You're Not Even a Citizen???
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And just like that, we're back on the air. Happy Wednesday, y'all. Welcome back to yet another carefully reckless episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. I'm going to jump straight in. We got more voice notes. I love this, y'all. I love this shit.

I still got a lot of stories to read, but I'll revisit that next week. We're going to start with the voice notes, make those priority this week. How I'm going to do it is I'll do for the first two weeks out of the month, I'll do voice notes. And then the last two weeks out of the month, I'll do the red stories.

Because I still want you guys to send in paragraphs or whatever. I joke and play when I say you guys don't punctuate. I can read through it and I can make sense of it unless you just playing damn slow. All right? Get your shit together. We're going to start off, jump straight into it. Here we go.

Hey, Jess. I just want to say I've been listening to you since episode one of this podcast. And girl, I love you. I love you reals. I miss Jess with the mess, but I know why you stopped doing it with your son in Chadwick. And I respect that. But anyways, my mess is family related and I'm gonna try to keep it shorter than it really could get. So I have a cousin and me and that cousin grew up kind of like sister brother cousins, right?

Similar age, when we got to be older, you know, groups mingle. I would date his friends, he would date a few of my friends. Always was, you know, that's how it went. As we got a little older, it started to seem like he wanted to kind of shut me out, but still date my friends. So I had a friend and...

At the time, he had a child on the way and I invited my friend to a family event. She met my cousin unknowings to me. They exchanged numbers. Fast forward a few weeks later, him and his baby's mother fell out because she went to his phone and found messages of him and my friend. When I approached my friend about it.

she kind of told me basically, it's none of your business. I didn't tell you it's not your business. So I left it at that. From there, she kind of just distanced herself from me and let it be known that she didn't want to be my friend no more. Basically, she got what she was there for. So that was the end of our friendship.

Hmm.

Right.

The girl that I was originally friends with that stopped being friends with me has been in the background all this time, and now she's pregnant. He's gotten himself into legal trouble, and she's going to be dealing with a child on her own for a bit.

I have history with that particular situation, not with the child, but with having a loved one go away because of the law. And I'm battling, should I reach out to her? After everything I've done, I've lost two good friends behind my cousin, but essentially those were not my friends. I've come to terms with that also, that if they were supposed to be my friends, they'd be in my life. And

And it's, you know, I take responsibility for still allowing him to be around my friends. But I also understand that, again, if they were my friend, they would be there. I respect the second one more because she at least was honest with me about it.

I'm battling with the fact that the first one is carrying a child that is a part of my blood. And then also knowing what she's going to be dealing with because my cousin is going to be away. And I don't know if I should reach out or if I should just be like, bitch, fuck you. This is your karma from five years ago because I told your ass not to fuck with him. Help me, Jess. Help me, girl.

Girl, first of all, I just want to say you sound just like Gabrielle Union. Girl, I swear to God you got the Gabrielle Union voice and you sound like somebody else, but that is not why you're writing me today. All right. So anyway, let's get into it. I love your voice, by the way. Girl, the raspiness. Girl, listen, I ain't weird or nothing like that. I just love certain voices, girl. And yours is one of them. Okay. Okay.

So you can go about this two different ways now, and you would be totally within your right, well within your right to pick either one. Now, the fact that he does have a child on the way and he is by the first friend who was going to be destined to get that karma one way or another, this is still your blood.

So I can tell that you're a family person. You know, like you said, you and your cousin were raised as siblings, you know, and you see that a lot in families, period. You know, I was going to say Black families, but I mean, because that's the only race that I've seen it in because that's the only race I am. But...

We do that. You know, my cousin London was raised as my sister. You know, my cousin Terrell was raised as my brother. And we are big on family. A very big family-oriented family. So I do understand that. Now, although you and your cousin are not as tight as you guys used to be, thanks to the females and all the shit that he does or whatever, you seem to still have a certain attachment. You'll always have him in your heart somewhere because you guys were raised together. It's a lot of history there. Y'all just wasn't regular cousins. Y'all were like siblings slash cousins. So...

I get it. That's a bond there. It's just been tampered with a little bit, but it's still nonetheless a bond. I know you would love to see his child grow beautifully and healthy. I know you would love to be there for the birth. I can just tell. I can hear it in your voice. You love your cousin still, and you would love anything that he produced, and that would be a baby. And your first friend.

Child, now listen, I ain't gonna let my personal experiences and how I feel about it dictate how I speak to you with this situation because I'm not gonna be biased at all. But karma was definitely knocking at her door. She answered it. She got it. I would only reach out to her if it is only about the baby, just to be honest with you, because females like that, they don't tend to change.

And she was already grown when she made this big ass grown decision at her big age. And then your cousin just moves so recklessly. He didn't ever seem to be serious with either of your friends. This is just females that he was just fucking. And you are forewarning these girls and they're still just going along with it. You know, like, oh, whatever, whatever. Because I bet he fine as hell, ain't he? I bet he fucking fine. Child, please.

But what's significant about your story is it's family. I get a lot of relationship stories and questions and things that I would advise people on. But this is family. And so this is a little bit more delicate, you know, because y'all are always going to be blood. I want to know, have you talked to him since he's been in jail? Because obviously that's where he is. You said he got into some legal trouble and this girl, she will be raising the baby on her own.

for a while. And then he has another baby as well. Cause he had a girlfriend the whole time he was fucking with your friends, man, this niggas everywhere. Well, he was everywhere. Now he is in one place for a long time, but, um, have you talked to him?

Has he written you? Has he wrote you? Are there letters? Because I think that you should speak to him first as well. I mean, it's not to ask his permission about the baby, but I think you should kind of bridge that gap to reconcile, be the bigger person and kind of get through to him a little bit. Like, look, man, we were raised together.

a particular way. We were raised as brother and sister, okay? We got older, we went our separate ways, and you started dating my friends, and you're a womanizer. You're not really a loyal, faithful guy. So yes, I told my friends. I was forewarning my friends. I didn't want to see my friends hurt. You're always going to be my cousin. You were in a relationship, for God's sake. So I was actually trying to save you too, and save the damn girl that you were with who had your baby at that time. Didn't you fuck around, get one of my friends pregnant? Wasn't even with her. That's

then you fucking have one of my friends. And the cycle would have probably still been going on today if you were physically able to fuck more friends of mine. I don't think you should blame yourself for any of this, honey. I heard you say, you know, it's my fault that I put him around my friends. No, people are people. It's social. You could be around women. That nigga can be around women without sticking his dick in one.

It don't matter. No, that's not your fault. You're not his supervisor. You don't have to supervise his interactions with women just because they're your friends. You shouldn't feel that way. I think you should reach out to him. Definitely have a conversation with him and just be real and tell him you have this baby on the way by, you know, one of my former friends and I want to reach out to her. I don't know how you're feeling about it. Do you think it's yours? First of all, baby, find out if it's his because you know these bitches ain't shit, maybe lie. And we know what type of friend the first one is.

So we don't know. But find out if the baby is his or see if he even thinks it's his or whatever. And out of the love for the baby would be the only fucking reason that I would reach out to her. But to be honest, if I can give you my like what I would do, I wouldn't. I wouldn't reach out at all. I wouldn't.

You're going to get to know the baby. You're going to grow up. And then that friend may even have animosity towards you because nobody likes to meet the person that told them that they would be here one day and they're actually there. Nobody likes to, I told you so. And even though you're probably not that type of person, she's going to feel that off the rip and she's going to already be probably bitter towards you because now she's in a situation that she never thought she would be in. Had she listened to her friend that one year, she wouldn't be here.

But that's just how the cookie crumbles. So only if it's about the baby, if the baby is his. But if not, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. But check back in with me, girl. Check back in. Now we got a commercial. And if you click off this podcast, I swear I'm gonna beat your ass. Listen, here's a little secret. Most smartphone deals aren't that exciting. To be honest, they're barely worth mentioning. But then there's AT&T and their best deals.

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All right, moving on, guys. Hi, Jess. I had a question for you. I recently ended my relationship of a year and a half with a man. We live together. We don't have any children together. But he was very close with my children. He didn't have any children of his own.

But I ended the relationship for a couple different reasons. One, I had helped him apply for a better job because he was working a minimum wage job. And through that, I found out that he was not a U.S. citizen. And so he lied to me about his citizenship, which is a red flag for me because I'm in the military and that could have affected me and my clearance. Wow.

Two, I ended the relationship because over a year and a half, I never got to meet his family, even though they're here locally. And that's a red flag to me because I want a family who's going to embrace me and my children. And just the lying and all that, but I still feel so bad about ending the relationship because I still have love for him. How am I able to move on from this? Because it wasn't like it ended nasty per se. It was just, I got to a point where I couldn't accept it.

what was happening anymore because that was a huge lie and then the family thing really threw me off but my question to you is how can I move forward and moving on from this relationship I could really use any advice that you have thank you so much I love you and your comedy

Oh, you're so sweet. Thank you, girl. I appreciate that. I appreciate that you love my comedy and also appreciate what you do for your country. So with that being said, yes, there's no way that he could have possibly thought to not eventually tell you the truth when he realized like how bad

detrimental shit could have gotten for you and your family. Like you said, that could have affected your clearance. That's a bold lie. That's a huge lie. Now, I do understand sometimes people keep these type of things from people just protecting themselves from being broken up with or, you know, from being looked at crazy or being deported or... But

You loved him. You know, y'all were in a relationship for over a year and a half. So you think I'm going to be with you and you don't tell me about this shit, but I got to find out because I'm actually trying to help you work, girl. So what I would say, what could also be an option is that he knew that the only way that he could be granted citizenship is if he could get married.

I think that he probably wanted to use you to marry him, really, really fall in love with you because he probably didn't have any money because obviously you said you were trying to get him a job. You know, usually people come over here and they pay for someone to marry them so they can get their card. You know what I'm saying? I know lots of people that has done it. That's a real thing. But because he knew he didn't have any money, he just chose to do it the more fucked up way and...

I think he still fell for you. I'm not saying he don't love you. I'm just saying maybe that wasn't the initial agenda upon meeting you and you're in the military and all that. Because that could be the only reason why I'm thinking that this man didn't tell you about that shit. Like you and your family could be going through some shit right now because he didn't keep it up front with you. That's not good to even put you and your kids at jeopardy like that.

So do you really love me? Was this year and a half fake or what? Like, I need some fucking answers. You know what I'm saying? Like that is me speaking as you demanding for answers there. Like, just be honest with me. I already love you. We already did the work in the relationship. Is this real? Do you love me or did you just have a plan to be granted citizenship?

And you use me to do so eventually. Because like you said, you want a family. So I know y'all have talked about marriage. Y'all had to. I don't even have to ask you that. I know that because you want a family. You want his family to accept your kids. You've been his girlfriend for over a fucking year. And to some, that may not be a lot of time. That's a lot of time to me. Especially if you're around my kids and you know my family and I don't know yours. Yes, that's a red flag. Yes, ma'am.

Why the hell didn't I get to meet your mom? Why the hell can't I meet your family? What would he say to you? You said they're locally here. Did he ever give you an answer on why he hasn't let you meet them yet or he hasn't introduced you or even, you know what I'm saying? Have you ever talked to his mother on the phone? Have you ever even seen her on FaceTime? Just anything. If not for real, then my point is proven to be true.

He never really had any real...

any real plans on keeping you around. Once y'all got married, you got that green card, girl, that boy was going to be out. And I really honestly believe that. I really honestly believe that. Because why the hell haven't you met his mom and his other family? I'm very, very sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry for you and your babies because I know that they've already gotten to know him, obviously. I mean, shit, they had to. They had to get to know him. I do want to extend an apology. Like, oh my God, I hate that you're going through that.

and you don't deserve it. But I think that you should let it go because it's already a year and a half of your time wasted. And the reason why, because I know you love him, the reason why I say wasted is because I want to open your eyes to what the fuck I think he was really trying to do. And I know you had to think it in the back of your mind, but because you love him, you probably didn't want to face it that that's what he was doing.

Right? That was his process the whole time. Like I said, I won't say he don't love you, but he definitely had an agenda. It was a motive behind all this love and this relationship and all that. I think it's best for you to leave. I do. While you put a whole year and a half in it, and that is not a short amount of time, I don't think it's an extremely long amount of time

for you to leave that shit alone right now. Because imagine y'all could be five years in and then this motherfucker is like, and then it's the way you found out. You found out because you were trying to help him get a job. So he would have never told you this. You understand what I'm saying? He would have never told you this. That could be another reason why he didn't want you to meet his family either.

Oh, no, they might tell her that I'm not here on, you know, or unless the family was down with the plan from the jump. Come here, meet somebody, marry them, and then you can be with us forever or whatever the fuck. You know, I'm really frustrated that you're going through this shit. So don't mind my cursing. And I'm very sorry about that. But check back in with me. You are way, way, way, way too deserving of something else, of something more than to be dealing with this. Check back in with me, girl.

If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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State Farm Insurance gets it. Representation alone doesn't equate to authenticity. State Farm understands and wants to help protect our communities by investing in our future, building off the hard work our parents have done before us. We all are looking to create generational wealth so that our families and generations behind us have a better starting point than we did. That begins with financial literacy.

State Farm helps fund programs like Project Ready, a National Urban League program committed to the educational achievement of Black and Brown youth.

To date, participants have been awarded over $11 million in scholarships offers as a direct result of contributions from State Farm. At Eating While Broke, we hear inspiring rags to riches stories on each episode from our guests. But with State Farm, you can begin to write your own success story. State Farm believes that being better neighbors creates better communities and have a long lasting impact. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I'm a savage. I think I killed Jesus.

I'm not going to stop. I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu.

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You never know who you sleeping with. You never know who you fucking dealing with. You never know. She was in a relationship with this man for 18 months and he lied.

Now, what I want to know, and she didn't tell me, was when she found out, was that recently? Was that when she just broke up with him? Is that what she just broke up with him for? Or did she continue to be in a relationship with him? Because she said she just can't deal with it anymore. That means that she was actually trying to deal with it. And you see what we do as women? I can't say men do this because I'm not a man. I don't know. But I know women do this. We often...

I'm not going to say it right. I'm going to just say it the way I know how to say it. And then y'all can take it exactly how y'all want to take it. We actually will dim our happiness for someone else's. And I actually spoke on this before in a previous episode. We'll dim our happiness and even be a little miserable, a little miserable for somebody else to be happy for our man or our woman or our husband or our wife. Like we will do that.

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why should you being happy cost me any of my happiness? People make love difficult. I don't really think that love is difficult. I don't think that love is working. And listen, I'm actually contradicting myself because in previous episodes, I've said this. Love is hard. Love is work. Love is no love is what you make it.

It's not the love. And I was just talking to my best friend about this. Take this and I'm going to end this episode. It's not that love is hard. It's about these people that's jumping in these relationships and they're trying to love and they're fucked up in their brains individually. So then when you try to go fucking be with somebody, you ain't got yourself together. So now you trying to fend for two?

And you mentally don't even know what the fuck you want or you don't know what the fuck is going on with you. You got issues that you don't even know you have. And you don't even see the issues until somebody else is there to ignite that shit in you. That's your significant other when you jump in these relationships. People don't know themselves until they get with somebody else because people, you have to learn how to use people as mirrors. Oh shit, this is what I'm doing. This is why you acting like this because what I'm doing.

And then sometimes that's even dangerous. That's why you got to make sure you know who you are and you get all your shit together before you try to be with another motherfucker. Because now that you're in a relationship and you're seeing these issues now that you never even knew you had before, now you blaming it on the other person because none of this was happening. I wasn't like this until I met you. No, you were like this. You just wasn't ever with nobody that showed you this shit.

It's deep. It gets deep. It gets deep. And that's why a lot of people need therapy before they get in relationships. You can't take two fucked up people, put them in a relationship, and then now they go seek counseling together. Nah, no, no, no. Because y'all just learning how to be together. Y'all not even learning how to be alone yet. When you know how to be alone, that's when you can fathom

Learning how to be together with someone else. If you can't be alone, that's scary.

Because you ain't always going to be with your partner. So what the fuck will you do when you're alone? You'll go crazy. People don't understand that. It's deep. And I could go deeper. But y'all going to have to wait till next week. And just like that, we come to the end of this episode with your girl, Jess Hilarious. Carefully Reckless. Y'all need to tune in each and every Wednesday, 7 a.m. And watch Reckless only on YouTube every Wednesday, 7 p.m. Catch it tonight. Happy holidays and happy new year. Final talk to y'all.

Carefully Reckless is a production of iHeartRadio and The Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm a good lawyer and I want to win. I think I killed JT.

She needs someone who's going to fight for her. If we don't follow the right plan, we lose. The hit series Reasonable Doubt, now streaming on Hulu. She was defending herself against a monster. Starring Emma Yatze-Coronalde. I'm the best lawyer you have ever worked with. And Morris Chestnut. I'm not gonna stop.

I think I love it, love it. Never underestimate the power of attorney. Always bet on tax. Reasonable Doubt. New episodes Thursdays. Streaming only on Hulu. Gear up for outdoor adventures with the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder. This midsize SUV is designed for epic journeys. Offering spacious seating for eight, available panoramic moonroof,

and an available intelligent four-wheel drive feature with seven drive modes to take your off-road experience to new heights. Discover the 2024 Nissan Pathfinder at NissanUSA.com. Intelligent all-wheel drive cannot prevent collisions or provide enhanced traction in all conditions. Always monitor traffic and weather conditions. Towing capacity varies by configuration. See Nissan Towing Guide and Owner's Manual for additional information. Always secure cargo. Most deals are barely worth mentioning.

But then there's AT&T's best deal on the new Samsung Galaxy Z Flip 6. You can get it on them when you trade in your eligible smartphone. Any year, any condition. It's a deal so good, you'll be shouting from the rooftops. So grab a ladder and learn how to get that new phone on AT&T.

AT&T. Connecting changes everything. Requires trading of Galaxy S, Note, or Z series smartphone. Limited time offer. 256 gigabytes for $0. Additional fees, terms, and restrictions apply. See att.com slash Samsung or visit an AT&T store for details.

MITRE is investing in a massive AI supercomputer to power a new federal AI sandbox. With AI's potential to drive transformational advances across industries, MITRE's expertise in healthcare, cybersecurity, transportation, finance, climate, and national security will be critical. Transform your career while helping solve problems for a safer world. Visit MITRE.org slash careers. That's M-I-T-R-E dot org slash careers.

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