🎤 PODCAST • Young Sex ~ My son developed grieving problems after dad died.
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Debbie, you're having some problems with your teenage son? Yes, I am. Yeah, tell me what happened. Your husband died? Yes, my husband was killed 18 months ago now. Oh, that is sad.

And we've been in therapy. Yeah. I've taken them to support groups that are mainly for, that are definitely for military families. However, my son has, he got involved with one of the other children that also lost her father. And she's a bit younger, and we told them that they couldn't date, that they could only be friends and everything. How old is he?

He's 15. He's 15 and she's... I don't even want to say this. Okay, okay, okay, go ahead. And, you know, we told them that they couldn't see each other and everything. You mean dating? They couldn't date. They couldn't date. That they could see each other, you know, at the teen groups and everything and...

that were, you know, for support. It was the grief group for the teenagers, for the kids. And, um,

She lives quite a ways away from us, and she found a way to get here, and they did things that they shouldn't have, being so young. And we found out about it, and of course then everything had to stop, because, I mean, she was finding ways here, and we didn't know about it, and...

She's a resourceful gal. Yes, she is. She's very. And from what I understand, she had issues before her father died. Okay. I just recently found this out. What effect has it had on your son? Now he is being extremely disrespectful. He skipped school today. Okay.

And he's telling me that I'm not the boss of him, that I can't tell him what to do anymore, and that I just need to stay out of his life, and I can't, you know, do anything to him. And basically, I mean, being completely rebellious. Was that what he was like before? No, not at all. What was he like? What was your relationship like before your husband died? Great. With your son? And even, you know, throughout life.

you know, the past, well, with the exception of this past month. Yeah. It's been pretty good, too. There's been ups and downs, but, you know, we've been, you know, through them, and, you know, nothing to the magnitude of where he's at now. What do you think's driving it?

The fact that he can't have what he wants. He can't see this woman. No. So he's fallen in love with this young girl.

And he, you're the barrier. The parents are, you and his mother are the barrier, that you're not letting them connect, which makes them want each other even more, is my guess, right? And so you've become the villain. And I understand that. And I've, you know, and I've even said that to him before.

in so much words, you know, and I also understand that they are, you know, trying to help each other through this loss that they have. Right. They both care. They're trying to replace that void that is their father, and they can't do that with one another, not at this point in time. Right.

They just can't. You can't replace that void. So they're leaning on one another. Are they chatting online? Oh, yes, and they were talking on the phone all the time and ran up quite the phone bill on both ends. So the biggest problem is that they've crossed the boundary lines and they've had sex.

And that had they not done that and had they just maybe held hands or put their arms around each other and cried a little bit and been wonderfully supportive, there'd be no question that it would be a wonderful relationship. You'd still have your good relationship with your son. Well, I

I don't know. Hey, I got to interrupt this because we've got to pay some bills. 30 seconds. That's it. A very quick ad and then Alan will be back. Do you ever feel overlooked in your romantic relationships? Well, when it comes to love, sometimes it's good to be selfish. Find out why in the provocative book, The Selfish Path to Romance. Being selfish means valuing yourself so your partner will value you. Discover the secrets to keeping yourself front and center in your relationship and building a romance that will last.

Find The Selfish Path to Romance by Drs. Ellen Kenner and Edwin Locke on Amazon or at SelfishRomance.com. That's The Selfish Path to Romance on Amazon or SelfishRomance.com. And that had they not done that and had they just maybe held hands or put their arms around each other and cried a little bit and been wonderfully supportive, there'd be no question that it would be a wonderful relationship. You'd still have your good relationship with your son.

Well, I don't know even so much about the holding hands and everything. I mean, it wasn't supposed to be a boyfriend-girlfriend. We had told them from the very beginning that they could be friends, that they could talk, but that, you know, she was, that they weren't allowed to date because of her age, period.

Okay, but they still can have real powerful feelings. And what does your son do with those wonderfully powerful romantic or feelings that she fulfills? She must see him, some good in him, and he must see some good in her. And that wonderful, I'm assuming that. I'm assuming that she isn't a scatterbrain or she isn't a mean person. Yes.

And so this is really hard. I don't know. I mean, they feed off of each other, and it's not always positive energy. I mean, she tells him lies and everything. Oh, well, then now you're in a different ballpark.

Because if she had a wonderful... See, I'm imagining her. I'm projecting onto her this wonderful, innocent, benevolent kid, this good kid, and they're both kind of leaning on each other, and they just took it a little too far. No, I mean, the last thing was that she told him that she had an abortion. She was never pregnant even. Okay. So then he needs to understand that character really, really, really matters. Yes.

And I'm assuming he admired Dad tremendously? Yes, but he's not seeing that. He's like, I know she lies. I can tell when she's lying. Yeah. But it doesn't seem to make a difference to him that she's being so manipulative. Okay, so it may be a power struggle between the two of you that keeps him more connected with her?

I'm not real sure on that one. It's a mixed bag. Let me tell you some things you can do because unfortunately we're on radio time. I wish we had a full hour. One of the things, if you can go back and remember some real endearing times that you guys had together and remind him of them just in passing. You know, I remember the time that we...

We laugh so hard and just bring up some good memories of the two of you together. Even Dad can be there because it could be some grief response. I'm sure you're getting a lot of information on grief.

I'm going through the grief process. And you can even tell him, you know, I wish we could rewind and have some good times with one another. And just to try to help him reconnect with your good relationship with one another. That's what I would focus on at this point.

Okay, so he's at the point where he's like refusing to even talk to me. Let me take this during the break because it sounds like there's a lot more I'd like to say, but I don't have the time right at this moment. For more Dr. Kenner podcasts, go to drkenner.com and please listen to this ad. Here's an excerpt from The Selfish Path to Romance, the serious romance guidebook by Drs. Kenner and Locke. Here are some more tips for handling unreasonable resistance.

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