Shownotes Transcript
You haven't been hungover in like a long time, or no? No, I haven't been hungover in probably like five years, four years. That is so insane. Because I'm with Kai. Like my last like hangover was...
like a year ago at this point. That's also a complete lie. I was like, I've been on my medicine since August. So like before then, I think actually right before I got the last, the call I had with my psychiatrist when he prescribed Prozac, I was suffering the worst hangover. Like because the night before I had so many drinks, um,
like hanging out with Orion. And I kind of was like, so happy to hear that I couldn't drink anymore. Because I was like, thank God, because I, to me now, like, or even at that point, too many drinks was, I had four drinks within the span of like, four hours. And I think I had like half or a sip of the fifth drink. And I was like, and I ate a big meal and like drink a bunch of water and had electrolytes before I went to sleep. And I still woke up like,
Drew, was definitively the last time you drank the sidewalk thing? I think so. I think that was it. That was like the last time I like drank, drank. What did you experience when you were like passed out or was it just like completely? It was darkness. It was pure darkness? I was screaming in my head. I've said this a billion times. I was literally screaming like call an ambulance like please. I
I was like, I remember you were saying that like, you felt like you couldn't even like project. Now looking back at that, it is insane. And I'm like, holy shit. That's why now when I meet a 21 year old or a 22 year old, it sounds like such an annoying old head thing to say, but I genuinely look at them and I'm like, wow, you are like, you're young to me because I look at me at 21 and I'm like,
my God, because now as an adult, I'd be like fucking call an ambulance. Like I'm still like, I feel still very young. I feel like I still have growing pains when I go to sleep. Oh no, literally. Yeah. I think, well, I'm only 30. So I feel like there's still some growing. No, I'm not kidding. I'm like the last year I have felt like a teenager in a way I can't describe. And I'm like,
Jesus fucking Christ. Like, I'm like, oh my God. I thought, I remember at 22, I have a TikTok somewhere where it was like me being like, I can feel, I feel my age now, 22 or like some dramatic thing. It was 25. No, that, because 25 is actually when I was like, that was when I was like, oh God. That's when the brain develops. And that's when I started to feel like a teenager again. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like the year before that, I was like, I am so old.
I've got it figured out. And then it just... Well, I still buy shoes that are a little bit too big because I'm going to grow into them. Because they're full of sand. So he can have a sand pocket. You low-key should do that. You should find one of those YouTube engineers. And I have two guys in mind who I don't know off the top of the head, but they're the people who I watch to fall asleep. Which actually sounds crazy, but I can get through two videos and buy the third one. I'm like...
because they have really good voices do you know what i'm talking about i've talked to you about him one of these guys is like in his basement he has a huge fucking studio where he just does like it's what i thought high school was going to be because he does demonstrations of physics to like help explain how things are made like bridges dams how they do like garbage sites how that works and all that shit i'm like oh okay visual learner is that nile red
No, I love Niall. Niall is the chemist, right? Yeah. Oh, I fuck with him. Freaky ass channel. He'll turn us Snickers into alcohol or something. He'll turn a chocolate chip cookie into gold. I was thinking earlier because you showed me that fuck ass video of Criss Angel. That's my dream. Here, let me show you. You have to show Kai. This was what I opened my eyes to this morning, by the way. Like,
I woke up and Drew came into my room and this is the first thing he showed me. I want to do this so bad. It would make me so happy. At this point, okay. Wait, how do you spell his name? I think it's like- Oh, Criss Angel? C-H-R-I-S or he's some freaky bitch and it's C-R-I-S like Christina. Criss Angel Instagram. Mind freak.
You know what's fucked up is I was talking to someone about this the other day. I, when that movie Now You See Me came out, I don't even want to think about how old I was because I think I was a bit too old to be this obsessed. But I became hyper fixated on magicians and I became hyper fixated on Criss Angel. And I like that was when YouTube was kind of at its start so you could find clips. So this had to have been like,
Maybe 2011. I was maybe 12. So actually, that's a fucking... That is a child as fuck. So I was acting my age at 12.
I wanted to be a magician so fucking bad because of that movie. The kid that I saved from killing himself, like, when I, like, literally took him out of the noose, was obsessed with magic, and I was so fucking jealous that he got this magic kit. Oh, and wasn't his, like, departing gift and how you knew he was, like, going away? Yeah, he was, like, he started giving away all of his, like, items, like, his, like, Xbox, his PlayStation, like, everything, and he gave me that goddamn magic kit, and I was like, ooh!
Fuck yes, like he gave me a magic kit and he's giving me his PS3 next week like fuck yeah, like this is lit.
Turns out he was planning a suicide. But I saved his life. I saved his life. I was going to say, was it him on Xbox that made you know? But I remember one time you were like, that kid was obsessed with fucking magic. So I started to kind of raise an eyebrow when he gave away the magic kit. Because I was like... Yeah, I was like, wait, hold on. Because I was so jealous of that fucking thing. But yeah, we were in an Xbox party playing Halo. And his like departing goodbye felt really off. And I was like, I went and told my mom. And I was like, that...
Mm-mm. That didn't seem, that didn't seem normal. Like that would like, that wasn't a good goodbye. And he lived up the street and she was like, oh, we'll just like go check on him. So I went up the street to his house, ran around back, opened the back door because his front door, he wasn't opening the door. And I was like, oh fuck, mind you, 12 years old, maybe 13. And I ran around back and crawled through his like brother's bedroom window and like went into his room.
sis was literally hanging hanging on by a thread i had and he was like no shade like like a little bigger than me i was like a little baby like twinkie kid and so i like had to like get up under him and like pick him up off of the noose he's blue oh my god drew that is so then he begged me not to tell his mom oh i didn't tell his mom but my mom told his mom i mean he got sent away oh that's so sad but also like also this chris angel video i found it
Like, what about this makes you a magician or a mind freak? This is what I think about when someone says mind freak. Maybe that does make him a mind freak. That is quite literally a mind freak behavior.
To keep things in perspective, that video is definitely sped up. It's definitely- Oh, no, it is. It is. Is it? Yeah, imagine being there and it's just like- It's like, well, he has other ones of him floating around. Like, that's how long it would take to watch him move across the stage. He's walking down the ladder.
He loves this trick, walking down the fucking ladder. No, okay, okay, okay. Can we please see if he's performing soon? Because I'm not kidding. That is the kind of shit that I genuinely think will bring me joy. Like, we used to do shit like that. We used to, like, go to the fucking, like... A marionette show. A marionette...
Oh, yeah, I guess Bob Baker. Bob Baker. We used to go to Bob Baker. We used to do like stupid shit. We used to go. Going to the zoo was so fun. Oh, do you know what Bob Baker is? No. It was this place that was across the street.
from the block we lived on. And we used to always just walk around that area and we always saw it. And then finally we went and it was cool as fuck because it's literally just puppeteers. It's puppets. Like it's just a puppet show. And I grew up loving the Muppets. So I'm like, damn, I need to start doing shit like that again because that's also when I was the happiest recently is when Josh was obsessed with the Muppets. And I started watching the Muppets again. Like their cover of Take Me to Rio is so good. Have y'all heard the old iPhone alarms like recently? No.
Oh my god. This is my ringtone. That really is it. And it's been it since that song was like a thing. Yeah. So people call me that. Or wait, where is the one that like was cracking me the fuck up? Wow. That song actually like really had longevity because there's a Fortnite skin with it. Oh, I need to make mine that right the fuck now. Wait.
I remember hearing these for the first time and being like, wow, they're like groundbreaking. No, not only that, you know what this is reminding me of? Before there were like apps and shit because I, me and my sibling shared the first iPhone because we had it because the guy. This one, this one, this one. Who had that as their fucking ringtone, bro? Also, I know something's wrong with me because I could keep talking in coherent sentences the whole time he's doing this. Drew just like stare off into the distance while pressing each one of those.
It's like the fucking orangutan video. Also, why is a motorcycle? Bro, it's when they were... That's when we had true innovators. They were throwing shit at the wall and seeing if it would stick. This one, this one. Bro, the meanest shit we've ever done is one time when Orion was leaving our old apartment. We were sticking. That one, wait, do the like goofy... Yeah. I hate that one.
You know what's fucked up is that sound just reminds me of the alien skin on Fortnite. Oh, yeah. The, like, alien sound. Like, that's exactly what an alien looks like. And he's wearing little swim trunks. You already know the freakiest Disney adult you've ever met. Like, she's into it all. She's down, down, down. That's her ringtone. The, like...
The haptic feedbacks on that one are crazy. I know that shit felt good. Yeah, no, it's vibrating down. You know when you get a mosquito bite on the clit of your ankle and you itch it? That's what... Yeah, and you itch it and it feels like it's really like... It's like the greatest feeling of all time. Wow, that was amazing. That's what it feels like when you're itching the mosquito bite on the clit of your ankle. No, it's not.
That's more like a tickle. - Oh, this was my dad's ringtone. Why does this make me sad? Okay, it's not funny anymore. - Dude, my dad always had song ringtones. He always had song ringtones.
And it was fucking awesome. I got because my dad and mom up until like 2015, they were Samsung users. Samsung low key got smart because isn't that like the top distributor of tech in general? Like it's like literally one of the biggest tech companies. And they let Apple get away with having Apple users dig on them for so long. And they were like, yeah, yeah. Like you play your silly games and try to expand your company, but you're like never going to beat us.
And now they just like kind of whooped their asses with the phone. I know. I feel like they weaponized the resentment because now Samsung phones are literally, have you seen what they look like? They're from like the year 2050. I literally think I want a switch and you know what's fucked up? I don't give a fuck. I want the one that opens into a huge. No, that's what I was about to say. There's one that you can open and it's like six screens. Like you fold it open and it's three screens. Like it's so ridiculous and I want it so bad. Also, especially because like,
There's so much used shit. There is so much used shit. I'm just going to switch off. Because Samsung now is, I think, a competitor in terms of prices. iPhones are the craziest thing ever, but I guess... Actually, it is the... Why the fuck is an iPhone and a laptop from them the same price?
I like you can't do shit with this thing. And you can do everything with this thing. Yeah, you could do everything. But everything ever can literally rearrange. Well, you can't do everything. You can't do everything because rain and me went on that trip and I used a camcorder because I'm like, so cool. And I'm like,
I had to give her those files. It's an older system. So the only way to access those files is you have to convert them into MP3s manually. And like, yes, I could sit there and convert them all. But my laptop is fucking full and I don't want to have to deal with it because, oh, my God, I spent so much money on this thing and I'm a freak. And I I'm not like an organized person. I hate the storage on a fucking MacBook. I know. Like, why? Like, how have you not figured it out?
- Make it infinite. - Make it infinite. We used to strive for infinite. We need to go back to getting infinity. - Also, it doesn't make sense to me. Why is ones and zeros taking up physical space? - Clean it up if you're so fucking smart, damn. Some of these files I know damn well you're all up in my shit. Just convert them into smaller files for me. - How is the internet infinite? If I can't have infinite data on my computer,
Wow, it's the internet. I think there's a theoretical limit to the internet size. It's like the amount of silicone. Okay, enough. I'm not fucking with you. I actually do want to know because I'm so confused. I think there's a theoretical... Because silicone is made from...
Sand, I think, essentially. From the shoe of Kai. Well, that's one of the sources. Oh, that's why you carry it so often. He's making silicone. Oh, my God. Actually, you were way smarter than I thought. He's making the internet infamous. Like, I'm so sorry. That's amazing. Okay, honestly, thank you. I actually... Okay, yeah. So, silica... Is there, like, servers and shit? Like...
I think you can view the amount of material that can be converted into silicon. There is a theoretical. I think it's like exabytes. It's like a billion trillion exabytes of rocks that you can convert into silicon. I remember seeing something about that. I wanted to buy a silicon disc off of eBay one time, but it was $500 and I thought I didn't need that. What is silicon? Is that what they make? It's like glass.
Oh, it's glass? Basically. Okay. Right? Okay, so it is just glass because if it's sand, they're just heating up the glass to use. I'm not totally sure. They're heating it. They're just saying to just like make it into glass. Why the fuck? Three dumb bitches. I know. Why is it called silica though? Exactly. I'm like so confused by that, but just keep going. Well, I think basically I think it's like
They turn it into from, I think it's literally from rocks into a version of glass and they etch. Rocks into blue. Circuitry onto it. Yeah. Yeah. I did want to talk about. Oh my God. You can literally get silica.
- Oh, so it's just minerals, cool. - Kai, what were you saying? - Oh, two really important things happened to me last week. I was Sally at the Role Model concert, which for a 30 year old man is like obviously huge. - Huge role, yeah. - Yeah, it's amazing. And then also, so I was on tour with him for like five shows and at the one in LA, Shaboosie came up to me and asked me if I was Ian the rapper.
Yeah. Wow. And you said yes? I said, I wish. And he thought that was really funny. Wow. Wait, why do I love that? Aw. That's sweet. That's a really big step up from the Dua Lipa incident. Yeah. I have no idea what you're talking about. You've got your groundings. Run the clip. I actually don't know. Kai's got a bit of confidence in pepping his step. Well, I actually control the edit, so there's no way that that's going to be. I'm going to get to the bottom.
No, I feel you though because I had like, I can't even make fun of you for the Dua Lipa thing because I cried to a huge celebrity in public this weekend. Literally like sobbed. Wow. That's so sick. Okay, so I was at this like vintage market and I was with friends and it was like really packed. So...
I must admit, I went outside and I smoked because I was like, if I go outside and I smoke, I'm going to come back in here and get hyper fixated on the fact that like, there's just a bunch of clothes and it was like a whole charity thing. And I was like, oh, cool. I could find like a cool thing here. So I like there were a bunch of friends of ours who were there. So I was like talking to them, whatever. I'm on this one floor and one of my friends comes up to me and it's like,
Cynthia is here and like and you like turn around and she's like literally like four foot two floating through the crowd like she's really tiny she's so tiny oh my god I literally like oh I think I like grew up with stan behavior like I only like do so much I only like music so much because that is just my nerd hyper fixation and I don't have that with like actors but I
With Cynthia, I'm like, oh my God, she has knocked both out of the park. So I must stand. Like, I only kind of feel that way with musicians. And I'm blessed enough that like, because of how vocal I've been about like, my love for music, I'm friends with a lot of artists, which is to me, I'm like, like, I, they don't know I'm... Their biggest fan.
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They don't know I know all their lyrics because if I like a song, I have to read the lyrics and memorize them. It's like, I'm not kidding. I think if you look up the word lyrics in my history, it will go forever. Like I...
I want to know what you're saying. Quite literally could not be more opposite. I know, which is nice though. I have been understanding a lot of songs recently though for the first time. I know. Oh, no. Well, you have synesthesia, so that's why. Yeah, I see the lyrics in my head. I paint the lyrics in my mind. What color and shape is a Benson Boone song? Blue circle. I see that, yeah. Ask another. Blue backflip. What color and shape is...
- That's a tricky one because it's not just a single color or shape. It's like an explosion of red and yellow. - It's like one of those four dimensional shapes. - Like a paint splatter. - Yeah, a paint splatter. - It's like a paint splatter. A neon delta paint splatter when she did her fucking talent show. - That's a little funny. What the fuck was I saying? Oh yeah, we were at this fucking market and somebody told me that and I was like, okay,
I'm not going to go up to her because I usually don't go up to people and I was like that's fucking insane and
at the end of it, she like I but I had seen all of my friends going up to her like she was having conversations like she was talking to people and it wasn't like a thing where she was like fully alone. And then at one point, she was like talking to a girl and then she turned around and like went to walk away. And I was like, dude, I don't know why I need to just be like you are amazing because I literally think she's amazing. And I'm like, I never have this like
guttural feeling but I was like I think I was so pulled to it because me and Rain got really close because of my hyper fixation with Wicked and me and Rain love like her and Ariana so much and like we were like we gossip about the fact that like things are being previewed at Comic Con right now whatever I went up to her and I was like I think you were so awesome and I am just such a like
I don't know. I think because I was high, I forgot that I essentially was running up to a fucking beetle. Like she's one of the beetles. Like her to me, her and Ariana Grande, like Drake has made comments about how he's bigger than the beetles. And I'm like, babe, like whatever.
but wicked is the Beatles. Like to me, like to me right now, like I feel that way. Like I feel that strongly. I remember when I didn't like the Beatles and people would like really get passionate to me about it. And I'd be like, whatever that is. I like the Beatles now, but I don't have that passion for that. I have that passion for, for wicked. And I went up to her and I was like, I usually don't do this and I'm so sorry. But like, I used to like,
be that annoying person who was like oh musicals are like whatever I don't really like them I don't like theater like that and my friend who I ended up getting really close to because of this showed me Wicked and like I have like such a newfound respect for what it really is to be a performer and what it is to like be a creative and actually be passionate and like put it in whatever I held her up for way too fucking long because I was just high and ranting to her and then um I saw like a
there was like a photographer there and I saw a photographer coming up and I was like, oh my god, I'm gonna go because I don't want like this on camera because I don't want her to just like be berated because a photographer sees like her in a conversation. And then I was like, she was like, oh my god, thank you. Like that means so much. Like I really love to hear that. And then I was like, I started crying, like tearing up because I started to talk about right now. It's like also it just brought me like so, so close to like somebody who I really love. And I started like to cry and she's like,
my God. Okay. And I was like, then the dark came and she probably thought I was batshit crazy. Cause I go, okay. Yeah. Just had to say that. Please enjoy your day. Thank you so much for hearing me out. And I turned and I ran away. That's really sweet. But yeah, I like went back to my friend who I'd been hanging out with that day. And I just started cracking up because I was, I just looked at him. I was like, she probably thinks I'm batshit crazy. Like I am a crazy person. That was so weird. But like, I was so happy because I was like, Oh,
No, that sounds really sweet. Honestly, like that was lit as fuck. I was so happy. And that's like the first time in a long time I felt like that about a celebrity. And in that way, it made me feel like a teenager again, too, because I was like, well, we were seven days into lockdown. Seven days.
Seven days into lockdown when all of the celebrities got together and made the Imagine cover. We were locked down for seven whole days. What color and shape is that song? Black hole. They really could not handle having zero attention on them for seven days that they got together and did that. Yeah. That shit blew my mind. I saw a girl talking about it on TikTok and I was like,
Bro, the group chat for this probably was insane. There's no heaven. It's easy if you try. They're being dead serious, too. No hell below us. Above us only sky. Imagine all the people. The people that like sing. Living for today.
Yeah. Imagine there is no country left. Wait, that is Josiah. Wait, who is this? Wait, who is that? Who was that? James. That's somebody who edited that song. Yeah. James, what was that? Wait, wait, wait. We need to read. Like, we need to edit ourselves in and cover up. Wait, for real, is this Benson Boone? Oh, wait, I don't know. That is so funny.
I have no idea. Is that like a snowboarder? Well, a random. Someone commented the only thing moving during this montage was my gag reflex. Oh, I thought they were making like a sex joke, but I guess they were gagging at it. They were so gagged by it. That gagged me. That literally gagged me. Also, we have yet to talk about my Beyonce covers.
from the dj said that everybody said was fucking fake they said it was they said it was josiah singing for me no babe insane just six months for six months yeah literally six months and you've gone through hell i don't know i was i literally was in the studio with beyonce getting vocal lessons from no you went and got fucking vocal surgery like there's like a new thing in la where they
Like I'm not even kidding. I'm not lying guys. I'm not lying guys. I didn't want to bring this up They'll put botox like in your vocal cords and you can sing better and you can sing better I got castrated for this So I didn't go through puberty. I think you missed the window To get castrated. No, no, don't say that about him. Don't say that That's not true Don't say that
Oh my God. Oh, well. Also, we're going to run those videos, by the way, and we're going to play them all the way through. People are going to be, no, my Beyonce covers. Oh my God. And people are going to be annoyed, but the world needs to hear my voice. Yeah. Okay.
Dude, watching those back. We'll upload them to Shorts. I genuinely, I think that's the closest. I remember like a couple of years ago, I taught myself how to lucid dream, but I had like a horrible experience where I basically just like awoke in my parents' bathroom and I was like on fire. And then I was like, no. And I like. Wait, that's what you wanted to do? No, I wanted to fucking have sex and fly. But then I like forced myself out of the lucid dream and I was paralyzed for three and a half minutes.
But anyway, watching those videos back is the like closest feeling I have to like lucid dreaming. I know. I hate that it's also red light and I like hate red light with the other hat on top.
Oh my God. Bring in the fucking clowns. Wait, Drew, did you... Oh, we haven't talked about this. The structures they found under the pyramids? Oh, yeah. The eight spirals. I saw that and I was like... I don't believe it. I'm like, I need to see it with my own two eyes. What's crazy is I'll like...
I'm like so skeptical of everything. So I'm like, oh, that's probably AI generated. But then I see that. I'm like, yeah, of course there's batteries. Yeah. Duh. Duh. There's laser beams that shoot. Immediately my brain's like, yes, yes. Of course. There's there's like an Empire State Building tall battery under both of the eight of them. Yes. And they were like, no fucking way.
And I just saw that because I started watching it and I was like, whoa, because everything I see now, I'm like this. I believe everything I see on the Internet. I'm not kidding. Everything that crosses my feet, I believe. I'm like, yep, period. No, some things. Well, I'm also like the we've been over this, like the moon landing. Like, but I really actually on the last plane ride I got on, I really want to go to space. Like, I think I need to go to space soon or I need to do skydiving, which I've always been against. But.
If I die, I die. But if I don't die, I'm scared I might become addicted to skydiving. I was going to say I can't go skydiving or like I can't walk across a bridge or anything because I used to think I was going to die in a car crash. But now I know I'm going to die from falling from a high, like a really high structure. How do you know that? I just have visions. I know what it feels like to be stabbed. It's two OCD bitches being like, exactly.
No, I know what it feels like to be stabbed because I was killed in a past life by a knife. And that's why I'm so scared of being stabbed. Like that's my literal worst fear is being stabbed to death. I'm going to fall from like a really high place and that's how I'm going to die. So I have to like avoid tall buildings. Like I cannot go to the top of the Empire State Building.
- I cannot, also I'm just so tiny. - I can't, I can't. No one's trying to take you to the top of the fucking Empire State Building. - People are. I'm so tiny and thin, one gust of wind would blow me over the edge. - I will say, when we were walking around New York, I did see, you know there's those grates where the subway tracks are? And it pushes wind out of it to like,
dissipate the air pressure this happened to me yeah drew was walking over when it and it lifted him up a couple blocks and i had to like go and get it was like horrible also i'm sorry i'm really trying to find this lady that got caught in a uh like a dust up when it was on and she didn't give a fuck like she got caught in like a little like situation and it's on video and she's like
No, I was gonna say my mom literally that happened to her when she was young and she tells me this story and it like literally makes me cry laughing. She like saw like a violent dust devil probably like 40 or 50 miles per hour and I was like a six-year-old kid just was like I'm gonna
run into it and she ran and stood in the middle of it and she was like it was the worst five seconds of my life like my eyes were full of dust like rocks and debris were hitting me my face or my hair was like whipping across my face and like i had like lines from where my like hair whipped so fast across my face that it left like marks and like just makes me cry laughing with my mom like being like help fuck you know what i want to do like we need to find um no we don't
I'm telling you right now, we literally... They're actually... Like, realistically, there's nothing left to find. Like, I don't want to find anything else. But I do need to go to, like, an arcade where you get in that machine and you have to, like, grab tickets. Oh, that's... I need to do that. The, like, Chuck E. Cheese, like, tornado machine? Yeah. I got invited to the opening of a new Chuck E. Cheese. Really? No. Oh, like, now me interested. I'm like, oh. We should go. Because, like, I realize I'm, like,
I know this is old news. Like this is very, very, very, very old news. They banned poppers. Wait, what? Poppers are gone. Like the company that made poppers in America literally got shut down by the FDA. Wait, what? Yes. Oh, but pop bars are still here? Yeah, exactly. Oh, oh, okay. They took the VCR cleaner away from us. Yeah. Yeah.
I'm not I'm not even kidding. I actually can't believe why did they take the VCR that people are just clean? Saying about it and oh god forbid like people get to sing about the things we love like well No, Kai poppers like open your butthole up. What? Mm-hmm. What? Who's doing so amazing? They got away with being claimed as like a
VCR cleaner for so long ho what like no it's been like 25 years like jungle juice I remember at one point it said like nail varnish or something or like someone that I bought and that kind of scared me because I was like
Okay, this is kind of putting into perspective that I'm just huffing. We really did have like a poppers arc. Dude, I was addicted to poppers. And you was like laying in bed hitting poppers. Like there's no going around it. I have an extremely addictive personality. She had it on her bedside table and she'd like wake up first thing in the morning and hit her poppers.
And that was before I even like smoked cigarettes or puff bars. Like instead of a puff bar, I just was, I had poppers for like three months, but then it left me with like, I have like nauseating migraines now, like all the time. Really? Have we talked about exploding head syndrome? No.
On the podcast? I mean, kind of. Like, we talked about, like, when I fall asleep, I hear explosions. Oh, yeah. I guess we have talked about that. Yeah. But it happened to my roommate's girlfriend. She, like, ran out of the room and she was like, what's going on? Mm-hmm.
And I was like, I'm pretty sure you're just experiencing exploding head syndrome, which you can literally Google, which is fucking insane. So weird. Like when I'm like literally when I'm falling asleep, I haven't actually now that I think about it, had it in so long. But like I will literally hear people whispering my names like in the corner of my room. Like I'll feel like it'll be like, yeah. And then I'll hear like in you like or not in you, but like a voice down the halls like yell my name and I'll like wake up and be like.
what? And then I'll hear fucking like car wrecks and explosions in my fucking head. Like I'll be like literally look out my window. That is insane. See, I don't have that. But also I don't have that because I kind of rarely fall asleep without watching something. I like I can't fall asleep without watching something because if I close my eyes, I will just start like doom prepping for the next day and like like just like
making a list, which I guess we should start journaling again because usually when I journal, I at some point in that will just write out things I feel like I have to do and a lot of them are like fake things because I'm just like anxious to make myself anxious. And that helps, but like, bro, for the most part, I'm throwing on a man who's making physics shit in his basement and I'm gonna learn how the fuck dams are made and why they're important and when they collapse and why it's devastating.
And it's going to be cool. And like, am I going to retain all the information? No, but I wanted to say this is like kind of random, but I never I never really go hard for Halloween. And I think this year I really want to.
do something special i will literally tap in with you pop out with a boner i go hard no i think what i'm gonna do is i'm gonna be poop baby remember that video of the guy and he walks in there's like a baby on the counter it's covered in poop and it's like yeah that was peanut butter baby what wasn't poop baby it was peanut butter baby yeah what are you talking about also like you like had me and then you completely fucking lost me and like now now you're back i was trying to be nice to you now you're back
You're gonna walk around. I thought that was poop baby. Poop all over you. Like get the poop off of me. You do kind of look like that baby. Stop. Thank you. Yeah. You also kind of give. I want to start doing that. Andy Kaufman. Oh, I don't know if I love that. No, you'll have the same eyes. He has like sweet, scary eyes. I have sweet and scary. It's the eyes and the eyebrows. Okay, I'll take that.
Um, I watched the movie Secretary and it really is just
Fifty Shades of Grey if it was good and like people were is that the one with the robot girlfriend that like burns her hand on a candle no no that's a companion which I actually did see and it was like so it was like funny I want to see that movie yeah it was good wait Secretary is actually good dude Secretary is so good but I will say it's the horniest movie I've ever seen I want to watch a good horny movie it's no it's amazing because I like do you want to make a good horny movie yes I like Baby Girl and I still fuck with it because I'm like
I like a movie with kind of no reason other than the fact that like they're horny and I'm like per like that's fine because I'm a perv. I don't fucking know but secretary is like dude. It's so crazy also like performance of a lifetime from Mrs. Like what's her name? Jane Goodall. She has some crazy name. Jane Goodall is the lady. I'm no, I'm sorry. Jane Goodall is having sex in a movie. Not Jane Goodall. She has L.
- And Chelsea kept saying her fucking name to me and I was like, who are you? I don't know her name. And then I looked into it. I was like, oh my God, she's been in so many movies I fuck with and so many movies that are on my watch list. And she did this movie when she was fucking 22, but I don't. - Wait, is that Maggie Gyllenhaal? - Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Jane Goodall. Jane Goodall. Who was Jane Goodall? Jane Goodall. The girl that lived in the jungle. And she was like a scientist. Her pivot to like very horny. Which would be cunt. That actually sounds pretty cool. I would be like, yes, I like love that. The last time I watched Fifty Shades of Grey, I was like, this is really funny and very fun to watch, but I do wish it was like an actual good movie. Well, that's what Secretary is.
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Would y'all break up with your boyfriend if you found out he could do the splits? Honestly, no. That would really make me laugh. That would make me laugh a lot. Would y'all break up with your boyfriend if you found out he could do the splits?
Well, no, if I found out way later, yes. Unless it was like, to me, I'm like, because what? You could do a fucking split? You'd be swooned by it. No, yeah, because I'd be like, dude, that would be so fucking hilarious. Because I wish I could do a flip or a backflip. I would really love to learn how to do some sort of flip. And I've thought about learning to do the splits because imagine just me being drunk as fuck at a party and dancing and doing a split. I want to secretly learn it and then just like,
bring everyone into the living room and be like guys watch this yeah and then just do the split see if that was the scenario this happened i'd be like girl i don't even believe in marriage like but you literally you've brought magic back into the world yeah i don't think i would break up with my boyfriend if i found out can you learn to do the splits for me i'm like pretty close i'm like really flexible i'm just i'm flexible but for some reason the splits
You know what it is? It's because I just think of my skin tearing and it's always been a thing in my head, which the more I talk about things like that, the more it is like. I think about my balls tearing doing the splits. Ew, come on. Like, don't even mention that. Don't even mention that thing. The between like the taint area. Yeah. The seam. Yeah.
what is it the pregnancy stitch or the husband stitch because like it's definitely not the husband stitch no like when uh when girls give birth their like vaginas tear down oh yeah that is the husband it's like we would have to get the husband no way it's not taint because there's like two words for it gooch and taint gooch now what perennial luteal cycle no also t is like everybody's been using like
What's that oil or the beef tallow as moisturizer? First of all, stop putting meat on your fucking face. But I've been using gooch grease, just scraping it.
From the gooch and just like putting it on my face as a moisturizer and it's literally I thought you're gonna say using in your mustache No, no, i've been using it as a moisturizer. Does that work? Uh, no, I think it's like breaking my skin out But it's like a purge era um, okay. Well, I made a list of one two three four five six Seven things that if someone cheated on you Someone hurt you in a really bad way that you were dating um
someone broke up with you and you really want to ruin their life, but like not in like a crazy way. I feel like these are things that you could do to someone that would get under their skin and drive them absolutely fucking bananas, like batshit crazy insane because they'd never find out. They'd never find out. If someone hurts you, put shrimp in their shower rod or sew them into their curtains, like little baby shrimps in the bottom of the curtain so they rot over time and smell bad.
Crack eggs into their heater vent. Like if they have floor vents, like crack an egg into it. Or put a boiled egg in there. Yeah, exactly. Pour oil down the windows of his car. He just...
It's so stupid, bro. Put chia seeds in his drain. Oh, in my head, I was like, oh, that'd be cute, though. But I was like, dude. Oh, that's really good because they expand, right? And they'd also sprout and there'd be like. Oh. But then what if he like becomes the guy who like posts on his TikTok with like a random fucking like sweet song and he's like.
Life finds a way. Yeah, like nature will always grow. Like I will always grow or some shit like that. And then he goes viral and then he gets so much play from it. Get a spray bottle and fill it with milk and spray everything in his house. Like, you know, the fine mister like spray bottles we have. For our hair. Like dusting everything in milk.
- What the hell though? - In two to three days it would smell so bad. - Oh, that's really good. - Yeah, so there's a few little things that you could do to people you don't like. Oh, also, this is the craziest fucking thing ever. I've been keeping tabs on all of the women in my life. All of them, no matter the age, I've been keeping tabs on them.
for this one specific reason, every single girl in my life is complaining that they're balding. I'm not joking. Every single one of them. No matter the age. It's literally the fucking internet. I like, I've been thinking about it so much. I'm like, y'all are going to make me the kind of bat shit like,
natural only like literally which is no shampoo like i'm not kidding i'm like i'm not doing this game anymore because i now think i'm balding and it's because like men balding has become such a big topic online and then that transferred into women seeing that i think i mean like wait am i like losing hair and the minoxidil thing it's also don't put minoxidil on you because as well we'll lick it off and die
It's so bad for cats. No, I'm not kidding. Also, I feel like minoxidil on women is not a good thing. I don't know, though. Yeah, I don't know. I haven't looked into it because I remember I was talking to somebody about it and it might have been you and you were like, because I know there are side effects for men and you were like, you should look into the side effects for women. And I don't want to do like...
When it comes to beauty and shit, I can't lie, like, I'm not going that far. Like, I'm not go-- like, if there's, like, side effects like that-- It's like running through the airport. Oh my god, if it's side effects like that, fucking, I'll bald. Like, fuck, if I'm supposed to bald, I guess I'll fucking bald and I'll have, like, a shaved head, like, Sinead O'Connor was a fucking G and she had a shaved head and, like, people, like, she was gorgeous, like-- Keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth. Cynthia, like, you're gay. Like, you're gay, I don't understand.
Dude, did you know that they're going to start? Don't. Yeah, if I'm supposed to bald, I'm supposed to bald because that's how I feel about my boobs. Like when I started running, I lost weight and my boobs deflated, which was always a dream. I've always complained about my boobs. I feel so good about my boobs now. Other than the fact
that they look like the tits of the woman from Barbarian. And I had to really come to terms with that. You're tripping. I've seen your boobs so much recently. No, I've been embracing. Like recently, I'm like, I am just letting, I am letting this idea that because I'm in a field now where I can have that like perfection, I should just do it because like it really is like, and I don't have any,
gripes about it because I have a lot of friends actually who have had like breast reductions and like work like I know people with work done and I have no gripes about it but for me personally I'm just like I don't know if I care that much like I just don't because I kind of I'm like I'm really pretty actually like I'm like it's fine like but I feel like everyone should hit that like I don't know like yeah um
Yeah, you're really pretty. Oh my God, I forgot what I was wearing the other day. Oh, I was wearing a bathing suit the other day and my boobs are at the point where they like fold over. Like if I wanted to, I could literally roll my boob up like a joint. Like a fruit roll up. Like I could like- Sprinkling keef on your boob. Yeah, like I could literally like- Some wax in there, making a mega joint. If I put on a push-up bra- Push-up.
it's a my boobs were way bigger they were fucking huge like i didn't realize how big my boobs you had really big um and i kind of miss them but like that's like that that's the whole thing i think that's what it was it's like i lost my boobs i was really happy but now i find myself every now and then being like damn i kind of wish my boobs were like a little bigger or something i'm like oh no no no see there's no winning and i'm not gonna know i'm not gonna pay to like get in the cycle of like i need it oh i got told
I had low density breasts. That's what spiraled my really like crazy boob. I told you that I went to a bra store because I needed new bras and the woman was actually really helpful and really sweet. And she didn't mean this in a mean way. And she hooked me the fuck up because she gave me bras that are like perfect. But it cracked me up because I was like, I can't believe I'm paying for a woman I don't know to stand over my shoulder looking in a mirror
with me topless in like a bra that's transparent. And she's like fixing the straps and stuff. And she's like telling me how to adjust my boobs. And she's like, yeah, you're going to have to do that because if you don't, like you have low, you have low density breasts. So like, you're going to have to adjust them, but they looked like, but she was being complimented. Like she was complimenting me, but the term low density breasts, I was like, we don't,
-All this boob talk makes me have a big boner. -Do you have a high density penis, Drew? Have you checked? -No, I have low density penis. Yes, it's really low density. Drew, sigh up corner. Hate when ugly bitches be like, "No caption needed." Bitch, you better explain this. You better explain this one. Soon as 10:30 AM hit, the McDonald's workers shove all the breakfast up their ass.
Where did it go? I know, I know y'all have it back there still. Y'all shivering in this cold weather because them Shein jackets are made out of paper towels. If you have they, them in your bio, I will not be arguing with you. I'm clearly outnumbered. I will never argue with anybody with DID. Outnumbered as fuck. But this one's so good. There aren't any more squirrels outside now. All of a sudden Taco Bell sells wings? Something's not right.
Because those wings from Taco Bell are really small, like squirrel bones. I like I haven't had the wings from Taco Bell. Why have you had the wings from Taco Bell?
Because I try everything that's new. Because he watches the TED Talks of fast food companies when they introduce products. No, I love new things. I love trying new things. I know. You really do like... I wanted the fucking dirty Mountain Dew Baja Blast so badly. What is that? It's a Mountain Dew Baja Blast with cream in it. Like hella cream. Oh, that sounds really nice. It being like...
I just think of the way those drinks look when they sit out and like the cream separates. The curdling of it all. But there's not real cream in it. It has to be like artificial like cream. I think it's cream. I don't know. It's either cream or it's ice cream. The way you say cream is so funny. Cream. Cream. Cream. It's cream. Cream. I'll do one more. You know what's crazy is I'm watching him look at this and it's five words. Well, I'm trying to figure it out.
First day as a pilot. The what pit? Oh. The cockpit. You fucking idiot. The cockpit. That was from at male cowgirl. Well, I'm trying to figure it out. Callie Miller submitted those. That was fucking amazing. And then Shelby Claire submitted the McDonald's one. And then Blake Bennett has just been on a tear recently. Yeah.
shout out blake bennett being on a shout out blake bennett and that's ben's brother yeah lyrical lemonade i did not know that benson boone was a real guy i thought that was a like a funny name that people were saying who that was oh that's it is the guy who did a backflip and has crazy vocal range you know he's actually really talented yeah he's like a really good vocalist but it's kind of like charlie pooth like i'm like yes you are like so good there's no question about your craft but like
Like a backflip. Also, coming from someone named Kai, your name's not real. Benson Boone is not a real name. I get to speak on that because I also don't have a real name. Benson Boone sounds like Ben 10. Like it'd be like Ben 10's real name. Like in the cartoon Ben 10, his real name is Benson Boone. Benson Boone? More like Benson Poon. Wow. Five big boons. That was for you guys. Five big boons. Benson Boone more like Benson Poon Nanny. I'm going to eat all that pussy.
Oh, now I'm the fucking bad guy. Now I'm the fucking bad guy. Okay, I actually, this is something I'm curious about. These beautiful tees that I got. That was really deep cut. Fuck, what was I gonna say? Oh, I'm actually curious, like, because I know there's, the bush is like a huge conversation right now. Blah, blah, blah, blah. The bush is back in a big way. The bush never left. The bush never left. The bush, like...
i've i've had a bush for the like since i was nine years old that's weird since i was seven years old but basically i know there's girls who have lasered their bush and now like they maybe have regrets about it i'm curious if there's men who like lasered their bush and they're like fuck i regret that a hundred percent and i know they're like kind of they have like leather skin like they tan a lot
It's like those guys. Oh, yeah. They're getting their bikini lines. Yeah. Oh, I guess. Yeah, that is. It would be like kind of maybe somebody who's like really fucks with this. This part of their neck up is covered in freckles and it's red. And they wear glasses that have like a string around the back. So if they fall off, it goes around their neck. You know what? I might get something like that, though, because I leave my glasses everywhere. When I'm wearing my glasses, I'll take them off because when I'm I'm like nearsighted.
Yeah, I'm nearsighted. So if I'm like talking this... You're nearsighted. I'm beersighted. Can I pick this up? That was your... Arch it a little more. What do you say? Thank you, daddy. Yes. Yes. Yes, what? Yes, daddy. No. Yes.
Oh, did you know it's the one-year anniversary for the Chow Mein video? Which one? You remember the one? All right, let me pull this up. Also, it's not only because I don't want to embarrass myself, but it was because I don't want to give the driver PTSD and think they've harmed me as well. So everyone wins in this situation. If I got hit by a car, never mind. Never mind. Okay.
Oh, dude, I have a migraine. I know, me too. I have like bad temple headache. Okay, okay. Who has the best girlfriend ever? I do. Who just bought you all this stuff? She did. And all this stuff? My girl. All of it and I'm about to eat this and then we're gonna chow on that.
It used to feel bad for him. Yeah. Yes, ma'am.
budget cuts you know save save save I fear this is me like that no you're her and I'm him I used to feel bad for him but there's like a power dynamic there that they both love deeply it works something about that is pretty nice I'm not gonna lie I know like I want to kind of be like yelled at y'all are disgusting no I've always said I've been saying that recently I want a toxic relationship
No, I don't. Yo soy la taxica. Okay, should we do a little media vibe? Oh, yes. Okay, I already said secretary, so... I saw Aaron Brockovich, or I rewatched Aaron Brockovich. Very great. I watched Conclave as well. That was an iconic moment in time. I watched Companion. Actually, that's one of the movies I watched, Companion.
What was the other one we were talking about? Secretary. Yeah, Secretary. I think I watched like a horny movie the night before too. Dude, remember one time you kept me hostage watching that dumbass movie because you said you were listening to it like a podcast? I did that too recently. That's funny. With White Lotus. Fuck, I'm trying to think of... Yeah, I tried to watch To Die For again. What was the other movie? Oh my God. When you search for it, Still Life by One O' Tricks Point Never.
Textures by Herbie Hancock Halcyon and On and On by Orbital and then I've been listening to Flow by Philip Glass literally on repeat in the craziest way like literally over and over and I never do that with music that song has been on repeat I feel like that is like the encapsulation of my life and every relationship I've ever built
Oh yeah, that song is so sweet. Fucking love that song so much. I think it's perfect. I fucking love music. That's how I feel. Music is so goaded. Music is life. Wait, why is music literally the goat? Well, I have been listening to Glock by Don Toliver. This is My Life by Shirley Bassey. And the 454 album. But I've been listening to that already for like...
two months cast of a dreamer. I'm trying to see what else. I've actually been listening to a lot of music. Is this what you wanted by Leonard Cohen? Leonard Cohen. I can't say people's names. I'm sorry. Like seriously, don't fucking like, don't hit me. Don't hit me. And I've been listening to a lot of Donna Summer and yeah.
That's like when you do that face, it looks like if you were in like a Madame Tussauds museum. It feels like I had a pacifier on for too long. Like I had a pacifier until I was like seven years old. Which face? I'm not good at doing like the... Yeah, you are. Don't act like you're not. That's why I don't act like you can't do that face anymore. Funny faces are so funny. I love funny faces and I love poop jokes. That's why Jim Carrey is the GOAT.
He was a silly little guy. I feel like I literally am like the Jim Carrey of our generation. I agree. Jim Carrey could do the podcast, but could you be the mask? Yes. Could you be Ace Ventura? I could do the mask, but could Jim Carrey do the podcast? Let's have that conversation. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I actually didn't think about it the other way. Yeah. Right. Okay. I have a really bad migraine, so like. Yeah. Thank you for watching. Bye.