We're sunsetting PodQuest on 2025-07-28. Thank you for your support!

Getting Along with an Insecure Tormentor

2025/3/10

Women at Work

AI Deep Dive AI Chapters Transcript

People

Amy Gallo

通过播客和媒体贡献，帮助女性应对工作场所中的心理健康挑战。

Maria

Topics

Maria: 我希望能够修复与老板的关系，因为我们曾经合作愉快，但现在他变得非常具有攻击性，给我带来了巨大的压力。他试图独自证明一些事情，并将这种压力转嫁给我和团队，这让我感到非常焦虑和担忧，也让我担心团队的未来。在公司重组后，他的态度发生了180度转变。他对我与其他同事的会面感到不满，并质疑我的忠诚度，这让我感到非常震惊。他提高了对我的期望值，并要求我更加努力地工作，因为他承受着来自其他同事的压力。他对我的压力和焦虑反应冷漠，这让我意识到他并非一个好的管理者和领导者。在我休产假期间，他试图阻止我，并在团队工作坊上表示他将试图与我协商，让我减少产假时间，这让我感到震惊和不安。在休产假期间，他还对我进行了负面评价，并拒绝提供建设性反馈。当我要求他提供具体的例子时，他拒绝了，这让我感到非常震惊。在我休完产假后，他还试图改变我的角色，并暗示我可能不需要了。我向人力资源部门报告了他的举动，并请求改变我的汇报对象，这让我感觉我的声音被压制了。 Amy Gallo: Maria的情况完美地展现了“折磨者”型同事的特征：他们会通过各种方式贬低和打压下属，并以此为借口来掩盖自身的不安全感。Mike的行为符合“自我防御”模式，他将任何可能让他看起来不好的行为都视为附带损害。研究表明，通过赞美来改善不安全老板的情绪，有时可以减少他们的自我防御行为。通过寻求老板的建议并提供帮助，可以尝试恢复工作关系中的平衡。尝试与老板进行一次坦诚的对话，表达对团队的共同关注，并寻求合作方式。继续与团队其他成员建立良好关系，为未来可能的变化做好准备。设定情感界限，不要将老板的问题视为自己的问题。即使知道老板会负面回应，也要继续表达自己的观点和贡献，因为不贡献对自身也不利。当同事表达对老板行为的不满时，尝试引导他们提出建设性的建议，而不是仅仅抱怨。建议Maria更新简历，拓展人脉，为将来可能出现的其他机会做好准备。

Deep Dive

Chapters

Maria seeks advice on how to navigate a strained relationship with her boss, Mike, who has become critical and undermining after a company reorganization. They used to have a positive working relationship, but things changed after Mike's demotion. Maria is unsure how to proceed while maintaining her career and well-being.

Strained relationship with boss after reorganization.
Boss's behavior changed from supportive to critical and undermining.
Desire to repair the relationship while protecting career and well-being.

Shownotes Transcript

Maria’s boss used to be a mentor—someone she admired, learned from, and enjoyed working with. But after a reorg, he changed. He became critical and dismissive, questioned her commitment to work, and started to undermine her instead of lifting her up. Now she’s struggling to maintain a productive working relationship with someone who is unsupportive at best and out to get her at worst.

How should you handle a boss who’s turned against you? How do you protect your reputation and career while managing the stress?

In this episode, Amy G speaks with Maria and suggests strategies, based on her book Getting Along), for navigating a difficult relationship with a boss whose insecurity has turned him into a tormentor. By the end of their conversation, Maria has a plan for moving forward, setting boundaries, and preserving her well-being.

Resources:

Getting Along: How to Work with Anyone (Even Difficult People)), by Amy Gallo
Speak Up, Speak Out), from the HBR Women at Work Series)
“Research: Shifting the Power Balance with an Abusive Boss),” by Hui Liao) et al.
“What to Do When Your Boss Betrays You),” by Ron Carucci)
“Research: Insecure Managers Don’t Want Your Suggestions),” by Nathanael J. Fast et al.

Email us: [email protected])

Getting Along with an Insecure Tormentor 37:52 Share

Women at Work

Deep Dive

Shownotes Transcript

Getting Along with an Insecure Tormentor