Refresher: I Can't Get Over My Ex
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Time now for a refresher from my Dr. Laura Call of the Day archives. And remember, you too can participate on my live radio program heard weekdays from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Sarah, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. You're welcome. What can I help with?

I, in 2020, I was dating a man and I had fallen in love with him. But because I listened to you all the time, I realized that love was not enough because I caught him lying to me many times and I caught him being with another woman. And so I ended it.

However, I obsess about him all the time, many times a day and often, and it's wrecking my life. Do you have any idea why you're making the choice to constantly think of him? I miss him, but I don't know. I'm sure that's true, but that's not why you're obsessing. But I'm sure it's true. There were probably, I mean, he was a womanizer, so he knew how to play women.

So there are a lot of good things to remember because he knows how to play women. Yeah. What else? What else do you think could be causing this? I think this has been a pattern in my life because I was abandoned by my father. So every relationship with a man you've had, obviously they didn't all work. You obsessed each time. No. Especially if they ended it with me and I felt unlovable and unworthy. You've been to therapy.

Yes, I have. Yeah, I know. Nobody outside of therapy says unworthy. I have another explanation. Okay. It's self-protection so you won't get hurt again. If you let him go and start dating, having fun with people, he has a chance you're going to get hurt again. If you obsess about yesterday, then we don't worry about what tomorrow might bring. Think about it. If all I'm thinking about is...

Yesterday, oh my God, yesterday, oh my God, yesterday. There's no time to worry or move into tomorrow. So I think you've been in enough therapy to deal with the unworthy and all that stuff. I think you've probably worked that out pretty good. But there are two things that happen when we just obsess about a breakup. One, we don't assess what we did that we need to learn from and from now on do differently, either in how we make a choice, what we tolerate. The second part is we

If I sit here and I'm just so upset, then I protect myself from any harm tomorrow. So those are the two things I will leave you to work on. One, what did you learn from this that you needed to learn? Because you were thinking or doing something wrong. In fact, I'm going to put you on hold if you want to. I'll take the break. And if you want to continue this, we can. So if you have a piece of paper or if you've got a good memory, number one is what should you be learning from how you handled this man?

Okay? And the other part is obviously staying safe. So I'm going to put you on hold. You can tell Gabby if you'd like to stay on hold so I can take a break. And if you'd like to come back and tell me what you should have learned, which we don't if all we do is obsess with missing him.

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from this last relationship? To stop being desperate for male validation. And when somebody shows me who they are, believe it. Yeah. See, once you say those two things out loud to yourself, you don't have to fear tomorrow. Thank you, Dr. Laura. You're very welcome. My number, she got it right on the bunny. Right on the button, rather, bunny. She got it right on the bunny. Right on the money.

Whatever. My number 1-800-375-2872. If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place to listen to my podcast. Of course, I'd love if you gave me five stars and be sure to share this podcast with a friend on Facebook or your preferred social media platform.

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