Some Family Fallouts Are a Blessing in Disguise
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Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Ellen, welcome to the program. Hi, Dr. Laura. How are you? Good. What can I help you with?

Well, I'm really nervous and I'm hoping I can explain this in the right way for you to understand and answer the questions that you might have. To give you just a quick little background, I have one older sister, one younger sister. My parents have been married for 40 years. And how old are you? My mom was a state. How old are you? Okay. Go ahead.

You're a married lady? No, ma'am. I'm single with no children. Just a little dog. Okay. Okay, go ahead. My mom was a stay-at-home mom. My dad worked, and they got married very young. And then I had my older sister shortly after. And then I came, and then my younger sister came. Growing up was...

not the best. I remember my parents arguing a lot and just a lot of arguments occurring and they progressively got worse growing up. And now that I'm older, I've realized what that hearing all that, what maybe that has done to me in my adult years. But anyways, why I'm calling is I

I, so I had a work event that I had to go to and do a training and I had to bring some supplies with me which weren't going to fit in my car. In the past, my dad has allowed me to use his car to be able to transport those things. They were out of town. And

I realized that I needed to use his car, so I went to their house, grabbed their car, driving to this event. I just want to, had they given you permission? No, ma'am. Oh, you couldn't make a phone call and say, hey, dad, can I borrow your wheels? Exactly. Why didn't I? And looking back on it, there was no excuse. So why didn't you? Without the excuses, why didn't you?

He might say no. I don't know. Don't say I don't know. That's a lie and I don't accept it. Yes, no, you're right. I was feeling anxiety. It was a big training that I was doing myself and I was just feeling the pressure of that. And I wasn't thinking in the back of my head, yes, but I was in the past they have allowed me to use it before.

I was wrong. I really have no excuse. Well, were you afraid that they might not say yes or your dad might not say yes? No, no, not at all. That's weird. I don't think that's weird. If you weren't scared of him making that call. OK, so you took the car and then what happened? I know. I know. I'm on my way there and I get into an accident.

What happened? Tell me what happened. Tell me what happened. I was at an intersection and a car was coming to my left and ended up hitting my passenger side of the car. And they ended up totaling the car. But let me back up a little bit. Initially, when I told my parents this, their reaction, rightly so, was not happy. However, the things that they said to me, Dr. Laura, were true.

Things that no parent should probably say, let alone any human being should say. Well, I'm sorry. You're going to have to tell me what did they say and who was they? Mom, dad, both? What was said? My mother and father were texting me both separately. I got called worthless. Okay. Well, you've got your phone in your hand, right? Yes, ma'am. Well, call up the text. Please read them to me. Okay. One second.

Yeah, no problem. No rush.

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Um, well, I can't say one of them because it's some swear words, but, um... Then just say F word, S word, you know, but read the whole thing. I need to hear it. F word, F word, F word. You're worthless. How dare you take our car without asking? You stole it. You're a thief. I hate you. I can't believe you've done this to us. Um, let's see. Let me go to my dad's text messages. Um...

You steal. You're as bad as addicts. You supposedly take care of. You get some kind of excitement by doing things without asking. We are robbing the PPA Peters. Hey, Paul, I hate you. I can't believe you did this to us. Obviously, there's some history beyond the car. So the indication from one of them was this is a pattern. So what else are they talking about?

So I don't want it to sound like an excuse because it's not that, but I'm always the one in my family where I get blamed for things. Like I've taken something without asking, I get blamed, but yet my two other sisters can do it, but I'm the exception. I've always kind of been the one that they're a little bit harder on, I guess, and maybe that's where that's coming from. Yeah.

It's the first time they wrote or said, I hate you. It's just the first time you've heard that? Not by my father. I've heard it worse from him, to be honest with you. I guess growing up, I always felt like when I made a mistake, it was the worst thing ever. I was never allowed to make a mistake, so I was always afraid to make a mistake. And when I made a mistake, I was afraid to tell the truth. What do you think made you different to them? Because it's both of them. That's curious. So what do you think...

Made you different than the other girls? I learned different. I wasn't able to go to college, and I learned a lot different than my two other sisters. I'm talking about from zero to 18. What made you different from zero to 18 years? Nothing, I guess. Something did. What do you mean, nothing? Obviously, something is different.

So again, the way my personality is and the way I process things, I would say I'm a lot different than my two other sisters as far as being able to look at things and so forth. Well, describe that to me some more so I understand it. I think outside the box. If there's a situation or a problem, I'll find a way. I'll work through that problem. I won't freak out.

I just, I always find a way. And even when there's a bad situation, I try to find a positive. Okay. You lied to me a little bit ago when I said, why didn't you call and get permission? You knew damn well, because you said there's a history of this. So why did you risk it? You're right. I was afraid, I guess. Yeah. Okay. So who pays for the car? How does this work now?

The insurance company is totaling it out. They'll receive a check and they'll get a new one. But currently they're not speaking to me. And this has really put a dent in our relationship. Which sounds like it wasn't good. Well, you never had one. True. Good point. Well, maybe this is a blessing because you didn't have the courage to let go. Yeah. And it's also allowed me to, you know, kind of focus on my own life and not, you

spend so much time with them as much as I was before. Sounds like this is a blessing. Okay. So there's nothing I should do as far as like apologizing more or like trying to... I am so sad to hear you talk like that. Oh my God, you're such an abused child. Maybe I can apologize. I know they hate me and they wish me dead. But maybe if I apologize, I can have the fantasy that my parents love me. I'm so...

Sad to hear you talk like this. Growing up wasn't the best. Here's your opportunity to break free. It won't be easy, but here's your opportunity. Okay. You might want to go into counseling to help yourself with the transition because it's not going to be easy. Okay. I'm willing to do it. I mean, I want to grow and be healthy. Good. Keep that motivation. Embrace it.

I'm Dr. Laura Schlesinger. My number 1-800-375-2872. You're just a click away from some terrific deals being offered by companies that get the Dr. Laura stamp of approval. Visit drlaura.com. Click on sponsors to take advantage of the special discounts available to Dr. Laura listeners like you.

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