Refresher: I Wasn't There For My Dad's Death
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Time now for a refresher from my Dr. Laura Call of the Day archives. Remember, you can hear my live radio program weekdays, 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Donald, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. Thank you for taking my call. Thank you. What's up? Um,

I don't know where to start, really. I had COVID in December, the first week of December of 2020. And my father had open heart surgery on December 31st of that month. And

I wasn't able to be at his surgery, even though I wanted to be there. I was still recovering from COVID. I had it pretty bad, although I didn't have any breathing issues or anything. And I talked to my father the night before because I wanted to be there. He told me to stay home, not to

not to try to be there because I wasn't, I lived like a hundred miles away from where the surgery was going to be. So I wasn't sure that I was up to driving that far. So he told me to stay home and take care of myself. And the surgery at the time I had, well, the night before I had a very, very bad feeling that the surgery wasn't going to go well. And the surgery was,

Went well, they said. He had a valve that was being replaced. He had an abscess from the valve, and it was being replaced. And he come out of the surgery okay, but he never recovered. And he passed away later that night. And I'm just struggling with the regret.

and not being there for him and being there for my mother. Forgive me in the midst of all your pain, but this is an important correction. It's not regret. It's sadness. Regret implies that there's something voluntary in this. And there was nothing voluntary in this. Your dad knew you loved him. He knew you wanted to be there. He never woke up after the surgery. You talked to him and you gave him an opportunity to act like your daddy.

No, son, stay home and take care of yourself. So his last interaction with you was to be your dad. That's pretty neat. It's not regret. It's not regret is only appropriate when there was a choice. I could have been mad. Donald, if you're just going to say silly things like that, I can't help you. This is a real tragedy. Your dad was thinking about you. That's wonderful for him.

There was no way for you to really be there. He was taking care of you. And that gave him happiness. That's what people have been telling me. Everybody's been telling you that? That same thing that I just said? Really? Everybody? Pretty insightful friends you have.

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I know. Must irritate the hell. It's not funny. That's not a good nature. I know. I get it from my father. Well, that's a choice. And you can regret being stubborn.

Because your friends and other people who love you are trying to help you and you really are just spitting in their face. I'm going to hang on to this and it is my mantle to wear and it's mine and I'm just going to keep that and I regret I was bad. I wasn't there. I mean, if that's how you face all these things, you frustrate people who care about you. Doesn't that matter to you? Doesn't that matter to you? Doesn't that matter to you? Yes.

Well, then there's nothing to try. Then there's nothing to try. If everybody who loves you trying to help you making rational, reasonable assessments, and you decide you're just going to stay unhappy and miserable no matter what they do, that's a pretty terrible thing to do to them, to indulge yourself like that. I'm trying. Okay. Well, I'm glad you're trying. I don't believe a word of it, but I'm glad you're trying.

you're saying you're trying i'm not even glad with that no i'm not going to lie trying i am trying if you were trying this phone call wouldn't have happened today the way it did and since you think you're trying let's give it a shot we're starting this conversation all over again donald welcome to the program what can i help you with

My father passed away in December of 2020 after an open heart surgery, and I couldn't be there because I was recovering from COVID. And I'm sad about that. That's very reasonable to be sad about that. I'd be sad about that too. One of the things I'm not able to do, as good as I am about other things, I can't cure normal. It is very normal and very understandable to be sad.

Fortunately, you had over half a century of love between you and your dad. True. Tell me a good story about your dad, something that might make me laugh. There's an Irish pub here in town that they, whenever they come to town, that he, they have excellent food, and they always like to eat.

go there to eat whenever they come to town and one time we went there and my father didn't drink very often but we went there one time and he wanted to have a southern comfort and coke when we were there so he he ordered one while we were there and when we were there he he wanted to

He wanted to have his picture taken with it and send it to his uncle. He never believed that my dad went to an Irish pub to start with. So he wanted to take a picture of him having a drink at an Irish pub and send it to his uncle. So that's what we did. That's cute. And today, that's the picture I have on a necklace that I wear of my father.

That's outstanding. That is outstanding. That is so cute. Thank you, Donald. I loved that story. That's one of my favorite pictures of my father. He's got a big old grin on his face, too. What a wonderful memory. I appreciate your call. Thank you. I appreciate you talking with me. You're very welcome. My number, 1-800-375-2872.

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