🎤 PODCAST • Habits ~ My wife puts all written words into alphabetical order.
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The Selfish Path to Romance. Download Chapter 1 for free at drkenner.com. My wife recently told me that when she reads a word, her mind automatically goes to work putting the letters of the word in alphabetical order. For example, when she reads the word chocolate cake, her brain goes into...

A-C-E-H-L-O-T, A-C-E-K. I'm not even going to stop to figure out whether she got it right. Why is this? And how can you change? This gentleman tried to find an answer online and couldn't find it. Well, I will tell you, I have never heard of this particular problem.

but I have heard of odd habits. So the first question I have is, when has your wife ever alphabetized? You know, when have we done it? Maybe she was a filing clerk. Maybe she used to be involved in school with spelling bees and alphabetizing or had a game with some friends and she was the star and it became a source of self-esteem and she just...

kept that or maybe when she was very anxious, "Oh man, I just thought of something." I learned Morse code going from A to Z. Da-da-da-di-di-di-da-da-da-dit. And I got my, what is it, the ham radio license a few decades ago. And when did I use it? I only used Morse code, apart from passing the test, once.

or actually twice when I was delivering my kids when I was in labor I needed a distractor so over and over and over I repeated the alphabet from A to Z. You know someone else might hum a lovely tune but I chose to do da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-

doing to die dot it on it we might need to trace it back to where that came from well the same with with your wife's problem when did she alphabetize did she play games like boggle or some crossword puzzles I don't know what she needs to do that introspective work to figure out when she alphabetized the second point is what is she say to herself if she says to herself oh my god I can't change

Man, she's not going to put forth any effort to change.

She needs to offer herself another possibility very gently, that change is possible and that she can take a break. When she's reading, maybe she'll alphabetize a few words, but give herself the option of taking a coffee break in quotes and train herself not to do it too, to try to catch herself when she's not doing it. Here is someone that had a very odd habit. This is in a book, Changing for Good.

This is a professor. Once when I was teaching a class of 300 students, I developed the habit of... Hey, I've got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad and then Ellen will be back.

Many romantic partners have complaints like, "I live in the shadow of my husband's life," or, "I feel invisible to my girlfriend." These are common complaints, but you never want to betray yourself in a romantic partnership. When both partners value themselves and are lovingly honest with one another, romance

Once when I was teaching a class of 300 students, I developed the habit of ending sentences with the phrase, Okay.

In much the same way some people say, you know. I would say things like, Freud is the second most famous psychologist of all time. On it. Skinner is now the most famous. On it.

Now what do you think happened?

With 300 hands making me fully conscious of this habit, I changed in record time. So maybe there's something your wife can do to help her change in record time, or at least to start the change process. And I do recommend that book.

Changing for Good. Prochaska is the first author on that at Norcross and DiClemente are the others. That's at my website, drkenner.com, D-R-K-E-N-N-E-R.com. For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the serious romance guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner.

John was a successful Broadway actor who worked regularly and happily. On vacation, he met and fell in love with Sue, who lived in a small town in Oregon. She ran her own business and loved it very much. They followed an intense long-distance romance that lasted almost a year. Wanting a

permanent relationship, Sue ultimately demanded that John quit his New York job and move to the West Coast to live with her. John complained that he could not pursue his acting career in Oregon and refused to give it up. Sue was furious at John's refusal. This conflict ended the relationship. Conventionally, one would call Sue selfish, but observed that her demand was not, in fact, in her actual self-interest because it destroyed a relationship that she greatly valued.

You can download Chapter 1 for free by going to drkenner.com and you can buy the book at amazon.com.