olympic level lesbians with Mal Glowenke
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Okey-dokey. Okay, hi guys. Welcome back to X's and O's. I'm here doing my little intro for you yet again. So you guys can feel closer to me and you can feel like I'm talking on the pod. Although I feel like I really did talk on this episode a lot. This episode's really fun. I had such a good time with my bestie Mal. I can't wait for you guys to watch it. I'm obviously...

not obvious because you can't see it yet, but I am filming this post episode. I've already filmed and edited that episode and it comes out tomorrow. So today's Tuesday. Tomorrow will be Wednesday and you'll be getting this episode with Mal.

I hope you like it. I don't know yet what I'm going to talk about at these intro points. I feel like it's just going to be a general check-in or whatever. I don't know. But if you guys have any ideas of what you'd like me to do or you'd like me to say at the beginning, if you want me to cover like queer news or I don't know, like what's going on? Do you want me to just, you know, do this? Maybe, maybe not, but I'm down to do whatever. I just five seconds ago had my first call with my new therapist.

Thank God. There's nothing quite like your first intro call with a therapist because it's like, let me tell you every single thing about me. And in one hour, like beginning to end, this is my life story. And then you finish and you're like, damn.

I'm tired. Life is overwhelming. Been through so much already. Can we be done? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Let's keep going. This ride is so fun. If you guys didn't see yet, I was on Kira Green's podcast this week, so it just came out

the day before you're watching this, I guess, you should check it out. I think something I really appreciated that she did in her podcast was at the beginning, she asked me to do like a mental check, like a mental health check-in kind of vibe. And it was so sweet because I feel like I realized I needed to do that with myself. So fun to do it on camera. You guys can go watch and see what I said. But yeah, I am starting my therapist journey. I'm sure I'll now be talking more about that

on the pod. I had a therapist before, but I felt like we were just talking a lot of talking. So I'm hoping that this therapist will be a better fit. But yeah, I'm really excited. Therapy is so you should get one. If you can, if you can get one, you should get one. They're the best. The next guest on the podcast is going to be Chris Clemons. So if you're watching this and you have any questions you want to ask him or

regarding sex and relationships, you can leave it below in the comment section on YouTube, or you can leave it in the little like ASCII boxy thing on Spotify. And while you're at it, if you would leave me a review on Spotify or iTunes, that would be so lovely and nice. And I would appreciate you forever and ever.

Someone also asked me if I'm making any merch. I am currently designing merch for the podcast. So if you have ideas for that, you could also write it below. And if there's anything that I've made before in the past and you're hoping that I'll make again, whether that's like a style thing or just like the product itself, please comment below.

below too so I can know because I want to give you guys what you actually want. I want to make things you'll actually wear. I never am going to probably make anything with like my face on it or like Shannon Beveridge. Okay, so I want it to be wearable and I want you to look cool. I want you to go out into life and be like

Looking good. So if you have any ideas, let me know. I have some ideas brewing. So a couple of taglines from this episode, actually, I think may go on a T-shirt or like a cup or something. I don't know. Tell me what you want, please. Also, believe it or not, I am gay.

getting new mics today. Kevin Burke is showing up, I think, to my house right now to take me to the store. We're getting new ones and it's going to be great. So I hope you enjoy this episode. There's a couple times where Mal bonks her head in this episode and I didn't explain that. So if you're just listening and there's commotion at one point, that's what's happening. Anyway, love you guys. I hope you enjoy the podcast. I hope you love Mal because I love her. She's the best.

I feel like Britney Spears. Because of the mic? Yeah, I don't hold it. I know. We shouldn't be holding them. That's why they sound bad. No, I like it. I'm going to do a lot of mic choreography. Maybe not. Okay, what do you want me to intro you as? I was going to say podcast host. Yes, that's all. What else do I do, Shannon? Did I tell you how I listen to your podcast in two times speed and how your laugh sounds in two times speed?

No, Shannon. We got a comment on YouTube that said, can you stop? Matilda's like, I'm deleting this. I was like, no, please let go. That's so funny. How do you pronounce your last name? Glowinky?

Okay. It sounds like that's a lie. It is so unserious. It's not real. Hello, Winky. And you know what? You want to know the funny thing? I will never get that name up. Yeah. I have fought. It's amazing. You need to keep it forever and ever. I would be in elementary school, on the first day of school, like, please don't say the last name. No, no, no.

And every time, Glow Winky. Emphasis on the Winky. I feel like it doesn't look like it's pronounced that way. What would you think? Glowank? No E. Actually, you're kind of close. It's German. It's Glowvanka. That's actually what it is. But lucky me. But Glowinky in Dallas. Glowinky. My brother plays baseball and he's like, call Glow. Glow show. The show. I'm like, in high school, my volleyball coach called me Winky.

And then the entire high school started calling me Winky. You can't be Winky and then come out as a lesbian. That kept me in the closet. Okay, hi guys. My name is Shannon. I'm the host of X's and O's, a podcast where we talk about queer sex and relationships. Queer relationships and sex, I think is what I usually say. But now sex first. Sex positive. We're switching it up today. Sex positive today. And today I have a very special guest. You may recognize her from another amazing queer podcast called Made It Out. It's Mal Glowinky.

Hey y'all. Here she is. We're doing a role reversal today because I was on Mal's podcast, which has been out now, what, you have like nine episodes out? Nine episodes out. They're amazing. The whole podcast is about different steps in the coming out process, correct? That's kind of what it started as. And what is it now? It's just like...

Stories from lesbians and queer people. And we love that. We love lesbians and queer people. It's a really amazing podcast. If you haven't seen it, you should check it out or listen to it, whatever, however you like to consume your podcasts. I'm excited to have you here today, especially because I feel like when you're the host of a podcast, you get to you get to know the other person so much more than the hosts themselves.

And I feel like the internet needs to know who you are. Thanks. Yeah. I feel like I'm on vacation. Yeah. I'm like, good luck, girl. How do you feel? I am not on vacation. I feel like I'm at my job. I feel like I'm working. I want to be back on your podcast.

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So, so hot. As someone who's been shopping in the boys section for a long time, the one area that usually falls short for me is the underwear because they just don't fit right. But Tomboy X has solved that problem for me and I will be living in their boy shorts forever now. If you want to pick up a pair of your own or shop their other styles, please go to www.tomboyx.com slash Shannon for 20% off the entire website. And I was from Dallas. Yeah. So we're both Texas girls.

And yeah, how we ended up here. That's that's the story we're going to tell today on Mal's podcast. I talked about the first girl I loved. I kind of want to talk about the first girl you love today so we can completely just flip the script. But I do want to know, like, how did you get to from Dallas to L.A. to having a queer podcast? I had a severe mental breakdown at 25. That is the best beginning of any story. Yeah.

So I had been dating this guy for three and a half years. Wasn't out yet. No. We had homes together, cars together, bank accounts, whole nine yards.

I knew he had a kid when we started dating that was six months old. Okay. And three years into our relationship, I find out there's another kid that, another kid that he hadn't told me about. The girl had come around like when we first started dating and said, there's a kid. Then she kind of disappeared. She came back around at this like time in our relationship. So I find out about this and I'm like, my whole life is blown to bits. I have to like figure out where to move. Yeah.

figure out a car situation. We have two dogs together. It was like a divorce. Yeah. You're literally for sure. I like tried to stay in Dallas for a little bit, tried to make it happen. I had like a lot of friends there. Good job. A good life. But yeah, I was in Vegas for my 25th birthday and had a mental breakdown. And you were like at the planet Hollywood. Yeah.

After like going out the night. Where all good mental breakdowns happen. Vegas, Planet Hollywood. Perfect. Your baby daddy. No, I'm sorry. He's not your baby daddy. Someone else's baby daddy. That's a nightmare. It's kind of great that lesbians can't get pregnant, you know.

Until it's not great. If you want the baby, then it's kind of like, this is the worst. This is kind of sucks now. But until then, kind of great. Okay. So what, what did you decide when you're in the planet Hollywood? I can't live here. I can't live in Texas anymore. Good. Something is not, I didn't know, like I've always kind of known that I was

queer in some way, but I had never really explored that just because Texas. And so I, something in my gut was just like, you need to get the fuck out of here. And so I quit my job. My dad about had a heart attack. I packed up my two dogs, which were both like big boxers. And it's like, I'm going to LA. I gave myself like two days to find an apartment and

It was like a really, like, do this now or you're never going to do this type thing. Fair. So a lot of, like, really rash decisions. I lived downtown my first few years. That's how you know it's a mental breakdown. If you're living in downtown Los Angeles, you're going through something. You're going through something. I'll never forget the first night I was there and, like, no one was there because my family had come to help me move and, like, I had friends there. This is, like, a month in. And it's the first night. It's just me laying in my bed and I'm just hearing...

Like so many things. Chaos. And I have that app. Oh, Citizen? Oh my God. It's like ding, ding. And it's like 200 feet from you. And I'm like. It's always like a man with a machete, that app. I'm always getting. Man throwing feces? Yeah.

I was in a bad way living downtown, but I was like, this is where something just felt right about LA. Yeah. Then I, that was when I switched my apps kind of, but it was like. To girls? No, it was to boys and girls. Okay. I wasn't ready to make that leap, but I just wanted to kind of like scope out. You were testing the waters. Yes. But not like dating. No. I was just swiping and like seeing.

Just swiping and seeing. Just swiping and seeing. Just swiping and seeing. That's how it has to start. I'm just looking. I'm window shopping. When do you finally go on a date and actually follow through? After a few bad encounters with men. Fair. I had to have like...

Sex with a couple guys. Just like really make sure. Los Angeles boys. This isn't just like LA making me get. Yeah. Which is like a whole other. Worst. Well, I don't know. Is that worse than Dallas boys? Probably in some ways. Oh God. In so many different ways. So many different ways. But probably maybe less Republican. It's like one positive. Less like cowboy hats. Cowboy boots. Like Wrangler jeans. Yeah.

big belts. I can't believe boys really, really wear that. And it's truly serious. Very serious. Like we go to the bar in starched jeans. Yeah. It's a real look that's still happening there. Every time I go back, I'm like, I thought we would have evolved from this, but no. We do this ironically in LA. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. No, the hipsters in LA do it better than the fucking cowboys in Texas, right? Amen. Like we look good. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. Whether you're selling a little or a lot,

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Okay, so bad dates with men. I went on a date with a Mormon. Well, I had sex with a Mormon guy. Went on a date with a Mormon. Had sex with a Mormon guy. Yeah, I'm really putting it all out there for Jenna. Actually, actually, it was in the reverse, though. So I...

Okay, so you had sex with a Mormon and then you went on a date with a Mormon? Yes. I think he felt guilty. I think he had some like religious shame in there somewhere. I would assume. Because it was like... Because that's not what Mormons are supposed to be doing. I know. A good Mormon boy? I know. You're supposed to be soaking. And he felt guilty, honey. Okay, so you have sex with him and then you went on a date with him. Yeah, I left. I accidentally left like literally accidentally because I never wanted to see this guy again. Left my bag there and then he was like, okay, let me take you to dinner. I was like...

Okay, fine. We go to dinner and like, I noticed something was off because I cuss like a sailor and this guy is saying words like freaking and shoot. And I'm like, something's off here. Something's off. So I was just like a little like, huh. We didn't have sex that night. I go home and I never heard from him again.

You only had sex the first time and then the next time. We're like, actually, I don't like you. No, he was there like repenting for his sin. He's like, maybe in my brain now I took her on a date first. He's giving mixed signals with the sex first and then no cuss. I agree.

Cussing is where he draws the line. Amen. Did he drink? Oh. Yeah, of course. The first night when we met. I'm not sure he's Mormon. And he like had the nerve to tell me the only thing I really feel guilty for within my faith is sex before marriage. Okay. So. That's not what you were saying. That's not what you were doing the other night. That's not the vibe I got.

How many guys between that and now girls? Two. There was another one that was a bit of an unfortunate experience. Are any of them fortunate experiences? No, no, no. And this is why I'm gay. I, it was just a guy. He, he felt the need to do like a lot when, when we would have sex, just like a lot of things like lights and music. Like it was like a light show in there. Well,

Well, okay, but this is like how if you liked that guy, you might like all those things. Like, if it was a girl, you might be like, that is so sweet and thoughtful. I'm having a great time. But him, it's like, no. Okay, does it make it worse that it was to like EDM music? Yes, it makes it way worse. And no respectable woman would do that. So never mind. Never mind. You would get the ick either way. You all, you know. I like that.

Okay, don't listen to this. No parents are allowed to listen to my podcast. You ghost, but I didn't ghost, unfortunately. How? You dated him? No, I didn't. He would probably say we dated, but I say no. But I did stick around for, like, longer. I hope he can't find this podcast either. That was just me avoiding, like, having to admit I was gay, I think. Yeah. So, like, could you feel those feelings, like, brewing? Like, was it, like, getting more intense as you were in L.A. longer? Yeah. As you were swiping and seeing? Swiping and seeing. Okay.

Okay, so finally, do you go on a date with a girl? Yes. So finally, I'm like, okay, I'm just going to start talking to one. One. Any of them. I'll pick whoever. But isn't it kind of like that when you first start? Yeah, yeah. It's kind of like, okay, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, so I'm just going to like pick. Anyone. Yeah, yeah, it is. We went on one date. It was one of those things where I'm not like the biggest drinker. I'm more of like kind of a –

weed and you know mushrooms type of person but before that date I literally went to a bar down my street and took four shots of straight vodka that's giving really nervous very nervous yeah like don't know what I'm doing all the questions are in my head like who is gonna pay like am I supposed to make moves how do I flirt like all of these things are going through my head but she was like super masculine energy okay so it was kind of one of those things where I think I was I

like attracted to someone like that so that I could chill a little bit. Also it's probably like a little more familiar to you than like just going straight, like not going straight, going the opposite, going gay. But like almost like, yeah, a lot of times mask lesbians kind of are giving more boy. So it's kind of like an entry point, like a nicer entry point. Yes. But we love masks. You're more than an entry point. But I could see how it would be. I'm kind of masked, I think. I don't know what I am anymore.

I'm like, my hair just keeps shrinking shorter and shorter. So who knows? Did that girl like act kind of more like chivalrous, like opening doors and doing that kind of stuff? Yes. It was very much gender rolled in that way. And so, yeah, like you said, it was just kind of easy. I didn't really have to think about something that I was already like thinking and panicking about. I was like, okay, this is at least something familiar. The first date we like went to drinks. We talked all night. It was like good. Yeah.

And then we're like standing outside of my apartment so awkwardly. I'm so nervous. Talking. Shannon, I'm not kidding. For like an hour. Because you were like scared to kiss. Goodbye. No, because I was scared to be like that or like, do you want to come up? Like I didn't like I have been gay for one day. Are you standing outside downtown? Downtown. Yes. This is how nervous. That's even scarier. You need to go inside. I would rather.

be outside downtown on the sidewalk than inside with a girl. That's how scared you were. I'm fucking dead. I am such a baby day one gay. This is an Olympic level lesbian. Like this girl knows what the fuck she's doing. So like if I invite her up, something might happen and I don't know that I'm ready for that. Like whatever. Whatever.

Well, she asserts herself. She's like, we're going out. I'm actually like, what are you going to do? I can't stand here forever. Well, I'll tell you what we do. We go upstairs. I'm so nervous. And I have two couches that are like far apart. They're like, they're both full length couches. Okay. I'm sitting on one. She is sitting on the other.

No. We do this for like another. Okay. She's kind of being not professional yet. If she didn't just come and sit next to you. I mean, you're probably right. Maybe she was trying to be respectful. Maybe. But like you're on a date. But I didn't know. Like this is.

look it's not i'm not coming for you you're doing everything fine but i'm confused by her because she's supposed to know what she's doing i don't know i'm kind of i'm told i'm like kind of hard to read sometimes and i bet i was really being hard to read because you were so nervous yeah so i bet i came off like really standoffish like unsure yeah don't touch me we do that for like another hour and then she's like i'm gonna go i'm like

But I'm like, fuck. But you wanted her instead. I think it was mixed feelings. Because I think this was my gay payment. This was like... I could be gay. I think it was like, no, I am gay. Shit. And it was like, this is what has been the thing that is...

been like bothering me inside or like that missing kind of piece of information. Yeah. And so it was like, I don't want to face it. Yeah. So true. Cause it's scary. Cause then it's real. If you really go all the way there, then you're like, Oh God, fuck I am. I'm gay. And yeah. If you have sex that night, you're cementing that.

Yeah. It's like not even this. You're not processing it. You're just like. No, no, you're in. You're in. Yeah. But then I ghosted her for like six, eight months. Okay, this poor girl. I was like, I'm not. Where is she? Did we call her? No. Are you doing okay? Let me finish. Okay, never mind. We're not calling her. We're not calling her. So I ghost her. I ghost her. And then like a month before COVID.

She's like, please, like, let me take you out to dinner. Just like another time. Doesn't have to be anything. Let's just see. Fuck. Okay. Fine. Then COVID happened and now I'm in a full blown relationship. With her? Yes. This is your first girlfriend? Yeah. Shut up. Your first date is your first girlfriend? Yeah. You are so gay. Yeah. Yeah.

But also so COVID of the situation, it seems, possibly. Yes. Okay, so how long do you date her? Like nine months. Okay. Through that, like, kind of first wave of COVID. Yeah, like the full, like, lockdown vibes. Yes. Got it. But then when it kind of started opening up, that was when it, like, broke off. Mm-hmm. And then was, like, on, off, on, off, on, off, on, off, on, off, through the second wave. Got it. Through Omicron. Omicron.

That's like the gayest thing ever. To go from first date, first girlfriend, then on and off again. Like you did all the lesbian stuff. I had a lot of years to catch up for. Yeah. You did it and you did it quick. Good job. I don't half-ass anything, Shannon. No, clearly not. Because you were older, your experience is so different because you have so much more like...

stability within yourself going through that experience. Was it also like so scary? Because you're also like then you're kind of cemented in your life. You're like 25. You've done one thing one way forever. And now it's like, actually, I'm changing everything about my life. I feel like I kind of do things that way. I feel like I live life in extremes to a little bit. Like I really have to test something. Yeah. All the way. All the way in. Also making jumps like that doesn't really scare me. I feel like I'm just...

just kind of I'm impulsive in that way and that's causing me a lot of trouble but it's also been like one of the best things in my life because I'm just like okay fuck it like if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't fulfilling yes in ways if it goes well yeah if it goes well wait actually I got so I asked people on Instagram for questions for you and one question I got that I was like I wonder that too how did you know that you weren't bi how did you know you were like

I'm gay. I think in a lot of ways, like it's always a conversation with yourself. Yeah. I think I really overcorrected when I first came out. And also I just grew up in a place where the men weren't like so great. I'm not saying there's not great men in Texas. Like, and I grew up around great men. Like my dad and my brother are amazing, but I don't know. I think it's,

it's tough because I had a lot of kind of shitty relationships with just guys and I don't know if that was me dating to be like to support my narrative like because I knew kind of from a young age that it was there so I don't know if it was like me trying to like overcompensate no or like give myself an exit kind of like I know that this guy is a piece of shit so this will never be it will never really work yeah so I don't know if I was like

doing that subconsciously on purpose I don't know that's just like yeah I'm working on a therapy but then when I came out and when I was with women I was like it could never be men it never has always been this this is you know yeah I think it was easier like I said I just limited you're full in now I'm this yeah I've had to really as I've like matured in my queerness yes I've had to really kind of face those thoughts so

am I really just gay? Yeah. Or is there like some fluidity there that you didn't like let yourself have for that time of extreme, but like you're in a relationship. So now you're pretty gay no matter what, but still like, it's good to know these things about yourself and also to let yourself be like, explore that things aren't so rigid or black and white. I think it's important. Yeah. I think it's important not to live life.

That way it's something I'm like learning to not do so much. I do always come back to the fact that I'm gay. Yeah. You know, there's not like, I don't think I've ever come to another answer, but I don't think that I can truly know myself to the fullest degree if I don't continue to like really question. Yeah, totally. I always said when I was coming out, if I could like even one guy, like,

I would not be gay. I was down to find any one single boy to like.

And then when I realized that was never going to happen, that's when I was like, okay, my options are live a lie forever or like come out. So like I did, so I did all of that thinking process that you're kind of doing now while I was in the closet. So we were like having opposite. Yeah. There's no right way to come out. That's the, at the end of the day, it's like, everyone's going to have a very different experience. But I think obviously the one thing that we both

and love is like queer community. But once you're in it, it's like the best feeling ever. And it's like the earlier you can find it, like the more validating it is. Yeah. Like your episode today that came out. It's not today for y'all, but you did have an episode come out today with Lexi all about kind of making gay friends, which is so hard for people. I feel when we're so lucky. Yeah. Like beyond lucky. Who do we have to thank for that? Literally my girlfriend. Yeah.

Literally, no, literally Mal's girlfriend is like the connector of all lesbians in Los Angeles, I swear. She's like throwing parties, inviting everyone from east side, west side, like,

fucking huntington beach like people are coming newport like literally lesbians are coming from everywhere to go to these parties so we both have matilda to thank for a lot of our queer friends i feel also it's the same thing that you and lexi talked about it's like once you know one lesbian you're really you could get in you absolutely you if that lesbian has friends you can get in there you are in yeah just ride it out just

Like don't disappear too soon. No, no, you got to get in there. And also don't make the mistake of having sex with too many of them and then you'll get booted from the friend group. I'm so, I never really had that problem. So I just like look around at all the drama. Oh my God. The drama. I hate the drama. I hate the drama. It truly is so hard. Like, like for the whole entire community when there's like a breakup or anything, it's like your heart broke into

Yeah. And yeah, like the way it fractures friend groups even of like, OK, we're all going here tonight, but this one person can't go. So then let's take these three people and go to a different bar. It's absolutely the worst. It's not fun. Like when you think about should we throw a party? It's like, what's the time?

There was a lot of breakups this season. Yeah. But you guys are lucky because you're together. So you could just invite everyone and then be like, you guys figure out. But we don't. I think, you know what? I think that's the key to a good party, though. You got to make sure the vibes are right. You're so right. It's really important. We really do think about that.

No, you're so right. You don't want somebody to be sad, you know? Yeah. It's out of love. It's out of love, but then it's like, then someone doesn't get invited. I know. And then we have to have those conversations. It sucks. See, it's bad no matter what. It's hard to be gay. It's hard to be in these gay friend groups. Maybe you guys don't want them. No, you definitely want them. They're fun. This is so fun. Are you having a good time? This is so great.

Okay, before Mal came over, she told me she had a couple stories that she could say on the pod. Oh, God. So I need to know the sexy baby story.

Oh, my God. It honestly says a lot about me that this wasn't, like, my ending of sleeping with men. You kept going. So this guy comes as a recommendation from my family. Let's just preface that, okay? My brother plays professional baseball. This was a guy that also played baseball with my brother, helped him a lot. Like, he was older. My parents had met him at the baseball facility and were like...

Mallory, like this guy, he's so great. He loves your brother. We love him. My mom's like, he's so hot. Like, this is your guy. I'm like, okay, fine. Fuck it. Whatever. We'll go on a date. We meet. I hope he doesn't see this. And he's like a nice guy, but I'm not, it's not, I don't think I could ever be with an athlete. Like just because I know the lifestyle and I'm like, oh, I just, I wouldn't want that. But yeah,

I don't know. The conversation just wasn't, like, great. But I was like, okay, you are a very good-looking man. Like, I'm kind of in that breakup rebound space. I'm like, all right, let's go for it. So we start dating, I guess. Like, we're going on dates, but mostly just, like, hooking up. He was on steroids, so he had a really hard time. I'm really... I'm getting, like, it all out there. I'm dying. He was on steroids. He's a really... He was a good guy. Yeah.

Oh my god. I have to change my whole set now. I'm gonna get sued. I'm gonna get sued. Remember when you didn't give me a release card? Please be careful. Please be careful. Thank god it wasn't the corner. Are you okay? Yes, back to my story. Okay, he's on steroids. He's on steroids. He's on steroids. And so he had a hard time coming. Got it. So we were doing the most, you know? Got it. And...

All of a sudden, he starts talking about, like, wanting me to be a baseball mom. You're having sex. This is why baseball matters to the story. Because, like, there's baseball in my gene pool. And he's like, like, we're going to make a star. I'm, like, literally sweating here. I am too. Like, I'm sick. Okay, continue though. And then says, like, I'm going to put those sexy babies in you. Did that help him cum? It helped. No.

No, no, no. That worked for him. And you kept, did you ever see him again? No, that was, that ended. And that's enough of that. But why did I see another man? Ever again. Why have I ever talked to a man ever again in my life? Ever again. That would really put me off for good, I think. Even if I was straight, I think I would never do that again. The thing with kinks is, I don't want to kink Shane, but you got to talk about your kinks with the person you're sleeping with before you just throw them out there because they're

Not all kinks are shared and appreciated. And that would be one that would turn me off for maybe, I would maybe never have sex again. I did not appreciate this. No. I did not appreciate this. I can't believe that. And your parents were like, this is the guy. And you're like, yeah, no. No, thank you. And those sexy babies. Sex, you should never. I'm not.

Don't call babies sexy. I'm sick to my stomach that I'm telling this story because please don't judge me. I've been in dark places. Going back to the kink shame thing, though, it's not the mom, dad thing. Whatever. That's fine.

It's the fact that it was too close to like my family. The baseball mom? That's too much. You're going to be a baseball mom. I didn't like that. No. No. That's what it was for me. You're like, I actually don't mind the sexy babies. Just don't call me a baseball mom. Just don't call me a baseball mom. Do not ever. I'm scared you're going to hit your head. Please be careful. I'm like, stay there. I need to baby proof my room for you. For your sexy babies.

To be clear, I had a problem with both. Thank you for clarifying. Thank you for clarifying. Okay, something that I thought was interesting that you talked about on your podcast with Jordan was like about strap-ons and how now you like don't like them or you have like an aversion because of straight sex. Is that, I'm paraphrasing something, but why do you think that's true?

I think it's half true. Okay. It's not that I completely have an aversion to them. It's just never going to be like the first thing that I go to. I feel like it's not many people's first thing. Sure. That's fair. But I think like it takes me so much to get there. There has to be so much like connection and intimacy surrounding it. Yeah. Because I think really why... It's not that I'm like, oh, I hate it or like I'm triggered by it. I think what...

It more so is that I dissociate. Yeah. Because I think when I was having sex with guys, I would just like kind of float off somewhere until it was like done. And so you're like, it's hard to stay present now because it's like, yeah, it's like a connection in your brain that you're like, this means this. Yeah, that's so interesting. The reason I wanted to ask you about it too is because I, mom, dad don't want to say this.

This is explicit. This is X-rated. I know. I actually do write that it's explicit on Spotify. I tell it. I'm like, it is not for children. Okay. I've never had sex with a guy, which is not like a flex. For a long time, I wouldn't say that online that I hadn't had sex with a boy because I never wanted people to watch that and then think that if they did, then their like sexuality was less valid or whatever, like to compare themselves to me.

But because both of us are from Texas, you know, too, like there's such purity culture there. A lot of my friends, most of my friends were really religious and not having sex at all. So I got to just also be like, same. If I had grown up in a different area and like more of my friends were sleeping with boys, I probably would have done it too. But because no one was, I got away with being like, I'm not weird for not doing it. I'm also just like y'all. I'm like, I love God. That's why I won't have sex with boys. Yeah.

Clearly purity culture did not affect me in the least. It depends on the community that you're in. And I just happened, I think I consciously put myself in groups of friends that were religious like that. Yeah. Because I did it consistently. My friend group in high school and then my friend group in college, which were different girls from different places. And I did the same exact thing. So I was like, this is perfect. Now, because I never did, my relationship with like a strap-on, I would assume is very different than someone who did have any kind of like

sex that they didn't love with men. Totally. What is it? I like it. You love it. No. No.

Relax. No. She loves it. I just don't have any, like, trauma or, like, any kind of, any bad feeling. Association. I have no association. Yeah, that's so great. To me, it's, like, just completely, like, oh, a new thing. Like, this is for lesbians. Yeah. It's a lesbian thing. Yeah. To be penetration now. That's so great. The whole strap-on thing is so interesting to me that, like, I feel like straight girls are, like, bi girls that are, like, becoming bi. And, I don't know, you going on your first date. The strap-on is, like, a myth in the same way of, like, scissoring. Mm-hmm.

Like, where a girl who's never been out with a girl, they're like, wait, do lesbians really do that? Yeah. Like, does that really happen? Yeah. Where are you going? Sorry, does that really happen? I'm so into it. I'm so into it. Oh, my God.

This podcast is going to be a mess. And I'm so sorry. I'm never going to be back. So I hope you guys are enjoying it. No, she's going to be back. One time only. No, you're coming back. I'm coming back on yours. We're just going to keep this ball rolling. We actually just collabed with each other from here on out because we're doing so well. Did you feel stressed when you were on your first date with a girl about specifically about sex? Because you didn't know exactly what the sex would be. I think that's the only thing. Yeah. I was freaked out.

Like, yeah, it's the does she pay, does she whatever, but it's more so like... The sex. But what advice would you give then to someone who is like going on their first date with a girl? It is so awkward until it's not.

And then it's, and then you get with a new girl and then it's like a whole new, like awkward. It's just, but I kind of, I think that's fun. No, it's so fun. Sex with every girl is different than the last one. It's like, I can't really even give you advice on what to do because it's going to be different no matter what. Like it's just different every time because sex with lesbians is not just penetration. And obviously I think, well, I don't know because I've never had sex with guys, but I would assume that also in straight sex, there's like,

I'm sure one partner to the next, your sex is like different. Oh, no. Same performance every time. It is choreographed, honey. I know nothing. But I'm just saying like it's like very similar, like consistent, more like predictable. Yes. And you get like good at it. You're like, I mean, not to, you know, not in that way, but I'm just saying like.

You like know the song and dance. Done. Yeah. Because you have to be, when you don't want to be there, you better be efficient. So true. So you can get the fuck out of there. That's so true. So it's like in, out, done. That's, it's so different then, right? Yeah. And that's the scariest part. Yeah. Because it's so more nuanced when you're moving to the next. Yeah, girl. And at first I was just like,

Oh my god. The first time I ever had sex with that girl, I just laid, I did not move. I did not touch her one time. Pillow princess? Worse. How could it be worse? Just whatever you could picture as worse is worse. You're like just laying. I'm just like shaking, nervous, scared. But like I got over it and you will too. You just gotta do it. Yeah. I get so many questions like that. What do I do with my hands? Like what do I do with this? I'm like,

I think you just have to let go, let God. Amen. Amen. And that is the true gospel. And we're back to the purity culture.

I don't know how to give them advice. There's no practical advice. No. I really don't think there is. Like besides. Maybe if we were like a sex therapist, we could give better advice in this scenario. Yes, probably there is if you're not us. You're not us, but we're just us. We're just us. So we can only do what we can do here. Yeah. It's so, life is so embarrassing. It really is. It really is. Like my sisters are those people who will say like walking across the street is embarrassing. Basic things like that. But it's so true. No. Like getting on a plane. No.

Oh my god. Getting on a plane is embarrassing. Imagine having sex for the first time with a girl. It's going to be scary. I was giving horrible advice. Girls are going to watch this and be like, actually, I'm never having sex with a girl. Who would your dream guest be on your podcast? Glennon Doyle. Really? Oh my gosh. Okay, let's manifest. Everybody manifest. Comment below. Everybody go at Glennon. Tag Glennon. We're going to get her. Her book, Untamed, was like...

life changing for you? Just a big part of my coming out. That's really sweet. I like read it when I was going through my coming out and she was older and came out and I just think she has a beautiful way of looking at life. Okay. Gorgeous. I feel like that's not undoable. What am I trying to say? It's not impossible. Yeah. It's not impossible. I feel like we could get Glennon Doyle on your podcast. I hope so. I just love her. I would be like fangirling. Okay. At Glennon Doyle.

get on made it out I'm trying to think of who mine would be or like a housewife okay I mean that's like Kyle Richards we need to know the truth do you know I want her on my couch do you know the real truth I wish I did I'm not I'm not that I don't know either high up in the gay right people always think I will know anything like that like my friends from home I remember I remember the Becca Tilly and Hayley Kiyoko thing and then being like wait are they really together and I'm like

I don't know. Like no fucking clue. Like you're supposed to be the pop culture gay. Like I know I have to know everything about every gay person ever. But the funny thing is I actually did know that one. You did. That one I knew. But I know that I'm a professional lesbian. But I don't know every single person's business. Believe it or not. I want to though. Who would be yours? I think Ashlyn Harris.

So at Ashlyn Harris, come be on my podcast. Everybody tag her. Everybody go flood. Everybody go get her. Okay. I asked you guys over on Instagram to ask me questions to ask Mal. So now we're going to answer some of those questions. If you don't follow me on Instagram, it's at now this is living. Mal, what's your Instagram? At Mal Glowinky.

That is Glowinky. The most unserious way. It's the silliest name I've ever heard in my life. And I'm obsessed. And that's coming from someone with the last name Beverage, which is also a little bit weird. One of the questions that people asked, and I think it's because on your podcast, we talked about switching from like male validation and the way we dress. Do you feel like you're getting...

closer to that in your your style it's so funny how the universe just will like hit you with things like like over and over and over yeah you're asking me this yesterday we filmed an episode we talked about this no way it like led into matilda and i having a really long conversation i think outward appearance is something that i've really struggled with like body dysmorphia and kind of just feeling like i have to live up to some sort of standard i grew up with like

for parents. And in Texas, I feel like a lot of that is like, you have to be this blonde hair, blue eyed, you know. Dallas has a, I think Dallas has like a very high beauty standard. Like I remember when I moved to LA, people being like, oh, everyone in LA is beautiful. And I'm like, yeah, Texas, Dallas is like that. Dallas is very like vain, I would say. Absolutely.

absolutely personally anyway continue I would agree yeah and I think I also worked in nightlife and so that was really tough it sounds so shallow and so I want to phrase it the right way but I would always think like I'm pretty enough to get in the door but then I would compare myself to like all the other women in there and that is truly just like

my illness speaking it's like not anything that I wouldn't look at someone else and say like oh if they were only or whatever yeah but I don't think it's your it's like it's society's illness like that's been like put on to you you didn't like ask for that or you know it's like the pressures of being a girl in general so I think I struggled with that a lot but I always knew like my worth wasn't completely derived from that like it was more but I was kind of caught in that

Yeah. In between. Yeah. And I think I'm really like working on coming out of that. I think coming out really helped me with that because it was like kind of focusing on my self-love more when you turn into something you've denied for so long. It's like...

It's a way more like insular experience or like internal experience to go through. So like you're thinking less about how you're outwardly perceived when you're thinking so much about how you internally feel. Yeah, exactly. But those habits kind of creep back in. Yeah, of course. And then style becomes a really big thing when you come out or at least for me it did because then it's like, okay,

well now I'm gay and I feel like I don't look very gay and I want to send the message that I'm gay. So then you're kind of like, again, overcorrecting. I'm like dressing like, you know, in masculine clothes. And I'm like, wait, how did I get this beanie on my head? Like it's, then it's just weird. Also, I like, we talked a little bit about this, but I had, when I was in nightlife, I got a boob job that was just like way too big for my body. And I don't know. I think then that,

part of me. It also like changes the way you dress when you get a boob job because yeah. Me in a big sweatshirt was not, it just like wasn't a good look. I feel like I wore really hyper feminine clothes to like accentuate

that shape and that body that I had tried so hard to get. And it was like a whole mindset that I kind of had to peel back until I got to a point where it was like, wait, these, these do not fit anymore now. And that it's kind of crazy. Cause I feel like that was the last part of my straight identity that I let go of really that boob job. Wow. And I, I got that, you know, taken out and I thought that was going to fix things, but then it's like,

wait, like that was a huge part of my identity was being this like hyper feminine person. So then it's like, again, we're going right, we're swinging really hard far the other way. And so now I'm in this place of like dressing for this new body and like what does that mean for my style and like,

It is so confusing. I don't know if I answered your question. No, no, no. Like, there's so many layers to the experience. It's not just like, okay, now I'm switching from male validation to maybe female validation, but it's also like trying to give yourself your own validation. Yes. And that is, like, just inherently hard, I think, for everyone all the time, but...

in this time of like coming out and like switching communities, switching states, switching, like you were just really switched. I wanted to be girl next door lesbian for a long time. Like I wanted to go home to Texas and still fit in, fit that status quo. And I didn't know how to like let go of it. And I thought that's where some of my worth was coming from, even on YouTube and the attention I got online. I thought I was getting it. Well, I was in a lot of ways getting it because people kept being like, I,

I've never seen lesbians that look like you. And at the time I was like more feminine. And in my soul, I'm like, I don't really want to dress like that. But I didn't like allow myself to explore it. Then as soon as I did let myself explore it, I feel like there are moments where I'm like, what the fuck? Like you go like too far the other way. I'm like, that's a bad outfit. And my hair has been such a thing forever for me. I was literally just about to ask about your hair.

Yeah. Like, do you feel like your hair was like my boobs? Yes. Yeah. Yes. My hair is your boobs. Sure enough.

It's a thing for my parents. Like, I know that my parents prefer my long hair. My mom's going to watch this and cry. We love you, Deb. Hi, Deb. Hi, Deb. Because she loves me so much. And I know that. But some of that is other people's internalized homophobia. And it's just like a beauty standard thing. And they like my long hair. And I know it because anytime my hair is long, there's so many compliments. Like, when my hair was long a year ago, like, it's only been short.

for a little while. Yeah. My mom, my dad, my, even my brother-in-law, everyone was like, oh my gosh, Shannon, your hair looks so pretty. And I'm like, that's so funny. I hate it right now. Like, you know? Oh, that sucks. Yeah. But then I love my short hair and... I love the short hair. Thanks. Yeah. It's fun for me. But it's funny too because other people online project their internalized homophobia onto me too. And I'll get DMs from people being like, grow your hair back out, grow your hair back out. And I'm like... And to those people? Fuck you. Yeah.

uh the girls that i like like my hair short so that's more important to me honestly my therapist always tells me i think i've said this on my podcast before whose shame is this like when you start to feel something like icky yeah that is not my shame that is not my shame you're so right i love your therapist me too good girl i'm i'm in the process of getting a new therapist right now i'll go to mine she's so good should we have the same therapist

What's her name? We're all enmeshed anyways. Who the fuck cares? You're so right. I'm literally in the process of getting a new one. And the other day, I get a call at 5 p.m. on Sunday. And I was like, who's calling me? I answer the phone and this woman's like, hi, Shannon. I'm calling for your consultation. I'm at a bar. I randomly went to the Chiefs game.

last minute and then it was at Jameson's with my friends just being like tell me you did the interview no and then she she calls it I'm like oh my god I'm so sorry completely forgot and she goes Shannon do you have ADD it's not her already diagnosed I know that's kind of a red flag I know but I think I'm gonna pick her she sees me she already gets me she got me quick

What's the worst date you've ever been on? Oh, my God. Immediately knows. Is it with a boy? No. Okay. T. Okay. So when I was on and off with my ex-girlfriend, I was like kind of going on dates. And I – and this whole like unraveling of coming out, I also quit my corporate job. Fair. And like went back to bottle service. And I was like, I'm never going to do that again.

for the man again you know so as you shouldn't so capitalism I was back in nightlife like working bottle service in LA and I meet this yeah and I meet full-on and I meet this bartender and her first date option was meet me down in Palm Springs like I have a hotel down here and

And you did it? I kind of knew her. So it's not like me just like being on hinge, being like, oh, I'm going to Palm Springs. Like I knew everybody she worked with. So I go down there. This girl's like, stop and get me a vape on the way. I'm just ignoring every red flag. Okay. What flavor? Relief.

i go get the vape i show up shannon this girl was on so much cocaine and i i'm not like i don't do cocaine not that i'm like approved whatever to each their own but i just don't like it i don't like stimulants like that oh my god i get there and she's on so much coke i'm like scared so i'm like what the am i gonna do this is this is sos yeah i've got to get out of here so i call my friend or i text my friend and i'm like help

call me and tell me that my dog got out and is lost oh my god i'm so sorry i hope i should have just been honest like i hope she doesn't see this but i was like call me so he calls me putting on the show of a lifetime yeah well your dog he got out i can't find him i'm like you're telling me my dog ran away like i'm like pissed i'm like what no freaking out

I hang up the phone. I'm like, she's like, what's going on? Like, whatever. Keep calling me. I'm like, sell it, Gabe. Sell it. So he's calling me 20, 30, 40 times. I'm like, I have to go. This is the best friend I've ever heard. It's the middle of the night. It is literally midnight. Did you leave? I literally drove home from Palm Springs at midnight. And I'm like terrified of driving at night. I just have like a weird thing about it. And I went to war. I went to battle to get home. It's like that even a date? Yeah.

That was like a drive-by. You just, you basically delivered a vape. You were literally... Not me being used at delivery service. You were literally at Postmates. You said, here's your vape. Good luck. And goodbye. Not you were at Postmates. You're right. You were literally at Postmates.

You said, here's your babe, girl. See you later. Did you have to see her ever again? Of course, because we worked at the same club. Do you think she's going to listen to this? I'm sorry, girl, but like, I'm sorry. That was freaky. I'm sorry, girl, but I'm sorry. I really am. I'm not like pro-lying. I'm actually, I hate lying and I'm really bad at it. But like, you kind of were letting her down easy. I really didn't want to be the one to hold an intervention. Yeah, I don't think that should be your job. No.

I felt like that was a boundary that I couldn't hold for myself. You didn't need to be there.

doing interventions you were already post mating so one job is enough bring that vape and leave okay i went on a date once in new york city we're walking into multiple restaurants like to read the menus and then we're like i don't know should we go here and i'm like a pretty i'm not that like assertive of a person in situations like that i'm like what do you like reading the menus and i could i just was like i feel like you're not into it let's go somewhere else in new york city steakhouse

Outback Steakhouse. I feel like I'm processing this. She ate French onion soup. That's the dinner that she got at Outback Steakhouse. I mean, we walked around New York City for over an hour so that we could get French onion soup at Outback Steakhouse. Like, probably in Times Square. We must have been in Times Square. Where else would it be? I mean, that's what I'm trying to think in my head. That is yours tops mine, to be honest. I know.

Mine is worse than a girl on like a whole bag of cocaine. Yeah. Not a Bloomin' Onion in New York City. That's a crime. It's criminal. And I was living in Oklahoma at the time. I was in college. So I was just like visiting New York and that's where I went to eat. It was a very bad date. It was a very...

The conversation and the girl, lovely and fine. But that part of it is just like, I can't believe that's like tragic. To eat French onion soup on a first date period. Oh my God, you're so right. We got a blooming onion and French onion soup. It's like, you want to make out? No, actually, I'm good.

What the fuck were we thinking? I feel like we filmed so much. Do you think we did good? I think we did great. Every time. That's how I end it. Every time I'm like, do you think we did good? I think this is amazing.

Yeah, it's your podcast. Yeah, you tell me. I'm like, I hope so. Okay. Do you have anything coming up or are you just going to be continuing to put out podcast episodes forever and ever and ever? Just go over to Made It Out. Yeah. Check us out. Follow Mal on, it's at Made It Out Podcast on Instagram. Yes. And you can find them on Spotify or everywhere that you listen to or watch podcasts. And you can do the same with my podcast. And yeah, follow Mal too on her personal account. She's the best. And yeah.

And what else do I have to say? Nothing, I don't think. Thanks for watching. Thanks for having me. Love you guys. Hopefully this makes any sense. We had some good sound bites, though. That's going to be incredible. Yeah. I'm stoked.