🎤 PODCAST • Bad Boss ~ My boss hints that he wants to be boot licked and worshiped
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The Selfish Path to Romance. Download Chapter 1 for free at drkenner.com. Speaking of judging people...

Here is an email I received from, let's see, Doreen. This is Dr. Kenner. I've recently been placed with a manager who favors and accommodates those who bestow gifts and favors to him. He controls others by granting requests with a verbal declaration. Remember how nice I am for doing this. I could just as easily have denied you. He expects me to flatter him and to cater to him.

I have a great work ethic, and I have never lowered myself to bootlicking behavior. I'm admired because I work on a merit system, and I'm good at asserting myself. I speak my own mind. I know how to pick my battles. The boss has just written me up for an inconsequential oversight. Now, as Dr. Kenner, I'm adding something like, you know, you leave the computer on, you leave the, let's say, copy machine on at night.

I apologized for it and I rectified it immediately. I do not want to perpetuate this type of a working relationship with my boss. I cannot be productive working under such a boss. I don't trust him and I feel a growing contempt and resentment towards him."

I know I can't change him. How can I change my own reactions? I want to proactively and diplomatically nip his behavior in the bud and develop a relationship of professional respect. How do I negotiate this with minimal retaliatory fallout? Thank you for your input, respectively. Respectively, Doreen. Okay, Doreen.

You are absolutely correct. You sound like a dynamite, wonderful woman. And if I'm going to assume that that's all true, that you're this wonderful woman that has a wonderful work ethic and you want the merit system, you want things fair, and you're with a boss who manipulates with power. I mean, sometimes a boss can have an out-of-sorts moment. They're just irritated with their kids at home or something, and they come in and they yell at you for leaving the copier on. And

You know, but if the person's a decent person, you don't make it a self-esteem issue for yourself. And hopefully you address it to the boss and say, you know, that didn't feel fair the other day when you did that. And he may apologize and say, yeah, I know I was having a really lousy day. I apologize for that. However. Hey, I got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds. That's it. A very quick ad and then Alan will be back.

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And he may apologize and say, yeah, I know I was having a really lousy day. I apologize for that.

However, if this is his modus operandi, that the idea of, you better remember how nice I am for doing this because I could take it away from you, that is chilling. That is telling of his character. And you don't want to appease that type of a person. However, you may not want to lose your job, but at what cost?

cost so you don't want to become a bootlicker what you can do is you can go up to him and just say you know I'm puzzled show let's just give him the name Joe I'm puzzled Joe I just brought in three good accounts I brought in Walmart Home Depot and Best Buy and we're doing really well with them and I'm puzzled as to why you wrote me up for leaving the copier on last night help me understand you better

So you invite him to speak. If he's made a mistake, you're putting it in context. So you're bringing the justice back into the situation. By contrast, you're contrasting it to all you are doing and letting him see that it's not fair, but you're not doing it in a threatening manner. If he is devious and deceptive, he will not be happy with you putting him on the spot. And

That's a sign of someone who hates you because you are good. My favorite author, Ayn Rand, wrote an article, Hatred of the Good for Being Good. And her books, The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged, which are best-selling books on Amazon.com and Classics, really expose the nature of people who are good being hurt by people who are vicious and how to stand up to them. So I recommend reading that book if you don't know about it already. But you can also...

See if you can find a pattern in your boss's behavior. If he wants you to lick his boots, see if he does this with other people and see if they've capitulated. Are they appeasing him? Talk with them, though, because they may be appeasing him because they don't have the skills that you're looking for or that you may have already. Then, if he's unaddressable, go to the person who hired you, who put you in this spot and say,

You know, I'd like to address something to you that's a delicate situation. I think it's good for the company. Keep the context of you're working for a company. This man is not good to be in this company if he works by wheeling and dealing and bootleg, you know, having people...

trying to hold things over your head. So you can go to someone over your boss's head, don't worry about him, but go rich with examples of your boss's behavior so you're not just going with hearsay. Give examples and if you have any collaborating evidence from other employees, that's great too.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the Serious Romance Guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner and co-author Dr. Edwin Locke. Don't be confused by thinking that sacrifice simply means being considerate with goodwill toward others. Treating your partner with kindness, tenderness, consideration, and generosity does not require sacrificing what you value.

Unless you do not actually value your partner, you'll want to treasure your partner and those you care for because they are a selfish value to you. Happiness, whether in romance or in any other realm such as work or friendship, is impossible to achieve by sacrificing because happiness stems from the achievement of one's rational values, not from giving them up. The code of sacrifice promises happiness by advocating a contradiction, the demand that one give up that which makes happiness possible.

You can download Chapter 1 for free by going to drkenner.com