Jim Jefferies - Pioneer of the "C" Word
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Ask about next card plus choose. I think the thing that for me early on was just saying a lot was the big difference from the American. I've always said I'm the Rosa Parks of the C word, right? Yeah. Burning down Dana Carvey's house did not get picked up. And they go quickly. Any other just quick pitches for season three or is that the one we're going with? If the aliens came down and they said, give us your two best, not just looking, just your best human beings.

And we gave them Hugh Jackman and Margot Robbie. Come on now. You can't get better than those two. Okay, welcome to Fly On The Wall. Is that your dance partner? It's sort of been thrown together year seven.

- We almost worked the bugs out. This is Dana and we're gonna tell you a couple things. - Well, look, we've resolved an issue because we had Superfly and we had Fly on the Wall and I know someone personally who had a mental breakdown because she could not process it. She went into an institution for a brief period of time. I talked to her last week. - In the funny farm. - I just never understood. Superfly and Fly on the Wall, what's the difference? I never could do it. And I shook her. I said, "David Spade solves all problems." Slapped her face.

and she goes i feel so much better you know i have friends they finally figured it out and now we switched it what they finally figured out how to do superfly in the other one and then we switched it so everyone's confused it'll take a few years and then everyone's going to get it but i will tell you 2037 i have a quick story that i have a question about fourth of july and um

I think because I saw some Joe Dirt. It's kind of a Joe Dirt holiday, this one. This is where I get the most memes and shit. It's Joe Dirt summer and of course, with enfolded in that, it's a Joe Dirt holiday. Sort of baked in. David Spade summer, but Joe Dirt. So I feel like I want to get a big company and do Joe Dirt fireworks and have the spleen splitters

and the whisker biscuits and all those things. I think that'd be funny. It'd be funny. And at the end, it's the fireworks, but it goes into a whole gigantic Joe Dirt image. I mean, in a perfect world, yeah. Yeah. We'll say that. It won't do that, but we'll say it could do that. And also, just the Roman candles, just a shoot, shoot. Roman candles are great. A couple of black cats. You'll do a mixed bag because I've seen some fake ones. What's with the lingo? What are you, a fireworks specialist? I'll show you a clip of the movie, but- Pistol Pete.

Pistol Pete, what are your favorite Firecrackers when you grew up? Do you remember any?

The actual firecracker was fine. My friends and I were in a Volkswagen bug and we were going around town smoking weed, high school, throwing firecrackers out the window. So we're lighting them and throwing them. That's fine. Lighting them and throwing them. I see someone in the front seat, they're lighting and throwing them. I see the other person rolling up the window. So the guy literally lit the firecracker, the window closed, and then I'm three, two. And then everyone goes.

I've done it with gum, stunk, right in the window and I go, "Heather." Is this airing before or after 4th of July? It's airing right after. Day before? Oh, it is? Okay. Oh, all right. That's still good. What's okay, I have another... I wanna ask, you have another firecracker story? There cannot be another one. 4th of July story. Okay, go ahead. We're up in the peninsula in Candlestick Park

is blowing off up there. The San Francisco Giants are blowing off fireworks. We're down in the peninsula and we're looking up

And I said, look them candles. So my friends, again, were pretty high. So they laughed for like two hours. Look them candle. And then when a friend would go down to grab his beer or water or something, you'd always say, oh, you just missed it. And that became our running game. That's not a big deal. You just missed the best one. The best one. I always think the last one is not, you know, like I go, that's the last one's got to be. And then there's more.

Well, that's just funny when they're like, and then it's fading out. Okay. And then they go, yo, it's gotta be the finale. Wait a second. Then another buildup. Good. You got the sound effects. That helps it. All right. Puff Daddy trial.

Puff Day trial. Okay. What would Scooby- And now we're going with the Scooby News, brought to you by Scooby-Doo and Casey Kasem, starring as Shaggy. Yeah, so catch us up, Shaggy. Well, you know, P. Diddy's trial is resting, Scoob. Okay, you do the talk. P. Diddy's trial is resting, Scoob. Apparently he had a thousand bottles of baby oil. No one knew what he was doing with them, Scoob. What do you think they were doing? What?

You know, we can't say that on a podcast. I barred. A PG-13 podcast. I said, rrrr. Oh, yeah. I understand what you're saying, Scoob, but I don't ever want to go to a freak off at P. Diddy's. Now, let's make like a banana and split. Yoinks. Yoinks. Who dares a pastrami sandwich? Phil's over there going, what did I sign up for? He knows his face. He goes, this isn't the real thing. When do the real guys come in?

I think- This is not the A-team, is it? If Puff Daddy gets off, which he might have by this time- His ego will be puffed up. There's a lot of people that want him to get off. They just say, oh- They want him to get off, all right. They want to beat the court system. Fuck those guys. They're just trying to hassle Puff. He's great. And he'll run out and be such King Cock because he'll be like, now everyone knows what I do. So if you're actively joining in, you get it.

and you're in, so that will happen. Will he go to prison? I'd say the odds right now are against him going to prison, but I don't know everything. What do you think? Like we said, it's just a guess. But is it illegal to have a freak off with baby oil? Was it consensual or, you know? Even when people say it wasn't consensual. In another interesting court case, shockingly, the Idaho killer wants a committed guilt if he can have life in prison. And I don't know why everyone thought he was guilty, but his photo looked like this.

It's terrifying. By the way. I would never do that to anybody. I like when they have all these new things like they owe. But we pinged your phone right where the murder is where he's like, what? Well, you can do that. I can't believe it. The Idaho killer says he's guilty. No one ever looked that guilty. Did you see the picture, Scoop? No. No. He looks very guilty.

We have two new characters. I don't know the Scooby-Doo. You're Scooby-Doo and I'm Shaggy. Scooby's good. It's hard to understand him. Well, that's the funny part. How would he say, fuck you?

Ruck you, right? Now you're doing Sandler. Anyway, what else you got, David? Any more on the P. Diddy trial? Good for him. Wrap it up in a nutshell. Good for him. Nice little story. A cute little local story. Oh, okay. So last week we had Julie Bowen. A lot of people watched it. A lot of people commented. A lot of people listened. And I thought she's a very fun, entertaining guest. She's great. Bless my balls. But I do have a quick fix. Because I said...

We sat courtside one time and it gave me years ago and she said no it was great But they were like seventh row. It's I found proof you were courtside. Yeah. Also Julie Bowen Hmm got it wrong or

No, just miss. Not like that. Miss got it. Okay. Let me see where the picture is. Dick pic, dick pic, dick pic, dick pic, dick pic. Here it is. Okay. Not only do you have the dick pic, you have to say every time you go by it. I see one dick pic, dick pic. You know it's a dick pic, so why do you keep mentioning it? Because I'm just thinking out loud like, okay, that's that. Okay, here's one. I understand.

Look at that hat. Oh, wow. What a damn fool. Then she looks great. She looks great now. I mean, she's not. She's beautiful. And look. And then it says here, NBA courtside seats. Oh, look, you've got your tongue in her ear and everything. I don't want to see that. No. Yeah. See? So I did send them to her and just say no. And she goes, I don't know if that's true. I'm like.

You don't know if proof is true? Okay. She still thinks it's a AI fake. Everyone thinks everyone's AI. That's funny. Okay, other than that, what else on the docket? Real quick, I got real quick and I cannot talk more. Oh, here's my show in Portland on the weekend. The quick story was, it was a beautiful day in Portland, 72 degrees, the nicest day they've had all year.

And I have a show inside and it stays light to like 10. So I don't even want to go to my show. And then I see some people in Calvary Woods. They go, oh no, you have a show tonight? Because we're going to go see Post Malone and Jelly Pop, Jelly Roll. And I'm like, oh. I go, really? That sounds fun. It does kind of.

And they go, yeah, it's outdoors. An outdoor carnival festival. I get home. The news is live from there. When I get back to my room, I go, uh-huh. And they're like, we're out here with Jelly Pop. And he is really tubby. And let's show a wide shot. Really wide. I'm kidding. I think he's skinny now.

I think they're merging into the same person in Post Malone. Covered in tattoos, singing songs, I don't know. They did, you did well. I mean, you did very well. I wanted it to be like off the hizzle. Well, you were backstage. I had a local news feed because I follow you around Portland. Action News and they had a guy out there and people in line going in and you go, how do you feel about David? Well, we love David's pay, but it's so freaking nice out. We're really torn. That's very true.

All right, let's get to Jim Jeffries. We've had our fun. We've had our fun. We're going to slow things down a bit. Jim Jeffries is a good bud and a fun dude I've golfed with. I just did my serial killer face. Sorry. Oh, you want to do the serial killer face for me? I just did it. I threw it out as a code. Get out of your system. Jim Jeffries. I'm very thankful. Is it already started? Is this started? No, we're halfway through. To be honest, we're halfway through. We don't have any structure or introduction or anything. We'll do all that later.

content or anything. Well, I've met David many times before. I've met you in passing, Dana, but I'm a big fan, mate. I'm very excited. I saw you go crush. We met at John Lovitz's comedy club, right? That's correct. That's correct. Yeah. A while back. And you were kind of unassuming. You had your accent and everything, whatever. And it was kind of a rough room because that high...

High stage and everything. That's like three stories. Then you kill and I go, God, this fucking guy, man. Got some game. Oh, thank you. I don't know when that was, where that was. Yeah, Jim Jeffries got games. Yeah, Jeffries is, that's you, powerful and funny.

I was going to ask you that. You were one of the first that really walked outside, stepped outside the lines in some of your early specials. Yeah. Comedians love it because I don't do that, but I love when I see someone who's literally saying exactly what they want to say without any censorship involved.

it's very you do it i i think the thing that for me early on was um just saying cunt a lot was the big difference from the american act i've always said i'm the rosa parks of the c word right because before a lot of people are saying that a lot of people before me there was a restriction you couldn't you couldn't say it in the comedy club there was you could say whatever so my first comedy special for hbo i swear to god right i swear to god uh

had a light at the back of the room and it was a 15 minute mark. You know, us comics, we normally have a light when we have five minutes left to get off the stage. I don't know if many people know that, but that's what we have. We have a light at the end of the room to tell us when to get off the stage. I had a light that at 15 minutes lit up and that meant I was allowed to say the word cunt because HBO said to me,

The ratings go in 15-minute increments. We want people to like you. We don't want them to turn off in the first 15 minutes, so you can't say the C word for the first 15 minutes. So I had a light at the back, and at 15 minutes, I say Aunt Pan is a bunch of cunts, and then I was off to the races. Can I plummet the ratings now? Well, let me ask you a question. Are you, like, if an American hears either a British or Australian accent, saying the word can't, you know?

It's softer to our ears. Are you guys enamored as Australia? Should I go down there and play little tiny clubs? Not like I'm a huge star anymore, but I would play down there. Are they enamored by the way we are accents? We are enamored of Australian and British accents. The short answer is no, we're not. You asked for a big star down there. Your movies are massive. The difference is we grew up watching your TV all the time.

So we've seen American sitcoms since we're, that's why there's so many American, Australian actors doing American accents in films and not the other way. You know, so we grew up watching his stuff, which is weird because when I was growing up,

I was a huge fan of like Wayne's World, right? Loved Wayne's World. Didn't know it was a sketch from SNL because we never had SNL in Australia. That was never a thing. So some of the movies that came out of SNL just seemed a little odd to us because we didn't have a show. It's like MacGruber. You were like, where's MacGruber come from? You know what I mean?

Also, you thought Garth was a real guy that just had done like 10 movies and now he's doing Wayne's World. And you're like, oh, that Garth guy is pretty funny. I had a sitcom back in the day on FX and it went for two seasons and it was just about me. Welcome to Cuntville. Yeah, that was the one. It was called Legit and Legit was about me taking care of a disabled guy, which was vaguely based on my real life.

We almost had a season three, but season three, the whole entire arc of season three that I'd written out, Dana Carvey was the main character and I was going to ask you to be in the show and you were going to play yourself. The plot line of the opening episode was I was taking care of my disabled friend, the wheelchair.

My character had become famous doing stand-up by the end of season two. I see your character, you, doing an impersonation of me on a late night show. I'm all coked up and I get upset. And so I go over to your house to confront you. But I'm chicken, so I can't knock on the door. So I get the shit out of the disabled guy's wheelchair colostomy bag and I put it into –

a paper bag, and then we go up and we put it on the doorstep to light it and do the classic, you know, light the dog shit and run away. But we forget to knock on the door and your house burns down. And that's the whole season arc from then on that I'm your only friend and you're sleeping on my couch. And I hadn't even really met you at that stage. But if you didn't take it, I was going to ask David to do the role. I had options. I'll do it.

Wow. And that did not get picked up for season three. That's extraordinary. Yeah, burning down Dana Carvey's house did not get picked up. And there you go. Quickly, any other just quick pitches for season three or is that the one we're going with? I've got full scripts. I wrote the whole thing out. I thought it was a good premise. By the way, the weirder the better, I say. Like some of these shows are too by the book and you just can figure them all out. If you start that way,

I'm in. Well, the first episode of season one was just me taking a disabled guy to a brothel, which is something I did in my real life. I had a friend with muscular dystrophy, and before he died, I took him to a brothel. And so it's a sweet story. You know, he couldn't get laid. It's legal in Australia. I should add that being disabled is legal and prostitution. And...

They finally passed him being disabled, Bill. I'm so glad. And I took him down to the brothel. And this guy had died a couple of times. He's hard to give away. He'd been resuscitated. So me and his brother took him down with the full knowledge that this might go tits up. You know what I mean?

So we laid him down and then, you know, the girl did what she did and then we put him back in the chair and then we went off and had a couple of drinks and that was our day. Now, I told the story to so many people. I made a sitcom about the story.

And then cut to a few years later, I see him and he's like, hey, you made a lot of money out of that story. I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did. He goes, you should take me to the brothel again. It's only fair, right? So I'm thinking this guy's going to get his second blowjob in his life. I'm going to do it, right? I'll take him again. And I went down and they all greeted him like he was Norm from Cheers. It turns out that...

It turns out that he gives this sob story to everyone. As soon as he walked in, they were like, Dan! By the way, was he disabled or do we know? Does the ween work? I don't know. Did his experience go, I don't know how Australians think of this phrase, did it go tits up or not tits down? It went tits down, I think. Tits down. Is tits down something you say or not? No, no one says tits down. Tits up is when something goes badly. There's no tits down.

Right. Yeah, yeah. That's American too. I think the term tits up means like a banana peel slip, like up in the air, tits up. It means bit of slapstick, I think. I want to ask about Australian actors because I've just noticed that they're not only –

good at American accents, they're perfect. And I start with Russell Crowe, like immaculate. And I don't know why that is. And the Australian actors you send us all seem alpha, alpha.

You know, like nobody's kind of like a little guy or there always seem to be kind of. No, they bring men. Yeah. You know, there's a third Hemsworth though. That's a lot shorter. Who also is an actor. There's the two main ones and there's a third one, but,

but there's a, and he's the eldest brother and he's the one who started acting first. He's really nice. But, uh, the other two good looking ones came along and went, we'll have a go. He's not good looking either. He's good. No, he's, he's good looking by our standards, but not by as a Hemsworth, you know, he cremates us, but next to me, he looks just great. But, uh,

I'll tell you my one Russell Crowe story because you mentioned Russell. Oh, you know all these guys. There's like 10 Australians, right? But you know the comedian David Williams? Mm-hmm. From Australia? Liverpool? No, he's British. He's on Little Britain. Was he Sketch Show? Oh, Sketch Show, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I remember that show.

Yeah, he's the judge of Britain's Got Talent or something like that. Oh, yes. Now I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, he's kind of pale, really pale, kind of chubby face. Yeah. Yeah. So me, David, and Russell were going out to dinner.

And Russell lives at the end of this pier and in the harbor. And on the bottom story of the pier, all these fancy restaurants along Sydney Harbor, right? They're all like lined up along Sydney Harbor. And so we went down the lift. We started walking through the car park. And so it's just a car park with a few sort of like exit doors to different shops and stuff along the pier.

And I said, well, what restaurant are we going to? He goes, oh, we're going to this Chinese restaurant. I eat there once a week. It's one of the best Chinese restaurants you'll ever go to. I'm telling you, try the duck. Right? So we're walking along and then I go, well, how do we get into it? He goes, I just walk in through the back. They know me. Right? So we get to the door. Russell just bashes through the door. He goes past. There's a bloke like washing dishes, probably thinking it's someone from ICE coming to get him. Right? He's just washing dishes out the back. Then we go into like,

Then we go into the kitchen and there's like all the chefs in the clean bit, right? So Russell bounds through. He's way ahead of us. Then me and David go in through the restaurant like this. We're like, so sorry for coming in through the back. We're very much looking forward to the meal. Thank you so much for having us. Really appreciate you. We get out into the dining area and Russell's just staying there and he goes, wrong restaurant. I went a door early.

I don't like that. And so it was like the most famous man in Australia followed by one of the second most famous people in Australia followed by me. And it just was a cavalcade of shit. We had to go back out in the street and walk out and come back in again.

Anyway, he does a very good American accent. Yeah. He's a brilliant actor. I mean, he's one of the best actors you'll ever see. Master and commander, if anyone listening has never seen it. It's like a miracle of a movie, Russell Crowe, and the whole ship at sea. Have you seen it? I have seen it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It gets you seasick, that film, if you watch it in the cinema. There's a lot of rocking around. I think so.

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So you're huge in the UK. I saw your tour. So what's the name of your tour? Godson? Son of a Carpenter. My father's a carpenter, and it's just an easy reference point. But yeah, I'm son of a carpenter. I've just not tried to say it. It is extraordinary. You're playing Istanbul. You're playing massive dates, Manchester, all over Europe. What are you talking about? What the fuck? Yeah.

Well, I got my comedy chops in Britain. I did most of my early work in the UK. I went to the UK in 2001 and sort of stayed there until 2010, and then I moved to America. But the British comedy circuit, I think, is the best in the world because the cities are so close together. You're never getting on an airplane. You're going 50 miles, Liverpool to Manchester, Manchester to Leeds. You can double up in cities. You can start.

You can do an early spot in one city and then end up in – you can start in one country. You can start in Scotland and then finish in England for your night. You know what I mean? It's an interesting place. I got to get on that. Count me in.

but i can get your gigs you two would do all right you'd do just fine don't worry about it well what are we talking uh big big clubs or small theaters or small arenas big arenas you could i think you would do some uh medium to large theaters you know but i like let's not book the o2 just yet but let's see how the first two are going you'd rather sell it out than the the

the 10 percenters book you in something too huge what's the biggest room you will play on this tour i have done the o2 before but on this tour i'll do the hammersmith i'll do the hammersmith apollo which is like 4 000 and i probably will do two shows there you know what i mean like i'm not it's pretty juicy yeah but that's like a nice room and then there's the manchester apollo and then

I think there's a gig in Amsterdam that's quite large that I'll do. I always do all right in Amsterdam. I've been gigging a lot in Amsterdam for the last 20 years. It's just before weed was legal, I always used to accept gigs in Amsterdam. It's like now that I'm a family guy, I always seem to find gigs in Hawaii.

out of nowhere, but I need to. - To take the family? - Yeah, to take the family, yeah. - Just go out and find, yeah. - I'd take the family to Hawaii, yeah. I sell like 500 tickets, but it's fucking worth it because I get to go to Hawaii. - What culture, when you were at your edgiest, I was gonna ask you if you've adjusted anything just because you want to or you're still just as edgy, what country accepted you? Are the British looser with this? Are we more patrician or, you know?

British were the loosest country for comedy that I've performed in still to this day. I've always said that everyone always goes, what's the difference between performing in the different continents and countries? Comedy is comedy. Laughs are all the same, but the heckling changes. So I believe that Americans try to correct you.

If an American heckles you, they're always like, hey, buddy, I'll tell you what, my sister had bladder. You know what I mean? They're trying to get into an argument or prove you wrong. Australians are trying to trip you up. So if you get close to a punchline, they'll just go, ah, cunt, and they'll just yell something out so you just get off your speed a little bit. Delightful. Yeah, they're niggly little fucks, right? And then the British try to out-joke you.

They try to say something funnier than you. There's a classic story, right, that down at the London Comedy Store, Kurt Douglas' – Michael Douglas' brother, Jeff Douglas or something –

I don't know. One of the other Douglas's. One of the other Douglas's. Yeah. One of the other Douglas's. Kurt Douglas's son, he's having a bad gig at the London Comedy Store. He starts getting booed or a few jeers or whatever. And so he tells them all to fuck off and he goes, you can all fuck off. I don't need this. I'm Kurt Douglas's son. And then one person stood up and went, I'm Kurt Douglas's son. And then another person said, I'm Kurt Douglas's son. And they did the entire scene from Spartacus. Yeah.

The British are very good. They're very good. I have a quick story that involves the C word. So Spartacus, right? Used to be cancer, but we're changing it. We're going to set the record. Anyway, this is so random and it'll amuse like 3% of our audience. So Kirk Douglas is in Spartacus and he's really kind of buff and muscular. And Laurence Olivier is in there.

So the guy sees Lawrence Olivier. He's this famous old British actor, super famous. And he's doing leg presses really hard. They go, oh, Larry, you're really working out. Yeah. He goes, I'm doing Spartacus and I don't want that cunt Kirk Douglas to out-physicalize me. That's all I got. Physicalize.

That was a legitimate use of the word from a story I was told. Yeah, that's an historical use of the C word. Do you see Margot Robbie at icebergs a lot?

Margot, what's iceberg? Oh, the iceberg's the restaurant in Bondi. You know about icebergs? Jeez, you have trouble. Look at me. Look out, Dana. Look at me go. Where's Bondi? Bondi Beach is a populous beach that's close to the city center in Sydney, right? It's where all the British people get sunburned and skin cancer over Christmas. But there's a restaurant there that overlooks like a public pool. The public pool has ocean water that pours into it.

it, which is kind of interesting. It's a fancy restaurant. I've never met Margot Robbie. I'm a fan. I once was the other guest on Kimmel when Margot Robbie was on Kimmel. Oh, really? Yeah, that's great. You know how you're a guest on those shows, you never meet the other guests? Yeah, you have to make a point of it because they're somewhere else. You don't even know where they are.

Yeah, they're in a different dressing room and then you come on, then you leave or they've already left and you're the second guest and then they're already in their car. They're gone, right? So I've been on like episodes of those shows. Bill Clinton was on one. Never met him. You know, these different people.

But Margot Robbie was the other guest, and so her dressing room was next to mine, and I just sort of lingered in the hallway, just acting like I was looking for something. I'm Australian. I have an in. I could have gone, hey. You know how to linger. You can linger. She would have accepted me saying the C word in front of her. It would have been music to her ears. I'm a local. Don't you hate all these Americans here? That's what I would have said. Exactly. I would have said something like that. But I tell you what.

You've got to give it up. The Margot Robbie, flying the Australian flag, is there a better person on it? If the aliens came down and they said, give us your two best, not just looking, just your best human beings, and we gave them Hugh Jackman and Margot Robbie, come on now. You can't get better than those two. That's true.

Let's see. I'll see you, Hugh Jackman and Margot Robbie, and raise you Jennifer Aniston and Russell Crowe. David? Russell Crowe is... Is he saying Australian versus America? We're saying the two best humans. The two best humans we give to the aliens to represent us, to go, this is what we've got. Yeah.

Okay, first of all, Russell can't bloody dance and tap dance and stuff like... He's not a triple threat. That's true. He's a triple threat, that Hugh Jackman. But he can sing. That guy can sing. Your buddy Brad Pitt. Well, yeah, Brad's...

Brad's brilliant. Yeah, of course. You were talking about Brad off the air about how, what is he, 61 or something like that? And he still looks amazing. The fact that we have a 61-year-old, and I haven't seen the movie, that we are going to drive a Formula One car and go, yep, that seems about right. When they're forced to retire at like 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He should have a bloody special pass for the bus, Brad Pitt, at his age, and he's going to be driving a Formula One car. Yeah.

Sure. And Brad, any, then Tom Cruise and mission impossible. I saw mission impossible. Yeah. I got to co-sign that movie. It's brilliant. Tom Cruise. I've been seeing the new one yet. It was, was he in the submarine for too long? Oh, it's the greatest movie ever. And then you're like, well, no, I just see it.

Definitely see it. Yeah. It's very cool. You know, you don't want to overblow something, but as far as that, like, you know, these people, they don't, they take care of themselves. We were talking about that before the podcast, the old time, old timey actors, it was booze and cigarettes and they died around 60. So for you, like you used to go one of your early specials, but we just said, we just said Brad Pitt was a smoker.

And Russell is a smoker. And people, they're still smoking. They've got some special, they're getting blood put into them. You're like the audience correcting us. Well, that's true. But recovery, you know, so I was going to, because one of your early specials really made me laugh. The only one I ever saw do this a little bit was Ricky Gervais.

But during the special, I don't know if there is kind of like a set, you would wander around and all of a sudden from behind something, you'd pick up another pint of beer. And I don't know how many beers you did throughout the special, but that's something I've never seen. I know you stopped drinking, but do you look at those days as inescapable?

any kind of funniness or because to me it really got my attention like when's the next time he's going to grab a magic beer okay so i didn't know that was going to be a joke and i only ever did that for the special i never did that for my normal shows i normally used to have my beers uh just on top of the box when i'm performing just ready to grab but because with a special uh and i don't know if i'm doing some inside baseball stuff mostly we record two uh

shows that night, edit it together or just show the best one. Right. And so they edited in every pint I had over two shows. So it did look like I had seven pints in one hour. Oh, okay.

So I can't take credit for it. I did not have seven pints in one hour. Now, the reason that they were behind the box was for continuity because the pint, the level of the liquid was going up and down. And I'd be leaving empty glasses everywhere else. So just before I went out, they lined up for each show four pints of lager behind the thing. Now, back in the day, people used to –

like go on about what a great drinker I was. I actually was a really bad drinker. Um, I, I would get drunk very, very quickly. It just so happened in those first two specials, I was also on cocaine, but if they asked, but that's the reason that was propping me up. Right. And I re I regret doing that in my life. And I, you know, if my child is watching this podcast many years later, I was an idiot, but that was why I could drink. So I gave that, I gave up

all drugs when my son was born. When my son was born, I never took drugs again. Um, when he's 12 now and, uh, and I, I, I never took drugs again, but I continued drinking and everyone just thought I was a bad drinker. Everyone thought I was getting out of control. I was actually in recovery. Like,

So when you say like two lagers, like two pints, then you were sort of drunk. I mean like slurring and like, I started slurring after three pints now. Okay. And so then I did some specials and I was just a dribbling mess in all the specials, but I was just, and so then my wife gets pregnant with my last child, who's about to turn four and I haven't had a drink since then. So, uh,

And I don't miss it at all anymore. Not at all. I don't miss any of it. Don't miss cigarettes. Don't miss alcohol. Don't miss drugs. I regret doing all of them, really. I feel a lot better.

better. Well, I was noticing that you look younger than the last time I saw you, basically. I mean, you look really good. I'm not sweating as much as I used to be. You're shrunken down. You're more of a... I've never seen you messy, though. I think when I see you, it's maybe a more professional setting, but I've never seen you messy. Well, yeah. Well, not anymore, anyway. But yeah, no, I just sort of knocked it on the head. The cigarettes was the hardest one. That's the hardest one to quit out of the lot, is the cigarettes. And I think that's

I read there was a book, Alan Carr, Stop Smoking. The secret to giving up cigarettes is this, is you stop envying people who are smoking. It used to be you'd give up cigarettes for a while and every time I'd see a cigarette, I'd go, oh, geez, I wish I could have a cigarette. You've got to start looking at them like they're slaves to nicotine and that you're free. That's the only way. There's my motivational talk for the day. Oh, that's good. Hey, I have another Kirk Douglas. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but this totally fits. This fits perfectly.

better than the last one. The last one was good. It was good. That muscly cunt, Kirk Douglas. I did a movie with Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster. So Kirk Douglas told me his dad was a chain smoker and then he quit. And I said, well, how did you do it? So his dad took a cigarette, put it in his pocket. And anytime he wanted a cigarette and he was Russian, he would pull it out and go, who is stronger, me or you?

Me. It was so competitive that that just stopped it. Who is stronger, me or you? Get back in pocket, cigarette. I am strong, man. You are a fucking little rolled up nicotine whore. And that was the quote. I'm just quoting Kirk Douglas.

I'm just quoting Kirk Douglas. I was a nicotine whore back in the day, whoring myself to nicotine. Has it influenced your comedy at all, like your stand-up writing, just being completely off everything? Because the specials you're talking about were really well-received. And the last few haven't been as well-received.

Once you've gotten sober, I said. Look, look, Sergeant Peppers was arguably the Beatles' best album, right? It was nonsensical rubbish, right? That was all on acid and stuff, yeah. Yeah, I don't listen to the whole Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds. It was a painting, you know. Julian gave me a painting. I'm doing more Paul there, but you know what I mean. You sat down for a plonk, you know. Is that how you did it? We would plonk, John, and I would look at each other sort of like a mirror. I'm just quoting him now, so. Yeah.

But yeah, but, uh,

I love ball. Are you an opera singer, Jim, before you get a chance to answer anything? So this is a thing that always is brought up in my life. Yeah, I love it. Is it a fake one? No, no, it's true. It's true. Okay, so I did school musicals because that was how you met girls, right? If you're not athletic, you go and do a school musical, join the drama club or whatever. That's my theory on why actors are so short.

Right. I think it's because they couldn't play sport at a high level. So they joined the drama club. It's all about meeting girls. Right. So I think, yeah, that's my theory anyway, because, um, um, so, so I, I went and did a musical theater at, at, at, um, uh, school.

And then there was literally like a talent scout came to one of the shows and said he could be a tenor. And we don't have many tall tenors. And that's a really like a hard thing in the opera company. And so they sent me off to singing lessons with this guy called Richard Gill, who was the head of the chorus master in Australia. I sound like an old person talking about relatives you've never met.

And I studied for a while. And then when I was 17, I was put in the Australian Opera in the chorus for one production of The Flying Dutchman, which was Wagner.

And so I was just like, like I was literally singing in German, didn't know a fucking word of what I was saying. I would just buy a German. Holy shit. Well, I was just buying a CD and just mimicking the German, you know what I mean? And then, um, you know, they teach us the songs, but I didn't know what the songs were about or anything.

So after that, I went and studied at WAPA and WAPA is the Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts, which is where Hugh Jackman studied, which they had a full scholarship ride to study musical theater. By the time I was two years into that, I was already being paid to be a standup comic.

And I just quit it in the middle of the night and just went off on tour. But I always wanted to be a stand-up comic, but I thought you can't study that at university. I wanted to study something in the performing arts, and so I studied musical theatre. And I would like to – I can't sing anymore because cigarettes and yelling on stage, and I've had polyps and nodules. Nodules. Yeah, nodules. I've had the surgery and all that. You can hear me. My voice is pretty raspy now, but I could sing. And it's weird because –

Everyone always goes, sing us a song when they find out you're an opera singer. And it's like, you wouldn't have gone up to Pele when he hadn't played soccer for 50 years and gone, go on, do a bit of keepy-uppy. Let's see a bicycle kick. Yeah. It's a muscle I haven't really worked, but I did do that. I still have...

uh fondness for musical theater i still go and see any production that comes to la i go into follow-up questions okay one did that garnery puss because you went through a lot um

Is that a new phrase? Okay. I will say this to any young heterosexual man who can sing a little bit, right? Yeah. If you go to university where they auditioned thousands of people to get like 30 kids, it was like going to fame. Yeah. And half of the class is male and half the class is female. Those girls have been doing dance lessons since they were bloody kids. Yeah.

right? Singing lessons, acting lessons, all that type of stuff, right? All the boys have been doing the same. The 30 kids in my year at university, I think out of the 15 boys, 10 of them were gay.

And that just, the numbers don't lie. That's too good. It tilts your way, for sure. I'll tell you what, it worked a lot better than being a comedian saying the word cunt all the time. Yeah. Didn't bring as many women in as you think. You know, you could name your next special. Only a certain kind of woman likes that kind of talk. Yeah, they were fun girls who did like me, but they didn't come in their masses. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

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Okay, here's your special, Jim. Ready? This is a new name. Here we go. Tall Tenor. Tall Tenor. I'm calling it my new special. It hasn't come out yet. It's called Two Limb Policy is the name of the special.

Two limb, like L-I-M-B? Two limb policy? Because I have, and I talk about this on the special, but because I did that sitcom with the disabled people, a lot of disabled people come to my show. I have a meet and greet after the show. I always let the disabled people join the meet and greet. I take photos with all the different people with disabilities. But I can't, like someone wrote to me and said, hey, I'm bringing my uncle to your show. He's disabled. Can we come backstage and meet you? And you can't write back how

how disabled. Right. And you can't ask for a photo, right? But we have to have some parameters. I just can't have a lineup of people with fucking dyslexia bothering me. So I have a two-limb policy. You have to be missing two limbs or they have to be doing nothing. And if you have two limbs that are fucked up, you're lucky enough to have a photo with me. I can walk on the board.

Take a picture of this cunt. You're allowed to come backstage and meet this cunt if you're missing two limbs. Okay, that's good. I have a question also from the audience. At some point, you've got to get to your show because –

We know. Oh, the show is. Go ahead, Dana. You're on a little press tour for your show. Sure. We can't forget the show. The snake. The snake. The snake. I saw your billboard hogging fucking Sunset Boulevard. I'm not on the billboard. That's how I'll call it. That was an executive decision. What? David, what was your Fox show with Snake in the title last year? Oh, Snake Oil. Snake Oil. This is called The Snake. His was called Snake Oil. What channel?

We're part of the snake family of Fox. Oh, it is the same billboard. Yeah, it's by the Chateau Marmont. Yeah, yeah. So we snake it up. Yeah. The Snake is a reality show that's similar to Big Brother or Survivor or Fear Factor. It's got elements of those three shows.

So it's good-looking people living in a house in the jungle doing tasks where they have to eat gross food. But what the secret sauce in the show is instead of like an elimination ceremony or where people get voted off anonymously, what happens is the person who wins the task gets to become the snake.

They get the coveted snake medallion. And then if they get the snake medallion, they get to save the first person. And the person who gets saved gets to save one person. The person who gets saved gets to save another person. It snakes down the chain.

setting up a chain reaction. So you don't have to have a majority rule to like you in the show. You just need to make really one or two friends that will keep saving you. But you can't repay the favor. So if someone saves you, you've got to save another person. So you get a lot of skullduggery. You get a lot of... Skullduggery. Skullduggery. There's not enough skullduggery out there. I tell you, I was explaining this show the other day

on some good morning something and I said the word skullduggery because that's what I always think about the show. And you know what skullduggery means, like pirates and stuff. Old English term. Skullduggery. Yes, skullduggery. And the lady went, so if you want to watch the snake, there's a lot of skullbuggery.

Buggery is the English legal term for anal sex, right? Yeah, I saw that on the Churchill movie. Oh, yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Exactly, yeah. The word buggery is like the legal term. The buggery happened, blah, blah, blah. And so she just said on morning TV, come and watch some skull buggery. And I think it got through. I don't think anyone noticed. Everyone tunes in for that. Could I, just for a second. What?

Look, that's a winner. So just for a second, going back, because I kind of spaced out for a second. So you're in Argentina in a jungle. Where is everybody? What are they wearing and who are they? Okay, so when I set out

The start of the show, episode one, I'm standing on a crate and there's all these crates around me, which was meant to be like the crates you'd bring reptiles in. You know what I mean? And I said, come out of your crates. You know, I've got an earpiece and I don't quite know who's who. And they opened the crates up. And fair dinkum, man, we had like –

We had like a priest with a collar on. We had a cock with a bulletproof vest. We had a rodeo rider with the chaps and spurs and all that type of stuff. It's like the village people. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And we had – I've got a village people story to tell you in a second. Okay. So we had an OnlyFans model, right? I thought – you know that –

Jury Judy? Yeah. Or the Joe Schmoe show. I thought I was the only real person and they were all actors for like the longest time. They were tricking you? They were tricking me. You were too? Okay. I was the mark. I thought I was the mark. It's a good idea, actually. It's not a bad idea for a show, right? And I'm like, what the fuck?

And you're in the middle of nowhere. Because first of all, who employs me to be a game show host? Like it's already weird. And so all these people go. And so right up until the show aired, I wasn't completely sure. But I'll tell you my Village People story. So I do another podcast with a comedian called Amos Gill.

uh, another Australian club. Uh, yeah, I do the 1% club in Australia, but this podcast, this podcast is called, uh, ATM at this moment. It stands for, uh, different search on the internet anyway. So yeah, lingo. Yeah. Oh yeah. I forgot about the other one. I got to research that again. Yeah. So anyway, so, uh, uh,

I was doing a joke about how Trump has the YMCA playing at all of his concerts, at all of his benefits or rallies, and everyone does the dance and all that type of stuff, right? Oh, shit. Yeah, and I said it's so funny that that song is about having gay sex in the showers and now all these evangelical people are dancing and stuff to the song. It seems a little odd.

I got a cease and desist letter from the village people saying that I was going to be sued for defamation for saying that the village people music had gay overtones.

Does it not? Victor Willis, who's the cop, I guess he was always at the front and he never turned around to notice the rest of them because he's married to a woman called Karen Willis. Before that, he was married to Felicia, Mrs. Huxtable from the Cosby show. He was married to her back in, yeah. And you're not allowed to say that the Village People music has gay overtones. What?

Or they will sue. In the Navy. We get sued now, possibly? We could be sued now. I said, what about in the Navy and Macho Man? They're as gay as fuck. Come on now. Come on now. Come on now. There's a lyric in the Navy called, we want more semen. Like, I'm all for a double ton, but don't try to tell me I'm a moron.

I think they're just saying, come on guys. Don't, I mean, they haven't been outed to like three people so far. It's a catchy freaking song, man. It is good. To me. What? Cause after that, I started listening to their other music. It's banger after banger after banger. Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like for disco music. You can't stop. The music is a hell of a song. I mean, that's such a hook. Yeah. My,

my son watching you in Wayne's world too. Oh yeah. Yeah. He knows every step because he loves that movie so much. Did you do it in that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He, you were the construction worker. I was dressed the construction where I think we're running away from the bad guy or something. Somehow we end up in this nightclub and Wayne and I are now doing YMCA with these people. Yeah. They're, they're all, they're all doing, uh, um,

Yeah, the YMCA. And you're all spies. You were up a telegraph pole. Oh, that's right. And then you heard something. And then I think Wayne was like a cop. And then somehow they found an Indian for no apparent reason. That's right. And all of a sudden it comes together. And then all of a sudden it was a little bit like –

What's that? Police Academy. And they ended up in the Blue Oyster. It was a little bit of that. They ended up in the wrong nightclub and then they do it. But that's the dance because you guys all did it and then you actually did the thing. And then I always say like if the village people actually do...

get me if i get my day in court and i am being sued by the village people i'm gonna go not guilty yeah act it out is there any character left i mean they've got the construction worker the indian i mean maybe you come as a other costume i don't know yeah i just come as crocodile dundee just off the side you know what is your son's name that loves that movie hank hank hey hank this is garth i got a different haircut but thanks for watching

When we end the podcast, can he come up and say hello very quickly? He's downstairs playing video games. Of course. Normally, Jim, that would be fine. Just bring him up. We have to whisk Dana off to a meeting. Will he come on or you want to do it off camera? He's also a big Joe Dirt fan. Okay, bring him on. Bring him on. Let's compare box office. Joe Dirt was my first Australian trip. I went to Sydney. Sydney.

Oh, what? You filmed it in Australia? No, we went to a premiere there. It was the same. It was a night after the premiere of Moulin Rouge. And I went down there and I went to a concert and they sat me next to Baz Luhrmann, all this great Australian stuff.

He still flies the flag. I always argue that things like, I guess Moulin Rouge is an Australian film. Australian actress, Australian director, filmed in Australia. Kylie Minogue plays the Tinkerbell thing. It's an Australian movie as soon as Kylie's involved. Yeah, Kylie's in there. Right.

Carly's out. Carly, you can't speak ill of Carly. No, no. I think she's great. I like her. I have great... Australians are great. I do like it. Go ahead, Dane. And then I have one last story. No, it's just weird sometimes. I was hosting the Vegas showcase for movies and Baz Luhrmann was there, Moulin Rouge, and Nicole Kidman. So I was hanging out with them. It's just kind of weird. And you brought it up. And that's my whole story. It's no joke. Nothing other than I met them at the promotion of the thing.

Well, I think it was Australian. This is a nicotine whore. Nicotine whore. It brings two out, two nicotine whores. Who is stronger, me or you? Sorry, whores. Sorry, go ahead. That was just for me. I'm a little punchy right now. I like back in the pocket. Jim, one last question. We're going to ask everyone again, so you can have one more shot. Sure, sure, sure. This is a story from a viewer that said,

If this is not a funny story, we'll just take it out. I don't know if this is a funny story for me. Your father sat you down, you and your wife, to tell you something. I can tell you that off the air, but I can't tell it on the air. My dad doesn't...

Yeah, I can tell you off the air. I can't tell it on the air. Sorry. Well, we have an after hours section. Because my dad doesn't know how to get onto YouTube or anything like that, but it will get back to him on this podcast for sure. I didn't know what level of it was, but I apologize. It's 100% true. It's 100% true, that story. I don't know the story. That's why I'm waiting to hear. We are going to, yeah. Tell me after. We don't need the story, but just the tease is going to trend.

Hey, man, it's all about click. So let me ask you, before you bring Hank out, I'll tell you this. Okay, well, we can cut it out if you want. I can do it to you right now if you want to actually hear it. No, I don't want to. I don't want it to accidentally get in. No, we don't want to embarrass you. I just think that this works. Alex Murray tell you about this story because he knows. Oh, okay. Because me and David have the same manager. So that's what's happened there.

Well, I'll tell you this about the Carvey family, my childhood family with five kids and Bud Carvey and all that stuff that went on. Throw away the key because no one would believe it. There's some things we leave off the podcast. Better not share. Just know that.

It's a little wacky. Look, he's 84 this year. If I'm back on the podcast in a couple of years, I might be able to tell you. Okay. Fair enough. Give it some time. 2027, we're going to hold you to that. All right. Thanks, Jim. We'll talk to you soon, buddy. Really nice hanging out with you, man. Thanks for having us, lads. I really appreciate it. Enjoyed it. So it was kind of nice. We just –

Hung out with Jim. Yeah. Jim Jeffries, who's been around for a while. He's really, I found him very affable, funny, likable, interesting. Yeah. I met him before. I was giving him a shit about Brad Pitt because Brad's a great guy. He knows Jim. I think he went on his show in the old days. Jim and I used to work on the same lot, I think, when I was doing maybe Lights Out or something. He was around. Yeah.

Uh, super cool dude and big and he travels, he goes all over the world. Uh, that sort of surprised me the places he goes and how much, how much he can, he can fill them up over there because who knows, you just never know who knows you out there in the world. It is kind of a thing. Yeah. The international comedian who just can go all over.

I haven't done that. You know, I mean, you're, you did Australia. Yeah. Maybe I didn't do standup though. I just went there to do premieres. I didn't. Oh, okay. Yeah. Hmm. I wouldn't know. I just, it's scary to go over there because I would love to go, but they said, if you go the first time, don't,

you just go a small theater, just try to fill it up just to see if it works. And then you go back and now people know you do it, et cetera. Well, I like the idea. Look, when you said that you can just, you can just drive around the UK. Yeah. Way better. If you don't like getting in an airplane, you drive around the UK. So that seemed kind of cool. I mean, and,

And Scotland, I have relatives there, distant. I have a McDonald on one side. But it seems kind of cool. Maybe we should do a little tour there. I also like that he has disabled people come back for a meet and greet. That was kind of a cool thing I haven't heard before. It's a good idea. You know, because his stand-up, at least in the old days, I was going to ask about his new stand-up, but it was kind of rough and tumble.

And then juxtaposing that, that he helps this disabled person and now he has a following backstage and does meet and greets. I mean, that was fascinating because it makes him...

Well, it just makes it extremely likable, of course, in human, that that is his meet and greet and the two limb thing. The dad can't have, you have to have more, at least two limbs not working. Yeah. I still like tall Tanner as a name. That's a good name. Maybe not for the next one, but it's a good special name because it's so odd.

And he goes, they don't have many tall tenors. When do you hear about an opera singing comedy? Oh, the tallest tenor you're ever going to see in your life. My Australian accent sucks right now, I'll admit. But I watched an Australian show once with my wife and then I had it.

so fucking good now fucking now if anyone can get it you can i can't believe they can do american so well australian's a very tough one too to do right we mentioned margot robbie in that conversation too and she also does a perfect american accent yeah i mean there's yeah you know when they came over here because i went to a speech coach for some movie to do a new hampshire accent and

She was like, I said, when they come over, what do you do? She said, well, we say, are you from Brooklyn? Are you from Florida? Are you from Arizona? Are you from...

North Dakota, like there's tiny differences all over. So it's not just American accent. They can have one bland one, but is it Southern? What kind of Southern? So there's so many ways to go with that. Yeah. It's, it's like, we'd be, Americans are enamored by certain accents. And of course, if you meet an Irish man, how are you going? You're sort of like, wow, from those Irish movies. But I have Irish relatives who ended up in the Bronx in New York.

And they'd seen all the Scorsese, De Niro films. And the first guy that talked to him, what are you two doing today? What are you doing over here? They were like almost weeping with joy that they're talking to somebody who talks to them. Oh, it's really like that. To them, it was like amazing. If I had someone with a Liverpool accent, I'd be like, oh, wow. But they just love...

that the exportation of, uh, the East coast accent, all those mafia films. Yeah. We almost got that story up out of them at the end too. But, uh,

I have a feeling it was a little rough around the edges. Yeah. I think the thing about Jim, he came to play. He was very funny, had a lot of energy. And at the end, he goes, was it all right that I talked too much? I thought that was kind of human. I know. Please talk. I said, we love a comedian coming on. And here's a great story. You know, the Russell Crowe restaurant story and stuff. Yeah.

Yeah. Very much enjoyable. Well, thanks for listening. As you know, Monday, we have another show. And if you have any questions for us, you can try. We want questions. Yeah, we want to hear from you. Fly on the wall at odyssey.com. So. Odyssey.com. What are some subjects they can ask about, which is pretty much anything. Yeah. I mean, I would think, how are you feeling about interacting with AI? Do you feel it's a good thing or it's going to take over? Are you frightened of it? Do you own Bitcoin? Yeah.

These are questions they can ask us, right? And then we answer them. You ask. We're experts. We're experts in every field. Maybe I got this right. I just want to know. No, no, you got it right. They can ask anything they want. We just say something. Well, if you're thinking about marrying someone, man or woman, and you want to tell us

the situation. If you have doubts, we will, we will tell you whether to bury or not. We, we, we will maybe accidentally change your life with these questions or not. I'm not saying I have no ego about it, but feel free to ask us anything that's going on in your life. Uh, our, uh,

I guess, do we want to invite politics? Maybe. Anything, religion, politics. We have foolproof answers for everything. Nothing's off limits, and we do have the answer. David's nickname in real life, I'm just putting it out there, is The Oracle. When you need advice or a question about finance or life issues or anxiety and depression, how to defeat it, anything, The Oracle, a.k.a. David Spade. ♪

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Fly on the Wall is presented by Odyssey, an executive produced by Danny Carvey and David Spade, Heather Santoro and Greg Holtzman, Maddie Sprung-Kaiser, and Leah Reese Dennis of Odyssey. Our senior producer is Greg Holtzman, and the show is produced and edited by Phil Sweetek. Booking by Cultivated Entertainment. Special thanks to Patrick Fogarty, Evan Cox, Maura Curran, Melissa Wester, Hillary Schuff,

Eric Donnelly, Colin Gaynor, Sean Cherry, Kurt Courtney, and Lauren Vieira. Reach out with us. Any questions to be asked and answered on the show, you can email us at flyonthewallatodyssey.com. That's A-U-D-A-C-Y dot com.