I inhere of this money, and am, I gonna hear this money. So I don't recommend IT a recall, a direct conversation. But I remember stress in the household and saying, uh, I don't want to talk about money.

What do I guess that's what I yeah was money. Talk about freeze in terms of how much there is or isn't how what that looks like. Parents intentions, it's not discussed. The most households is is, is commonly not discussed.

I remember IT um I remember my parents were very good day, day time is like a hot top pic in the love you I remember my parents found that his book, the total money makeover and IT changed a lot of things, which is also something just like, okay, here's some structure around how we budget. And he has something called the zero base budget in one thing I really appreciated is my mom would show me, I hear their budget. Here's how are actually starting to track income coming in, expenses to go out.

And they were so diligent about that and also showed IT to me. And I just IT made me appreciate more things about like, oh, it's there's something to actually managing money and by managing money and not in a portfolio, the budget, everything. And so we I think that was so healthy because from a Young ish age, I remember how well I was maybe early teens IT wasn't tabo IT wasn't weird to talk about IT as hey, he's actually how we're budget in and when you get your allowance or when you earn your paycheck from your smooth e king job in high school, whatever you're doing is like here's how you actually can tracking and get a get a grip on things and that was so helpful.

But lot people don't have that. Lot people have never talked to their parents about money. And now all the sudden parents are aging and I forget exactly um the listeners name with the commentary name who whose men labour like how do you recommend talking to parents about that? Assuming you probably don't have an already open free flowing conversation going or even channel open, how would you think about that? How would you approach parents? Talk about that in place?

What's easy because every parents the same? No, they're not it's not easy. And so definitely don't just go for IT.

And I think some people will really be stressed even hearing us say this like some of you are listening, watching right now, going, why do I feel stressed? I haven't even spoken my parents. I even thought about IT until right now.

And now I feel stressed. And some, you guys might be tense. I'm even a little tense when James fr.

Said, hey, when was your first conversation with your parents about money on my yeah you you're bringing back feelings of like, oh my god, stress in the households. So some of you guys I recognized have stress. And once again, we are not doing this to stress you out.

We're doing this so that you go out. I am grateful that I at least took the time to think about how to do this so that I do IT properly. So whenever IT comes to anything specifically on the emotional side, which is really anything do with money, in this particular topic of how do you approach that conversation, my mom had a creative idea that all often share with clients I want.

So you have to do IT. But it's my job, as I see IT to say, here's a bunch of options. And if these resonate with you, and if someone says you had to know if that resonates, IT means IT doesn't.

Because if IT resonates, IT should be easy. So sometimes this is simply is going to your mom's best friend. And has my mom ever told you about money? Give me all the details. No, don't say that.

But go to go to your mom's s best friend, say, hey, do you guys ever talk about stuff like that? What do you think you're close to my mom in a different way? So what do you think if I were to bring up a conversation about, do we have a will set up or do have a trusted? Do I ever know we're a log in? Like, what's my mom's iphone password? D sometimes keeping IT loose like that can be helpful.

And sometimes this will happen with me. I'll going with a plan of a conversation. I am to start with these three, four questions, and then always on my emotions come up and like, I know that was the plan, but I ve gotten asked this instead. So I asked my dad, who's had two heart attacks, and he lets me talk about this freely.

But if you were to get another heart attack tomorrow and you weren't here, what would you want me to do with your money? Would you want me to have to go towards my future potential children's education? Would you prefer I go spend up on one surf trip and try to remember your surf trip?

Like, what would you want me to do rather than me say, hey, dad, if you were to pass away and I get all this money, you know, isn't that just the greatest? So like like that just that's wrong. IT doesn't sit well.

And that's, I think, the worry for most of you and James to tell me if you think i'm wrong, even here in this. But I think many of you guys listening right now are worried when you approach this conversation, your parents are going to be like, are you hoping I pass away or you know what's the deal here? We never talk about money. So that's my first kind of got check on this. But how would you approach?

Well, I think that it's the acknowledged of um there's a lot of time for both the parent wants to speak about IT and the child wants to speak about IT, but there is that awkwardness of who's going to bring up first like the guy wants us got the girl and the girl wants to be us by the guy. But you didn't them feel kind is like you kind of just do IT. And like sometimes IT doesn't go great, sometimes that does.

But it's such an important thing in you do have to tread lightly, do have to approach at the right way. Because if you come out from the standpoint of, hey, how much i'm gonna get when you die. That's pretty horrible feeling to give your parents of.

I am just waiting for you to pass. I get that versus if it's come from the standpoint of how can we make sure that first and for most year gonna be okay and you're gonna be cared for for the duration of your life. Second, darling, how do we make sure that you get the most life out of this? You know, there are so many parents who they say even, even say even they sacrifice, sacrifice, sacrifice because they want to leave money for their kids.

And because I don't want you like, I want you to live, I want you to take that trip you never taken IT would give me so much more joy for you to take that trip, to do those things, then to leave me a few more dollars. And I think that I ve got I you, I can speak to this from client situations, from family situations, all the stuff of there can be a disconnect between the desires of called the older generation and what the Younger generation wants. And is not always the Younger generation warning money is the Younger generation wants to see older generation cared for and fully living um but I think one thing that we have to appreciate and recognize like of hiding to my grandma, he grew up in a great oppression like her.

Her of the way he thinks about money is going to entirely different in the way I think about money. And so it's kind of acknowledging some of those general differences. And then IT is approaching IT in a way that starts with, hey, is there anything that you want me to know? Is there anything that as you get older, you want to make sure that I know either as a caretaker or an executor or try like just anything to make sure that your wishes out are Carried out in in the best possible way? So I think kind of asking when those very, I don't know, easy initial questions, not even easy, but it's not going to right for the how much money do you have in .

how and distribute IT.

So how can we honor your wishes? And both wye here in once you passed the I go, I I love that. Okay.

two thoughts. I just had to try, James, because I talk to your grandma and he told me he wants you put everything that you and here into in video a once again, not my wishes just hurts OK.

Now, so that Robin question, or that easy question, wherever you want to call IT to start the conversation, I am not going to see the clients is name, but we work with someone right now that says, are yeah you guys helped with the financial and the tax planning in the withdraw? But the document side of things just like a whole another world. And i've been with my parents in long term care, and just the hassle of seeing other families not get things in order create more stress than what's the asset allocation I need to have.

And so I asked them, hey, how did you approach that conversation with your parents? And they told me I was by starting with long term care and asking, what does that ideal like stage of life look like? And for some, it's in a community center for others that want to stay in my home.

And they said that opened up the conversation into discussing money easily. So that's how they started. Have you seen any situations like that or different that you think people might?

I think that's a great idea. You need that low. Don't know what the right word is for a, but that low stakes question just I am just gonna proper bit here, and I gage your response of how open are you to this conversation because in a perfect world, we would acknowledge the money.

But money has the power to do amazing things for you and for future generations. IT has a hard to tear families apart. And unfortunate we seen that to a families in litigation families and lawsuits families don't talk to each other anymore.

That were great families beforehand, because no one could bring themselves to say what? How do we talk about money? How do we talk about money with our parents without seeing like we're trying to get our greedy little fingers on what you have in the reality, most people, that's not their intention.

Their intention is to protect the lifestyle of parents for lives to her parents to do what they want to do, but then then make sure that there's even as open communication. I'll give you an example, another example of the client or even past the the grandma, the matrix had this vision of what i'm going to buy real state. And this real state can be this income producing things, and it's just gonna be such a beautiful thing for my children and grandchildren.

But there is some conflict with some of the children and some the grandchildren, and things weren't managed well. And all the children and grandchildren, we don't want that like we. The worst thing in the world for us would be to inherit property from you and have to be kind of like co owners or manage IT with siblings that we have some conflict within.

Beyond that, we want you to live like, stop sacrifice and stop living this poverty like lifestyle that you don't have to live with just because you think you're by stone is incredible gift on us and so that there's just a disconnecting IT was so important to the grama to do that to beat the news that her dream were so long. Um but some I I just recognize you're going to have those chAllenges, but at least starting the conversation is going to go a long way. And okay, can we put a plan in place? Can we make sure that you're good, good while you're here and your families good and still loves each other and kids along in what you leave or don't leave continues to be a blessing well after .

you're gone n have a potential name for our new show, James, I don't know it's perfect, but maybe it's the initiators because right now i'm thinking of ten, two ten year olds going, hey, we kind like each other. Should we asked each other out? Just the example you thought of.

It's the Younger generation not possibly talk in to the older generation when both want the same thing. I'm really lucky I get to talk to a lot of people that reach out to root. And in that conversation i'll ask them, what is your state plan? I know I already got IT down.

You know, they give me an attitude sometimes. And there i'm like, great. Like, what is that? They go, I have a trust and I will will, and I have medical actives.

I said, that's cal. What's your estate plan? And like, I just told you, I don't know. You just told me about a bunch of documents.

What's your estate plan? Like, I don't follow I said, what's your plan to not be eighty with ten million dollars? Angry at me because you wish you spent more money along the way.

Like, uh, like what's your plan to not be ninety five years old in a beautiful facility with your children fighting about which real estate property they're going to get? And like, I maybe I don't have an estate plan and I go, well, there's different levels to planning and it's our goal to say, okay, great. Yes, you have a trust and will.

But when do you know that means and where do you log in and what about taxes? And so love that example. I am literally thinking right now of someone who wants to initiate the conversation but doesn't know how so hoping this episode and these thoughts might just Spark that one thing that makes you go yeah, i'm going to bring this up with my parents and I I thought.

uh, initiators, I just think of the net dog and orange song regulators and that to switched up to initiators ah that great. And I think this is the point of IT is the state planning in these conversations. There's not a perfect way to do that. There's not the form we have to follow.

It's not like a rough conversion where you can do a calculation and fill up a bracket and IT just a spread cheat think it's this is the prompting, this is the nugen to say how these conversations they can be chAllenging and they can be hard. But if you don't do IT, IT leads to so much harder and broken relationship and missed opportunity, what could have been on the back end? So that's IT.

And like everything the state plane goes beyond just having a trust IT goes into um what you talk about also just goes into like the practical things of where would I find your password. You have a password keeper that someone else has access to if you become in capacity or have dementia or or pass away whatever the case might be. Um do you have certain collectives are valuable? There are things that are sentimental to you that you want to give you a certain person that aren't just you are part of the trust to get sold and distributed, but maybe you want to give those to someone.

I've had people gift through collections. I've had people gift gunn collections. I've had people give up all kinds of things that are cool to them that aren't super valuable, but they hold the sentimental thing that is important to them to know that, that was we passed on to family members, friends, whoever IT was that that would appreciate that. So um this one is absorbs were not in super under the any grady about the specified sions and designations as much as just the initiation. Is your saying that prompting to say really important conversations to have and please make sure that you're having those.

Ah we all know James is grandmas passwords and video, but we don't know your guys passwords. So you guys need to go ask your parents, where do I log in? How do I think through this? Agree, James, not gonna be the exact episode. The state exemption change is there are coming up. But we want this to be something that you guys take action on. My goal single, James, is that you guys take away something from every episode, whether be financial to clear, take away like the rock conversion of what we're converting to this bracket here is why other times in episode this, so we do rely on your feedback for what you guys want to hear. Anything else you offer today.

James, is that yeah this this show like just to go back to what we start with, always got this podcast earlier tirely. I have a podcast, the ready for retirement podcast. You have your youtube and I of my, we this is different if we want to say, let's, let's the two of us have conversations not about what you think is super important and valuable, not even what I think is super important, viable.

But what are people asking questions about? And so if you're listening and have questions, make sure that you're watching us on youtube and start leaving comments because that's what are going. The question we started with today was pull from youtube comment, go to this video, leave comments. Um you can also listen to this on always podcast on my podcast is in the same exact thing but just pushed out each of those podcast R S S fees and that's IT. And I think that are you off to tell the story how we began working together at some point to what that journey's been liking and come our long term goals envisioning what root financials do in just because there's some cold stuff happening and this is just kind of that them the tip of some of that have have helped to get in front of more people on um provide high quality, hopefully financial guidance.

I'd love tell that story, see next time.

awesome. sorry. Root financial is not provided any compensation for IT is not influence the content of any testimonials endorsement shown, and testimonials and endorsement ment shown have been invited, have been shared with each individual permission, and are not necessarily representative of the experience of other clients, to our knowledge know their complex interest exists regarding these testimonials and endorsements. Once again, i'm James canal under root financial. And if you're interested in seeing how we have our clients at root financial get the most life with their money, we should have visit us A W W W that root financial partners dot com.