🎤 PODCAST • Selfish vs. Self Destructive ~ Myths about Selfishness - a short interview with journalist Peter Schwartz
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The Selfish Path to Romance. Download Chapter 1 for free at drkenner.com and at amazon.com. Self-sacrifice we drool as the ultimate virtue. Can a man sacrifice his integrity, his rights, his freedom, his convictions, the honesty of his feeling, the independence of his thought? Self-sacrifice? But it is precisely the self that cannot and must not be sacrificed. A man's self is his spirit.

It is the unsacrificed self that we must respect in man above all.

And that's from The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand. Well, with me today to talk about the myth of selfishness, or the myths around it, is journalist Peter Schwartz, who is the founding editor and publisher of The Intellectual Activist and is on the board of directors of the Ayn Rand Institute. Welcome to the show, Peter. Thank you, Ellen. Thanks for having me. Oh, it's wonderful to have you on. I know so many people who are unhappy because they feel guilty doing things for themselves.

For example, I'll hear a woman telling me, "I've done everything for everyone else in my life, for my parents, my in-laws, my sister, my friends, my neighbors, and I've gotten nothing in return." Peter, I run my own business as a psychologist.

and I earn money from it. And I could say that, you know, it's true, it's nice to help other people, and I give away some of my money, but I'm able to keep some of it. So isn't it the case that as long as I give away some of my money, that I'm not being selfish, and it's okay to keep some of it?

No, it really doesn't matter whether it's half your money or a quarter of your money or whatever, or a dime. The issue is a black and white one. The issue is, do you accept the idea that you have a moral right to your own happiness, to your own self-interest, or do you believe that...

you exist for the sake of others, that the moral justification of your life is the service you perform for others. Now, if you accept the latter, that means you have a, quote, duty to give up that which is important to you because others have a claim on it. You know, but I'm going to do this in role play, Peter. What if I say that...

You know, it's supposed to make me happy. My parents have always told me that pleasing them, pleasing my in-laws, pleasing my sisters or my friends or my neighbors, that's what's supposed to make me happy in life. And when I try it, oh, sometimes it does, and most of the time I just feel like, what about me? Hey, what about me? Well, it can't really make you happy. That's like asking, why can't you be happy by giving up your happiness for others?

Happiness comes from pursuing things that you decide are a benefit to you. You're the one who's living your life. You're the one who has to sustain your life by the choices and the values that you pursue. And if you say, my life isn't important, my life exists now,

for the purpose of serving others. I'm not going to go after my own happiness. I'm going to surrender it for the sake of others. That makes your happiness unachievable.

So a person who gives up their hobbies to do a hobby that the parent wants or that gives up their dream career to do what dad wants them to do, that's what we're talking about. That's the sacrifice that you're referring to? Yes, it's the idea that you owe your life or your efforts to others, that they have a claim, a moral claim on your efforts, and that if you don't

So knowing that you have a moral right to your life is essential for happiness.

Yes, I think so. What about the situation where someone says, but there are what people typically call selfish people, people who will take advantage of anyone, cheat, lie, steal, and just run roughshod over them for their own happiness? Well, this is really the big reason, I think, that

People regard selfishness so negatively, it's because they have a very false idea of it. They regard the person you're describing, someone who...

Hey, I gotta interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds, that's it. A very quick ad and then Alan will be back. Romance.

Oh, I wish guys knew more about what we want from a relationship. Boy, I wish I knew more about what I want. Where's that ad I saw? Ah, here it is. The Selfish Path to Romance. A serious romance guidebook. Download chapter one for free at selfishromance.com and buy it at amazon.com. Hmm, The Selfish Path to Romance. That is interesting. Hello?

mindlessly goes around using force to attain his goals. That's what is the archetype of the selfishness in many people's minds. And that's a very tragic error. What selfishness means is pursuing your own interests. Now, you've got to then figure out what, in fact, constitutes your own interest. And I don't believe that a

a gangster or a brute or anyone... Or a terrorist. Or a terrorist or any irrational person just mindlessly pursuing his whims, I don't think that person is, in fact, being selfish. Quite the opposite. That person is acting self-destructively. You can see that very clearly with criminals and these other types. They eventually...

end up simply destroying their own lives, not being productive and happy. There are specific requirements for achieving your happiness. You can't just do it blindly any more than you can just feed yourself and take in the proper nutrition just blindly without knowing what you're eating. You have to be rational about this and produce

pursue your values by deciding logically what in fact achieves your interest. And it can't be done purely by emotion. Okay, so when we say pursuing your values or pursuing the goodies in life, that also includes your own good estimate of yourself, that you're an honest person with integrity, that you're self-reliant, productive, and that you're ambitious, that you go after goals that are your chosen goals. Okay.

That that's a central point for your own happiness. All rational values, including honesty and productivity and integrity, are essential for your self-interest. Okay, so we'll conclude by saying it's wonderful to be self-valuing, to have self-interest, or if you want to say it, to be selfish, not to apologize for being selfish. Would that be accurate? Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for joining us. This is Mr. Peter Schwartz from the Ayn Rand Institute. Thank you.

And if you're interested in finding out more, there's the Ayn Rand bookstore.com. And there's a book, Loving Life, Loving Life. And it's about the morality of self-interest and the facts that support it. And that's by Craig Biddle, C-R-A-I-G-B-I-D-D-L-E. And again, you can get that at the Ayn Rand bookstore.com. It's an easy read. It's a shorter book.

And notice what Peter said. Peter was talking about how self-valuing is tremendous. In fact, the purpose of your own life is to achieve your own happiness by thinking long range, not by acting on whim, but by thinking about what career you would want, what type of friends you want to hang around with, what type of hobbies you would enjoy, and who would be a good match for you in terms of a long-term career.

soulmate, a romantic partner. And that takes a lot of thinking. You can't go by the seat of your pants. You can't just be on the surface either. You can't say, well, this person looks like he's good on paper. You have to feel it too. So you have to be able to know how to introspect, how to understand your emotions so that they don't lead you astray, but not to ignore them either. And that takes a wonderful, wonderful skill of introspection, which is what we talk about on this show a lot, how to read your own mind.

For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, The Serious Romance Guidebook by clinical psychologist Dr. Ellen Kenner and Dr. Edwin Locke.

One way to actively and respectfully listen to your partner is to check for misunderstandings. When your partner finishes talking, briefly summarize what you heard, then add, "Did I hear you correctly that..." and repeat their words. You want to explore inconsistencies. You say you're okay, but you seem so disappointed. What's really on your mind?

Ask for specific examples if your partner uses vague language. If your partner says you never do anything right, you can follow up with something specific I did must really be bothering you. Tell me what it is. You can download Chapter 1 for free by going to drkenner.com