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She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.
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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.
Oh shit, we on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with Jess Hilarious, y'all. So we're going to jump straight into it. Again, I am fixing mess and we have a voice recording sent today. This person wants to remain anonymous, so I will not give you her name. Hopefully they don't know your voice, girl. All right, here we go.
I'll start with the love side. I started dating when I was 17 years old and I experienced my very first heartbreak, which was very intense. And, you know, it took me a while to get over that. And then I started dating even more and more and more. And it was just heartbreak after heartbreak after heartbreak until maybe about like last year.
because I finally got to the point to where I was like, I just don't care anymore. Like, I just don't. I look back on the 12 years that I've been dating and, you know, I've been through a lot. I've had a lot of relationships, but they weren't healthy. I don't think I've ever had a healthy one. And at this point, I am 28 years old. I will be 29 and I currently stay in Phoenix, Arizona.
The Black men pool out here is very limited. And what we have to choose from out here isn't really ideal. But, you know, due to where I am and what I've been through, I was like, I don't want to go do this anymore. I'm getting older. You know, I eventually want a husband. So I have to start cutting people off and setting boundaries.
A few years ago, I lost an ex-boyfriend to gun violence. And then about 10 years prior to him, I lost my...
my first love to murder. So they both died to murder. But the one that impacted me the most was my ex a few years ago. He died around the same time as Nipsey Hussle. He was like a huge Nipsey fan. And I remember me and him talking about Nipsey's death. And he dies a few months later. So I've been in therapy for about three years now. And I spent like a whole year just completely quarantined.
on that situation, just trying to like heal from it and get through it. And I still grieve from that until today. It still hurts like yesterday. I don't know if I'll ever be over it. Me and him pretty much grew up together. So he was my best friend. He was not only a lover. I felt like my best friend got took away from me. He also had dreams like me. He wanted to be a rapper. I
wanted to be a singer. So we were like Bonnie and Clyde and we were going to make it together. Whoever got on first was going to put the other person on and
And he also was my biggest cheerleader, my biggest supporter, motivator. I was his favorite singer. He was my favorite rapper. And, you know, we were just really a team. I never had a connection with anyone like him. It was like blood couldn't make us any closer, but it definitely wasn't a brother-sister relationship.
So it's like when he was in my life, I felt like I had my life had meaning. I wasn't bored. We were running the town of Arizona. So many places remind me of him. I try to stay awake.
But we did so much during our time together. We were dating on and off for two years, but I knew him since I was a child. So it's like even with him being gone, I still have so much connected with him. So when he left, I felt like my other half was just tooken. And I'm still trying to adjust to my life without him, even though it's been three years.
No one understands how close we were. Like, I don't think I can explain that to anybody. It was just something between me and him. So, you know, growing up, I didn't really have my father in my life, which I feel like that explains why I was so fixated on the idea of love. My father was very in and out due to his drug habit. And I
I had a stepdad, but he was always there financially. We never really built a bond. So once I became an adult, I was like, okay, I got to figure this out by myself, which always led me to the wrong type of men, which always led me to get hurt. I just...
I just kind of got burnt out with it. I'm like, I don't want to date nobody. I don't want to talk to nobody like this. I'm like, I'm really okay with being single for the rest of my life. And I'm a relationship kind of girl. My sign is Libra, you know, love, relationships, sex, fire, passion, all of that. So it's naturally in me. But it's just like, especially these days, it's hard to find anyone that has that.
all of those qualities, husband-like qualities, and treats you right. So I was just like, I'm really okay with just being alone, but I would love a healthy relationship. As I look back, I see how much I wanted to be loved, that it blocked me from my dreams and stuff. I grew up always in talent shows,
I was always singing in church. I was always leading the choirs at my school, always in performing arts. And I used to make my cousins be like my background singers to all the Beyonce and Sierra videos. I knew every dance move. I knew every lyric. I used to do dance battles against family members. Like that's really what my life was. And I just knew as an adult, you know, I knew I had the star power. I knew I had the talent. So I was just like, I'm going to be the next big thing. But
But I started dating and my love life consumed so many years of my adult life. It was like year after year after year. I was trying to make relationship after relationship after relationship work where I lost focus on me and my talent and who I was. And then I started college and I even dropped out due to our relationship. So.
Fast forward, I'm like, what was I doing all of that time? I felt like I was living in la-la land. I was looking through rose-colored lenses. I wasn't being very realistic on how these men were treating me and the situations I kept putting myself in. And then I fast forward to me being 29, and this is my last semester of school. I graduate in December. School took up four years of my life for me.
chasing my dreams and felt relationships. I'm at the age where I am now. It doesn't help with social media because most of the people that have made it are in their 20s and I'm pretty much done with mine. And I'm like, who wants to listen to an old singer or an old actress or whatever? In my head, you know, I'm still working on the mental side of me feeling too old to do anything now. I have burnt out stages where it's like,
One minute I have the motivation to go, to do it, to chase my dreams, chase my goals. And then on the other hand, I'm crying. I'm not happy with life. I'm crying. I'm this and that. I even like cut off all of the toxic people in my life. And I prayed for the peace of God in which I feel like he's giving me that peace. But I have so much peace just on board with life.
And I'm just like twiddling my thumbs because I'm like, now what? What do I do? Where do I go? I feel like I'm in hermit mode. I feel very isolated. I have times where I miss the toxic people, lovers and friendships because I was like, at least I was always doing something. I had something to do every weekend. I was always going places. My life was very filled with like activities and
They may have been toxic and it may have came with a lot of stress and drama and mess, but I always had something to do. Now that I only have my close friends and some family members, most of them have their own families and children, so they don't really have babysitters. So anytime I want to hang out and do stuff, I can't. Or it's really, really hard. And I'm naturally a social person. I...
like to be at home, but after a while, I'm like ready to go out, ready to turn up, ready to function, ready to have fun. And everybody just wants to sit in the house and be introverts. Or even if they don't, they have children. So it's hard for them. And I'm just like, I'm really just going to have to start doing things by myself. I feel like
A lot of that has helped me up with me chasing my dreams. I was this very passionate young girl and life just like took over me. And then it's like now that I'm ready to do it, I feel too old. I really feel like I need to move to California because I feel like maybe that will open more doors.
doors and opportunities for me maybe help me make connections because me being here in Arizona no one from the industry is here at least I don't know anybody I'm from here and I've
been in the studio. I've worked on music, et cetera, and I have yet to meet anyone. I've had people tell me they can take me to the next level and have failed me every time. The last person we had from here was like Jordan Sparks. So it's like, I feel like as long as I stay here, I'm not going to get far in the industry. And I know that there's social media, but I feel like where you live also plays a part unless you're already where you need to be at. Then I feel like you can live anywhere.
But like me trying to get there, I feel like I need to go to focus on acting, to focus on my cosmetic business and to possibly dibble back into me
music, dancing, et cetera. Anything entrepreneurship, that's what I want to do. And I want to stay in that realm. And, you know, if all else fails, I'll go back to school and just get a nursing degree if I'm not making the type of income that I want at that point. I deal with a lot of guilt and shame because I don't know how someone with so much talent
I don't know how I got to this point in my life where it's like now it's clicking for me to focus on it. And now I feel just old.
And so I don't know, like, should I keep trying this? I don't know what to do. I'm looking for advice career-wise because, like I said, me being here, I don't know anyone. And I feel like I'm doing everything by myself. The one person that supported me with my dreams is not here. The one person that I felt like I was going to be with forever is not here. And I'm kind of mad at him for leaving me here. I felt like when he left, he took...
the meaning of life too with him. That's how much he brought to me. And now I'm trying to navigate it without him. Obviously this is supposed to be how it is, but I'm trying to like go with it and I'm trying to be happy with it. And I'm trying to figure out what next. And then as far as, you know, my love life goes, I literally cut off everyone. There is one person that I'm dealing with. I've known him for about six years and we live together.
He offered to help me financially while I'm in school just to kind of, you know, help me out, give me a little break so I don't have everything on me at once. But he does want to work on a relationship as well. We're not doing it the traditional way because we live with each other and we're getting to know each other while we live with each other. He has a lot of trust issues and trauma that he still needs to be healed from.
So I was hesitant on it, but I was just like, you know what, I need the help so he can just come and we can see what happens. But I'm currently in therapy and I'm still healing as well. He is 25 years old. He's a retired Marine. He makes over six figures.
with the type of job that he does now. He has no children. He's been married and divorced. He travels for work. So he's only home really on the weekends. He has a very old soul. So he's like, at this point, he's not looking to really just mess around with a bunch of random females. He wants to be married. He wants to settle down to the point to where me and him don't even have sex like that because he feels like
sex makes things complicated and he wants to do things right this time and not lead with it. Plus, he told me he feels like it's a power tactic as well because he lives with me. He doesn't want me to kick him out or anything because he's just given me so much amazing sex that I tell him to go. Like, he doesn't want me to go crazy. And I'm like...
don't you think it would be the opposite effect? But due to his past, because he's a very accomplished man, he had a lot of women use him in the past. And I think he's fearing of that. He's like, if I leave, we can have all the sex you want. But he's like, I think while I'm here, I don't think we should. I want to just practice celibacy. He even mentioned marriage counseling, doing therapy together. And I told him, I said, well, it's
if a person wants to marry me, therapy is a requirement that I have for my partner before we get married. He really has a lot of husband-like qualities where I can see him in that way, but it's just that trauma that he's still not healed from. And honestly, I feel like I shouldn't even be in a relationship. I feel like we shouldn't even be doing this. This is not the ideal way to get to know somebody, but I need...
I need the money right now. Just being honest. My lease is up in January. So he's probably going to leave around that time. And I guess that's when we're going to have the discussion of whether we're going to continue our relationship or go our separate ways. But I do feel like if we actually continue our relationship or be in one, sex has to come into play because I've been patient. I will continue to be patient. But if we decide to move forward,
I need to be having sex. And honestly, Jess, he's like the last person that I'm choosing to deal with. If it doesn't work out with me and him, I will be okay being by myself. Because the way that the men are these days and how things are going, it's very hard to meet someone with all of those qualities. And I'm going to leave it up to God.
It's really going to take God to just bring me my husband because I'm not going to go out and find him and I'm not going to try anymore. It's going to just have to literally fall in my lap if that's possible. That's how tired and drained I am from all of the pain and stuff that I've been through from trying to always make these relationships work. So right now, I don't know where to go with my relationships and I don't know where to go with my career. And I just need your help to give me a different perspective.
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I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu.
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Okay, ma'am, ma'am, ma'am, can I talk now? All right, so that was a lot. Let's start from the beginning. You mentioned that you had lost two love of your lives to gun violence. And I want to tell you something without you getting upset with me. Either way, I don't care if you get upset or not. This is just what you need to hear. You spoke on two of your exes being taken away from you.
It could be the type of guys that you are dating. You are dating guys that are in the streets. I understand. That's what I'm connecting, what I gather from the story. It seems like they were in the streets. Like you said, it's a very limited pool of Black men in Phoenix, Arizona. I travel there. I do shows there. So I do know that. And my shows, there are not a lot of Black men. It's a lot of Hispanics. It's a lot of other races. But we do have some Black people that do come.
I do understand. However, you still attract a certain guy. Well, used to, I would say. And when I say of the streets, I mean that they are living their lives dangerously in the streets. Now, correct me if I'm wrong. Come back and correct me if I am wrong. But you lost both of them very violently. Now, it could just be two coincidental deaths where the bullets weren't for them or they weren't doing anything to result in losing their lives this particular way.
If I am wrong, please correct me. But that's what it sounds like that you attract a certain type of guy and you are attracted to a certain type of guy by choice. You cannot control who you love.
But you can't control yourself. You have to be able to get self-control. And that leads me into the career part. You have answered your questions so many times just telling me your story. I don't know how I ended up like this. I'm very intelligent. I am very talented. I'm gifted. I'm a very smart girl. You sound awesome.
All of those things. You're well articulated. You pronounce every syllable and every word, girl. I'm like, damn, is this girl a literature teacher? Like you sound very intelligent. You sound very ambitious in that you could be further
way further right now in life, in your career than you are now hadn't you let yourself be so consumed with your love life. Now you're still not old at all. You're not even 30 yet. You said you're just about finished in your 20s. So you're not even out of your 20s yet. Listen.
You've dated. That's what you got to do to realize what's good for you and what's not. That's what you got to do to learn yourself. That's what you have to do to learn what you don't want, what you can't stand, what you won't take, your disadvantages, your advantages, like all of that. That's what people do to find the right one they date. Okay. There's no rule book to the shit. So don't kick yourself in the ass too much on that note. But when it comes to your life, you know, because you just told me,
You've spent so much time trying to make this work with this man and this man and that man and that man. And it hasn't worked that you lost yourself. This is something that I see every day. This is something that I've even almost done for too long in my life. Then I got a hold of myself. You still can get a hold of yourself. Now, look, you have a dream to be a famous singer, even if that does not work. It's not because, oh, you're just in your late 20s now. And girl, listen.
It does not matter. I always use 2 Chainz. 2 Chainz didn't blow until he was what, what, 40? Come on now.
Nobody care. It ain't about your age. This is not the old, old, long time ago days. No, it's not. You can still sing. Yes, you can. You can still be a singer. It is possible. Look, I don't hold the keys to making people famous. No, I don't. But what I do know is that you can still be a singer. You can still do what you want to do and you can prosper from that. You can build. If you have a dream, you fucking follow it. That's all.
You just got caught up in love. I don't really need to give you much advice on your career because you know what held you back. Now, as far as cutting off your toxic relationship, friendships and all of that type of stuff, I understand that too. You say that you're bored.
You're so bored that you miss the toxic relationships and you just want something to do. And everybody that you cut off, sometimes you miss them because now you cutting everybody off that was toxic in your life, whether it be man, woman, friendship, relationship, you're so bored. You're willing to even put up with the toxicity because you just want something to do. Sweetie, do you realize what you're saying?
You are treating life like it's like a little game. Like that's rather childish. On that particular part, that was the only part I felt like I was talking to a child. I was listening to a child. You're grown. You have no kids. You have no obligations to anyone. You still have a life full of opportunity and possibilities that you can, like it's limitless for you. You're not tied down. You're very smart. Girl, go get a goddamn job.
Go get your ass a job. You can be a dental assistant. You can go be somebody's receptionist. You can go fucking like, ma'am. Yes, you're in school. Yes, you are. But you're even living with somebody that you don't even want to be with just for convenience and for financial reasons. You're living your life like a college kid hanging on by a thread. You even told me you dropped out of school.
For love. Look, you need to stop dating for a long time. Even with this man you living with. No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't even sound excited talking about him. You're not attracted to him, obviously. You just want some dick from time to time and you want to be able to have money and you want to be a singer. But what it sounds like is that you've never really put any hard work into yourself. And I'm putting it more specifically that way because I don't even think that you see it that way. You're blaming it all on love.
because you even said it. I mean, if it falls in my lap, okay, great. You can't expect anything to fall in your lap. Not a man, not a job, not a singing career, nothing. Everything that people have, really successful people, they worked for it unless it was passed on down. It don't seem like your parents gonna give you jack, honey. So you need to pull yourself up
Don't focus on a man and what a man can do for you. Not even the one that lives with you. Don't focus on him. What you need to do is you need to release him from your house. I'm not going to say put him out abruptly or whatever, because that's rude. But you need to release that man from your house. You're using him. You're using him. Okay. That ain't going to go nowhere.
He's not attracted to you. You ain't attracted to him. You're way too okay with this way of living right now. And in Phoenix, Arizona, ain't no way for nobody to blow up. I'm telling you, you got the answer. Take your ass to LA, get a job and make you a social platform.
Start doing covers. That's how Ella Mai made it. That's how a lot of stars made it. Queen Aja, Jacquees, a lot of these celebrities made it by doing covers. And they were recognized on big platforms like YouTube. Make a YouTube channel. Pretty soon, I'm about to drop a seminar for entrepreneurs who want to make money using their platform.
Again, that's not the ticket to famous. That's not the ticket to stardom. That's the ticket to some goddamn money. Because what do we need now, these days, with this economy and this market that we're in and everything? We need money more than we need some goddamn fame. Okay? Back then, everybody wanted to be famous. How about now? I bet if you ask everybody that wanted to be famous years and years ago, what they want now, what they would take now, famous over money, oh, it would be money.
It would be money. Famous is not even the same famous it was when I was growing up. Okay? Sometimes I don't even want to fucking be famous. Sometimes I don't, but I'm already here. And now look what I'm doing. I'm helping people like you. I need for you to pull yourself the fuck up. You need to put that man out your house. You need to start looking for a new place to live. Phoenix ain't going to do it for you. You done already wore Phoenix out, honey. Looking up and down Phoenix streets for some goddamn love. Girl, look for a job.
Get your life together with your smart self. What is wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I often ask women that, especially the women that write me, what is wrong with you? Because obviously there is something wrong with you. Woman, put that man out. And you sitting here telling me,
that you just moved them in for the money. But then on another hand, you say, I'm just going to leave it to God. I'm just going to, no, no, no, it don't work like that. I want, I want these people to, I want y'all to understand that y'all cannot use God when it's convenient for you. You can't do that because what you're doing right now is not good. What you've done up to this moment is put yourself last and every other man first.
That's still what you're doing right now. That's your place. Learn to depend on the woman you are. Learn to depend on your stability. Learn to get some goddamn dignity. You see right now where all this love and all this convenience and all this putting everybody else puts you. It puts you last. Literally, it puts your last. You're the last person on your priority list. LA would be a good move. Vegas would be a good move. Atlanta would be a good move.
Miami will be a good move. If you need money to move, that means you need to get a job while you in Phoenix saved up because you have no kids. You don't have no kids. You don't have no miles to feed but your own. And don't give me no bullshit. I don't want a regular job. Oh, well, baby, look.
You going to have to get one. But the way you speak, girl, you can get almost any goddamn job you want. I ain't trying to hear that shit. Check back in with me because that done pissed me off. And then another thing I want to say before I go, you talking to me about how this retired ex-military man who was once married before now divorced, makes six figures, no kids and all that. Why the hell he ain't got his own place?
Why the hell? And how the hell is he living in your house and he's dictating rules? Like, I don't want to have sex because I don't want that to give you power to put me out. Well, is the sex good or is it going to be phony? Why would I put you out? Shit, what's what's what's going on there? Don't give me no bullshit about this man, because you ain't telling me something. Because if he's a six figure making retired ex-military once before married, now divorced, no man. That's a come up to me.
And all he got to do left is to be handsome? Oh, baby girl, don't play with your damn self. It's the reason why you don't want his ass. It's the reason. And it's something that you ain't telling me. Why he can't live by himself. Why?
Six, figure my ass. Don't feed me that. But check back in with me. And just like that, we've come to the end of another Just Fix My Mess Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Y'all make sure y'all tune into Reckless Discussions. Tonight, it will premiere at 7 p.m. every Wednesday at 7 p.m. and Carefully Reckless every Wednesday at 7 a.m. Tune in. Peace.
Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.
She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.
I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes. Take your off-road experience to new heights.
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