#47 - Learn Out Loud (SOLO): Nobody Has It Together
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Hey friends, welcome back to the In Bloom podcast. Today I'm going to do something a little bit different. I've been sitting with these incredible conversations that we've had recently and I wanted to take some time to reflect with you on the threads that keep emerging, the things that I think might resonate with where many of us are right in our lives and

So before we get into the episode, I'd love it if you could go ahead and hit the subscribe button and also share this episode with a friend because the more people that listen, the more incredible conversations that I get to have and the more incredible conversations that I get to share with you. So if you do that, I would really, really appreciate it. It would mean a ton to me. And with that, let's get into the episode. You are excellent. You become unforgettable. Welcome to Inglouriousness.

I want to start with something that Sam Yarbrough said. So in today's episode, I'm going to highlight three incredible women, Sam, Angie, and Dia. And I want to start with something that Sam said, because I think it frames all the conversations that I'm going to have in the future and also these next two women that I'm going to highlight in our conversations. But Sam,

Sam talked about this idea of success, right? It's supposed to be a straight line. You're supposed to go from high school to a really good college to then a really good career. Maybe in between you have incredible internships with incredible companies. And then you're supposed to have a relationship figured out and then a family at some point. And like there's this idea of what it's supposed to look like, right? And it's supposed to be this straight line straight up that builds perfectly on itself, like every single step.

But Sam actually described her life as more of a squiggly line. I had asked about how she got to where she is today. She's an incredible leader at a really well-known tech company. And she was basically like, you know what? My life was a squiggly line. Like it was not straight in the least.

And I love that description because I think it embraces the idea of the twists and the turns, right? And yet she still got to this leadership position, which is kind of baffling and really cool because it's kind of the opposite of what you hear. I've had these experiences and I wonder if you've had the same where I'm scrolling on LinkedIn or I'm scrolling on Instagram or I'm somewhere and I'm

I see somebody who seems to have everything figured out. Like they just seem really happy. They seem very happy, very accomplished for a very split second. Like the thought crosses my mind. It's this really, really quick thought of like, should I have it more together by now? Like, should I be in a different position, a better position? Should I have made a different choice at some point? I feel that every single time that I see that and I,

I can't get away from it. But I think it's because of the way that I define success and reflecting. I think that's something that I'm really taking away from this conversation with Sam is that

throughout this squiggly line of hers, she was doing different things for different parts of herself. So she was doing her design because that was her creative side. And she was traveling because that was the part of her that wanted a certain type of enrichment in and from the world. She was creating this diverse set of experiences. And while to other people, they seemed like detours, they were actually creating something so unique inside of her. There's this concept that I mentioned inside of the episode, which is

by Naval Ravikant and it's called Specific Knowledge. And it's basically this idea that

you know, there's the type of knowledge that can be replicated, right? I can read the same book as you and get the same knowledge as you. But there's this other type of knowledge that cannot be replicated. And that is the knowledge that you gain from experience alone. So it's the experiences that you have in your life and it's the work experiences. So your mentors, the people around you, I can't replicate that. Nobody else can replicate that. If you focus on doing both, right?

gaining knowledge and also specific knowledge, you create a way of thinking and a way of being that quite literally cannot be replicated. And whenever it comes to creativity and creating value in a company, that's really, really incredible and important because, right, there's this idea that innovation and creating something new and being creative is not creating new, net new, it's connecting dots in new ways. So

I think that's a really great idea. And something that I'm holding on to tightly is just this idea that it is okay if you decide to have more of a squiggly line career path, more of a squiggly line life than say would be picture perfect.

Most people end up with something that is a little bit more realistically squiggly and whether or not they chose it or just there were a couple of life circumstances that ended up being that way, whatever the reason that your life turned out to be more squiggly, there's specific knowledge that comes from that.

But instead of looking back on your squiggly line and wishing that you could have more of a straight line, it's so important that you really just embrace what comes from your specific knowledge. You say, okay, you know, these are the experiences that I've had. This is my diverse set of really, really unique characteristics. I'm going to use them.

So that was the first thing. And I think along with that is just redefining for yourself and being really, really particular about it. This definition of success to you. What does successful look like and what does that mean? For me, it is flourishing. And that's why I named this podcast In Bloom.

So I'm reminding myself about that and on to the next lesson. The second lesson that really struck me in these first three conversations was in my conversation with Diaz. She grew up in a diplomatic family. She has a lot of incredible role models. And she shared that there was a time in her life when her kids were young where her relationship with work actually looked very different than it does now.

Right now, she's chasing excellence. She is pursuing ambition, pursuing a legacy, really, is what she kind of shared. And back then, when her kids were really, really young, she slowed down. She allowed herself to show up for her family more than she'd show up for work. And she shared that was okay.

It wasn't her giving up on ambition. It wasn't her giving up on this idea of a legacy. It was her playing a longer game and realizing that different seasons ask different things of us. This idea, this concept really resonates with me right now because I'm not married. I don't have kids. I have a good relationship and great friends, but I'm pretty mobile. I could go to a different city if I wanted to.

I'm realizing that right now I can kind of be in a building season, right? So when her kids came, she slowed down a bit. When my kids come, I will probably slow down a bit if I'm being honest with myself, if I'm being so realistic. But whatever foundation I lay now, whatever pace that I set now, that becomes my foundation for the future, which is both really exciting and terrifying.

But I think it's really interesting because it makes me think intentionally about the foundation that I want. Like, what is the right foundation? What do I want that to look like? And then is that foundation something that I can, for example, build and then maintain? And then, for example, with Dia...

Now she's picking her ambition back up. And what's so, so cool, something that she didn't share a ton, but I know from knowing her personally is that

Her kids look at her now and she's an example to them. And she has seen how her being a role model in ambition, in striving after things, in being creative has challenged her kids actually to choose to do more and be more. They've seen the example that their mom sets about her defining the things that she wants, her...

putting in what it is necessary in order to achieve those things and her achieving them really, really successfully. They've seen that process. And she was telling me that each one of her kids individually has changed their lives as well.

Because of this example. So I think there's, there's value to recognize a season, to be present, to build a home, to build a family. And then there's also value in saying, okay, what comes next? Like when my kids are not with me anymore, how do I maintain my, um,

myself as a role model for them. And maybe that looks so different. Maybe it is being a grandma in a different way. But I really, really like this idea of different seasons asking different things of you and you allowing that to set the pace for how you show up. The last lesson that I wanted to come back to was something that Angie said. She said, this is her motto, give, give, give, ask.

Here was what was interesting and why this keeps on coming back in my mind. She talked about the fact, well, she talked about two things that were really important. Number one, she talked about how when you're early in your career, you might think that you don't have to give, but you do. And

The point is that it's not actually the mentors that you're giving to. I'll get back to mentors in a second. You need to focus on giving to people that are your peers, people that are at the same level as you, because you can actually give them something, whether it's your time, whether it's your expertise. She gave the example of reading somebody else's cover letter or reading their resume. You can give people that are your peers something.

very valuable to them at this point. We don't have very much to give somebody who is a millionaire, a mentor, a very, very seasoned professional. If we're honest, if you're young in your career, you do not have much to give them. But you do have something to give your peers and you do not know where they will be in the future. So that is the best investment of your gives. And what she said about mentors was actually incredibly valuable for me to hear as well, which was don't

try and give them anything. Instead of saying, can I give you something back? Just say thank you. You diminish their gift by feeling that you have to repay it immediately. And I'm so guilty of that, which is why it hit me so hard. In that conversation, I don't know if you could tell, but she said that and I was like, oh goodness, I have been doing that. And I sat with that for a

Every time that I've asked a mentor, can I do something for you? They always like, it's like a weird, awkward pause for a second because the answer is no. And it will be no for a very long time. One thing that somebody that I really, really admire says is he says, he says, people give advice to people all the time. Show it. Show that you actually implemented it. So say thank you. Go do it.

and then show them that you did it. And that is so rewarding for somebody that has spent so many years learning the thing that they just told you and knowing that they can impact somebody's life, impact somebody's career, impact whatever. It's just, it is so impactful. With all of that,

I think it all comes back to this idea of success. Something that Jill Rowley, who is an episode later, wrote in a LinkedIn post recently is build a life, not just a career. And I think that's something that's impacting me with all of these conversations is that these women build lives, right? They're not just focused on one aspect of their lives. They're focused on their whole life. And you have to move forward at a pace that is challenging, right?

because that's what gets you far, but also not compromising on what's the most important to you. So you have to define those things and then you have to move forward as fast as you can. So to end this, for those of you feeling like you're behind or like you should have more figured out by now or like you're the only one struggling to balance it all, trust me, you're not alone. We're all figuring it out together.

And I'm so grateful to these women for making our lives as young people going into these next seasons so much easier by teaching us and telling us the things that they wish they knew. Thank you for listening to the In Bloom podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please, I actually just...

started a newsletter where I'm going to do little recaps and I'll be piecing everything together that I'm learning from these conversations, all of them. And finally, a special thanks to Angie, Sam, and Dia for sharing their stories with us and making our lives a little bit easier. Thank you. And I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I'm looking forward to our next episode. Cheers.

We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that.