Jealous Spirit
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I'm a good lawyer, and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed JT.

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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect.

And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Carefully Reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. I am here fixing mess. That's what I do. That's what I always be doing. And I promise y'all, I'm going to have an intro. Trust me. Trust me. Y'all might have put it on. It might be on here already. I don't know. They ain't update me yet. But I've been fighting for this intro, y'all. We've been just fighting. And they said that they was going to have us one. So I think we won. So until we hear...

Until we hear the Just Fix My Mess. So until we hear the Just Fix My Mess intro, we got to keep spamming the comments and shit. I told y'all spam Charlamagne comments, spam the Black Effect comments, spam iHeart, even Breakfast Club. I don't give a damn. Envy. Everybody's including. I don't care. Everybody's included.

All right, we're going to jump right into it. I got a voice note. Y'all know I get excited for voice notes because I hate when y'all write them long run on sentence paragraphs and shit. Y'all be sending me whole PDF files and essays and shit. And it don't be not one punctuation mark in a goddamn run on sentence. Shit, I'll be fighting. I'll be fighting y'all. But jumping right in.

So, first off, I just want to start with thanking you for even replying back to me and letting me know how to submit my voice memo or voice question or whatever you call it. Absolutely. I really appreciate that because I do have a mess that I need you to fix. And then I also, now that I see that you do respond directly back, once again, much appreciated. I will have a second issue that I would like your response.

guidance on but it's not necessarily a mess we'll bring it on girl i'm trying to get into the arena that you're in as far as fixing people's issues and just talking to people and um hearing people well because i'm working on my psychology degree so this is something that can definitely help me nice so just get ready for these next eight or nine little voice notes because this one is about to end and i will tell you my mess on the next one

Oh, she's so cute. Listen, real quick backstory, y'all. She had hit me up and asked me before, how can I send it? Because it keeps stopping at a minute. And I know that I heard somebody send one longer than a minute before, but since it ain't going to work on here. Nah, girl, people just be sending eight, nine, ten, eleven of them. I done checked 20 of them before. And that was one story. Somebody sent me 20 voice notes in a DM because they only go up to a minute.

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I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. I'm not going to.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. I'm Victoria Cash, and I want to invite you to a place called Lucky Land, where you can play over 100 social casino-style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. ♪

So what are you waiting for? The best way to discover your luck is to spin. So go to LuckyLandSlots.com. That's LuckyLandSlots.com. And get lucky today at Lucky Land. No purchase necessary. VTW group. Void where prohibited by law. 18 plus. Terms and conditions apply. So here we go. So to get into what my actual issue or mess is about, let me give you a little background. So, um,

My husband and I, we have been together for going on 11 years, but have been married for two. We actually just celebrated our second anniversary not long ago. And my issue is since the beginning of time.

I feel like he's had an issue or I don't know. It's like a jealous type of spirit that comes about with him. Whenever I mentioned things that I have planned or that I want to do with other people outside of him. Now he's not necessarily controlling. He doesn't tell me where I can go and what I can do or none of that. Cause I'm, I'm too strong. I'm a feminist. So that wouldn't work with me. No way. Um,

He's a real good man, you know what I'm saying? Good provider, good dad. You know, he loves me to death, cherishes me, you know, and shows me that. Not only tells me that, but shows me that in his actions. So, for the most part, you know, relationship is cool. No issues there. Now, she from either Memphis or St. Louis. Talking about no issues there. Because Moneybagg Hill said it like that and Nelly said it like that. But they from two different places. So, which one are you from, boo? I'm sorry. Let me go ahead and finish your story. Okay.

that in his action. So for the most part, you know, relationship is cool. No issues there. So we, of course, have mutual friends, mutual, you know, other married couples or couples that have been together for a while that we, you know, kick it, we go out, we do house parties, we have a space party, you know, things like that, dinner,

You know, be there for each other's kids, events, all this stuff like that. All cool. All cool. And most of those are actually his friends from childhood that I've just happened to gotten really close with their women. You know what I'm saying? Because we all dealing with guys who've been dealing with each other so we can kind of relate in that aspect and kind of, you know, kiki and ha ha about how goofy they are. Absolutely. Real nice little group. Real nice little group. Nothing wrong with it at all.

We both also have, of course, our own separate friend groups because we're approaching 40. You know what I'm saying? So we've had lives before each other. So, of course, we have our own separate friend groups. And there was a time in the first, like, maybe...

three to four years of our relationship, and this is even after we had our child. Oh, let me mention that. We have two kids. Actually, my oldest child... Right, how the hell you forget that? He's been there since he was two. He's now 12, and then our child that we have together is eight. So going back into it, about the first three to four years of the relationship, this guy had a standing date every Friday with his homies,

Okay. And I don't even want to say what their nights were called because just in case anybody's listening that... And they probably are. They would know exactly who I am and exactly who I'm talking about because I've been told my voice is pretty unique. Absolutely. So...

But anyway, that was something they had every single Friday. I'm not a clingy person. I actually prefer, you know, my autonomy and being to myself. A lot of the time I consider myself a friendly introvert. You know what I'm saying? I can be with people and be social and all of that, but I'm a homebody for the most part. So him being out every Friday didn't bother me not one bit. I'm not one of those girlfriends that's going to

Gotcha.

Now, me and my girls, you know, we're all moms. You know what I'm saying? We all have kids. So that's where the majority of our time is spent is with our family and with our kids. But we do try at least once a month to get out and do something with just the ladies. You know, leave the men and kids at home. Have a mommy day. You know what I'm saying? You need that. And it's usually in the daytime. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, moms need that. You know, we're kind of all past the clubbing stage. I did that in my 20s and early 30s. I'm over that. I also had a fake ID at like the age of 16, so I'm over the club. So basically just letting you know that the activities that we do are mommy approved. You know what I'm saying? Usually in the daytime, the most that's going to happen is bottomless mimosas. You know what I'm saying? I know that's right. Out the way. And so he and I came up with an agreement just to kind of...

you know, let the other person know when we have things planned, just in case we were trying to plan something with one another. So, like I said, me and my girls, we plan our things. It's usually like once a month is planned out weeks in advance. I let him know weeks in advance, you know what the plans are. Um,

he still moves kind of last minute. You know what I'm saying? I don't know if it's just the guy thing, but whenever the guys have something that pop up, he just, oh yeah, such and such is doing this, and I'm ready to run over here. Cool, I'll let you. You know what I'm saying? Once again, I'm not a clinger. I don't mind. But it seems like

And let me say this, it's not even so much as me being out with my other friends outside of him. It seems like for some reason he takes that time that I'm away from him as me, like,

Not wanting to be, I don't even know how to explain it. It really is like he's jealous. Like, he will start an argument over something petty. Like, literally, I've had my hand on the doorknob ready to walk out the door. And he'll start wanting to argue about something. Like, literally. And it's embarrassing because my girls, he's loud. And then even more so than that, like, if I am planning something with somebody else that's like...

You might be from Houston. I feel like I hear a little bit of Houston in there because you kind of sound like Erica Banks. God damn. All right. Sorry. Go ahead. Like when one of our birthdays come up or something like that.

He seems to take issue with it and then will compare what I've done for him to what I'm doing with or for my friends and phrase it in a way that he feels like I'm giving them more attention or doing more for them, which is never the case. And let me say, Jess, he and I go out often.

Sometimes he plans the date. Sometimes I plan the date. Sometimes he pays. Sometimes I pay. So, you know what I'm saying? Outside of doing stuff with our mutual friend groups, with our separate friend groups, we have date nights for just he and I often. You know what I'm saying? Whenever we can get rid of the kids, we doing us. So, like, just to give you a better example, there was one year when one of my good friends wanted to go take a little trip.

And I'm going to say out of state just because it was literally another state, but it's a state that borders our state just to go. You know, that's what females do. Yeah. I wasn't driving. I ain't use my car, my gas. I ain't pay for nobody's food, but my own. I was just a passenger in the car on this birthday dinner trip. This man really made an issue about that. How about, well, you ain't never took me to such and such for my birthday. I said, yeah, I didn't take her. Right. I didn't pay for anything.

Yeah. So and it's just that's just one example. And that has been a repetitive thing. Whenever I'm celebrate, that's what it is. Whenever I'm celebrating somebody else, he will then compare that to what I've done for him. And all of a sudden, what I've done for him is not enough. Mind you, I go big for his birthday. We don't went to comedy shows, concerts. I don't through surprise parties. We don't had expensive dinners. We don't.

You know what I'm saying? And his birthday is around a holiday. So it's always something major going on that we attend together or I plan something for us in the family. So he's never left out. He's never forgotten about or put on the back burner or anything of that sort.

So, and then once again, he's always very much happy with what it is that I do for him until it's time for me to do something for somebody else. And he is then starting to compare what I've done for him to what I'm doing for them and feels a certain type of way about it. And I don't understand that. Like, I don't know if he has some type of attachment issue that he hasn't, uh,

delved into or was there something going on on those every Friday dates that he was doing that he wasn't supposed to be doing so now he thinks that I'm out doing stuff when I'm at like I literally do not know and I can't even get him to recognize the pattern when I bring it up whenever this happens and I'm like babe this is a pattern remember you did this last time I can't even get him admit to that being what he's doing so we can get past it so

I hope that's enough context to kind of let you know where I'm at. I mean, we cool and get along any other time outside of this, outside of me wanting to do something outside of him. So like, how would you handle that? You know what I'm saying? Because I'm not the type of woman you can tell me where you can't go here, you can't go there. I'm grown as hell.

You know what I'm saying? We didn't meet till we was almost 30. Like, I had a full life before you and I'm still going to live even while I'm with you. So, like, how would you handle that? You know what I'm saying? I've had suggested therapy. He said, oh, you always trying to psychologize me. That's what he goes to because, of course, that's my field. So that is how I think about most things. And I feel like everybody needs something.

Absolutely. Absolutely.

In my case, I've not done anything to warrant him coming to me the way he does whenever I want to do something outside of him. I've never cheated. There's never been any infidelity, never even an inkling of it. There's never anything he's ever had to worry about. So I just really don't understand why he tries to...

hold me in so tight you know what I'm saying like what's your problem with my friends bruh like why can't I go hang out with my friends so um that's basically it um I know I'm probably over my eight minutes but I just wanted to give you as much background as possible to give you an idea of where I'm coming from and how I'm feeling and see what your thoughts are on this how would you approach this type of situation like how how can I get him to realize he need to just chill out

Like, what would you do? Because I trust your judgment. You give really good advice. So, yeah, curious to hear how you would handle this, Jess. I look forward to hearing. Thank you. Well, first and foremost, thank you for being open with me. Love, I appreciate you for even letting me in on your business so I can try to fix your mess. First of all, not first of all. I don't want to say first of all, because first of all, it's not like I'm about to get smart. First thing first.

Is he a middle child? Like, is he a middle child? I mean, you gave me a lot of context. Yes, you did. But I want to know, like, his childhood, to be honest with you, because, yeah, past relationships, they, yeah, of course, they can have an effect on relationships.

you know, affect on you for the rest of your life after them, depending on how, you know, detrimental it was to you, to your mental or, you know, how severe it was or even how great it was. And you'll never knowing that you'll never get that back again. So each relationship definitely takes a toll, whether it be for good or bad on people, especially if they've been with a person long enough.

All right. So you're two years married. I feel like I've heard a story like this before and we see it every day. You know, spouses being kind of sort of jealous of their husband or wife's social life. You know, he he may not.

He may not know how to express to you that he has attachment issues or abandonment, even may feel abandoned. That's why I ask for see a middle child. You know, most of the time, middle children, they are I don't want to say it like kind of forgotten about, but they're kind of, you know, they're the middle because the firstborns automatic top priority, you know, until the second one comes, you know.

And then that's the baby until the third one comes. And then the third one gets, you know, the third one gets all the, by that time, gets the least amount of discipline. You're more lenient with the goddamn babies. And then the oldest is off doing whatever the fuck they doing, still passing down whatever, paying like slight attention to the middle child and even less attention to the baby. But then,

The middle child is always the one that have like the complicated. Well, that's what it's known to be. Traditionally, middle children are the most complicated ones. They have the most complicated lives they're forgotten about or they're put on the back burner for this, that and the other. Blah, blah, blah, blah, whatever.

That's why I asked to see a middle child that that definitely a lot of y'all may be listening to this like that. What? That don't make sense. No, that that will have an effect for shit. Sure. Now, his past relationship, like you said, his ex was out here doing anything with anybody and just doing everything out there. You know, he definitely could have been damaged in that relationship and just carried the baggage over to you. But listen, this is the thing.

You're married. You've been married with him for two years. Y'all been married for two years, I think you said, but y'all been together far longer. Y'all have a child together. Y'all have an eight-year-old baby. Well, an eight-year-old child. I still think he a baby because he's a kid. So I'm going to say y'all have an eight-year-old baby together. Is this out of nowhere? I mean, just suddenly out of nowhere? Because you've been with him for a long time.

So everything that he experienced in his last relationship shouldn't still be affecting him eight years later with you. I'm going to just go ahead and say 10 years. I mean, y'all coming up on a decade of being together, just married for two. I'm going to go ahead and say I don't think that his last relationship should still be affecting him. Did anything happen with y'all? Like, did you ever not not cheating?

Not cheating because I heard you say loud and clear. I've never cheated. I've never wanted to cheat. I'm not a cheater. I don't do that. He has he's never cheated on you and all that. Yeah. But did something happen?

Cheating is not the only thing that can result in something like this and behavior like this. Have you, did you ever have a friend who you told him about was cheating on her husband or, and I know that y'all have close friend groups, like your girlfriends are basically married to his homeboys and shit like that. So y'all are a conjoined group. Like y'all know each other. Y'all are comfortable with each other. Y'all, his boys grew up with him. You know, your girls, y'all been around these people for a long time, these guys for a long time. So,

I'm just trying to figure out, was there ever a friend who wasn't in a good relationship that confided in you and you went home and confided in your husband, which happens all the time. I mean, it has to be a reason that he gets so jealous of your social life outside of him. You know, is he stressed out at work? Is something bothering him with work? You know, listen,

And I know you said that he thrives around his homeboys. Like, you know, he's a bit last minute. Maybe he's last minute because he's left out a lot. You know what I'm saying? I'm not justifying the jealousy and how, I mean, the arguments that he picks. I am definitely...

trying to give him benefit of the doubt and justifying why he's jealous because that doesn't just happen. And then you're his wife. You know what I'm saying? Y'all been together way too long for this to be a thing.

You know, if it was a thing at the beginning, then that's a red flag that you ignored. And then also, I know that you're already in the major of psychology. And yeah, you know, you tell him he needs to go get therapy. And he in return tells you, don't try to psychologize me. I will have you know that is not a word. I don't think it is. But he needs to be comfortable with the fact that his wife is sick.

a psychologist in the making, that you are studying to be a psychologist and that you could help him. And it has to start at home. If you can help heal your husband or, you know, help work together on that and use your major to do so, what you learned in school, because you seem like you're well devoted and committed to doing this. I think that

Your husband could be your first project. I mean, it's home. It's very personal. And then that also gives you an experience not to tell your clients when you have a boatload of them. Because, baby, I'm praying that you have like a client list as long as the blacklist. And I'm talking about the show, honey. There's a lot of motherfuckers on that blacklist, honey. Because I'm for this. I'm for this.

I really am happy for you going in this major. A lot of us need help. A lot of people, everybody needs a little therapy. I heard you also say that. And I do agree with you. And a lot of men, which my brother always says, Charlamagne Tha God, he always says, black men are always afraid or turning down therapy because they don't like to open up and expose. You know, they don't like to expose their traumas. You know, a lot of people bury stuff under the rug. It had to be something.

It's something that he feels that way. I think you need to sit down and talk to him. Talk to him. You said he's not controlling. You did say that. But you just said he'll try to pick arguments and stuff like that. Y'all do things together. Everything that you do for him is great until you do something for somebody else. There's an issue there.

There is an issue there. You got to get to the bottom of it. You have to get to the bottom of it. I think that you have to sit down with him and you have to lay it all out, baby. It's just me and you. It's just me and you right now. I'm not playing psychologist. I'm playing wife who is trying to figure out what's going on with her husband. Because this is this is I think you should let him know the detriment that it's causing you.

The like, I think you need to let him know. I'm gonna say it again for the people in the back. Let him know. Communicate with your husband, telling him how you feel. You don't want to leave him. You're happy with him. But this does not make you happy. Everything outside of this makes you happy. Why can't we get on the same page with this? Why do I feel like there is some type of jealousy streak with my social life as it pertains to my marriage? I don't, you know, I don't.

how you make me feel when I'm about to go out. You make me feel bad for going out. That's not... That shouldn't be that way. That's inappropriate. I don't do anything. You know, I think you need to...

I think you need to get inside of his head. You know what I'm saying? Like really, really beat it in there. Talk, talk to him, talk to him, talk to him. You know, that's the first thing, communication. And then be honest. He needs to lay it all out on the table. But you need to figure out what's going on in your marriage, honey. Because all hope is not lost. I mean, that's the only problem y'all are having. And I know it bothers you. Fucking fix that shit. You know, I know you come to me for the how. But you know, you have to talk to him.

talk to him get it out of him he don't want to talk about it and he don't want to talk about he it ain't nothing a lot of people will deny that they have a problem until you put it in their face put it in their face you argue with me every time I'm about to part this door to go somewhere I don't do that to you I'm not a clinky person maybe he is a clinky person

You know what I'm saying? Obviously he is a clinky person. So now you have to deal with the balance, how, what that looks like, what that balance looks like. I'm, I'm clinky, but my husband is not, or I'm not clinky, but my husband is. How does that work? How can y'all work that out? You understand what I'm saying? So, um, you, you gave him a lot of praise and I do love that. Although y'all are having issues just with that. Um,

You gave him a lot of praise. So I know you love him. I know you're not going to leave and you shouldn't. You know, you fight for this. This is definitely worth fighting for. Like real shit. And with all the meat on the bone, you told me, I don't think you left anything out. I don't think there's anything that you're not telling me other than maybe something that may have happened that could lead to this behavior that he's portraying. So I...

I don't know. I like I said, well, I'm not gonna say I don't know. I do know. I know that you need to talk to him. Y'all need to look into therapy individually and then do marriage counseling together, together. You know, step outside of your psychology bag. You know what I'm saying? Maybe he don't want to be looked at as a client. You know what I'm saying? Maybe y'all should go to somebody together that could also help you in your major. You know, just just seek counsel yourself.

Because it can help you. Nothing helps you out like experience. Nothing is better than experience because that creates wisdom. You know? Nothing. So, you took up the whole episode, girl. I love it, though. I love it. This is very juicy and this is very relatable. And then also, you could help a lot of women with just speaking your truth and how that pertains to your marriage and how it also pertains to other women who could be going through the same thing. So, I love you, baby girl. Make sure you...

Get back to me. Update me. I'm going to be checking. I love to check on everybody who's mess I try to fix, whether I can fix it or not. Now, like Charlemagne said, I am no expert, but I am an experienced person. And anything I cannot help you with, I ain't going to sit here and bullshit you, baby. If I can't help you, I ain't going to read your story. But I do believe that this is just a simple matter of just communication, being honest, and going to seek counsel together as a union. Because y'all are one.

As a union, you know. And just like that, we come to the end of yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl Jess Hilarious, who will be fixing mess day in and day out each and every Wednesday on the Black Effect Network. Shout out to iHeart, y'all. And in my deepest pan voice, peace. Talk to y'all next week. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights.

Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo.

Most deals are barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftops.

So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T. AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trading of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

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