Grandma Needs to Do Whatever It Takes
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Thanks for listening to my call of the day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Julie, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. I will. I'm going to take a long story and try to make it as short as I can. So please interrupt me and ask me any questions in between.

My husband and I have been married for 40 years. We have two grown children. Both are married. Our daughter and son-in-law have three children. Two of the three children, the two oldest, had severe life-threatening medical problems when they were... The second one, when she was born, the first one, when he turned five, he was diagnosed with... Was this genetic? Yeah.

Oh, no. Leukemia. No. Yeah. At five, he was diagnosed with leukemia. His sister was, let's see, she was three at the time or not three. Yeah, she was three at the time. But when she was born, she was diagnosed with microcephaly to start out with, which they misdiagnosed. She ended up having epilepsy.

and a lot of other medical things that I won't go into because it's, it's not pertinent to my question. Anyways. And so she is, she's doing okay now. I'll just leave it at that. All the, they didn't expect her to live, but, and she, she is, she's doing, she's doing everything they said that she would not do. And, and I, I, I,

I based that on how hard my daughter and son-in-law and the rest of the family have worked to help. And then there's a baby. The baby now is eight, but at the time she was nine months old when all of this was going on. So we had serious family things happening, and all of us in the family banded together and filled in all the gaps.

For for several years, four years. So and and that I expected and everybody stepped up and everybody did really well. The problem came in is my husband and I believe that our daughter has PTSD from all of this.

And about four years ago, she was talking to me and she told me, she said that she was unhappy in her marriage. And I'm thinking after everything we've been through, you're going to tell me this. And so she was saying that she wanted to get a divorce. And I was very adamant about, no, you cannot get a divorce. You have three children. That ship has sailed. You can get a divorce when the youngest is 18.

That was my hard life advice to her. I was from a divorced family. Okay. Let's see. So ever since then, I never realized, I guess, how much she resented me saying that because she, at that point, I found out later, said that I was not emotionally there for her.

Anyways, things have kind of been spiraling since then. And so in about three years ago, I told her that her and her husband need to go see a counselor. You guys got to figure this thing out because there's the kids will be collateral damage. And I would not change my opinion of that at all.

Anyway, so I, I, she and I never spoke about that again. Three years ago, she went to see some sort of a therapist, life, energy, something. Oh, geez. I don't know. And,

I know. Yeah. And ever since that, everything has just gone like the whole train has gone off the tracks. And she is she's combative and she she. OK, Julie, Julie, Julie. Yeah. Dead horse. Stop eating it. Did you know that skin care can start in the laundry room?

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How old are the grandkids? They're 13 now, 13, 11, and 8. Okay. Spend as much time as you can with the grandkids. Your daughter's a little bit of a lost cause at this point. So schmooze up to her all you need so that you're there for the grandkids. Because I doubt with her state of mind, I don't know anything about her husband, but they probably need you.

So do what you need to do. They're acting like they don't need us at all. I mean, they're... I know that. I know that. Well, who? Who? Your daughter and her husband are acting like that or the kids? Well, it's a very hub and spoke relationship, family. Okay, Julie, I'm trying to get to something with you. Don't make it difficult for me. Is it possible for you to spend a lot of time with the grandkids? Yes or no? I try to as often as I can, yes.

That's your point now. Your point is not... Ma'am, your point is no longer your daughter. I'm trying to train your eyeballs to look in the proper direction. Okay. Be nice to her. Give no more opinions and spend as much quality time as you can with the kids. They need it. Your relationship with your daughter, put it aside for the greater good of the grandkids. Okay. Just be nice to her. Stop trying to fix it. Okay. Okay.

She went to a type of person who would solely agree with her. So leave it alone. It was very difficult to have kids with all these needs and then another baby. That was very painful. Some people handle it better than others. Right now, you're needed by the grandkids, not by her. Okay. If she limits...

She used the grandchildren as a tool. Do whatever it takes to schmooze the crap out of her so that you can see the grandkids. Agree with her. Apologize. I don't care what you do. Okay. The kids are in the middle of this and they're suffering. They need you. So do what it takes to schmooze the hell out of her. Well, let me take the pressure off you. You know, you've had so much pressure. You're right. And I should have been more thoughtful about that. I'll take the kids to the park. I'll do whatever. Okay. Do whatever it takes.

Do whatever it takes. That's moral and legal and reasonable. I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit DrLaura.com. Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

Amazon has everything for every kind of birthday. Whether that's a three-tier cake stand. Happy birthday! Comet balloons for your son's space-themed party. Or gifts like a karaoke machine for that friend who never stops singing. From cake stands to karaoke machines, shop everything for every party on Amazon.