how to become your own soulmate
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Welcome to Claim Your Power podcast, your all-inclusive roadmap to self-love, mindset, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz, and you are at the right place if you're ready to tap into the knowledge, advice, and inspiration you need to become your higher self. It's time to claim your power, baby.

Hi my friends and welcome back to another episode of the podcast. Today we are talking all about how to become your own soulmate and enjoy your own company. This has been

Such a requested episode to talk about how to enjoy your own company and how to really elevate the relationship with yourself. So today we're going to dive deep into it. I'm going to teach you all I know about how to heal that relationship with yourself, become your own soulmate.

and fall back radically in love, not just with yourself, but with life. I also want to let you guys know that if you are listening to this podcast episode before July 1st, then you can still sign up for my 21-day subscription

self-love challenge. If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, you know a little bit about my story. You know how I used to have no relationship with myself. I was very insecure. I was a people pleaser. I was in victim mentality and it wasn't until I discovered that

exactly what I'm going to be teaching you inside the 21 day challenge that I was able to transform my relationship with myself and get myself to a place where I'm confident I can be seen. I love myself and I have purpose and fulfillment in my life. So if that's something that's calling your name, definitely check out all the information will be linked in the episode notes. But just to give you like a little summary, basically, it's a 21 day challenge, we're going to be doing daily scripting a daily meditation each and every day, there's going to be

a video that you're getting inside of the challenge with all of the information. And the best part is a 21-day group chat with me. It's a private group chat on Instagram with accountability, with support. You're going to be getting daily messages from me. Such good stuff.

And it's just like a fun way to build community, to interact, because I truly believe that the biggest shifts we often make in our lives is through community and is through collectively healing and leveling up together. So again, all of the information is in the episode notes. And without further ado, let's dive into today's episode.

What I want to start off with sharing with you guys is one of the most important pieces of information and that is that no matter, no matter if you are in a long-term relationship, if you are married, if you are single, it does not matter. You are still the love of your life and you are still your own soulmate.

So once you realize this one thing that other people are not going to fill that void up for you and you start taking responsibility back for the relationship that you build with yourself, everything changes for you.

I think a lot of people think, oh my God, once I meet my person, once I meet my soulmate, once I meet my partner, I'm going to feel like this. I'm going to finally be happy. I'm going to finally go after that. I'm going to finally be this version of myself. And it's all backwards. If you are the type of person who wants to attract positive people, positive relationships, positive feelings into your life, you have to understand that the ball is in your court. You have to first make that internal shift inside of yourself and

within you and then externally that reality will start reflecting that out to you this is everything that neville goddard always talked about in his books and his work that everyone is you pushed out so if you want to see external changes in our reality then we have to start doing the inner work and this is why it is so important to learn how to enjoy your own company

And this is personally, I will share something that I struggled with for a long time, but I cannot even begin to tell you how addicting it is to spend time by yourself once you actually start loving it. Because maybe four years ago, I would just resent spending any moment alone. Even if it was at home, I was always on my phone. I was looking for ways to make plans. I was constantly externalizing things that I was running away from in my life. And I didn't know how to spend time alone or enjoy my own company.

And it wasn't until a couple years ago when I started really getting into my spiritual journey, I had gone through a breakup, that I was really pushed to spend time alone. I was really pushed to be introspective. I had also lost a lot of friends at that time in my life. I was going through a lot of shifts. And so I didn't really have another choice. The universe just kind of isolated me and was like, here you go, girl. Good luck. Learn how to enjoy your own company. And so I was in this phase where I was just...

learning so pivotally how to spend time by myself and not just spend time by myself, but truly enjoy that time. And I can tell you four years later, three years, four years later, I love it. I love it.

I can go weeks without talking to a single soul and just sitting on the beach reading a book or creating content or writing in my journal and I am completely fine. If anything, I have reached this place in my life where I love spending time by myself so much that if another person, whether that be a friend or a romantic person, they are not adding something positive to my life, then I would rather be alone than spend my time with poor company.

And this is where I want to help you get to this place too. I want to help you get to this place where you genuinely love yourself so much. This is also what we're going to be getting into in the Self Love 21 Day Challenge. But I really want to help you in this episode to get yourself to a place that you genuinely and radically love your company so much that you're not dependent on other people, other sources to fill up your void, to make you happy. I really recommend that starting today after listening to this episode, you start implementing self-love now.

weekly dates with yourself. Now, how does that look like? It looks like not being on your phone,

You going out somewhere outside of your home and doing something nice for yourself and enjoying your own company, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. So how that could look like is you taking yourself out on a little coffee and matcha date and bringing your journal and doing some journaling. Or it could be you taking yourself out to a restaurant, which I know seems very daunting and uncomfortable, especially for women. We're like, oh my God, why are we taking ourselves and sitting alone in the restaurant? Do it.

Do it. Trust me, you will feel so powerful and you will feel so unbothered if you can get yourself to a place where you walk into a nice restaurant with your little book, you order your menu, you're sitting at a one-person table, and you're enjoying it, baby.

Another tip I really recommend is taking yourself out on a little walk. So you could listen to a podcast, you can go on a walk and see the sunset, but spending that time with yourself, not texting other people, not scrolling on social media, but really dedicating an hour each week just for you.

It's like a little self-care check-in. You're doing a weekly check-in with yourself and you're spoiling yourself because if you're someone who wants to receive positive, amazing treatment for other people in your life, you actually have to get yourself to a place where you're giving yourself that first so that when another person doesn't give it to you, you're like grossed out. You're ached out because you're like, I can give that to myself so why am I waiting around for somebody else to do that for me when I can do it for myself?

And so that's also really like I think it's really important to say that when you start working on your relationship with yourself and becoming your own soulmate, your standards just naturally go up so much because you learn just how powerful you are.

And you learn just how self-sufficient you are that your standards just go up. You're no longer willing to settle or sacrifice things in order to make other people feel more comfortable. You know your worth. And I think there's a really big correlation between people who know how to enjoy their own company and people who have high self-worth. Because remember, high self-worth has to do with how you feel about yourself.

And so if you're someone that doesn't know how to enjoy their own company, which is okay, we've all been there, but I can also guarantee is that you're someone who often desires external validation from other people because we're naturally social creatures and if we don't know how to spend time on our own and we're constantly spending time with other people, then we develop groupthink and we desire external confirmation and external validation from other people to confirm how we should feel about ourselves.

That's why spending time alone actually allows you to take a step back from other people's opinions and other people's voices. And you can finally hear your own opinion and your own wants and needs and your own voice because you're finally having that time for yourself. You finally dedicate that time to spend time with yourself and hear, what do I want?

What do I wish for myself? What do I desire? How do I feel? And it's really hard to focus on those things and to prioritize those things when you're constantly on autopilot and you don't have any time with yourself. So remember also this big correlation when you start investing in yourself and you start really loving yourself and falling in love with your life, then everything around you shifts to your standards shift.

Because a lot of the time when you lack a relationship with yourself and you lack disrespect for yourself, then that's also the way that you're going to teach other people to treat you because that's what feels comfortable and that's what feels familiar for you. And so I want to ask you, how much disrespect are you willing to take from other people? Because

Because I can guarantee you that the less that you have a relationship with yourself, the more disrespect you're willing to take from other people consciously and unconsciously. And I don't even want to say disrespect because you know what? I'll give you an analogy. Instead of how much disrespect you're willing to take from other people, how much poison are you willing to drink from other people instead of actually filling up your own cup and drinking your own clean water?

Because it gets yourself to a point where if everyone in your life is the ones holding you together and holding how you feel about yourself together and they're the ones dictating what you're going to do in your life, then you're never going to live a full life.

In fact, you're never going to even live. You're going to be surviving. You're going to be pleasing other people. If you want to actually live your life, you're going to have to enjoy your own company with and without anybody else. I also think it's really important for me to say, I'm not here to sell you the independent boss bitch, I don't need no one era. Like, no, no, no. This is not. There's a very big difference between avoidant people who fixate on hyper-independence

versus people who can be vulnerable, who can feel for other people, who can be dependent on a healthy scale, but at the same time know that no matter what happens, they still have their back.

That's what being your own soulmate is. It's not about living secluded in the woods and staying single and celibate for the rest of your life and never going out and never giving people chances unless they're perfect and they're your husband sent from God. No, no, no, no, no. Being your own soulmate just means that you know that no matter what happens outside of yourself, you have yourself. You wake up with yourself each morning. You go to sleep with yourself each morning. You're in your head every single day and you have yourself.

So make your energy and your connection to your soul the most beautiful thing about you. And that's why I really believe in taking yourself out on weekly dates. I spend so much time by myself. It's actually crazy.

I love spending time by myself and you want to know why? Because you get yourself to a place where it's so peaceful. I really want to invite you to challenge yourself to try and do things on your own. I see this a lot and I felt like this also a couple years ago when I first started my spiritual journey and I didn't have many like-minded friends because I

When your vibration shifts, you're kind of like going from your old self to your new self and it takes some time for your actual life to catch up and for you to attract new people into your life. So I remember when I first started my self-development path, I was changing a lot. My mindset was changing, my beliefs, my attitude, my habits, everything was changing. And then I found myself in this hole where...

I was this very different version of myself very suddenly and then the people around me weren't matching that energy anymore. And so I would want to go to yoga classes or I would want to go to this workshop or I would want to go see the sunset or I'd want to go to a crystal shop and no one was vibing with me. Like none of my friends at the time wanted to do that with me.

And so I actually, at the time, I remember I really challenged myself to start doing it on my own. This summer, discover American Giant's timeless, high-quality clothing made right here in the USA. Every piece is designed for quality and style that's built to last. From vintage-style tees to tough tank tops, breathable polos to lightweight sweatshirts, you can find your perfect fit. Celebrate American craftsmanship and support local communities with every stitch.

I was like, you know what? If no one wants to do it with me, I'm going to do it on my own. So I'm going to try and do whatever it is that I desire on my own. If other people want to join me, great. If they don't, they don't have to because I have myself. And I'm going to do it on my own.

And I cannot recommend this more enough. Like try and do things on your own that you want to do, that something is calling your name, even if no one else is vibing with you. I'll give you guys an example. A couple months ago, I really wanted to go to this retreat called

with the spiritual teacher that I've been following for a while and I saw that she was hosting a retreat around two hours from my house and I was like oh my god I have to go like I need to make this happen and no one else wanted to go with me like none of my friends could make it so I was like you know what I'm gonna go by myself it's fine I already know that I can do these things on my own and I know there's gonna be gifts and blessings on the other side of it so I get to this retreat I'm by myself

And guys, when I tell you that I met my soul sister there, that is where I met one of my closest friends now, Nicole. And we just connected so fast. We had this like soul connection. We just understood each other on a different level. And we have just been such fast friends ever since. And I'm so grateful for the universe for connecting us. And she also went to this retreat by herself. And so I thought about it. If I had actually gone to that retreat with a friend,

maybe my energy wouldn't have been as open and receptive to meeting new people because I would probably been with a current friend I already have and so sometimes you're supposed to do things alone because when you are by yourself you're actually much more receptive to new people new energy and new connections because you don't have all this other energy around you this also really applies well to dating I think that if you are a woman and you're looking to attract

better and higher value guys into your life you need to stop going out first of all to low environments like yes I do I actually have a friend who met her husband at a club so never say never but I do think first of all it's putting yourself in environments where you can meet these types of people but also furthermore is going to these places by yourself

Because you are much more approachable when you're on your own, standing in your power. And I'm not saying like be super approachable when you're letting like random creeps come up to you. But you know, your energy is more open. Let's say you go to some seminar or you're in university and you go to some event or you go even out to the beach or to a nice restaurant. It's like when you are by yourself in that moment, you're much more approachable. Think about it. If you were sitting with five or six of your girlfriends,

then you are much less approachable. It's a lot more intimidating for a man to come up to you and ask you out, ask for your number. You know, and there are still amazing men who do that, who have a lot of courage. But guys, remember at the end of the day, men also have insecurities. Even the most confident men, they still need, it takes a lot of balls to ask, you know, a person out. And I think as women, it's really important to also be cognizant of that and remember that.

And, you know, lift men up when they do that, when positive men come up to you and ask you out. And it's really important because it helps heal the divine feminine masculine. But this is not what this podcast episode is about. But basically what I wanted to say is that's the power of being by yourself and spending time alone. You become much more approachable to blessings, to gifts, to positive energy. And again, always protect your energy. Don't go alone in places that are unsafe or that you don't feel comfortable. But what I'm just saying is like go out.

Get out of your comfort zone a little. Do things on your own even if no one else is vibing with you because maybe there's a reason you're supposed to do certain things on your own. Some of the biggest blessings that came out of my life were things that I did on my own where I traveled places on my own. I went to a conference on my own. I went to a coffee shop on my own and I ran into this person or whatever. There's always like when you are on your own, it's like your own path and your own energy and so you're in very much alignment with

So things can come very easily to you without much resistance. When you're constantly surrounded by other people, remember you're constantly exchanging energy. I have a whole podcast episode on it. But enjoy spending time by yourself and do things on your own and get out of your comfort zone. It's really important for you to learn how to fill up your own cup.

Not just like physically with your money or with your health, but with your emotions. Like getting yourself to a place where you are emotionally sustainable and self-sufficient and you don't need other people to make you feel a certain way because if that's how you're operating in your life right now, then you're going to keep attracting codependent relationships, even toxic relationships because you're

when okay this is super interesting I didn't even think I'm going in a lot of different directions with this episode but I feel like everything that's coming to me is like a message from the universe and I'm just here passing it on but I think it's really important as women when you start to notice that you're actually attracting emotionally unavailable partners or relationships into your life

and you don't understand why, I am here to tell you that there is a part of you that even on an unconscious level is emotionally unavailable. I'm not here to tell you that if you're attracting narcissists into your life, then you're a narcissist. I'm just here to tell you that

We can only attract things into our space, into our sphere that are a vibrational match. So if you find yourself constantly attracting the same types of relationship where it's always emotionally unavailable, then you have to ask yourself, is there a part of me that doesn't commit to my emotions or my relationship with myself as much?

Again, there's no self-shame here. There's no one shoe fits one box. Like I'm just here to share with you this concept that if you keep attracting these emotionally unavailable people into your life, then maybe there's a part of you that either is emotionally unavailable and doesn't have that solid relationship with yourself or doesn't value and love yourself enough that you keep accepting that treatment.

Both scenarios connect to the idea of you becoming your own soulmate and you learning how to enjoy your own company. Because when you finally learn how to enjoy your own company, you do not have time nor energy for these codependent, emotionally unavailable, or even toxic cycles. Your energy, it's not even a match. It's like, what is this? It's like a fly on the wall. You're not even entertaining that. This is why it's so important to learn how to fill up your own cup of

emotionally, how to tend to your emotions, how to feel your emotions. Stop running away from your feelings. Stop filling the void and start feeling how you feel.

Because only by feeling your emotions can you truly heal and level up. If you keep avoiding your emotions, and I'm also talking about negative emotions, I'm not here to tell you positive all day long. I'm not here to tell you that. I think that's not sustainable. I think it's not true. And I think that any person that tells you that you constantly have to think happy thoughts because your thoughts manifest all the time, it's a lie. Not every single one of your thoughts manifests. Your energy is what manifests.

And if your energy is about feeling and being authentic, then you're only going to manifest more positive things into your life and more blessings and more opportunities for growth. Okay, so I want to share with you guys to end this episode a ritual that you can do to increase your relationship with yourself and really become your own soulmate.

And this is actually something that I saw a woman, I forget her name, but she was basically interviewed in this article and she was talking about how she did this with herself. If I find her name, then I will link it in the episode notes. But she was basically talking about how she became engaged to herself.

She literally did like this whole ceremony. She was talking about how she did a ceremony with her friends and she bought herself a ring and she got a tattoo and she basically like decided that, you know what, in this lifetime, I'm going to be engaged to myself no matter what.

And I thought that that was a really interesting concept and I think that you can apply it into your life in your own way. Like, you don't have to, you know, tattoo yourself with something permanent for the rest of your life or if you're single, you don't have to wear an engagement ring on your finger so that you can still have, you know, open and receptive energy to your partner coming into your life. But,

The way that I applied it into my own life after reading that article, I was like, you know what? I really like this concept of being engaged to myself. And I was just like, you know what? I'm going to start embodying that energy. Like, what would it feel like to be engaged to myself? Well, if I was engaged to myself, then I would treat myself like a queen. I would spoil myself with gifts, with love, with affection. I would romanticize my life. I would

I would prioritize my needs and my wants and my desires. And I really started to embody that relationship and that energy into my life. And I really advise you to start doing the same. Think about how you want to do your own engagement with yourself.

Maybe you're going to do a ritual, like you're going to light a candle, you're going to journal about it. Maybe you're going to buy yourself a ring. Maybe you're already married and you want to just get engaged to yourself, you know, to your spirit. Like this is the idea of getting engaged to your spirit and to your soul no matter what. Because again, the most important relationship of your life is the one with yourself. So figure out a way to like make it a ritual and get engaged to yourself, girl. Get yourself engaged. Don't wait for other people to fill that void in your life and fall in love with your life now.

as it is whether you're single whether you're seeing someone whether you're married whether you're a mom with kids like figure out how to commit to that relationship with yourself and I really think that rituals are a great way to do that think about how you know in culture and society like that's what's been keeping all of our identities is rituals and philosophies and religious things that people are doing like all these things are rituals at their court so figure out a ritual

Maybe it's lighting a candle. Maybe it's buying yourself a ring. Maybe it's taking yourself on a vacation and eloping. I don't know. Figure it out. Figure out what lights you up. It could be big or small. And get engaged to yourself, baby. Because remember, you are your own soulmate.

You are the love of your life. And remember that if you want to embark more on this self-love journey with me, we are doing a 21-day self-love challenge starting July 1st. I'm super excited. All of the info and the tickets are in the episode notes. Thank you guys so much for listening to this podcast episode. Please make sure to leave a review and leave a comment on what you guys thought about this episode. And I will see you next week.