Parenting Weekend
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Hi, good evening church. I'm Kelvin. And I'm Diane. And we are incredibly thankful for this opportunity to speak to every one of you. This is Parenting Weekend. So let me start by saying this. Parenting is hard. And if you are feeling that, you are not alone. Don't get me wrong. I'm a strong advocate for couples to have children and many of them. But the truth is, parenting is challenging.

After my youngest daughter was born, several people asked me, "What is it like to have a fourth kid?" When I'm feeling spiritual, I will tell them, "It is so amazing. It's so good. It's wonderful." Alright, when I'm feeling not so spiritual, I will usually tell them with a straight face, "Just imagine you're drowning and someone hands you a baby."

Alright, I've got a picture okay, to help you imagine. And my wife asked me to post for that photo so I hope okay, it helps you. I hope you like it. No, just kidding. Alright, you know parenting sometimes feels like that. You are juggling 25 things at the same time. There are many issues where parents are deeply concerned about when it comes to our children.

From the physical to the mental health, to children's safety, the school they go to, that's a big one right? Yeah, to the academic results, learning attitudes, excessive phone usage, bullying, cyberbullying, and the list goes on. So the thing is, despite all the stress and the mess, I think all of you can agree that there are these tiny wonderful moments that make it all worthwhile. I remember one time,

when all the children were sleeping. And then my wife passed me a small packet of potato farm. If you do not know, okay, you can just take a look. Alright. It is our favourite Japanese snack. And I was like, "What? Do you hide these snacks?" And then she said, "No, verbatim." Yeah, otherwise no chance to eat.

Alright, this is a true story. I was so amused. My wife is so cute. I didn't know how to respond. But I think, okay, you need to understand that my son's nickname is called the Swarming Locust. So I think you get the hint. Parents, you know what I mean. Diane is hiding snacks, not because she doesn't love the children. She's hiding snacks because she does love the children, just not at that moment.

Alright, jokes aside, this evening we would like to share some of our parenting practices that we have used to navigate our parenting journey. We are sharing, some of the things that we are sharing may be a little bit counter-cultural. So we are not suggesting that you should follow them, just food for thought. So open your heart today and let the Holy Spirit speak to you, Amen.

But one thing that we really want to do is to challenge certain societal expectations and viewpoints that have caused so much unnecessary stress for parents. And we will identify three of those societal beliefs today. So the first societal belief is this: "I cannot afford to have children or more children."

So it's not uncommon to hear young couples say this, "I'm not too sure about having children." Or, "It is just too expensive to raise children nowadays." So do you know what is the result of such thinking?

So Singapore has one of the lowest fertility rate in the world. Alright, and this is a recent report that Pa Siam texted me two weeks ago. And this is the latest finding, you know, Singapore has the third lowest fertility rate in the world, just behind Taiwan and South Korea.

So many times it is not about priorities, sorry, it is more about priorities than affordability. You achieve what you prioritise. So the question is, what is your priority? Is it travelling around the world or retiring at 40 years old? Is it owning a private property or driving a big car? Is it providing your children an overseas education or giving multiple tuition or enrichment classes to them?

One of the most common questions young couples ask Kelvin and I is this: "Wow, you have four children. How can you afford your children's overseas education?" This is both surprising and interesting to us. We never knew that overseas education has become mandatory for parents to provide. It was never like that when we were growing up. So we told our children that if they want to study overseas one day, then do well enough to get a scholarship.

If they cannot get a scholarship, then just study locally. Okay? It is also okay for them to start working first before pursuing further education later. Okay, so the first commandment given by God is found in Genesis 1:28. It says, "Be fruitful and multiply." And in Malachi 2:15, it states that God seeks godly offsprings.

Besides those who are unable to have children due to physical or medical reasons, every Christian couple should take this call seriously. Our faith in God must always be bigger than our fear in the rising cost of living. We are not wealthy, but we know that we will always have enough for our children when we serve God. So, Sarato believed too. My child needs tuition.

Alright, Diane has been a school teacher for more than 20 years and I used to be a school teacher too. One observation that we have is that some students with tuition develop like a mindset that they can't learn in a big group setting.

And then somehow they seem to believe that they can only understand when someone teaches them one-on-one. Something like a, almost like a mental block. Alright, some students were taught ahead. Actually, they switched off during the lessons and they missed out many important concepts that the teacher was covering. Of course, the worst are those who would disturb their friends, alright, and then, or they disturb other students during lessons because they think they already know.

Therefore, as educators, while we recognise the importance of academic results, we believe that there are far more valuable aspects of life than academic excellence or sending your child to a prestigious school. Teaching our children the ways of God, building their character, nurturing a love for learning and creating wonderful memories in their childhood are to us far more meaningful than getting A's.

Kelvin and I have a few common values and we'd like to share them with you. These are our personal values. Number one, we believe that students paying attention in class and doing their assignments diligently is sufficient for them to cope with their studies. Number two, we value teaching our children to take ownership of their learning. So when they need extra help with their schoolwork, we will teach them and not rely on tuition teachers.

Number three, we would rather spend our money on a family meal in a nice restaurant where we can bond and interact rather than pay for tuition fees. At this point of time, Diane and I, we have never spent a single cent on tuition for any of our four children. Contrary to the societal belief that parents will spend loads of money on children's tuition,

But please don't get me wrong, okay? We are not against tuition, alright, providing tuition for children who need help with the schoolwork. I think we have many tuition teachers in Cornerstone. Yup, thank you for doing what you do. But please don't email Pastor Yang to complain after this, alright? There are many valid and good reasons why parents provide tuition for their children. We just need to be clear with our motivations. Because we've heard reasons like this,

Everybody is doing that. My child will lose out if I don't. Or, my son will never study on his own. So tuition is the only way to sit him down to study. Alright, sometimes I feel like saying, your son will not study on his own. You have to give tuition so that he will sit down to study. But he's only six.

When I was six years old, I was probably playing marbles out there every single day of my life. I think parents, we need to learn to chill out a bit. Alright, let's be real. Kids do not jump out of bed, grab their assessment book and then start working on it. That's just not real, right? Children are not wired like that. Apostle Paul says in Romans 14:23,

"Whatever that is not of faith is sin." Alright, I'm saying this to ourselves too. We must not do anything out of fear, which includes the fear of not providing the best to your children. And of course, the fear of losing out. Let us not do anything out of fear. Maybe not be pressurised by the other parents out there in the world. Seek the Lord concerning your children and do what the Holy Spirit says for you to do. Amen?

In case you're wondering how did our children turn out, alright, growing up without tuition, I think our children enjoy their childhood a little bit more than many of their friends. You can verify with them, they are in church, alright. And on several occasions, they actually shared that they appreciate, one of the things that they appreciate most about our family is that we trust them with their schoolwork and they do not have tuitions like many of their friends.

In fact, my daughter told me that in her school, many of her friends' number one stress comes from their parents' expectations. While our four children are not top students, none of them are doing too badly either. Every child is gifted differently. But I think at this point, for us, the most important thing is that all of our children love Jesus and they are all very involved in the church community.

Yup, so let's move on. Society belief number three, I must respect my children's privacy. Kelvin and I have already done this with three of our teenagers. Before they received their smartphones, own smartphones, we set a contract and a set of rules that they need to abide. This includes the clause. Your parents reserve the rights to summon your phones anytime for random checks.

Therefore, whenever we check their phones, it is always with consent. It's just that they didn't have the choice. Okay, privacy is overrated. Can we explain to our children that we will respect anything that they write in their journals or diaries. But the social media posts or text message to one person or ten friends or in a large group or to a large group of people is no longer private.

What they think their parents should not see, should not be sent out of their phones too. So we explain to them that we do this because we love them and we care for them. We set boundaries because we want to protect them. So besides checking for inappropriate language and content, we also want to look out for bullying or illegal activities like vapes or other vices. Usually, I will do the check more often when they first get their phones.

I will check their P6 class chats, Sec1 class chats, Project group chats, CCA chats and even church group chats. I search for specific words. If I discover anything inappropriate, I will address the issue. If necessary, I will get them to make a stand and ask their friends to not use inappropriate language. By them making a stand, they will have clean phones within a year.

After the frequent checks, the random checks will usually be led by the Holy Spirit. It will usually lead to discoveries. The confrontations need not always be explosive. Those who know me, I can be explosive, right? So there was once when I approached my daughter upon discovering something that she did wrong. I went to her the following day. I looked at her and asked, "Have you repented?" She looked at me with her teary eyes and said, "Yes."

That was enough. But as for my son, I always tell him that he will be caught when he does something wrong as God is always watching over him. So, he has a lot more sessions with us compared with his sisters. Yeah, you know, God is so faithful when it comes to our son, you know. He can be well behaved for a long while, alright, but the moment there's something amiss or wrong, right, phone checking day is just around the corner.

It is very amazing. It's happened several times already and it's always caught. And it is really the mercy of God. And one time, my son questioned me in a very teenager manner like, "Why? You don't trust me, is it?" So I told him, "Of course I don't trust you lah! Your prefrontal cortex is not developed. That's why I'm training you to be trustworthy so that I can trust you in the future." Okay, so...

We do not use vulgarities and they do not need to bear with individuals who cannot control their tongue. When we make a stand, people will respect us and will exercise self-control when they see us walk the talk. Diane is very passionate about this because she is a disciplined mistress in a secondary school.

Yeah, she has seen too many students get into trouble and some very serious trouble, like with the law and with the police, all because of their phones. I really get nervous when sometimes parents tell me, "My child will never do that, man. My child always listen to me. I trust him and I will never invade his privacy by monitoring the phone."

Sure, okay, I respect that. Just that our personal thought is that parents should always be involved in your children, in our children's phones, especially when they are very young. Next, okay, I would like to share a few other things that we have done for our family. When our children were little, we actually set up like a vision wall at home. So you see, it's there. It is not the most aesthetic, yeah, but it's functional. All right.

Yeah, so I think it's for 10 years already, so please pardon our lack of artistic genes. Yeah, together we established our family values and we wrote down visions, goals and prophetic words that we have. We organized them into three broad categories, growth, experiences and then contributions. For growth, right, my kids set very simple goals like reading the Bible in one year or praying every day.

My eldest daughter actually wrote down her desire to get into CIDA Girls' integrated programme when she was in primary school. And then she achieved it. I got a picture to show you. My eldest daughter is the one in the middle with her close friends who are also from Cornerstone generations. And their parents were in fact leaders in Cornerstone too.

So two of them are going to sign up for the Bible College of Wales Spring Term 2025. It's really exciting. I mean, we love it when our children are passionate for the kingdom of God.

But all three of them, they are doing their A-levels now in the Victoria Junior College. One notable miracle was when my second daughter wrote that she wanted to score an A for PSLE Chinese. Despite struggling to pass the subject when she was in Primary 5, it's very serious, the teacher called me and said that your daughter refused to open her mouth during Chinese oral examinations.

Yeah, she said she wanted to get an A. But the miracle is that she actually got an A in the end. This is really near impossible, so I say it's a very notable miracle. She really has more faith than her parents. And by the way, her name is Faith. So names are very significant. Under experiences, I actually wrote years ago that I would like to visit Alaska one day.

And that dream also happened in May 2023 last year. So we are very thankful for that. For contributions, we have Giving Target.

And we have a dream amount that we hope to give away one day as a family. And we are working towards that. We actually taught the children to pray for whatever is there on the vision wall. And it's very meaningful because it actually teaches our children at a very young age that God is a prayer answering God. So one specific challenge we faced was establishing a family prayer altar.

We knew it was important and it was always on our mind. Yet, we had found it very difficult to have family devotions consistently. We would begin with enthusiasm only to lose momentum after a while. This made us feel like we had failed and it was very discouraging. We would usually start for a few sessions. We would start well but then things would happen, breaking the rhythm and then we would stop altogether.

Alright, it's very discouraging. Personally, okay, I find that giving a Bible study to all my children is a little bit difficult as well because my youngest and my oldest are eight years apart. So very different cognitive abilities. And also, okay, we find it, we also struggle to find like a common time for all of us because of our busy schedule. But then in 2020, something happened, right? Something big. What happened?

COVID happens, yes. Yeah, as terrible as COVID is, right, it was during COVID's circuit breaker, I think you all remember that, that we managed to establish some family routines. We started our family devotion and we also have our regular family fun times. We have a few pictures of those days. So God can turn what the enemy intended for evil for our good.

We have daily communion and a short teaching with memorization of the Bible verses. And also around that time, God spoke to me about teaching our children their identity in Christ. So we came up with a very simple family decoration. It goes like this: "I'm not what I do. I'm not what I have."

I am not what others think of me. I am the beloved of God. I am the apple of His eye. I am blessed and I will share the love of Jesus with others." Yeah, we actually pray that this will instil in the children the understanding they are not defined by what they do for a living, how much money they have, or the opinions of others have on them. But they are precious children of the Most High God.

And for three years, we actually recite this family decoration every single day. Sometimes a couple of times a day, when we gather for a meal, we would declare these words before we give thanks for the food. And for now, we still continue, okay, in this practice occasionally with our younger kids. And recently, when my youngest daughter, Joy, she got back her year-end results, P4. She did fairly well for three subjects, but then she just passed her Chinese.

And then when her brother tried to shame her, right, she turned to me and said, Papa, I'm not what Coco thinks of me, right? Yup. Yeah, she is very cute. Just like my wife. Another unusual thing that

Is that okay? Like we have never told our children that they should be doctors or lawyers or bankers or even teachers. Actually from a very young age, I would have this conversation with them about what they want to be when they grow up. I've told them that you are free to choose what you want to be when you grow up. Even if you want to be a cleaner, we will support it because it's an honest job and you're making a difference in someone's lives.

And so, but the thing is that you must really be good at what you do and be the happiest cleaner you can ever be. And I've said this to all my kids when they are all about three to four years old. My daughter will say that she wants to be a dancer and then that will change every other year. But I remember very vividly, my son Samuel told me, "Baba, I want to be a transformer."

So I told him, "Sure, be the best and the happiest transformer." Okay, he was very excited. He was like, "Yes!" Okay, he was so happy. What's the point? Alright, our main purpose is to teach our children that God has given all of them the freedom to choose and that they should ultimately choose who God wants them to be rather than what the world expects them to be.

Alright, I will take this to a landing. The Ministry of Education actually say that every school is a good school. Sounds familiar? Yeah. But I want to say, okay, I believe every child is a good child. As parents, we need to believe this. We just need to provide a nurturing and a godly environment where we are always guiding our children. You know, sometimes we hear people say, "Why didn't God provide like a manual

on how to operate our children when they are born. The truth is, God has already done that. The manual is called the Holy Spirit. Parenting is not about following a set of rules or like some instructions printed on paper so that we can operate independent of God. Parenting is really about a daily dependence on the Holy Spirit. I felt a few, the Lord gave me a few verses for this parenting weekend.

It's found in Matthew 11:28-30. It says, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

I feel that the Lord is saying pertaining to parenting, His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I just want to leave these verses with you. Enjoy and treasure your relationships with your children. I started by saying parenting is hard. It is hard when we depend on our own strength.

our personal ideals, our own definition of success. But it is really not that hard if we learn to depend on the Holy Spirit and put our trust in Him. His wisdom and His grace

is more than sufficient for all of us. And we must know this also, that God loves our children more than we do. You know, sometimes we think we love our children the most, but I'm saying God loves our children more than us, alright? He loves our children more. And the good news is, unlike us, God's power and His resources are unlimited.

And in closing, I pray that all your children are doing well. But if any of your children are not in the best place, or some may even be in a mess or far away from God, it is not too late. Whatever age or stage that your child is at, start praying and doing what the Holy Spirit is speaking to you now. Never give up.

God can restore to you the years the enemy has stolen. I want to prophesy this. God will restore to you what the enemy has stolen. Every unique child requires a unique strategy. Pray for your children, speak life over them and declare God's prophetic destiny for them. You will see the breakthroughs in Jesus' name. Amen.

Amen. And that's all that we have. Again, this week is Parenting Weekend. I would like to ask all the parents who are here, maybe can we just stand to your feet? If you are a parent here, please stand to your feet. And let us all give them a round of applause. Thank you, parents, for your labour of love. And at this point, okay, I would like to call upon the father in the house, Pastor Yang, to pray for all the parents. Pastor Yang, please.

That was fantastic. Let's give them a round of applause. Amen. Thank you so much, Kelvin and Diane. Father, I thank you, Lord, for all the parents in this house, Lord. And we pray for all the children, Lord, that all the children will be instructed of the Lord and that they will grow in the fear of the Lord and that they will become everything that you have dreamt them to be, Lord. And that they'll be training in this house, God. And our children will be blessed beyond measure. And we pray for all the marriages in this house, that you would bless all the marriages. I

I pray for all the parents of God in Jesus' name, God, that you would bless all these parents, Lord. And I know that sometimes our children go crazy, Lord. And I pray, God, that you will encourage them because at the end of it, they will come true, Lord. Because that is the promise from God. Hallelujah. That is a wonderful promise of God that when our children are born, they are holy and separated because the parents are

separated and holy and consecrated as well. And so Lord, I give you the praise. I bless you, all the parents, in Jesus' name. You just remain standing for a few moments. I want to just say that God never created a person that He did not love. Amen. And He loves all His children. I want to thank my mom here. She raised me up. I made it. I'm pretty okay. Amen. And you know, I know that we have parents have different styles of raising kids.

their kids. My mom spent a lot of money on me on Chinese tuition. I still fail. I don't know why, but she could have saved that. But anyway, you know, I want to just share with you that when I was growing up, this is something I've never talked about publicly in the church, that when we were growing up, one of our kids just went a bit crazy and, you know, we had so much problems and, you know, the issues that were, you know, in the growing up years.

And it came to quite a bit of a problem. And I called my spiritual father, which is Brother Bailey. I told him everything that was happening. And I said, Brother Bailey, I'm dead serious about this. If you want me to resign from the church, I would send my resignation to the board tomorrow morning. You just tell me, what do you want me to do? Because, you know, I don't know if I'm a failure as a dad and things like that. And Brother Bailey said to me something that set me free for the rest of my life.

He said, "Tak Yun, if you have to resign, then God the Father has to step down from His throne because He's got many children that are wayward, but He loves all His children." Hallelujah. And I'm telling you this, the Holy Spirit will never let you go. Amen. He will never let your children go. You need to pray. Amen.

We saw all our four kids through university. They all married. And God's blessing the family in a wonderful way. But I just want to say that there are times when you go through these hardships in life and you are wondering, is there any light at the end of the tunnel? Yes, there is. Amen. God will pull your kids through. Amen. This is a promise you can hold fast to.

and trust Him that He will do this for you. And so Lord, I just bless all the parents here today. I thank you so much for this encouraging word from Kevin and Diane, Lord. And we pray that you continue to bless all the families here in this place. And now the blessing of God the Father, the blessing of God the Son, and the blessing of God the Holy Spirit be with you and abide with you now and forevermore. And everybody said, Amen. Let's give God a big praise. Amen.

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