Why is My Preschooler Behaving This Way?
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Thanks for listening to my Call of the Day podcast. You can hear my live radio program Monday through Friday from 2 to 5 p.m. Eastern Time on Sirius XM Triumph 111. Amy, welcome to the program. Hello. So I have the

three and a half year old and up until about two weeks ago she has been fiercely independent with her bedtime routine she wants to pick out her clothes her pajamas turn on the light we have the echo device pick her book and do all all of the things so we've allowed it it's been great it's been wonderful and now all of a sudden the last few days she absolutely refuses to turn on her light

So we've tried like, okay, well, if you don't want to do some things that big kids do, we won't do the other things, thinking that would kind of maybe inspire her to. Well, that was punitive. That was punitive. Do what we think you ought to do or we're going to punish you. Wow. Okay. Yeah, no, no. I guess she just wants more. Did something traumatic happen to her?

Well, she was born with a congenital heart defect. She's had three open heart surgeries and three general surgeries. No, in the last couple of weeks, has something traumatic happened to her? You said this behavior just is recent. So I'm trying to, just before I give any other, I need some more insight. Has anything else changed? Are you pregnant? Are you adopting another kid? Did something happen? So think for a moment.

There's been no change in routine for anything. Okay, then mother her. Say, I'll lay the clothes out. Pick which ones you'd like and I'll lay them out. Okay, so continue to give her the choices and just turn the light on for her and do what she doesn't want to do. She's three and a half years old. She's not an automaton. Right. Right.

We want to encourage the independence. No, you don't encourage independence at three years old. No, no, no. You encourage co-dependence. You encourage cooperation. You encourage sharing. You don't encourage a three-year-old to run her life. Okay. This Father's Day, help dad be all he can be with a gift from the Home Depot because he's not just dad. He's the handyman of the house.

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So go buy some books. I just feel like she'd like, well, I don't care how you feel. You notice I didn't ask you that because the irrational feelings of parents are just something that usually get in the way. Well, I mean, at what point do we say, you know, these are the things you need to do as part of the household when she's about 12, when she's about 12 until then, mommy needs your help. You want to pick up that plate and bring it to mommy. Thank you very much.

Mommy needs help. You want to pick that up and help me with that? And if she just wants us to do everything for her, we should? You think I'm going to say yes to that? I just want to make sure I understand. No, that was a hostile question. You may not realize it, but that's a hostile question. That's where I'm trying to navigate. You just want us to do everything? You just want us to do everything? That's a hostile question, even though you said it with a nicer attitude. Dramatic changes generally means something happened.

But you're telling me nothing happened. Maybe you better explore that a little more. Okay. Rather than trying to make her conform, find out what happened. It appears that our expectations about mommying and daddying have changed. Or something bad happened and she's needing to feel safer. Okay. Something happened. So rack your brain. Tell your husband to rack his brain. Do you have any other kids in the house? No, she's our only child.

Has she been alone in anybody else's house? No. Okay, good. That's a good start. But figure out. At some point, you can ask her. I used to talk to my son by we'd lay on the floor on the rug in his room looking up at the ceiling. Gently, you ask questions like, yesterday, you wanted to pick your clothes. Today, you'd like me to pick your clothes. That's interesting.

If you ask a kid why, they usually say, I don't know. So you just drop it out of the air like that. Yesterday, you wanted to pick your clothes. Today, you'd like mommy to pick your clothes. That's interesting. And since they're not being challenged, it usually means they'll start talking. But it scares me that you were elated with a kid who wanted to be totally autonomous at such a young age and then you wanted it to continue.

I think it comes from her being in the hospital bed for so long as we wanted her to be able to do the things she wants to do. I see. Let me cogitate for a moment on that. You took it too far. You made a leap that because that was the case, that we should shift over into a kid who was in charge of everything because she couldn't be in charge of anything. Okay. It's too big a leap.

I don't know about you, but when I get into a swimming pool, it's like literally one toe at a time. I know it's smarter to leap, but, you know, transitions are important. So she may just want more mothering. You may not have been aware of how much you were supporting that because you believed it was psychologically good for her. And that was not a bad thing. I'm not saying that was a bad thing, but I think it got a little cemented into your head that this is the way it should always be. Okay.

So as a transition, I would recommend, do you want to pick the book or your clothes? I mean, this is another thing. I gave you the lying on the floor. Do you want to pick the book or your clothes? So we have that things will be done for her and she can make decisions. That way, it's both worlds. You didn't do anything wrong. Your heart is always in the right place. I think you've been so traumatized.

by that hospital chaos and fear that sometimes it makes us a little rigid. We think, this will make it better. Just loosen up a little bit. Actually stand up and jiggle your whole body. It helps your mind loosen up a little bit, and you'll be fine. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. I think this is mostly about...

How traumatized you were, which is understandable. I mean, we would rather our fingers and toes be eaten by a crocodile than see our kid hurt, you know. My number, 1-800-375-2872. Check out my social media on Facebook and Instagram. I post stories, photos, and videos seven days a week and feature some of what you've sent me to.

There's always something interesting going on there. You can find me at facebook.com slash drlaura and instagram.com slash drlauraprogram. This Father's Day, help Dad be all he can be with a gift from the Home Depot. Because he's not just Dad, he's the handyman of the house, the plumber in a pinch, and the emergency mechanic.

Upgrade his gear this Father's Day with the Husky Mechanics 270-piece tool set from The Home Depot. Now on special buy for $119, a $695 value. For every kind of dad, find the perfect gift this Father's Day at The Home Depot.