🎤 PODCAST • GUIDING Your Child ~ A new perspective on parenting - a short interview with parenting expert Cornelia Lockitch
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and at Amazon.com.

And that's from Inherit the Wind. And you don't want your kids to be more afraid of you than other people in their lives. You don't want them to be afraid of life. You want them to embrace their life and love their life. And what do parents do that messes things up?

With me today is Cornelia Lakich who has her Master's in Education and she's been a Montessori teacher for 10 years. And one of her quotes is, "Your choices as a parent can have a lasting impact, especially when it comes to kids." So how do you have a very good lasting impact, not a negative lasting impact?

Cornelia's specialty is with preschoolers and toddlers, but, you know, with everything, the principles apply much more broadly. And she has a website with a special report, The Three Simple Child Management Secrets That Montessori Teachers Know and No Parent Should Be Without. She's got an e-newsletter and a free e-newsletter, and you can go to her website, www.cournelius.com,

www.guideyourchild.com

feeling like I was swimming at times. I so wanted to be a good parent. I didn't want to repeat errors that I had experienced or seen growing up. And I didn't know what to do. So what typically goes wrong with parenting that makes it feel like parenting

Parenting is a fightin' hour with your little one. Ellen, I think that parents and toddlers butt heads essentially because parents don't really understand their toddlers. And I'm not talking just about the language barrier of a toddler, like one who's pre-verbal, which can definitely be a significant obstacle. But even more than this, it's that parents often aren't informed about the broad developmental goals of young children. And so what happens is they easily...

misinterpret their child's actions, and that really can lead to a lot of conflict. So can you give one example of that? Yeah. For example, an active two-year-old who's forever climbing the furniture isn't necessarily being naughty.

He's exercising his intense inner drive to perfect a particular physical skill. And if a parent truly understands this, then you can learn to work with it and not against it. You can work with this stage of development that your child is in. And so the issue becomes not one of, you must stop and you're not listening to me, and rather one of, how can I give my little guy opportunities to communicate?

to climb safely and frequently and in appropriate environments. So you could have a little staircase off to the side that's very safe. It's only three stairs. And he could go up and down and up and down and up and down. Exactly. And it's safe and he's learning the skill rather than thinking, oh my God, here he goes again climbing. Why won't he listen to me? I've got a brat on my hands. And you feel like you're just fighting and...

And putting out fires all the time. All the time. Or, you know, so you have exactly something in the house that is safe and okay for him to climb on, and you make changes in your routine to allow for daily trips to the park or the, you know, indoor gym or something like that. Right. And I've had kids come into my office. I've done a lot of child therapy, and they will be so intrigued with everything.

little thing in my office and they want to have huge picture windows and they want to look out the windows at the traffic or the airplanes flying by and the parents are saying sit still, sit still, you've got to sit still and they'd say maybe my child has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and my thought process is very different. This is a child whose mind is alive and is interested in the world. Yeah, for sure. So it's a very different perspective.

You didn't always have parenting skills. I know you're very, very well trained. I wished I had had you around when my kids were very young, although I did a lot of work on my own. You said that you had difficulty when you were teaching when you first taught. Talk a little bit about that.

Yeah, I really did. I had a rough start, and there was one day in particular that was very tough for me and that still stands out vividly. I was trying on that day to get my... Hey, I gotta interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad, and then Alan will be back. Romance. Oh, I wish guys knew more about what we want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want.

Where's that ad I saw? Ah, here it is. The Selfish Path to Romance. A serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfishromance.com and buy it at amazon.com. Hmm. The Selfish Path to Romance. That is interesting. One day in particular that was very tough for me and that still stands out vividly. I was

I was trying on that day to get my group of three- to five-year-olds on the rug for group time, and it just was not working. And they ignored me. They lay on the floor. They wandered around the room. They were giggling. They were playing. Anything but paying attention to my directions. And this came at the end of a long morning and, frankly, at the end of weeks of similar battles.

So I was just feeling so powerless and discouraged, and I was really at a loss as to how to get them to listen to me. And on that particular day, I just couldn't take it anymore, and tears came into my eyes, and I had to leave the room. And I left my students to my assistant, and it was very hard for me, and I was forced really on that day to come to the discovery that

first of all, that it wasn't about me. They weren't being disrespectful to me. They were just doing what young kids do when there's no adult around who's earned their respect. Yeah. And I really needed to work hard after that to do a few things

distinctly differently. So if someone came up to you, Cornelia, and said, you know, just go by your gut feelings. Come on. They're little kids. You've got 26 little kids and you can't control them? Go by your gut feelings. Tell me about that. Why are you laughing? Yeah, well, because...

You know, even though I was trained before going into the classroom, trained as a teacher and had some babysitting experience under my belt, I essentially, I did go by gut feeling. I didn't really know what to expect. And you really put yourself in a sink or swim situation there. You know, you might get lucky with your child and discover you have a natural flair for children.

for understanding young kids or that you have a very easygoing child. But I think the odds are kind of against you there. Yeah. And...

From my perspective, parenting will just feel so much more like a struggle, and you will actually create problems that are avoidable if you go into it blindly. So that's why you come in as a parenting coach now. After 10 years of being a Montessori teacher, you come in as a parenting coach. You have your own child now, right? Yes.

Yes, I do. And you actually coach parents. Talk a little bit about how people could get in touch with you if they want to learn what your fresh vision is, which is actually guiding your child rather than trying to be too hands-on or too hands-off, too authoritarian or too lenient. You have a wonderful method of guiding your child that's actually free on your website. Tell people how they can get in touch with that.

Well, first they can visit my website at www.guideyourchild.com and I write a free bi-weekly e-newsletter, which is my way of staying in touch with parents. And that's really how you can find out about my parenting coaching. And my approach is that the role of guide is

in those early years in particular, is really what I see as the most constructive one for parents. You know, you don't need to be her best pal or her best playmate or that domineering authority who's just trying to instill blind obedience. You're there to show the way, to offer help, to set limits when needed, and to back off when not. And all of that takes...

learning, I believe, learning about child development because young kids are not self-evident. It's not self-evident what their actions mean. And people can get in touch with you. I wish we had more time at www.guideyourchild.com. Listen, thank you so much for joining us today. For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com and please listen to this ad.

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