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Welcome to Can't Believe Reckless, the production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. ♪♪♪

And just like that, we're back on the air. Welcome back to yet another Caffley Reckless episode with your girl, Just Hilarious. Listen, y'all. So look, I'm on set shooting a movie right now, and this is how busy I am, and this is how dedicated I am to getting you guys your episode no matter what, no matter the time or place.

And between scenes, I'm doing this episode. So I'm still helping y'all with y'all mess. We're going to jump right in. And we got some voice notes. Y'all know this makes me happy, happy, happy because I don't have to read all y'all non-punctual asses. All right, here we go.

Hey, Jess. First off, I love you, and I've been keeping up with you for a long time. Can't wait to finally see you at one of your shows, girl, because I'm always down to laugh, and you keep me cracking up, so thank you. So I'll just hit you with the headline, which is, I need help fixing my mess because I'm obsessed with my ex. And yeah, they had to rhyme. But this past year, Jess, like, it's been getting out of hand.

And at my big age, which is 31, newly 31, I need to stop. Never in my life have I ever had a man make me feel this way. So my question to you is, how do I...

move on and let go just let go and move on I'm really having my struggles with that and I'm hoping you can help me fix it or just give me some advice because your girl is just feeling lost honestly I'll try to make this backstory quick so I met my Mr. Big in 2013 when I say Mr. Big yes I'm talking about like how Carrie Bradshaw had her Mr. Big in Sex and the City so um

So I met him when I was 21, and he was 25 at the time. Again, this is year 2013. And he was everything to me. The connection was truly genuine. We shared common interests, and we just had a lot in common, even down to the gym. So during this time period when I met him, I was going through a rough situation, no car, not have my own place, and I had a two-year-old daughter at the time. My relationship with my child's father was terrible.

And to better explain it, it was absolutely frustrating by trying to co-parent with my child's father. It was like we couldn't even agree that one plus one equals two. So needless to say, when I met my Mr. Big, he was a breath of fresh air.

So two months in while my Mr. Big was being the best thing ever and having me on cloud nine, no sex involved. He was helping me out and being consistent and making me very happy. Like he knew how to listen to me and have real conversations, intellectual ones and funny ones. I felt like I met my best friend. So me, I was mainly in love with him.

Bombshell, he admits he's married. Instant heartbreak. So I left. He chased me down while I was an emotional wreck over a period of time. I definitely didn't make it easy for him. But my intentions was to leave because I knew that was the right thing to do. And finally, I gave in. Sex included. Shit got real when he told his wife about me. And that was just a whole nother fucking chapter. But I'm skipping all that.

Maybe not. So wife came to me as a woman, even admitting that she cheated on him first and wanted me to fall back so they could work it out. Granted, they were in fact a family with two kids involved. I'm not into breaking apart families, but I'm like, bitch, you clearly wasn't thinking about your family. And I know we all make mistakes, but I'm

in too deep at this point. So I attempted to walk away like several times. I leave and come right back. And it was a back and forth, back and forth thing for several years. When I finally got the courage to let him go, like literally,

I'll say like a year later, they finally got divorced, an official divorce. I automatically knew he would need time to recover and get adjusted to his new normal. Maybe even fuck on a couple of bitches. By this point, I leveled up a lot. New home, car, career, and phone number. Same email, unfortunately, which is how he got in contact with me. We fucked and he tells me later how he has a new situation, but it's rocky. I'm pissed.

I'm pissed by this point because we just fucked. And I felt like him telling me after the fact reminded me of how he told me how he was married long after I fell in love with him. Had I known he had a girlfriend, I wouldn't even have slept with him. Maybe I would have had he been up front. But let me decide. Because now I feel like I'm playing side chick to your new bitch. And I'm livid. I'm livid because I feel like, damn, like...

It's like, man, you just see me as being a side bitch to whoever you're dealing with now. And I've been in that side bitch category for so long with you because I had hopes that you would leave your situation. Yes, I know, cliche, but it's my truth. And I was very much young at that time, but I was so in love with this man that I stayed in.

around and I shouldn't have. I should have just walked away no matter how I fucking felt or whatever. But that was me at 21, 22 being dumb and stupid and then 23 being dumb and stupid. You know, 24, I'm like, oh, new year, do me. Like, I'm just trying to be on some whole different type of time. However,

It's like, that's like once he came out of that situation, I honestly thought that him and I stood a chance to where we could finally come into each other. Both single. He's not with nobody. I'm not with nobody. So now we can work on us eventually, not so quickly. So I'm not trying to sound like I'm blaming this thing entirely on me. I do take accountability. You know, yes, he played his part with telling me, you know, things that I chose to believe. But aside from that, it's like,

One time when I was fully single, I wanted us to gradually grow. Bottom line, the nigga ends up ghosting me after we spent a hell of a time together. And I'm thinking it's finally us officially bonding and growing towards our future. Thinking we...

about to be on this whole new chapter for us, and this nigga end up ghosting me. By this point, we five months into a pandemic, a whole pandemic, and it makes me think of that Beyonce and Justin Timberlake song, The End of Time. And it just had me thinking like, damn, if this world going in, like... Not because of COVID. I feel like as long as we're together as a family, I'm happy, you know? And...

It's just so crazy. I don't know. What can I say? It's like I was shocked because he was never one to ghost me. And that shit really fucked me up because I was always the one doing the ghosting, you know, or the so-called ghosting. But it was just like, damn, like, you know, turns out you ghost me because...

you got her pregnant, and, you know, you didn't have the balls to tell me that you had a baby on the way, and it's like, then, you know, turns out the following year, y'all had a baby or whatever, and I find this out through a family friend, and, because again, we're not on social media or whatever, and it's like, you know, and I'm not going to lie, I was happy for him and everything, but I cried like a little bitch, you know, and

And I had to get it out of my system because it's like, this is the man who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I want to have a child next and all that. And it's like, damn, I had to be the one to pop a plan B. Hold up, hold up. I know this shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. Here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals. Those are quite exciting. They're the kind of deals that are really worth talking about.

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Moving on or whatever, he had a beautiful baby boy. I'm happy for him. And then it's like, he's not even with the baby mom no more or whatever. Like, that was a done deal. And it's like, wow. You know, so I do think like, damn, that could have been me in that situation.

However, moving along, it's like, boom, he asked me on social media, you know, and this is like two years later. And if you knew our history, you knew we never followed each other on social media at all. He follows me on Instagram. So I follow back. And it's like, you wanted me to see this shit. Now you engage, but you're not even with baby my number one or two. You got a whole new bitch. And it's like, okay, cool.

I'm happy for you. But no, I cry like a little bitch or whatever. It's like, because you see the Instagram stories being posted up and everything looks all terrific. And it's like, I've been thinking like, damn, and I know I wouldn't be tripping so hard if I had a good situation going on for my own self, you know, and I was involved with somebody where I was in love, but I'm not. That's not my reality for me, unfortunately. You know, the dating pool is full of shit and piss. And

And it's like, he's the only man that I ever had a real connection with. And it's really hard. It's a real hard pill to swallow, you know, because it's like, I don't know. I know I sound like a fucking crazy person, but this is just the truth. And I'm just like, how the fuck do I move on? Do I block this motherfucker? I don't have to boss through that. I told myself I wouldn't go back on his page. So mind you, him being engaged currently is more recently. Like, this is, like, I found out he was engaged recently.

Summertime of last year, 2022. So prior to that, I found out about from a family friend, another family friend that he was, you know, engaged and everything. And it's like, yo, I guess I got to tell these family friends, don't keep me up with shit because it's just too much and I'm not taking it as well as I thought I would.

And again, like, any information after that, it was all learned by me, like, because I'm the one over here lurking and searching the pages. So it's like, I'm looking at her page, I'm looking at his page, I'm finding information even down to the part that gets me that how... And again, I know that what worked for her don't work for me, what worked for me didn't work for her, but however, it's working right now for her. Shit, might as well say, because...

They only known each other for a year and got engaged. And that's a slap in the face to me because I'm like, damn it, how many fucking years did I waste on you? But it is what it is. You know what I mean? Like, and I'm just trying to

I just don't want to be like, I'm not this person. I'm not this woman who, I don't hate the girl. And I want to make that very clear. I do not hate her. You know, I know this sound like some hating shit, but I don't hate her as a person. If anything, I admire her because I'm like, yo, it's a lot of her that I see in myself. Like, it's a lot of things I see in me and her got in common. It's a lot of me that I see in her. So I'm like, what the fuck? Like, you know, even down to our body shapes and just how, you know, like some of the shit that she be posting. Again, this is me just being obsessed and lurking or whatever.

and not on some like obsessing all day but this shit takes up a lot of space in my fucking mind and I'm just being real honest like because I sit and reflect like damn like

10 years and reflecting back on how it was and the fact that I haven't met a man yet who makes me feel the way that he does. And, you know, he was the man who really, really saw me. He gave me my flowers when my baby father was giving me garbage, you know, giving me a lot of shit and hating on me when I elevated. And, you know, instead of being proud, like, oh, my baby mom doing good with her life and blase, blase, and she, you know what I mean? And me and my baby father in a good space now or whatever.

But it was just... You can only imagine how disgusting it was for me to just deal with all of that and how it really made my Mr. Big look like Mr. Big. You know what I mean? He was Mr. Bigshot in my world, so...

How do I move the fuck on is just where I'm at. Like, I don't want to be this person that's just like, you know, being this way or whatever. I don't, I'm not trying to cause harm to nobody. I'm not like that. I'm not in that kind of mental space at all. But I do sit back and just think so much. And then on top of that, it's even worse that like, okay, I know I'm getting my body goes together, but she get her body goes together too. Not only just that, but he also look so much fucking better.

Like, how do I move the fuck on and just, like, fall back? Like...

What's your advice on that? Because I don't know. I'm not a crazy person. I got a lot of good things going on for myself. I do the dating. Like I said, the dating pool sucks. And, you know, I love just being a mom and doing what I got to do. But it's like my, you know, my ovulation clock, you know, was ticking away, you know? And it's like eventually I'm going to want another baby. And it's hard trying to pick a motherfucker because after going through my first situation with my first baby father, they already gave me PTSD. So I told myself I was not having another baby until I found the one. And it's like...

Man, it's hard out here. Oh my

Oh my God. Also, Jess, I just would like to add that the way that this impacted me, it has its pros and its cons. And so just to mention the pro, once I found out that he was engaged last year of 2022, summer of 2022, I actually just went hard. It put a battery in my back and I went into the gym because I know I put on a lot of weight since the pandemic. So I ended up losing 30 pounds before the year was out. That was my goal. 25 was my goal. It just did something to me. So that's the pro.

you know, but, um, I mean, and not to use that as my, you know, um, motivation, my drive, but it has been, you know, just being honest. So I don't know. I'm just trying to get ready for a whole new thing. Cause I'd be damned if I'm sitting up here, you know, watching them had a beautiful wedding or whatever. And I'm over here just all out of shape, out of whack, like at the pitting on these fucking quarantine panels. So, um, but yeah, um,

that's all I want to share. I just, you know, it's pros and cons to me. Let's believe I'm not all crazy, like sitting outside this man's house or stalking her. Like, I don't even know the girl. Never met her, you know? So like I said, the stalking is so bad as far as like on social media because like I learned so much off of their page because they post so much. They post every fucking thing. But that's what that is. So I just want to be in a whole new space. So that's all I want to add. Thank you, Jess. Thank you.

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I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Corinaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt, new episodes Thursdays, streaming only on Hulu.

MITRE's mission is to solve problems for a safer world. If you have a passion for applied cybersecurity with skills in infrastructure threat intelligence, deterrence technologies, advisal threat emulation, or intelligence analysis, explore the many challenging and fulfilling career opportunities at MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.

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Okay, so I told y'all I'm at work, so now I gotta walk to the front and go get my goddamn food because that's just how it is on set. I don't like the shit that they got here. All right, let me get to you, sweetheart. First of all, I want to say thank you for being so open and so vulnerable with me.

such personal information. Like it's something that you, that women often feel ashamed of sharing how vulnerable they are and how dumb these men make us feel and how stupid we may feel that they make us look. And we ain't stupid. We know that we not, but it's easy to make us feel that fucking way. Hello. Thank you so much, baby girl. You too. All right, here we go. About to finish talking. I just had to

See how to fucking work at work. I'm doing my fucking podcast while I'm at it. Fucking podcast, eh? Okay. Lord, I got cramps. Lord, Lord, Lord. Had to go get my food at the front. I got cramps, y'all. This is a lot, but it's very, very real. All right. Here we go. Sorry about that. Okay. So what I want to say to you...

I'm going to tell you immediately what I feel like your problem is. No, I don't think that you're a hater, but I think that you are so busy being envious of the time that these women have with him versus you focusing on yourself.

You leveling up, knowing what you're worth and realizing that you're never going to be first to him because you look up, 10 years is gone, and you've been playing second since you met him. You understand? When you learn that he had a wife, you were upset. You were disgusted. The anguish took over, but you still never let him go. You still never set a boundary and said, oh, no, I can't fuck with you. You married. Boom.

In fact, you sought comfort in being with him because his wife had admitted to you like she cheated on him. So you felt like it was OK. So you made like a mental contract in your mind and you stayed binded to it, whether you really want to admit it or not.

You put yourself in a situation, you kept yourself there. It's like you negotiated the terms yourself. Okay, so since his wife cheated on him, she ain't running about a happy life, being a happy wife with her husband. So now that allows him to be able to cheat with me with no regard for her feelings because she cheated first. When in fact you want to one day become a wife, you would give anything to be in her position because she's the wife.

Right? That's what you want. You wanted to be a wife. You wanted to be a family. You wanted to have him as your husband. Nobody has ever made you feel the way he made you feel. You got damn right. Nobody has ever made you feel second. Nobody has ever done that. Oh, your baby daddy did. And this man makes you feel the same way. You know I'm landing on you thick because I'm telling you, I'm regurgitating back what you told me about yourself. And it takes for someone to hear it from somebody else's mouth, something about them, something

You can tell me a story all day. You don't hear it until you hear it back. You really ain't listening until you hear somebody else tell you your shit back to you.

I want you to think about that. Think about that. You're never going to be number one to him. You never was. Not saying he didn't love you, not saying he didn't feel anything for you, but he's obviously a womanizer. Ain't with the first baby mother, ain't with the second baby mother. And he wouldn't be with you. And you kept saying you wanting to be in their places for that time being that he had with them. Why? You ain't your place. You was just as free as a bird and didn't even know it because you was holding your own self captive to him. He wasn't even holding you captive to him.

He just figured that you would be there every time he called. And you were. So that's how you move on. You look up and you realize how fucking free you are and that you're not even that wife. Stop lurking. Stop. Stop looking at that shit. For what?

I don't care what their life may look like on Instagram or whatever. You know goddamn well behind closed doors that man is still cheating on her because it's a couple of yous that he's had. Apparently he loves younger women that he can pull the wool over their eyes and shit. He getting older. He's getting older. He ain't getting no younger.

Yeah, the dating pool is full of shit and piss, and these niggas love to swim in it. So that's what he going to keep on doing with a wife. He just fucked you last year, and he was engaged. He ain't ready to get married.

It looks good. These days, people get married for the wrong reasons anyway. Just to have those great pictures to capture and share with a world full of motherfuckers who don't know or give a fuck about them. You better get yourself together because you sound very intelligent and too goddamn good to let another 10 years go past chasing a motherfucker who ain't going to chase you. Okay?

Running up behind this man, girl, and he only four years older than you. He ain't getting no motherfucking younger. Talking about he look good. Bitch, you look good. You know how many other niggas out here look good that don't belong to nobody that's waiting for a woman like you? Because you don't belong to nobody either. You don't belong to him because he's never claimed you.

You done took up all this damn episode. Girl, you better check back in with me. That brings me to the end of this Just Fix My Mess episode. For carefully reckless, y'all tune in each and every Wednesday on your way to work, on your way to take them babies to school, on your way to the gym. Whether you got to wake up, listen to it, or go back to sleep. Sparking your morning blunt, it don't matter. Tune in. And tune in to Co-Parents in Therapy with Jess and Rome this Wednesday, every other Wednesday night at 7 p.m. And in my deepest Pam voice, I love y'all. Peace. Peace.

I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed GT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze Coronaldi. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate.

The power of attorney. Always bet on Jags. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys, offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof, and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com.

Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.

But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftops. So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T.

AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trading of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

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