How Are You Measuring Your Life? — Beneath The Surface
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The other day I was at a funeral, and if you're like me, funerals have this catalyzing type effect where they just confront me with this deep honesty about how I'm living my life.

And it makes me think about if I continue living the life I'm living and the way I'm living until I died, would I be proud of that? Would I have found purpose and meaning? And would I view my life successful? Or if I was at my funeral, if I was floating above, watching, looking down, hearing about the words people were saying about me, would I be smiling? Would I have joy? Would I feel like I've made a positive impact on their lives? So the recent deaths that have been around me have me thinking about a deeper question.

How are you measuring your life? How are you listening to this right now at this point in time, measuring your life? And what's kind of interesting is it's one of those questions we never get around to, right? We're always caught in the vortex of doing in life, but we never have slowed down.

to get quiet and think about what a meaningful, successful, great life means to us. And the funny thing is, all of us are measuring our lives somehow. We're measuring what's important, what's worthy, what's successful. But the tragedy is that most people haven't paused long enough to see if the metric they're using to determine the meaning in their lives is what they truly want.

So I want this moment right now, this episode to be an invitation to you to slow down and really wrestle with the question, how are you measuring your life?

How are you measuring your life? You know, is it by the people you've touched or the people that you've had to trample over to achieve your goals? Is it about all of the money you've got in the bank account? Or is it about those little moments that you wouldn't trade for anything? You know, are you measuring on clicks and likes or by those quiet, infinitesimal touch points that change someone else's day just because you were you? So here's the question I want ringing in your mind.

What scoreboard am I subconsciously playing to? And more importantly, is it one I would choose if I were really awake and living a life I loved?

Let's dive into it. Welcome to Beneath the Surface. I'm Sean Delaney. This series is a space where I bring you the ideas I'm sitting with most, the ones I can't let go of, the ones I return to again and again in my own life, and the ones that show up constantly in the conversations behind closed doors with high performers, creatives, leaders, and people who are on the path like you, not just to do more, but to feel more alive while doing it. These episodes aren't about giving you another strategy or chasing another version of success.

They're about going a level deeper, getting quiet enough to hear what's underneath the noise and remembering what actually matters. So if you're looking for a place to slow down, think deeply and reconnect to the part of you that most of the world forgets to speak to, you're in the right place. Let's begin. Let's go beneath the surface. I want to be clear from the get-go that I have no intentions on how to tell you how you should measure your life because I truly don't believe I can. I do know there will come a time though when you're going to look in the mirror

And you are going to have to confront yourself with how you're measuring your life. And when that moment comes, only you can answer that. No parent, no boss, no algorithm, just you. You can't type in the chat GPT, what gives my life meaning? Because everyone is different. And you need to discover those answers on your own. So this episode is not about giving you answers. Instead, it's about creating the space for you to slow down, ask better questions, and think deeply.

And think deeply on, if I keep living exactly as I am now, what will my life add up to? Think about that. If I keep living exactly as I am right now, what will my life add up to? Now, you want to think about what direction is your health headed in? What direction are your relationships headed in? What direction is your joy and your peace and your aliveness headed in? Because we're all moving in some direction. And that direction, well, it's leading us towards death.

Think about that. Another second in your life clock just went flying by. So what are you going to do with the unknown time that you're allotted in this life? It reminds me of something this student said to the philosopher and writer Rollo May. They said, I know only two things. One, we all die. Two, I'm not dead yet. What matters is what I plan to do between those two points. So what are you going to do between those two points?

Makes me think of what the Stoic Marcus Aurelius wrote. He said, do not act as if you had 10,000 years to throw away. He says, death stands at your elbows. Be good for something while you live, and it is in your power. Think about that. Be good for something while you live, and it is in your power. Similar thing was said by Seneca. He said, it is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.

So what if we stopped wasting our precious time, the time we have between our birth and our death? What if we moved more in the direction that would make for a great freaking life?

So on this episode, I really want to share what some of the greatest thinkers throughout history have said about a meaningful life and how they're measuring it because I hope this becomes an initiation moment where you become more intentional about how you're going to live your life because we're all given the same 24 hours in a day.

But so many people just fill those 24 hours with no meaning, no purpose, no joy, no intentionality. And I see the starvation of the soul happening all over the place. So I hope this episode allows you to become more clear and deliberate with the time you're given. And that time we're given

We so underestimate how much value and meaning and joy we can find there. It makes me think of James Hollis, who's one of my favorite thinkers. He said, what I long for is an experience of this life that I would not trade for eternity in those Elysian fields. What I long for is an experience of this life that I would not trade for eternity in those Elysian fields. Man.

That line says everything. How many of us are working to create that type of life?

So when I say, how are you measuring your life? I'm not talking about a zero to 10 scale. I'm not talking about something you're going to write or put down in a spreadsheet. Those can help. But this is about something much, much deeper. This is about a felt sense. Can you feel when you're living in alignment? You know, can you feel when you have integrity and purpose and clarity? Can you sense when you live in alignment with days that reflect your values? And do you know more importantly, when you're living out of alignment,

Because if you can't feel that, it does not matter how much you achieve in your life. You are still going to feel empty. There is going to be a hollow sense because the scoreboard you're using isn't the one that aligns with what you care about. So I think we need to understand a bit clearer on where this feeling of emptiness arises.

And one of the exercises, it's very simple, I'll do with a lot of people to help bring to the surface why they might be feeling empty or hollow, even when they're achieving, is I have them take out a paper and I just have them draw a line down the center. And on the left side of the page, just write, important to society. On the right side, important to me. And then just start writing. Let the subconscious come out. And what you'll often see

is that on the society side of things, you're going to see the common ones, fame, status, wealth, power, possession, follower count, likes, all of those external trappings that appear valuable. But as we know, they feel oddly hollow when you finally get to them. Then what I want you to do is move just three inches to the right, to the soul side of the paper. And what shows up there is going to surprise people because it's really about stuff. It's really about numbers. It's rarely about prestige. It's always, though,

about the people. It's about the love, the laughter, the impact you made when no one was watching. It's about, do you trust yourself? Like Bonnie Ware said, do you have the courage to live a life true to yourself? Do you wake up excited? Do you feel connected to others and to things that matters? That's the real scorecard. That's what people truly care about when they reach their deathbed. So what happens is we're left with this kind of predicament. We have a culture that's feeding us one version of meaning.

And then on the other side, a soul that's pointing a completely different direction. So we've reached a threshold moment when we bring that to the surface. So the question becomes during this threshold moment, now that I've seen that gap, the gap between the left side of the paper and the right side, what do I do about it? I'm now aware of what matters to me. Am I going to start living in alignment with it? This is what one of my favorite authors, David Brooks, describes and writes about as resume virtues versus eulogy virtues.

The resume virtues, those are about the skills you bring to the marketplace, the job place. Eulogy virtues, though, are the ones that people talk about at your funeral. They're the ones I've been hearing about the last few weeks. We are not focused on resume virtues. We're not optimizing for LinkedIn or status. We are talking about eulogy virtues, the ones that make for a meaningful, fulfilling life, the ones that matter when you're on your deathbed. Because if they matter when they're on your deathbed, they matter now.

So I want you to ask, at this moment in time, how are you measuring your life? And is that measurement leading you toward the kind of life you're going to be honored to call your own? So when you get to your funeral, you're going to be happy about. And if you're kind of in that in-between, this is what David Brooks describes as the second mountain. You see, the first mountain he talks about in life is the one you climb to prove yourself. The second mountain is one you lose yourself.

And so that first mountain, that's all about those things we do right out of school. Get the job, the career, the status, the accolades, the success, make your mark, all of those elements. That's the first mountain. But then what happens when most people get to the top of that mountain, they've achieved some success. They look around and they're like, whoa, this is oddly unsatisfying. This isn't the mountain I thought I wanted to climb after all. And we look up and we realize there's a bigger mountain. There's that second mountain over there.

And now we're at that threshold where we begin a journey towards the second mountain. And that second mountain, this is when you start wanting things that are truly worth wanting. You love things that are worthy of love. This is when you start surrendering yourself to a community or a cause where you think so deeply about people and building thick jungles of loving attachments where you lose yourself in the daily act of serving others. That's what this second mountain is all about.

It is all about loving things that are worthy of love, that bring your life meaning, that bring your life joy. It is not about workaholism and avoiding conflict at all costs and thinking only about yourself and your individual status. It's about something much bigger and giving yourself over

to that bigger thing. Makes me think about what Thoreau wrote at the end of Walden. He said, I learned this, at least by my experiment, that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams and endeavors to live a life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. So I want you to open up your imagination to live a life that gets you excited and then walk confidently in that direction.

Because of the things that you can pursue with this limited time between your birth and your death, what do you believe to be most valuable? And for me personally, it is so much less about what I've done. And it's so much more about who I've been and who I'm becoming. I have these documents that are my yearly documents that is kind of where I encapsulate the most important things I've read, learned, discovered in my own life.

And at the top of my current one, I have three lines. And this is what it says. It says, I want to live so there's no question about what my heart loves. I want to live so there's no question about what my heart loves. I want to be absolutely clear about what I'm all about in life. That if anyone watches my actions or when I face myself in the mirror at the end of the night, I know that the way I lived was completely in aligned with what my heart truly loves.

And so as a way to remember this daily, I've got that at the top of the sheet. And then underneath that, I say, how am I going to measure my life? Because what I want to do is I want to bring these thoughts, these ideas to the forefront of my mind. So that way my thoughts, words, and actions can align with them every single day. And for me, this is what it's all about. A life lived fully present, deeply loving, and courageously authentic.

I'll say that one again. For me, it is all about a life lived fully present, deeply loving, and courageously authentic. When it's all said and done, that's how I think about measuring my life. You know, it's all about the connection, the love, the memories I build and create with the people that I actually care most about. Not the thousands of others. It's the handful, the thousand X relationships I care about. It's about, am I expressing who I am adequately?

at my core, that true, authentic, unobstructed nature, living courageously and not allowing fear to hold me back. But did I live where I was a steward for future generations, where I made other people's lives better? And my feet, where I'm at daily, did I bring joy? Did I bring energy? Did I bring presence? That to me is true success. And true success

is only attained through the satisfaction of knowing you did everything within the limits of your ability to become the very best that you are capable of becoming. That is a moment-by-moment choice, what the ancient Greeks called arete. Are you being and living up to your highest potential moment-to-moment? No matter the circumstances or the situation, are you doing the best you are possibly capable of in this moment?

And in order to do that, I need to know what my best looks like, right? What does a great life look like? What matters most to me? That's why I'm bringing these ideas to the forefront of your mind. Because we need to think about our most important truths.

It makes me think of another Stoic epitetus. He said, "...to live in the presence of great truths and eternal laws, to be led by permanent ideals, that is what keeps man patient when the world ignores him, and calm and unspoiled when the world praises him." Life will be turbulent. Life will be rocky. You are going to face ups and downs. What is going to guide you? What is going to ground you towards what matters during those times?

And it's not many things. It is a handful of things, which makes me think of the Patagonia founder, Yvonne Girard. I was listening to an interview with him one time, and he had this kind of throwaway line. He said, the older I get, it's learning more and more about less and less. The more you know, the less you need. I love that.

It's learning more and more about less and less. It's about simplifying down to the handful of things that truly matter. And then you go all freaking in on those things. So now your actions have direction. They have purpose. They have meaning. So you're not wasting your time on things that don't matter. You're not wasting your time on the things society says might matter, but don't matter to your soul.

Because what you do should be worthy of you because where your attention goes, your life goes. So what are you all about? Are you directing your life energy towards those things? And like I said, I don't want to give you answers. I can't. I want this to be inspiration for you to think deeper on the foundational elements that you're going to measure your life on and not on titles, not wealth, not likes, but a different kind of scoreboard. One that's built on what the soul knows. And for me,

These are some of the smaller intangible elements I think a ton about. One of them is presence. How fully are you living in each moment? Are you here for your life or are you just passing through it? When you're with your loved ones, are you with them or are you just standing next to them? Are you scrolling and thinking about something else or are they feeling your life force, which leads to love? How well are you loving and being loved?

Are you open? Are you vulnerable? Are you available? Or are you just too busy chasing the idea of a good life that you actually forget to live the loving one that you're a part of right now? What about aliveness? What makes you feel most awake and electric and most you? And are you giving your time, your thoughts, your words, your energy to that? Not delaying it for some day, but giving to it daily. This is about living a life of integrity. Are you living in alignment with your deepest values?

Or have you traded authenticity for approval? Makes me think about contribution. Are you being a steward for a future generation? Are you in service of something greater to you? Because every single time we found the deepest elements of meaning, it has always happened in the context of other people and towards something that is greater than us. Like I said a minute ago, this comes down to attention.

What are you giving the best of your energy to? Not just your time, but your presence, your focus, your life force. Because whatever you give your attention to, that is what your life becomes. And here's what I want you to do. I want you to spend some time, and I'm not talking about five minutes. I'm talking about blocking out a morning, going to the coffee shop, sitting with these questions quietly. There's three of them. How will I measure my life? Who am I working to become? What is the life I'm trying to create?

How will I measure my life? Who am I working to become? What is the life I'm trying to create? And just a third time for emphasis. How will I measure my life? Who am I working to become? What is the life I'm trying to create?

Think deeply on those and don't just think, write out the answers, print them out, read them, reflect them. Let this become your life in motion. Because as Montaigne said, no one favors him who has no destined port. You need a port. You need a direction. You need an inner compass that knows where it's headed. Even when the seas get rough, this is the part that no one talks about. These answers, the answers to these three questions, they are not going to come from your logical mind.

They are going to come through the whispers in your heart. Carl Jung said, "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. Who looks outside dreams, who looks inside awakes." Man, that's a powerful line. Makes you think of what Hermann Hesse said. He said, "I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me." I have begun to listen to the teaching my blood whispers to me. What is your blood whispering to you?

Makes me think about what the mythic Rumi said. He said, close both eyes to see with the other eye.

This is a different kind of seeing. One that doesn't come from strategy, but one that comes from silence, from sincerity, from deep internal listening. And if we don't take this seriously, if we don't take these questions and this idea seriously, if we don't slow down long enough to answer these questions, then we are going to end up living someone else's answers. We can sail really freaking hard, but man, we will be going in the wrong direction. We will measure our life in things we never really cared about.

But we put all of our life force and energy towards them. And I would hate to see you get to the end of your life, look back and realize that you sprinted towards something really hard that never really mattered. As David White so beautifully wrote, he said, it's better to walk the path that you care about despite the immediate losses so that you don't have your heart broken over things you actually don't care about. So this should be a wake-up call.

to train your attention, to clarify your compass, to get honest about what you're actually working towards in life because you do not want to live the finest hours in the waiting room of your life. As Emerson warned us, few men find themselves before they die. And maybe that's the work of a lifetime to find yourself and to live a life that's not just impressive to others, but deeply, undeniably true to you. So this is my invitation.

How will you measure your life? Who are you working to become? And what is the life you're trying to create? I'll see you on the next episode. If this episode resonated with you, if it stirred something, opened something up, or even challenged something, I'd love to hear about it. You can connect with me directly at whatgotyouthere.com. That's where you'll find my writing, my books, more about my executive coaching work I do with the people who want to live and lead from a deeper place.

And if this episode made you think of someone, a friend, a teammate, a partner, someone who's been in the grind and might need to hear this, send it to them. Because sometimes all it takes is a single conversation to shift the direction we're heading in. Again, it's whatgotyouthere.com. You can reach out, learn more, or just say hi. I always love hearing from people walking this path. Thanks for listening, and until next time.