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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.
The power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com.
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Black Tech Green Money isn't just about telling the stories of successful black entrepreneurs. It's also about giving actionable and wealth-building strategies that help you protect the future of our communities. That's why we're pleased to be supported by State Farm Insurance. State Farm also believes that we must invest in our communities to achieve economic growth by sponsoring programs like the ACSO, which rewards high school students for their academic achievements. State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Okay.
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And just like that, we're back. Welcome yet to another carefully reckless session with your girl, Jess Hilarious. We're going to jump right in to Jess Fix My Mess. Jess, please help me fix my mess. This one involves siblings. I'm the oldest of my mom's three daughters. She just recently passed in May. Wow, I'm sorry. My father died in December of 21. I'm sorry again. So it's been overwhelming for all of us, I'm sure.
The middle sister is grieving better than me and my younger sister. She feels like we should be going to therapy, etc. If we're not doing what she believes is right, then we're wrong. I texted her and let her know how I was feeling about my mom. She texted back, get help. Obviously, I didn't get it through my skull the first time because I ended up venting to her again with the same response. She doesn't understand why I'm not ready for counseling, etc. She says I'm being selfish to my family because I won't seek help. I
I feel like I'm doing damn good. I go to work every day. I handle my business and everything. The process is slow, but I'm dealing with it. Selfish to me is if I would have unalived myself or disappeared and went MIA.
And baby girl, you will remain anonymous.
So first and foremost, I do want to just give you my condolences, my deepest condolences for losing both of your parents, you know, a year apart. I'm very, very sorry about that. Not even a full year apart. I'm sorry about that.
And your mom just died this year. That was months ago, you know. So your sister, I think, needs to be a little bit more patient with you. I'll just say off the rip. However, I believe she loves you and she just wants you to get help because she sees that you need it. But in your defense, everybody handles grief differently.
Your sister cannot expect for you to handle your mom's death like she did. And then you didn't lose one parent. You lost both. Now, you didn't specify if that's both of your dad or whatever, but I'm just going to say that, you know, until you clarify that it isn't. Y'all just lost your dad as well.
Next month would make a year that your dad has been gone. Your mom just passed months ago. Now, I'm sorry. However, they died or, you know, it's still factual that they're never coming back. So you may have a hard time processing just knowing that you'll never be able to speak to either one of them again. And it's hard for you. And then one death after the other.
That can take a huge toll, a long-term toll on someone. Now, I wouldn't just shun the idea of getting counseling and therapy because I do think you need it. I know a number of folks who parents have passed that wish they actually got help younger, like my son's dad. He still says it. You know, I should have gotten help. Somebody should have taken me and gotten me help. He found his mother dead when he was 10 years old.
Fortunately for you, you were an adult. You know, you got to live out your childhood with your mother and your father. He did not. But even still, it hurts. My mother lost her mother, my grandmother, as an adult as well. I was in middle school and she had to get therapy. It doesn't matter when you lose a parent at any time in your life. It's worse as a child because you're not grown yet. So then now it's like, who's going to raise me? But the fact that you lived...
your full kid life and she left you as an adult, that still doesn't help because I know you depended on her for so many things and you probably were the closest to your mom. There are a bunch of different variables that goes into this. However, the main one stands. Everybody grieves differently.
Give it more time. I don't think you should say fuck it with your sister. I think that she's very blunt and straightforward. And I think that that may be an issue for you, too, that she's not really a pacifying person when it comes to these type of things, per se. But trust me, she's dealing with it in her way as well.
She probably has her nights and her days that are just unbearable, but she handles it differently. She probably doesn't wear it on her sleeve, but you never know how she's feeling. You haven't talked to her in two weeks. You guys lost both of your parents. I find it quite hard to believe that you would just say fuck it because you need both of your sisters right now.
Whether they're on different levels of grief or not, you all need each other, all three of you. She's just trying to make sure that you do get the help that you need. Now, you pointed out to me that you still go to work, you handle your business, but at the end of the day, none of that matters if you're still broken. You can fall into a deep depression. You can become suicidal. That is what I think your sister is scared of without actually going there to actually say it.
I think that that is what she may be scared of. You know, she may be afraid that you may get so down that you may have suicidal thoughts or it may start deteriorating your health or, you know, drive you mentally insane. You lost two of the people that birthed you. The two people that are the reason that you're even existing. God being first, but they made you. You understand? God made them to make you.
I don't know if you're religious, you know, not trying to impose or conform you in any way, but I'm just saying take it one day at a time, but never lose contact with your sister. You said that your sister called you selfish. I will not say that you are selfish. You know, you're just not as quick to come around yet.
But trust and believe she loves you and she wants to look out for you as best as she can. And if getting help is the only way that she knows how to relay that message to you or to console you, then you just have to understand her. Just like you want her to understand you, you have to understand her as well. Don't lose contact because you guys need each other. Like I said, check back in with me and I will keep you in my prayers, baby. Thank you. That's so sad.
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Hibernation season is over, and it's time to get some sun outside. Gather your crew and hit the road in the spacious 2024 Nissan Pathfinder, your gateway to larger-than-life adventures. With spacious seating for eight and available panoramic moonroof, everyone can enjoy the journey and soak in the scenery of the great outdoors.
Plus, with an available towing capacity of up to 6,000 pounds and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes, you can take your favorite toys while adventuring on new terrains. Seize the thrill and start exploring with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder today. Head over to NissanUSA.com to learn more.
Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Seeing our communities grow and thrive is something we care deeply about here at Black Tech Green Money.
State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.
State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.
State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and can have a long-lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.
I'm not going to stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on Jags. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu.
MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.
OK, moving on. Now, this one is an update. Hi, Jess. Oh, my God. Thanks for reading my mess. I definitely had to check back in and actually ask a question. I have been digging deep lately. As I said initially, my relationship is one year old. I am truly happy with him. He knows how to treat a woman, I will say. But girl, I have seen and been through enough. And now I'm on this journey of discovering me.
Understanding that we're all unique and my main focus needs to be on what I need as a grown-ass woman. When I figured out my worth, I started moving differently. Now he approached me, of course, and like I stated before, I tried not to be materialistic because a man can be rich and stable and also beat me and treat me like shit. This is how I came to the conclusion of the black man's mentality. I say black because I date black men, not to offend any other race.
Now, I'm finding my man's mentality is a major issue for me and could be the only reason we might not make it. We have fun together. He treats me well and I'm happy, yes. But I can't bypass everything else I need in a man because I'm happy. I am learning I need more than that. I'm far from desperate. I already have a kid. I don't need a man for stability. I need a man for companionship and partnership. I don't need my man to have tons of money but have tons of ideas about how you can get your money up.
Lord, that was a word. Think bigger than doing illegal shit like Jesus. Sell cars, sell weave if you want to motherfucking get into sales so badly. Like, thank my brothers. My man over here making me happy, sure. But do he make me dinner, lunch? Are these niggas making our lives easier?
Okay, bear with me while I get to this question, honey. I feel him and I should be on more of a next level. He did ask about us moving together, yet we ain't even had a three-day weekend together. Been grocery shopping together like real life shit. I know we have great potential as a couple, but I am beginning to wonder if he is truly on my level.
Example, I had an old boo that would take my dirty clothes to a laundry service. Even though he ended up being a liar and a cheater, it was the mentality for me. I didn't ask him for that. He just offered because he saw that shit would help me. That's where I need my man's head. Damn, girl, you're a single mom working hard as hell. Let me help you with life tasks.
My man wants to take me out to fulfill his needs and we have fun, but girl, he plans shit that he wants to do. He has secured him a bitch, which is me, so that now he ain't gotta be alone is the vibe I'm getting. But seriously, I don't have one question. I have a thousand questions. How do couples begin to take that next step in growing their relationship without rushing and without being pressured? I don't want to nag him or make him feel bad, but I'm also not settling in certain things. I just don't have a nice way of saying.
Okay, girl, listen. So this is my girl. I do remember her. She was the one that dropped all the gems about the questions that she had about men. She was like, why is everybody mentality is just to be a thug or damn, you know, hustler and shit. We are the real, real, real thinking men out here.
I think in order to grow your relationship with someone, I think that that starts with communication. I know that you say you don't say things nicely all the time, but I still think that sometimes you have to be a little blunt. You have to be straightforward. And you can do so without being rude. You can do so without being a bitch or without sounding like you're nagging someone. Because no man really wants to hear that anyway. And...
Honestly, they're human beings just like we're human beings. We don't like to be talked to like that. You know, I don't believe that a woman should talk to a man that way. I've actually done that. And I don't like the way I made men feel in the past, talking to them as if they were boys instead of men.
So we're just going to keep the respect level. However, you do have a lot of valid points and you are well-deserving of that drive. I can tell by how you speak, you have a lot going for yourself and you don't want to just settle for anything because you're very sure of yourself. You know your worth. What I think it is, is that a lot of men don't know theirs. And when I say that, they don't know their worth in a sense of what they're capable of doing.
A lot of people just subject themselves to certain things because of what's around them and their living environment and how they grew up and they think that they're bound to these chains and to, you know, to these cycles that can easily be broken. All you have to do is change it for yourself. You can put your mind to that shit and you can do anything. And that sounds very cliche. I know we heard that growing up. You can do anything that you put your mind to. That is a true goddamn statement.
It's very true. And it's nothing to play with. It is. I put my mind to do everything I'm doing now. And I'm putting my mind to do everything I'm going to do in the future. This is not where I stop. I'm never going to be comfortable where I am because I know there's always somewhere else to be.
somewhere greater so I think that he doesn't know his worth now this is the question because I love how you saying all this shit but in the same breath you still are claiming him I love that that means that you are willing to fix whatever you guys are going through at the moment I believe that correct me if I'm wrong because girl you are my man my man my man every other sentence and I love it
But there are issues that you guys need to fix before you take it to the next level. I think you need to sit him down and have a conversation with him. Not like you're his mother, but like you are really a concerned companion. Like you said, you don't need a man for stability. I love how you put it. You need a man for companionship and partnership. You already have a child. You already have things that you have established on your own. You're just ready to now settle down and love and be loved. And
And he treats you good and all that. And you're happy, but you're saying happy is not enough. Okay. Well, you need to tell him what that looks like. And he needs to tell you. And if he's not the type to just tell you, ask him, what do you want from me? Where do you see us? What do you think you should do? You should tell him. You don't have to bring up the fact that your ex took your laundry to a laundry service, but you can actually tell him what you want.
Sometimes you have to do that, ladies. Guys don't read our minds. They can't read our minds. Half the time, they don't even have anything in their goddamn minds. They can't read our minds.
You can teach him. And listen, I bet you, because he's not all bad or you wouldn't be with him, the type of woman that I think you are. You are not about to sit there and be with no goddamn loser, okay? Or anybody less than what you require, all right? I think you need to be a little bit more patient, but also he needs to step it up. So y'all got to meet somewhere in the middle and that has to be a conversation. You understand? I
I think you should check back in with me again because I'm going to keep bothering you about it because I like how you look at things. You know, I like it. And you could actually do classes for young women, you know, to teach them the worth and to teach them how to recognize real love and why you don't throw it away and why you should work on it if it's worth working on. Because I think your relationship is very much worth the work.
So check back in with me, girl. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen.
Hibernation season is over and it's time to get some sun outside. Gather your crew and hit the road in the spacious 2024 Nissan Pathfinder, your gateway to larger-than-life adventures. With spacious seating for eight and available panoramic moonroof, everyone can enjoy the journey and soak in the scenery of the great outdoors. Plus, with an available towing capacity of up to 6,000 pounds and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes,
You can take your favorite toys while adventuring on new terrains.
Seize the thrill and start exploring with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder today. Head over to NissanUSA.com to learn more. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Seeing our communities grow and thrive is something we care deeply about here at Black Tech Green Money.
State Farm Insurance also cares about the growth of black communities. They're actively investing in programs and initiatives that help provide financial literacy, give early career advice, and grow black-owned businesses, thus leading to generational wealth, which helps protect the future of our communities. We want to build a future that we all can be proud of.
State Farm understands that representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. It also requires active sponsorship of programs like the AXO, a year-long program that recognizes and rewards high school students for their academic and cultural achievements, along with funding programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to educational achievement of black and brown youth that has awarded over $11 million in scholarship offers to date.
State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and can have a long-lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu.
MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.
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I need your advice on if I should walk away or try to make it work.
Basically, me and my guy have been together for seven years. Of course, we have broken up multiple times throughout the years. Well, recently, we broke up February 2022, right after Valentine's Day, and just recently started back talking two months ago. We broke up because all of the accusing and assuming and, of course, cheating. Well, after my grandmother died at the end of August, I started back talking to him. He was close to my family and would check in on me
Well, he's in a relationship with another girl, but still texting me and coming to see me. When we're around each other, I miss that relationship we had and I don't want him to go, but I don't tell him. He tells me when I'm ready to be with him, he will leave her and come back.
Problem is, I was just about to tell him I want to get back together until I found out she was pregnant. I'm so hurt because we've been together for years and don't have children. We were high school sweethearts. We promised to never have kids with anyone else and now he is."
I can't be mad because he didn't cheat and bring a baby home. We weren't together. The dilemma is we're only 25. Do I stay and help raise somebody else's kid because I truly love him or do I cut ties? I've tried dating other guys. I'll text and talk on the phone. But when it's time for the date, I get nervous and cancel or go ghost. Is it because he's my soulmate? Well, given that you're 25...
I believe that you're old enough to know what a soulmate is. I mean, now, when I say that, I don't want you guys to think that I'm saying, oh, she's not old enough to know what love is. But no, when you're very, very, very young and you've only dated one person your whole life, you're really only bounding yourself to one person. That's why I encourage young people to date because you don't know what you want because you've only dated one type of person who's your age.
And then there are people who have been with the same person since they were 16, you know, but usually those relationships end up with people cheating because they got together so young that they never got to date outside of just one person. But that's neither here or there.
I feel that you're comfortable saying that he's your soulmate. So maybe he is, you know? You said you talked to the other guys, but you can't get him out of your mind. And you guys been together since high school, never had any kids. You guys broke up one time, recently just started dealing back with each other. He's cheating on his girlfriend with you. He had started dating someone else and he cheated on her with you. He misses you. Um...
All right, now I'm going to say this, but I don't think that you're going to agree. He may be your soulmate in your mind, but you're certainly not his. He can't say things like...
He'll leave her when you're ready to be back with him. That's not how that shit posts the word. If you were his soulmate, he wouldn't have to wait for you to say, OK, we can be together for him to leave the girl. And now they got a baby. So their bond is absolutely bonded with a baby. And that's a new baby, I'm assuming, because all this is very recent. You're talking of.
I don't know. I think you need to think long and hard about this because someone who you feel is your soulmate, you may not be theirs. You know, I'm not saying he doesn't love you. I'm not saying he doesn't care. I'm not saying he doesn't even want to be with you, but he certainly wants to be there as well, or he would not be there. And it's certainly not all because of the baby. So we're just going to take it for what it is. We're going to be honest with ourselves and
And we're going to take it very slow. I don't think that you should move in that direction and settle for being with him raising someone else's kid. No, I don't. Or helping raise someone else's kid. I don't think you should do. I think you should try to move on and find another soulmate because he may only be your soulmate as a friend. I think that's what people get misconstrued. Let me explain this real quick and then I'm going to end it on this note for you. So.
So a soulmate doesn't have to be someone that you're intimate with. Your soulmate can be your best friend. Your soulmate is just someone that you can't live without. That doesn't necessarily have to be your husband. It doesn't necessarily have to be a boyfriend.
A soulmate by dictionary definition is a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner. So it really doesn't have to be your man. Your soulmate can be your brother, you know, someone you can't live without, you know, a best friend. Like I said, a good friend who understands you, knows you in and out, who no matter what will deceive you or leave you, you know, that can literally be a close friend. That could be one of your girlfriends. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
but that's why I said he may well very be your soulmate in a close friend sense, but in a romantic sense, I don't think so. I think he still has a lot of growing up to do before he even realized what that is. But the fact that he's still with her and he's cheating on her with you, but telling you he's not going to leave her until you are seriously ready to get back with him.
He's playing games now because now he has his cake and he's now eating it too. Let me ask you this. Does the baby mother know that he's having sex with you and that you guys are back in contact? Now, if he was open and honest about everything with everyone, with each party...
That would be different because then you both have the chance to choose. You both have a choice then to say, I'm going to walk away from this or this is what I'm going to allow. But you only know about her. She doesn't know about you. You're not moving right. You know, because say he does leave her and come back to you. She can then become you and he'd be cheating on you with her.
Because you're already allowing him to do so on her. You know, it's what you allow. It's not what men do. It's what we allow them to do. And they'll only go as far as we let them go with us. So you're not really doing yourself a due diligence by accepting bits and pieces of him because that's what you're getting. He has a family now. So I think that you should cut that off. You're young. You have no kids. And you got your whole life ahead of you, baby.
If you don't want to just be his friend and step back and weigh all your options, I can't tell you what to do. But you asked for me to fix your mess and that is what I'm telling you to do. Fix it because it's very messy and it can get messier. And just like that, we've come to yet another end of the segment, Just Fix My Mess on Carefully Reckless Podcast. I love all of you guys. I really, really enjoy this. This is very therapeutic for me.
as I'm not doing the best in my relationship right now. I don't know if I'm in a relationship or not. So, or if I ever will be again, y'all. Shit. So y'all pray for me while I continue to fix y'all mess. And each and every week, tune into Reckless Discussions that lives on YouTube and YouTube only, and also tune into Carefully Reckless. And in my deepest pan voice, peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.
I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights.
Most deals are barely worth mentioning.
But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6 featuring FlexCam with Galaxy AI. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone any year, any condition. It's a deal so good you'll be shouting!
So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T, connecting changes everything. Requires trade-in of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer, 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. ZATT.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.
MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.
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