🎤 PODCAST • Angry Parent ~ How can I help my "quick to get angry" husband?
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Sandra, you're dealing with your husband's anger? Yes. Yeah, tell me what's going on. Well, like, there's some times, like, he's okay, like, he's okay during the day, and then there's, like, little things that bother him, and he gets very angry. Okay, you've been... And I wanted to see what can I do to help him out. Are you in the crossfire of his anger? Are you the bullseye?

No. You're not. So when he gets angry, do your kids, who gets it? Give me a typical scenario. Like say my daughter, like she's crying or she's throwing a tantrum. Yeah. He gets aggravated and he gets angry. And how old is your daughter?

She's two years old. Okay, so terrible twos, right? Yeah. Okay, so she's just learning how to say a wonderful two-letter word, which is no. Yes. And then he counters with a counter-tantrum. He says no to her, or what goes on? Like, he'll tell her, we'll put her in a room, and she'll be like, no.

So he would get mad and be like, you need to go to the room. And she would say it again, no. And he would get out there and put her back in the room. Okay, so... And it would keep coming in and out, in and out. So he... If you were to ask him, what might he... What does he think is going through your little daughter's mind, your two-year-old's mind? I don't know. That's like what I tell him. I said, well, she's only two. She don't know that much. She don't know if I'm right or wrong.

How do you expect her to know if she's on the tube? Right, and you want to have a civilized method of civilizing two-year-olds. Yeah, and what I tell him is, like, me and him can never sit down and talk because everything bothers him and everything, like, he gets mad people. So I cannot talk to him one-on-one because it's like he don't listen to me. He's like, whatever. What do you think is up with this? I don't know. Was he always like this?

Well, he's been like that since his parents didn't care about him. Okay, it's hard for me to hear you. I think it's the phone connection. But go ahead, just if you say it clearer. Hello? Okay, I think we lost Sandra. Let me give you some advice, Sandra, if you're still listening. Even if we got cut off, it sounded like I heard your husband in the background. The whole goal of dealing with a partner's anger is...

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Find The Selfish Path to Romance by Drs. Ellen Kenner and Edwin Locke on Amazon or at SelfishRomance.com. That's The Selfish Path to Romance on Amazon or SelfishRomance.com. The whole goal of dealing with a partner's anger is to first observe it, to understand it. What seems to trigger him? If it's your two-year-old daughter who's having tender tantrums, then you say, how come I'm not...

I'm not angry with her and he's angry with her. I see her as just a two-year-old learning how to be independent for the first time, learning how to say no. He sees her as, well, we can guess. We can guess that maybe your hubby sees your little daughter as what a brat. She's defiant. She won't listen to me. There's no control in this house.

And I'm the boss. I'm the big adult. And if I can't even get my two-year-old to do what I want, what does that say about me? She better understand. She better go to her room right now. If you have that mindset, it is going to completely eat away at you and you're going to end up

being at war, declaring war as an adult with your two-year-old. You don't want to go that route. You want to observe your child to figure out what your child is up to. What do you think is going on? For example, later on in the show, I will be talking with a woman who is an expert in dealing with young kids. Her name is Cornelia Lockett, so stay tuned for that. You actually want to try to figure out

What is it they want? If it's your daughter that's throwing a tantrum because she can't have her toys, then figure out why can't she have her toys right now? Is it that they're not her toys? It's a brother and sister's toys. Is it that it's time for bed right now? And then you need methods to deal with her. One of the things, if I wanted to read a book right now or play with my toys and my husband pulled them away from me, I wouldn't be happy.

kids aren't either if my husband said oh Ellen I know how much you would like to play with your toys or how much we'd like to read right now but and you can do that tomorrow morning let me give you a big hug it's bedtime right now no obviously I'm using my husband as an example here but with two-year-olds you would do the same thing they're no different I don't so what you want to do is to be able to

understand what's going on through her mind to prepare in advance for situations that seem to get under your husband's skin. There are books on anger that if your husband were interested he could use. One is Dr. Weisinger's Anger Workout Book. There's another book, The Anger Control Workbook by Matthew McKay and Peter Rogers that are helpful. There are worksheets

Of course, usually the angry person does what your husband says, whatever, walks away, and he doesn't want to deal with it because it can seem too overwhelming. You don't want to get stuck in that mess. So I hope that helped. And here's a little more from Dr. Kenner. You can't stand alone. Give in. Learn to get along with people. Start to design the kind of buildings everybody else does. Then you'll be rich. You'll be famous. You'll be admired. You'll be one of us.

Is that what disturbs you about me, Peter, that I want to stand alone? Is that it? And we've all had those experiences in our life where we feel like people are pressuring us. We're supposed to agree with them, whether it's our parents or our friends. We're supposed to go along and have the same opinions they have in movies, in evaluating another person. And we don't feel that way inside. We have a very different evaluation. At that moment, what do you do? Do you speak your own mind?

Do you keep quiet? Do you know how to tactfully speak your own mind if you choose to go that route? That's what psychological independence is about. Your ability to gauge the situation and to

Speak your own mind properly. If it's an irrational person, then there may be times that it's just proper to walk away. But if it's a rational person, you try to reach the other person's mind and you value yourself enough to state your point of view. That drop was from The Fountainhead. The Fountainhead is one of my favorite books by Ayn Rand, my favorite author. She's the author of Atlas Shrugged.

If you want a phenomenal book that will even help you go, especially help you understand what's going on in our country today, I recommend Atlas Shrugged. It's a novel and it is a wonderful eye-opener and novel.

opportunity for your own personal growth. For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance by Drs. Kenner and Locke. Many people with a strong religious upbringing have been imbued with the belief that sex is not a glorious union of mind and body, but rather a duty, a guilty pleasure that one should not think or talk about.

about. This causes problems in relationship after relationship. Consider the case of Dirk and Susanna. Susanna had a few healthy sexual experiences and good relationships before she met Dirk. Although her sexual history bothered him, he nonetheless asked her to marry him. Susanna loved Dirk passionately and was unrepressed in her enjoyment of sex with him, but the more she enjoyed it, the more disturbed he felt.

Because of his upbringing, he believed that true love was spiritual and felt that Susanna's capacity for sexual pleasure proved that she was depraved. He divorced her over this issue and ruined his own happiness in the process. He lost a loving wife. Download Chapter 1 for free at drkenner.com and at amazon.com. Hey, Michelle, what did Jamie's teachers have to say at PTA tonight? Great, except for math.

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